All I Have To Give
A Harry Potter Tale
Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just like making the characters dance for my amusement, mwahahaha!
Last Chapter: The door opened again, but this time a person in a bright pink bubble coat and a pink knit hat stepped in, removing her boots before stepping into the room. She turned and Hermione recognized her as Pansy Parkinson.
This chapter is titled after: Enter Sandman by Metallica
14. Enter Sandman
Pansy smiled at them, taking off her gloves and hat, putting them in the pockets of her coat, then unzipping it. "Hey! I didn't expect you to be here, Hermione!" Pansy said happily. "Ron said you were spending Christmas at your parents."
"No, Mum and Dad are coming here." She said, standing up and letting the other witch walk over to give her a hug. Pansy was wearing one of Ron's Weasley Jumpers and fitted jeans. Her hair was still cropped short, but she'd bleached it to a light blond. Hermione and Pansy had started getting along when she'd gotten close to Draco and Blaise.
"What are you doing here, Pans?" Draco asked, hugging the girl as well.
"Oh! I'm dating Ron now. He invited me." She said. "I guess I'll be bunking with Ginny, though, since Hermione will probably want her room back. Ron said you wouldn't be needing it and moved me in there." Hermione felt like she'd been slapped again, Ron had given away her room? She liked Pansy and all, but that was her room. She'd been given that room when she'd moved in the summer before the war started.
"Thanks, I'd wait a few minutes before going up there. Her and Harry are having an epic reunion." Hermione joked half heartedly.
"Well, that's fine. I'll just go get you some tea, you don't look so well," she said. "Then I'll help Mrs. Weasley with dinner."
She gave them a wave and walked out of the living room.
"Why would Pansy date that moron?" Draco asked. "She wouldn't stand for him talking like that any more than you would."
"He probably doesn't around her. He saves his insults for people who will tell me, and Pansy and I haven't hardly spoken since the war ended." She reasoned, sitting back down, trying to quell the nausea that was setting in. Pansy came in a second later and handed Hermione the tea and Draco a butterbeer. Hermione sipped the soothing tea and her nausea died out. She was getting better.
Dinner was an hour away when the Weasley men started filing into the house, causing many loud noises. Hermione was hugged by everyone, spun around a few times by both Fred and George. Draco started talking animatedly with the twins, Harry, and Charlie about the Quidditch tournament, the three former Gryffindors asking him how the Hogwarts Inter-House tournament was coming along. Hermione sat with Percy and Penelope, talking to them about their latest news about a future Weasley on its way. She remained silent as Penelope described her morning sickness and mood swings, how poor Percy was dealing with a cranky witch every day. She secretly sympathized with the girl's little complaints, especially since Madame Pomfrey had forbidden her from doing her exercise routine until the baby was born. She had supplemented it with yoga, which was supposed to be healthy for pregnancy. She suggested it to Penelope, saying that it would help keep her from being irritable and help her maintain a healthy body while she went through the changes that pregnancy put the body through.
Ron sat in the corner during the separate conversations, alone, and drinking a glass of fire-whiskey. Whenever Hermione's eyes accidentally drifted that direction, he was glaring pointedly at her, as if he wished she were dead. She did her best to ignore him. Soon, Mrs. Weasley had kicked Fleur and Pansy out of the kitchen, wanting to finish everything herself, and Ron pulled Pansy into his lap, snogging her like he used to do with Lavender in Sixth Year. Bill and Fleur sat quietly talking to themselves, smiles and flirtation easily applying to them, making Hermione want to run to the bathroom and hurl. Every time she felt nauseous, she sipped her tea and it would go away. She knew that she needed to puke, it was the only way to help rid the toxins, but she was holding it off as best as she could. Unfortunately, when she saw them kiss, she couldn't hold it any longer and she ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, hearing the room quiet behind her and Draco explain that she had the flu and she was still getting over it.
She locked the bathroom and leaned against the door when she was finished, crying gently and clutching her stomach. It was still perfect, her abs shining against the skin, her tan had lightened since winter had started, but there was no sign of the life growing inside. She felt him move against her hand and she whispered, "Mummy loves you, baby." Her voice was quiet, timid, and tearful. She let them fall down her face, knowing that soon she wouldn't have an opportunity to cry, she would have to go downstairs and watch the happy couple, leaving her with her fake boyfriend, and an ex that thought she was the scum under his boot.
She could hear Emmeline's childlike voice crying out for her from the bottom of the stairs and she stood up, washing her face and using a spell to repair her make up. She flushed and exited the bathroom. She walked slowly down the steps, before reaching the landing and seeing her little sister's smiling face. The little girl bound into her arms and Hermione gladly picked her up, carrying her back into the living room. "Minnie, Daddy took me to Mungie's and made me all better!" Emmeline said excitedly.
"Did he? Well, that's good, because I like it when you're all better!" Hermione said, matching her tone picking her up above her head and swinging her around before resting her back on her hip. The little girl giggled like crazy as Hermione walked over to her mum and Remus. Her mum kissed her temple and gave her a hug. Remus copied her movements. "How are you, Mum, Dad?" she asked, looking at them.
Remus smiled at her use of the word dad, but said nothing, "We're well. How are you? How's your flu?" he asked.
"Its getting better. I expect I'll be all well in a few days." She said, smiling brightly.
"Maybe Daddy needs to take you to Mungie's, too, Minnie. Then you be all better." Emmeline suggested brightly.
"I'm almost all better, silly. Besides, I'm all ready feeling lots better with you and Mummy and Daddy here," Hermione told the little one.
"You are!" She shouted and wrapped her arms around Hermione's neck, squeezing her tightly. She released her and looked around. "Auntie Penny!" She shouted, and Hermione let her down to run over to Penelope, who picked Emmeline up immediately, and sat her in her lap.
Hermione turned to her parents, who were looking at her concerned. "Are you alright, Hermione?" her mother whispered. "You've been crying."
Hermione shrugged. "I always tear up when I get sick, Mum. You know that. I'm fine, really," she lied easily. She'd been telling that lie so often here lately that she almost believed it herself.
"Very well, dear, but if you need to talk," her mum started.
"We're here for you," Remus finished.
She looked at the both of them, her heart wishing that she could tell them, but she squashed down the urge, reminding herself that now was not the time nor the place.
Mrs. Weasley came in, "Ah, Jane, dear, could you help me carry these out to the garden?" She asked and her mother followed Mrs. Weasley into the kitchen.
"I could help," Hermione called after them.
"Nonsense, dear, just take a seat." Mrs. Weasley called back.
She looked up at Remus, who smiled at her, and they walked back into the living room, sitting down next to Draco on the couch. Remus and Percy began to discuss work, Penelope was playing with Emmeline and Draco was arguing with Harry, the twins, and Charlie about whether it was a good thing or not that Oliver Wood had transferred to the Chudley Cannons. Hermione sat back against the couch, feeling utterly alone in the crowded room. Digging in her purse, she found her CD player and put her headphones on and hit play.
The first song that played on her CD was Landslide and she felt the tears almost instantly. She closed her eyes and listened to it, remembering the night that Bill had danced with her in his living room, holding her close, his arm wrapped around her waist and her hand in his. She felt Draco grab her hand and switch off her CD. She opened her eyes and looked at him, his eyes swimming in curiosity. She removed her headphones and sat her player back in her purse.
"What?" she asked quietly trying not to disturb the conversations around them.
"I looked over and saw you crying," he whispered, wiping her cheek with his thumb. "What is it?"
She smiled at him weakly, "Just remembering something I shouldn't." she whispered. "I'm going to go the kitchen and get some water."
She stood up and walked to the kitchen, wiping her face with the back of her hand and pouring herself a glass. She took a sip and tried not to think about that night. It was the best and worst memory she had, she wasn't allowed to remember it. She put her hand on her stomach and heard someone enter, dropping her hand instantly. She felt a strong, familiar hand take it, causing her to turn and look at its owner. Bill stood there, looking at her with gentle, but concerned eyes.
"Please, don't cry, love." he whispered, wiping her face like Draco had done.
She looked at him, confused, "Did Draco send you in here?" she asked.
"No," he said. "I saw you crying on the couch with your speakers on your ears. I wanted to know what was upsetting you."
She laughed, choking back some tears, "I was listening to music. The song was just a sad one." she said, looking at his hand holding hers.
"Landslide?" he asked, lifting her chin to meet his eyes. She moved and turned back to the sink. "I'm sorry, love." He put a hand on her shoulder and leaned to give her a kiss on the back of her head. "I hate that I've hurt you." he whispered.
She reached up and touched his hand with hers. "I knew how this would end, Bill. Its my fault for not controlling myself more." she told him.
"You're not alone," he admitted. "I feel it, every second. I miss you." She turned back to him. Sincerity was shining in his blue eyes.
"We can't remember it, Bill. Its wrong," she told him. "It hurts, but this is our life. You have Fleur and I'll stop being such a little girl someday."
"A little girl?" he asked, looking at her.
"Yes, I let my imagination cloud my feelings...its ridiculous," she laughed again. "Only little girls do that. Imagine some knight in shining armor coming to rescue them from the wicked world. Like some ludicrous fairytale."
She saw a flash of pain in his eyes before he spoke, "I wish I could be that for you. Maybe Draco could be."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Draco and I are just friends. We're only pretending so Ron doesn't think that I'll die alone. Apparently he was telling everyone that before we left school." She left out the part where she thought Ron was right.
"You won't, love. You'll get married and be happy. You'll have more children and be completely in love." he told her. "How...how is the baby?" he whispered.
"He's fine. He moved today, twice." she said, looking down lovingly at her flat stomach.
Before he could say anything, Mrs. Weasley and her mother entered the kitchen and Bill backed away from her quickly. "Well, dinner is ready. We should all head outside." Mrs. Weasley said, going into the living room. Jane remained behind, watching Bill nod goodbye to her daughter and follow his mother. She crossed over to where Hermione stood and put her hand on her cheek.
"Talk to me, darling," Jane asked, bringing Hermione over to the kitchen table and sat them down. She couldn't say anything as the dinner party chose that moment to exit the house and head to where Mrs. Weasley had set up dinner. Remus and Draco both paused when they saw the women. "Go on without us, we'll join you in a moment." her mother said, shooing them away. They complied and when the door closed, they were alone.
Hermione cast a Silencing Charm on the kitchen for good measure before speaking. She told her mother everything, every last detail of the year, and she cried as she looked at the changing expressions on her mother's face. When she finished, she said, "I am a horrible person. I know I've disappointed you. I'm so angry at myself. I shouldn't have fallen for him."
"Sweetheart, I'm not angry or disappointed. Yes, I wished that you'd waited, but this baby growing inside you has saved you. I owe that child and William more than I can ever repay them for saving you, I wouldn't change that for the world. As for falling in love with him, its easy to see that he feels the same. When he thinks no one is looking, he watches you with such love in his eyes. You couldn't help falling in love with him, my darling. If he did everything as you described, then I would be worried that you didn't." She told her daughter.
"I have no right to feel this way, and its wrong to just assume he feels the same. I know he cares for me, but he doesn't love me." Hermione told her. "We made a mistake, we betrayed everyone, and I'm going to have to raise this baby alone. Draco has a cottage outside of Bath that he's going to give me. After the baby is born, I'm going leave and disappear. The house is going to have the Fidelius Charm on it, which means only people that can enter are the ones I allow in. I want him to get married and be happy without any reminders of me and his bastard child. I want him to move on." It killed her to refer to her baby as a bastard, but love child wasn't the right term. They weren't in love and they didn't have him out of love, but out of necessity.
"Do you really think that that's the best course of action, sweetheart?" Jane asked, looking at her carefully. "Don't you think it would hurt everyone? Your friends, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and especially Bill? Not knowing if you and the baby are alive and well?"
"I don't have an option, Mum. I have to do this to keep everyone living the lives that they were meant to live before I screwed everything up." she said, standing up. "I hope that you can accept it."
"I can, darling. Just make sure that Remus, Emmeline, and I are allowed to see you and my grandchild." her mother replied.
Hermione nodded and they hugged, before walking out side into the cold air. Mrs. Weasley had set up dinner in a large tent with a Heating Charm, so that when they walked in, they were instantly warmed. They went to the end of the table, ignoring the stares that some of the Weasleys gave them and the glare that Ron sent them, sitting down. Jane sat between Remus and Emmeline and Hermione sat between Draco and Harry.
Putting on a happy face, Hermione turned to Harry, "So how was it? Catching up with Ginny?" she asked with a suggestive smirk.
Harry coughed and then glared over her head at Draco, "You arse! You promised you wouldn't say anything." He growled.
Draco held up his hands, "You didn't add 'including Hermione', so its on you, mate." Draco said, smirking at him and returning to his meal.
"For your information," Harry said, turning back to Hermione, "We just talked. We decided to end it."
She gasped, "Oh, Harry, why?" she asked.
"We're not the same as when we got engaged and plus, we've both fallen in love with other people. If we continued on, it would just hurt us both." he said, and Hermione's eyes glanced at Bill for a second, just long enough to know that he'd heard Harry, but he thankfully didn't see her glance. "She wants to be with Blaise and I want to be with Aria."
"Aria? You're partner?" Hermione asked.
Harry nodded. "It just kind of happened. One day I looked at her and it was as if she was the light in a world of darkness. She completed everything about me and we're happiest when we're together. We've already discussed our feelings and I decided that, while I didn't want to hurt Ginny, I couldn't ignore how I felt for her. Ginny apparently went through the same motions with Blaise." He told her and she felt her heart grow cold. Life was working out for everyone but her.
"I'm sorry, mate," Draco said, looking at him. "I hope you and Aria will be happy though. Should we expect an invite to the wedding?"
Harry laughed, "Too soon to tell, but if it comes to that, then definitely."
Hermione quieted and ate her meal without looking at anyone. She wanted to ignore the food and run to her room, feeling curiously not hungry in the slightest, but she knew that her child would suffer from it if she didn't eat, so she endured the meal. She could hear Fleur giggling and could see their intertwined hands on the table, but she didn't dare look up. She couldn't bear to see them, making love with their eyes, promising sweet nothings in each others ears, kissing each other between bites. She ate her food and waited for the table to start clearing before she returned to the house alone.
Fred and George left with Charlie not too long after dinner. They were opening the shop early for the Christmas rush. Percy and Penelope bid them goodbye after that, Penelope handing a sleeping Emmeline to Hermione before going. Jane and Remus took the toddler and kissed their eldest daughter before saying goodbye, promising to be back bright and early on Christmas Day. When Hermione shut the door behind her, she sighed and was grateful that she could just go to her room. She walked toward the kitchen, but stopped when she heard Fleur's giggles, "Oh, Beel! You are terrible!" she squealed and Hermione heart stopped beating. She heard the giggles stop and then another shriek of them, "Let us finish zis upstairs."
"Alright, then, love. Lead the way." Bill's voice said, laughter tinging his excited voice. She could hear heavy footfalls running up the stairs and she fell to the floor. Love...he called her 'love'.
Draco came in a few moments later to find her crying on the floor. He picked her up and carried her up to her room. He sat her down on the bed and held her against him. "What is it, pet?" he asked, holding her to him. They could hear Bill's loud laughs through the walls and incessant giggling from Fleur. Draco cast a Silencing Spell to take away the intruding noises.
"Do you call Prue 'pet'?" she asked quietly, letting her tears dry.
"No," he said honestly. "That's my endearment for you. Why?"
"He called her 'love'. I've only ever heard him call me 'love'. He used to call Fleur 'my flower', but he called her 'love'." She said, not understanding. She was so confused and in so much pain. Just over a word. How could he call someone else her word?
"Maybe it was an accident." He suggested. But she saw him glance at the thin wall separating Hermione's and Bill's bedrooms. "They're engaged, pet. It was going to happen."
"I know, but...did he have to call her 'love'?" She laid down on her side, curling up into a little ball. Draco laid beside her, holding her to him, and just held her as she cried herself to sleep.
The next morning, Draco was gone, probably went to his bed when she was asleep. She got up and went to the shower, amazed to find it empty. She locked and warded the door, climbing into the warm spray and washing the dried tears from her face. When her shower was done, she dried and straightened her hair, putting it into low pigtails. She dressed in a warm, white turtleneck sweater and a pair of black leather pants her mum bought her over the summer. She did her make up in dark hues of brown with liner and mascara. She put on a dark red lipstick and a pair of black boots with thick tread. She walked downstairs and was surprised to see Draco, Harry, and Mrs. Weasley up. Both boys gave her appreciative smiles when she walked in, which she returned. Harry was wearing his Auror robes and she assumed that he had work. Draco wore a black sweater and blue jeans.
"Oh, good morning, dear," Mrs. Weasley greeted when she saw her. "You look lovely today."
"Thank you," Hermione said. Mrs. Weasley handed her a cup of tea and she sat down with the boys.
"Are you feeling better?" Draco asked.
She nodded. "Not even nauseous. I think its passed." She said, knowing full well that that wasn't what he was asking, but Mrs. Weasley let out a happy cry and immediately put breakfast before her. Scrabbled eggs and bacon. Hermione ate it, not even feeling any twinges of dissatisfaction. Oh, her child was definitely a Weasley. "So, you have work today?" Hermione asked Harry.
"Unfortunately," he replied. "We have a ton of paperwork that the bosses are insisting gets finished before Christmas. What are you plans?"
"Oh, I'm going to take 'Mione out for the day. Since she's feeling better, I thought we'd go visit my mum for a few hours." Draco responded for her.
"That sounds like a splendid plan, my dear. Your mother could do with a bit of company." Mrs. Weasley told Draco with a happy smile. He smiled back and shrugged.
Hermione hoped he had just used that as a cover. She wasn't ready to return to the Manor. Not yet. Fleur came down a few minutes later, looking happy and rested. She sat down next to Hermione and began to read the Prophet. Hermione resisted the urge to run from the room and just continued to drink her tea, ignoring the worrying looks that Draco was giving her. She needed to accept the fact that she wasn't ever going to ride off into the sunset with Bill Weasley.
When Bill came down, though, her hard won resolve died in an instant. He bent down and kissed Fleur on the forehead, before going for his own cup of tea. "Oh, Beel. Last night was fantastique!" Fleur gushed when he sat down, completely unabashed by the others in the room.
Bill gave her a genuine smile, before taking the back of the paper from her and reading it. Hermione stood and walked out of the room, heading for the living room and sitting on the couch. She crossed her legs and arms, letting her nails cut into her palms. She tried to drown out the permanent repeat of Fleur's praise of his sexual prowess, but it kept getting louder and louder. She couldn't breath hardly, trying to concentrate on anything, she cursed herself for leaving her purse upstairs. She could have really used her CD player and put it on track nine, which was her favorite Metallica song, Enter Sandman. Whenever it played, she drowned out the world, but she was alone in it now.
She knew the words by heart and tried to play them in her mind, closing her eyes and letting her head get lost in the music in her head. "Hermione?" she looked up and saw Harry staring at her with a worried gaze. She had expected Draco, it was always Draco, but not this time. Maybe he was finally tired of picking her up.
"Hi," she said cheerfully.
He sat down beside her. "What are you doing in here?" he asked.
"I forgot my CD player upstairs and I have a song stuck in my head. I was trying to think of something else, but I didn't want to replace it by images of Fleur and Bill..." she let her voice trail off like it was the most disturbing thought in the world. It almost was.
"Oh, I was wondering if that was what was bugging you. Personally, I don't need a detailed record either, but Fleur definitely isn't shy. Must be the French." He joked, and Hermione laughed. "You're lucky you left, Mrs. Weasley had to yell at her to get her to stop giving Draco a page by page description." Hermione shivered involuntarily and let her nails bit in deeper to her skin, then she remembered she was wearing white and knew someone would notice the blood so she stopped. "I knew it." he whispered.
He pulled her hand over to him, tracing the half moon imprints with his fingers. "Knew what?" she asked.
"Something is going on with you...and Bill. Tell me." he said, looking at her with his green eyes.
She sighed. "If I do, you have to swear to take it to the grave, Harry. You can't tell anyone, not even Aria."
"I swear. I would never hurt you like that, 'Mione." He said. So, quietly as she could, she told him. Having the exact conversation with her mother the night before, the words came easily. "Blimey, 'Mione. I'm sorry. No wonder you were upset."
"That's it? Just a 'blimey, 'Mione' and its done. You don't want to yell at me for becoming a treacherous, thieving whore who betrays everyone she loves?" she asked, shocked.
"What? No! Of course not! None of this was your fault. It wasn't his or anyone's, for that matter. No one besides the one that poisoned you." he said. "Hermione, I fell in love with someone that wasn't my fiance, I know what you're going through. Seeing Aria every day was torture and heaven all at once. I know exactly how you feel."
"Not exactly, Harry. You don't have to worry about Aria loving someone else. You don't have to watch her be happy with someone else. And you aren't going to have to explain to your child why his daddy didn't want him or his mummy. I have to. I have to be around it and smile and act like I'm happy for them, even though its killing me. I'm going to have to go through the wedding plans and listen to Fleur gush about how happy married life will be." she told him.
"You're right, and I suppose that's why you've decided to go?" She nodded. "I understand. I'll keep your secret, but promise me that you won't cut me out, too? I couldn't bear losing you. You're my family, 'Mione, and after everything that's been going on with Ron, I'd die if you disappeared."
"I'll give you the address once the charm is in place." She promised. He smiled at her and hugged her against him. The baby moved again and Harry pulled back, looking at her in shock. "I think he knows his Uncle Harry."
He smiled and hugged her again. "I have to go to work, but I'll be back in a few hours. I love you." he said.
"I love you, too."
Attention: Well, two more people now know Hermione's secret. They reacted awfully well, didn't they? Hermione needs the strong people she has. And what about Bill? Didn't it just break your heart? At least Pansy didn't turn out to be a bitch, one less person to drag Hermione further into a sinking depression.
Reviews = Update tomorrow!