Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Percy Jackson and the Olympians. If I did, I might not be on this site.
Reading: Born From Fire: A Minor's Problem
"This is some good tea," Piper said as she sipped on the brew Hestia had made for them. They'd been reading for some time now, and the goddess of the hearth had taken it upon herself to give them a better refreshment than soda.
"Thank you, Piper McLean," Hestia said. She turned to Aphrodite. "What lovely manners your daughter has."
"But of course!" Aphrodite placed a hand on her chest. "We of love are very particular in that regard."
"That's a surprise," Artemis said. The Goddess of love turned to retaliate, when the Olympian One Offs reappeared and landed in her daughter's lap.
"I guess I have to read this one," Piper said. She sat back while Jason put his arm over her shoulder. "Born From Fire: A Minor's Problem."
"Lil' Cuz Naruto is back! And with wordplay!" Apollo beamed.
"Shush, Apollo." Athena scolded her half-brother, though she would admit only to herself that she appreciated the wordplay as well.
Deep beneath the surface of the ocean, far under the sea, hidden from man's current submerging capabilities, was a marvelous palace. The construct that consisted of a beautiful mix of coral, sea stone and abalone shell was where the God of the Seas made his home. From his coral throne and with a subdued smile on his face, Poseidon watched the highest members of his court mingle.
"It really is a lovely palace," Hera said to her brother. "Amphitrite does well to keep it so pleasant."
"I honestly can't tell if you were insulting me or complimenting me," Poseidon deadpanned.
"It was both, brother." The simple answer came from the King of Olympus.
"The construction is amazing. And you get to visit?" Annabeth asked her boyfriend.
"Yeah, it's not so bad. Amphitrite is okay, as long as I keep the guest room clean," Percy said.
"Or else she sicks the sharks on you?" Nico asked sarcastically.
"Yes." Percy shuddered. "Threshers. They don't listen to me."
It'd been six months since the Lightning Thief had been ousted and his half-blood had been cleared of all charges. Six months since the last Olympian Council meeting, and now they were coming up on the annual Winter Solstice meeting. The one meeting where Poseidon would have to suffer both his brother's annoying gripes and boasts, though the one saving grace was that they had to suffer his as well. None of them were ever thrilled around this time of the year, Hades especially, considering it interrupted his time with his wife.
Then again, he did ask for it when he kidnapped and tricked her. At least that worked out in his favor after a century or so, Poseidon thought.
"I thought you didn't take sides, Whaler?" Hades asked, a scowl on his face.
"I don't, brother. It was a harmless thought, one I'm sure you've had yourself whenever Demeter has gotten on your case one too many times," Poseidon refuted.
"Excuse you?" Demeter asked, affronted. "He abducted my daughter!"
The two brothers ignored her. Hades considered his younger brother's words and nodded.
"Fair enough."
The tensions between the Big Three were high, especially with the troubling warning Percy Jackson had given. Though Zeus chose to – begrudgingly understandably – ignore it and felt justified when Hermes brought word that Hades confirmed He remained in his hole, Poseidon didn't doubt his son's words.
"That's going to be held over my head for the rest of my days, isn't it?" Zeus asked, a thunderous glower on his face.
"But of course," Hades said.
"You'd be a fool to think otherwise, but lucky for us, you're no fool. ...Most of the time, anyway," Poseidon added off-handedly.
"Most of the time?!"
"Zeus, quiet." Hera chided her husband.
A nagging worry poked at the proverbial back of the King of the Ocean's head, one that he could not ignore without distraction.
That distraction came in the sudden arrival of a six-foot tall blond man clad in a Camp Half-Blood T-shirt that clung to his chest, and loose jeans that fell over waraji sandals. With a head of unkempt golden hair and a neatly trimmed beard that resembled his own, Poseidon deduced who it was almost instantly. That and the blazing fiery eyes were sort of a dead giveaway as to who it was.
"Oh, my." Aphrodite began to fan her face as she looked over the image that appeared on the screen. "Hestia, dear, he's downright delectable."
"Aphrodite, I hardly think that's appropriate," Hestia said, frowning as the compliment's underlying meaning was clear to her as day. Her war-loving nephew was also able to read between the lines, if the scowl on his face was anything to go by.
"Non, it is entirely appropriate! He's so handsome! Isn't he, Piper?"
"Mom, please don't drag me into this," Piper pleaded, her cheeks red from the playful stare that Jason leveled on her. She elbowed him in the side. "You knock it off."
"You should answer the question, Piper," Thalia egged on, smirking as her brother rubbed his side.
"I agree." Reyna nodded.
"Hate you both," Piper mumbled.
"Wow, and I thought Olympus looked amazing in the right light. This is a pretty swanky set up, Uncle Side'n," Naruto said as he looked around his uncle's palace. Several bronze and golden weapons were pointed at the neck of the blond by the guards and he blinked. "Uhh...Is this a bad time?"
A laugh threatened to escape the Sea God's mouth, one that twinkled in his eyes, as he held his hand up to call his guards from their stance.
"Naruto, you really need to announce yourself before you arrive." Poseidon drawled. The young god reached up and scratched the back of his head while he laughed sheepishly.
"I, uh, was in a bit of a hurry," The younger god admitted. "Sorry, Uncle."
"Well, I can only imagine why he and Percy get along," Poseidon said with a chuckle.
"Percy Jackson has been compared to him before," Hestia said, smiling pleasantly at her brother.
The boy in question grumbled as he recalled which Naruto he was compared to specifically.
Stupid Apoluto.
"Uncle?!" The green skinned, two-tailed merman rushed over to tower over the blond. "You Olympians! Arrogant and disrespectful as always, you will refer to my father with his proper title."
"...Which one?"
"Ugh, I know, right? There's so many titles to pick from!" Hermes groaned. "Makes his postage a nightmare!"
Naruto refuted before Poseidon could say anything to quell his heir's fury. The young god folded his arms over his chest and grinned. "There's Earthshaker, which, not gonna lie, is really, really nifty. Unless, that is, you're in California.
Frank, Percy and Poseidon grumbled at that.
"You think you have it so rough," Hades said, rolling his eyes.
The Stormbringer sounds like – And to be clear, I mean no offense here – a very stupid name for a fictional sword or one of Apollo's bad spy movies.
"My spy movies are amazing!"
"You called one Goldfinger." Nico pointed out.
"That is a classic, Nico di Angelo!" Apollo argued.
"Still. Goldfinger."
There's the godly titles, but ...Damn that's a lot to recite every time I want to get his attention. And, while I'm immortal, I really don't want to waste that much time."
"...Are you mocking me, Olympian?" Triton asked, with his upper lip curled back in a sneer.
"Jerk." Percy frowned.
"Percy," Poseidon sighed.
"He's a jerk, Dad. He always talks down to me."
"Triton's been groomed for his station and saw you as a threat, Percy. That's all. Be grateful it isn't jealousy," the god of the seas said. The last demigod he had that Triton was jealous of, well, he didn't last long enough to gain a story.
Naruto held his hands up.
"Wha-? No, Triton! I'm merely pointing out that I mean nothing but respect when I call the God of the Seas, Uncle Side'n."
"Favorite." Poseidon bragged, buffing his nails on his shirt.
Zeus glowered at the thought of his brother being preferred company over himself by his nonexistent nephew.
"Keep your status, Uncle Whaler," Hades snarked. He smirked when his brother brooded.
"You will address him as Lord-!"
"Triton, enough." Poseidon ordered as he rose from his throne and made his way over to the blond, taking on his more casual mortal appearance as he did. Poseidon held his arms out and clapped them onto Naruto's shoulders as he smiled at his nephew. "Welcome, Naruto! I do apologize for Triton's behavior and the actions of my guards, but they act as they will."
"Bah, they're just doing their jobs, as protectors and as your son respectively." Naruto waved the apology off. He looked back at his cousin, who continued to tower over him, and grinned. "No hard feelings, Triton?"
"...No. No hard feelings, Olympian."
"I want this Naruto to be real," Percy said.
"So you can be trained as a ninja?" Annabeth asked, the other demigods muttering or frowning in jealousy.
"No. Well, maybe. Sort of. Whatever, he's cool and makes Triton seem less like a jerk," the Hero of Olympus explained.
The God of the Navy nodded curtly. He turned and left the two gods to rejoin the slowly resuming festivities. Naruto pouted at his cousin's retreating back.
"I'd say you've got to do something about that stick stuck up his ass, but...it'd be hard to get to with the fish legs, you know?"
Poseidon laughed at the backhanded insult and turned to lead Naruto from the party to the thrones.
"I'm with Percy." Leo laughed. He pointed at the screen. "This guy is a riot!"
"I'm surprised he's so at ease being in the center of the party," Demeter said. "Hestia is usually quite the wallflower."
"Sister," Hestia said, frowning.
"It is true, Hestia," Zeus said, an amused gleam in his eye while his eldest/youngest sister pouted. "You do tend to keep to yourself."
"That's because you're all rambunctious enough to cover my quiet nature," Hestia harrumphed.
"He's dedicated to his duties, I will give him that, and he is fiercely loyal. A trait not often found in his generation. However, given the rift between my brothers and I, especially after last summer, I hope you can understand his distrust for Olympians," Poseidon said as he returned to his throne.
"Like I said, no hard feelings." Naruto shrugged. He turned and smiled at the beautiful woman seated beside Poseidon. "Hi, Auntie Ampy!"
"And it would seem that Amphitrite is his favorite aunt," Poseidon said, smirking at his brothers. Hades' eyes rolled while Zeus' hand balled into a fist.
The Big Three missed their sisters' frowns, as Demeter and Hera both felt slighted by the claim. They gave each other a sidelong glance and then narrowed their eyes.
The challenge was made.
"Nephew." Amphitrite greeted, a small gentle smile on her face. Like his two other aunts, Amphitrite adored Naruto and often showed it by spoiling him whenever Hestia would venture out to visit her sister-in-law. The Nereid had taken to Naruto well before they'd even met, considering his name related to her and her husband's domain. "And what brings you to our kingdom in such a hurry?"
"Wearing the Camp's shirt, too." Poseidon hummed. He arched a brow. "Have you taken Dionysus' offer, then?"
"He best not have," Zeus said, scowling.
"That would be cool, though," Percy said. "He could help Chiron train the kids like Terminus helps the Legion."
"With less barking and more kindness," Annabeth added.
"Well, yeah, that goes without saying."
"What offer?" Naruto asked with a small smile on his face as he willed a simple chair into existence while he sat to the side of the Oceans' King and Queen. "He just asked me to hang out with him some more. By proxy, I'm hanging out at camp."
"...Apollo, Hermes, would either of you like to 'hang out' at Camp-?"
"They will be occupied with their duties, Dionysus." Zeus scowled at his sons.
While he nodded, Poseidon silently praised his nephew's politically neutral answer. At a regular meeting, Dionysus had offered to give Naruto an active position amongst the demigods of Olympus, but Zeus quickly snuffed the offer out and reminded Dionysus that such duties were his to 'suffer' as punishment. Clearly, the forcibly sober God of Wine and the diplomatically gifted God of Peace found ways around that.
"Lucky bastards." Dionysus scowled.
Hera smirked, finding the fact that one of Zeus' illegitimate offspring called himself a bastard very amusing.
"And how is the camp?" Amphitrite asked, neutral as the camp now hosted her husband's demigod. She was more forgiving than Hera and Persephone, but the betrayal still hurt.
"The camp is in need of a serious upgrade."
Poseidon was caught off guard by the comment and looked at his nephew's pensive face. Amphitrite merely raised a brow and one of her crab-claw horns clacked.
"How so?" The King of Atlantis asked.
"Hermes' cabin is overflowing with demigods, both his and not. The floors need replacing and the bunks themselves are half a decade from breaking." Naruto muttered. He rubbed his face. "Were it not for the education requirements that 'Ena's enforced in America, I'd think it's safe to say that the cabin would've been rebuilt at least twice by now."
"Ena the Meana returns!" Ares cackled.
"I thought my other self told him to cease the use of that childish term?" Athena muttered.
"It's quite the adorable nickname, Athena." Hestia smiled.
"It's improper, and a butchery of my name."
"I would so call her that if I wasn't sure that she'd snuff me out faster than you could recite the height of the Hoover Dam," Percy whispered to his girlfriend.
"Yeah. Don't do that. I like you not being a smear on the ground," Annabeth said, deadly serious.
"Now that you tell me not to…"
"Perseus Jackson, don't make me judo flip you again."
"Alright, Wise Girl, I won't."
Poseidon quirked a small smirk at the childish nickname Naruto used to refer to his least favored niece. The nickname embarrassed her so much that the Boy of Fire was forbidden to use the term on Olympus and in front of most Olympians. Ares and Poseidon were the only two willing to risk Athena's wrath at allowing the "terribly inappropriate slaughter" of her name.
"So Hermes' Cabin is all that ails the camp? That is rather mild than previous threats," Amphitrite said, snapping her husband from the thoughts of his rival's humiliation. She rolled her eyes when he visibly blinked and refocused. He was too easy to read sometimes.
"Amphitrite…" Poseidon frowned when his brothers chuckled.
"Well, you can't say she doesn't know you, brother," Zeus said.
"Oh, go stick your head in the clouds."
"I wish that were it, but as a deity of the family and home, I'm aware of just how many demigods are out there right now," Naruto said tiredly. He rubbed his face with his hand. "And that's not counting the Minor Gods' young."
"...Is this the proper place to be speaking of such worries?" Poseidon asked. He glanced around at the few minor gods that resided in his court. Naruto gave his uncle a weak smile.
"Your company is the only place I can freely complain and know I'll be heard, Uncle Side'n," he said. The young god flopped back in his chair and let his head hang over the back as he groaned. "Lord Zeus and Aunt Hera can't be bothered with the woe and worries of a young Minor God like myself, even if it's one of my domains that I feel is threatened.
"We would certainly make time," Hera said, frowning. Zeus hummed, as if unsure. It would depend on his mood at the time.
"You're not only his aunt and uncle, Hera, but his superiors, as well. And the woes of demigods have previously been decreed by both of you to not be a god's concern," Hestia said. She sighed. "It is why I choose to tend to the hearth for most days."
Hera and Zeus frowned at their sister's response.
Aunty Demeter's usually with Persephone or off preparing for the harvest, of either a mortal that took her fancy or of the grains in the coming spring. Uncle Hades...Yeah, no. That'd be stupid."
Poseidon and Amphitrite nodded in understanding. Hades' duties, next to Hermes', were arguably the most time consuming of any Olympian's, and to bring something he could do nothing about to his attention would start him on a tirade that likely wouldn't end unless Persephone interrupted him, a calamity occurred, or you died of old age.
"Which, for an eternal immortal, would be quite the achievement." Frank joked.
"Careful, Frank Zhang, before I bless you with both and use you as a test subject," Hades said dryly. He hadn't really given the lad the third degree for being involved with his Roman daughter. Might as well start.
"My beloved cousins have their own egos or duties that keep them away, or I'd see to them. Aphrodite's begun to give me weird looks and giggle a lot, so, yeah, I'm keeping well away from that."
"At least he has some common sense," Athena said.
"A miracle if there ever was one," Artemis said.
"Oh, the both of you are just jealous that I've taken notice of him as a male," Aphrodite said, tossing her hair and scoffing.
"Yeah, jealous. That's exactly what we are," Artemis murmured while Athena rolled her eyes.
Naruto shifted in his chair while the King and Queen smiled at him. "And you know how Mom gets whenever we bring a problem to her."
"All advice," Amphitrite said with a smile.
"No action," Poseidon said with a small laugh.
"Well, if that's how you feel." Hestia frowned.
"Sister…" Poseidon sighed.
"Blessed be her patience and lent ears, though, Nephew. It's a rarity from Gods today."
"I know, I know...still, it's my problem so I have to solve it," Naruto said, sighing. He lifted his head back up and propped it up by his fist. "Only problem is, I can't solve it without bringing it to an Olympian, since the camp is technically yours."
"Technically?" Poseidon asked, lifting a brow.
"The camps are the demigods', first and foremost," Naruto said firmly with his arms crossed. "They're the ones who work their asses-ow!"
"Language." Amphitrite scolded, her trident disappearing as fast as she willed it to her hands.
"Oh, come on! Not you, too!" Naruto groaned. "Isn't there a saving grace for sailor mouths here?"
"Yes, but you're not a sailor." Poseidon pointed out with a wry smile.
"Such a dumb rule," Percy said, frowning. His mom did the same thing to him with her wooden spoon when he told Sam the 'dam' story.
"Learn to sail as a mortal would, Percy, and then it will not apply to you," Poseidon said.
"So not worth it." Percy crossed his arms, sank into his seat and pouted, making his girlfriend laugh at his antics.
"Not funny, Uncle." The younger god muttered. He crossed his arms and sat back. "But anyway, aside from the spacing issues at Camp...there's also..." Naruto shuddered. "Teenage girls."
"And that's a problem?" Amphitrite asked, a brow arched. "Naruto, your preference will not cause us to change our view on you."
"My wha-No! I'm totally straight, I mean, I have nothing against same-sex tastes or well, some of those interesting other types' fans we've got running around our pantheon. Let me clarify," Naruto said as he sat up and turned in his seat to face his aunt and uncle. "I've had to deal with Aphrodite and Apollo's teenage girls for the past month."
"Yes, because those are oh so dangerous to the Boy of Fire." The Queen of the Oceans teased her pouting nephew.
"Auntie Ampy, you're supposed to be on my side here!" he whined, causing the King and Queen of the Seas to laugh. He grabbed his head. "I've done everything I could to get them to stop following me around the camp! I've gone middle-aged, I shaved off my eyebrows, and then I grew out my eyebrows! I wore a freaking forest green unitard! I wore mismatching clothes! I added warts, buck teeth, gaping teeth, missing teeth, piercings – side note, I do not recommend facial piercings because magnets are a thing – and I've even gone Gabe on them!"
"He didn't!" Percy grimaced. Poseidon, and Aphrodite, looked aghast.
"That was your first stepfather, right?" Annabeth asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh, come on. He couldn't have been - WHAT IS THAT!?" Reyna pointed at the screen in horror.
"That is Gabe at his worst." Percy explained while the rest of the demigods looked green around the gills. He didn't blame them, it was hard to tell where the lounge chair ended and the scum of humanity began.
"...Oh, Naruto, you didn't." Poseidon grimaced. Taking on that abomination of a mortal's form was something the god didn't even wish on his Father.
Though should something happen and they weren't able to kill the Bastard, then Poseidon now had a good idea of what he wanted to do.
"...All in favor?" Zeus asked.
"Father, we've been over this. It is not possible for The Crooked One to reform," Athena said.
"All. In. Favor?" The King reiterated.
"Aye!" The Olympians voted unanimously.
"The ayes have it." Zeus nodded his head and the decree was made.
"Oh, I did! And they still kept sidling up to me and-and-and flirting with me!" Naruto groaned into his hands. "I appreciate the attention, but I have way too many mortal memories involving creepy ass pedophiles!"
"Well, these are the children of Apollo and Aphrodite we're talking about," Amphitrite said. A small smile came to her lips. "Perhaps they just know when a good looking god is nearby and believe he is playing hard to get."
"My kids know better than that," Apollo said, scoffing.
"Good job, babies!" Aphrodite cheered. She was so proud of her girls.
"Auntie Ampy!" Naruto complained. "I'm older than their grandfather's grandfather's grandfather! Do you not see a problem with that? Or at least why I, as a former mortal, would have a problem with that?"
"Naruto, you're the only god I know of that hasn't gone looking for someone to spend time with outside of another immortal. Not a demigod, a mortal or even a nymph! At this rate you'll have to either take an oath like your mother has or a wife will be picked for you." Amphitrite informed her now groaning nephew. She gained a smile. "However, if you wish to do the latter, I'm sure some of my sisters will be willing."
"With that option on the table, if you manage to choose the former, I will question the legitimacy of your claim to heterosexuality," Poseidon said in jest.
Naruto pouted at them. "Glad to see you find my problems so amusing, Uncle."
"There is a third option," Poseidon said. He smiled slightly when his nephew's attention turned fully towards him. "You could tell Eros or Aphrodite about your troubled love life. Better yet, you could ask your mother for advice on what you should do."
"Yeah, no." Naruto deadpanned. "I like being able to leave my bedroom, let alone Olympus, whenever I want, thanks."
The God of the Seas' laughter shook the room.
The gods and demigods fell in the same boat, save for Hestia.
"I would not restrict him," Hestia said, frowning.
"Sister, you have a tendency to say one thing, but mean another thing entirely," Hera said around a smile.
Naruto recounted his discussion with his aunt and uncle to Dionysus and Chiron the next day during the mid-morning card game.
"Well, I can't say I don't see where Poseidon and Amphitrite are coming from," Dionysus said as he drew a card from the deck. "While I understand your unease with fathoming a coupling with any of these mongrels running around, I daresay, Cousin, that you are the epitome of a Black Sheep. You've not many claims to fame, and the few who you did teach are so famous that even we Olympians forget the part you played in their lives. At this rate, you're likely to end up in the same boat as Helios and Selene if you're not careful."
"No, he's too awesome for that!" Apollo cried out.
"And Helios wasn't?" Hermes quirked his lip.
"I-Low blow, Herm. Low. Blow."
"Mr. D!" Chiron sent a look of grave disapproval to the heavyset god. Dionysus discarded and gave the centaur a disinterested stare.
"I'm merely warning him, Chiron, there's no need to shout."
Naruto shook his head at his cousin's backhanded warning and gave the trainer of heroes a grateful smile. He understood Dionysus' attitude and demeanor, had suffered alongside Olympus whenever Dionysus had gone sober for too long and lacked the company of his wife, Ariadne.
Hm, surprised he hasn't invoked a visitor's day to bring her here and introduce her to the twins, Naruto thought as he took his card. Ariadne was like Amphitrite when it came to their husbands' half-bloods, treating them with indifference and/or pleasant politeness. It was why Ariadne was one of his favorite cousins.
That, and she made the greatest hangover cure that she refused to share with the rest of the Gods.
"Haha! Suck it!" Dionysus jeered at the other gods, all the while grinning at the thought of his amazing wife.
"If I may, Lord Naruto?" Chiron interjected with a questioning glance.
"Chiron, c'mon, just Naruto." Naruto grinned at the centaur. "You more than anyone has more right to refer to us without titles."
"Don't give him any ideas," Dionysus said dryly before he took a sip of his diet coke.
"Yes, the last thing we need is for Chiron to be even more chill." Leo rolled his eyes.
"Exactly my point, Lionel!" Dionysus nodded.
"While I thank you for the offer, Lord Naruto, I think I shall continue to play it safe as it were," Chiron said, a wry smile on his face that made the Boy of Fire laugh. He waited until Naruto discarded and then spoke as he took his turn. "I do believe your past life has a large influence on this decision, so why not seek out others who've also been mortal turned gods for advice?"
"I considered that, but then I remembered that most of these mortals were men from Ancient Greece or Ancient Rome, depending on what they're doing at the time," Naruto said.
"Does that matter?" Dionysus asked.
"You'll be shocked to learn this, Dionysus, but mortal women are just as keen as being cheated on as Goddesses are," Naruto deadpanned.
"That is very true." Hera said dryly, glaring at her husband.
Zeus cleared his throat and tried to focus on the story.
"No, really?" Dionysus drawled as he leaned forward on his arm to give his younger cousin a leveled glare. "I must've missed that while I was drunk off my gourd."
"I didn't mean any offense, Dionysus. You know that." Naruto frowned at his temperamental cousin. "The men of Ancient Greece and of Ancient Rome were not the most faithful in body, to say the least. In my first go, my home had made heavy laws against such acts, so you could say I'm culturally programmed to stay monogamous."
"...I give you three years before you start to Fade. Four tops."
"Dionysus!" Hera and Hestia frowned. Speaking of another god's potential fading was like wishing death upon a family member at dinner.
"What? I'm being supportive in my own special way." Dionysus huffed.
"Mr. D!" Chiron slammed his cards down and glared at the god while Naruto let out a small laugh.
"Oh come now, I was joking!" Dionysus tossed his cards down and snapped his fingers. The cards became enchanted and began to shuffle, allowing the god to give his full attention to Naruto. "Cousin, you know I jest crudely."
"I know," Naruto said with a nod and a small smile. He looked at Chiron. "Really, Chiron, thank you for your defense, but Dionysus and I bare no ill will toward each other. Save for his marriage to Ariadne."
"Interested in another's wife! There's hope for you yet, Naruto," Dionysus said with a small smirk. His eyes flashed dangerously. "Be warned, I've been called protective of her."
"I would love to see him try anything." Dionysus' smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Alas, even if that weren't true, I know her heart belongs only to you. The poor thing," Naruto said with a hand draped across his head. Dionysus groaned in annoyance as the cards began to deal out.
"You've been spending time with Apollo again, haven't you? How can you tolerate it?" The god of wine asked. Naruto shrugged and smiled.
"We click."
"Really, then perhaps you and he-?" Chiron began.
"I am not interested in Apollo or any other male in that way. ...Although admittedly, Apollo does make for a very hot chick when he decides to play that role," Naruto said with a tilted head.
"Hardlight disguise for the win." Apollo said smugly.
"If only your personality would shift along with your appearance," Artemis said dryly.
"...Is he still-?" Thalia began, only for her matron to cut her off.
"If anything, he's worse."
He then shook those thoughts away. "However, I know his true form and that is something I will never be able to open myself to. Blame childhood scars."
"I don't recall anything occurring between you and Apollo," Dionysus said thoughtfully.
"Wrong childhood." Naruto deadpanned. Dionysus' eyebrow arched up and Chiron leaned forward. Naruto looked between the two with a stony face. "...You guys are starved for gossip, I swear."
Dionysus slouched in his seat, "It's so boring. I need something to mock!"
"There, there, I'll drop by if I ever can." Hermes shrugged. "Maybe if my schedule clears up."
"I'll be back on Olympus before that happens!" the god of parties groaned.
"Maybe not if you continue to complain." Zeus huffed.
"With so little time able to be spent on Olympus, I've not much I can do but listen to these brats' complaints or honor another annual death with a small feast of mourning." Dionysus pointed out.
"If you tried really hard, I'm sure one of these 'brats', aside from your own, will grow on you," Naruto said pointedly. Dionysus scoffed and drew a card before he sipped from his can. Naruto shook his head and laid his hand onto the table, faces up. "A fun game, but I win again, Dionysus."
"What?" Dionysus looked at the cards and then scowled. He turned to Chiron with annoyance written on his face. "You were supposed to beat him this time."
"You had one job, Chiron. One job!" Dionysus threw his arms in the air. "Why do we bother to keep him around?"
"Because he trains us?" Nico said.
"Because he's awesome?" Percy said.
"Because he's family?" Thalia said.
"Bah, those aren't good reasons!"
"I believe that Eirene is not the only one who blesses Lord Naruto behind his back," Chiron said with a sly smile to the blond immortal, who groaned at the implications.
"Chiron, you're as bad as Horkos," Naruto sighed. "He's suggested something similar more than once whenever we hang out. Though that's been rare, I think he's having difficulties at New Ro-"
"God of secrets he is not." Percy whistled.
"Please, like I would've let that go without issue," Dionysus said with a scoff. He would get the flak for it, considering Hestia was of like minds with her fictional son.
"Lord Naruto, please!" Chiron interjected.
"Ah, right. I forgot about that." Naruto grimaced. The decree to separate the camps and keep them ignorant of each other was not one he agreed with, but it hadn't turned into a problem. Yet. The thought of ignorance between the camps made a great unease fill in the young god's stomach. To forgo musing his distaste for the decision, the blond stood up and stretched, his arms rising above his head. "This has been fun, Dionysus, but I think it's time I went over to the Forges to keep Hephaestus' kids to their schedule."
"I'm sure they have a whistle that goes off for lunch," Piper said, getting a few laughs.
"What is this 'lunch' you speak of?" Leo asked, squinting at the girl.
Hephaestus chuckled, his boy was not off the mark with that.
"Oh, very well. It's time for my nap anyway," Dionysus said with a sigh. He sent a smirk to his cousin's back as he departed from the Big House. "Oh, and Naruto, do try to keep from breaking any more hearts! Aphrodite might try to claim you for herself if you keep it up!"
The God of Wine laughed when his cousin tripped mid-step and fell to the floor.
"At this rate? I just might." Aphrodite cooed.
"Wait, could two gods claim another as their child?" Hazel asked.
"Not that kind of claim, Hazel Levesque," the lady of doves said, a coy smile on her face.
"Ghandi turned to me, annoyance written on his face, and asked, 'Well, oh wise one, I got her to say yes. Now what do I do?' So I looked him dead in the eye, put a hand on his shoulder and said, 'That, my friend, is something that you'll have to figure out on your own.' He punched me in the face and stormed off grumbling!" Naruto said to the satyrs that gathered where he sat in the pavilion. He was in the midst of telling them about the time that his student asked the woman who'd one day be his wife for a night out. The nature spirits let out bleats of laughter while Naruto chuckled and took another sip of the soda he'd been offered. "Ah, may he be peaceful forever more in his death."
"He can spin a tale." Artemis glanced slyly at her twin, "Perhaps he actually picked up something productive from you."
"Please. I taught him how to embody the meaning of the word 'awesome'," Apollo said, scoffing.
"Sure you did."
"E-Excuse me, Lord Naruto?" A gentle, withdrawn voice drew Naruto's attention from his gathered companions. Naruto gave a small smile to the young demigoddess that approached him. The recently claimed Miranda Gardiner stared up at him with dark forest colored eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"Miranda, I was here to witness Aunt Demeter claim you. We're family. You don't have to call me 'Lord', little cousin." Naruto chuckled as he gently ruffled the ten-year-old's hair. The displeased pout on her face reflected the one his aunt often gave him whenever she suggested he stop eating so much ramen and he refused.
"He could do to eat healthier meals," Demeter said, frowning.
"It isn't like he'll get fat from it," Leo pointed out.
"You say that, Lionel, but then how would you explain this?" Dionysus asked, pointing at his gut.
"Beer belly? Wine weight?"
"...Touché."
Naruto dismissed the satyrs and turned to give the girl his full attention...well as much to appear that he gave his full attention. No mortal could handle the intensity of a god's full attention; it put too much strain on their minds. Even Aeolus had difficulties with it sometimes.
"Now what did you need?" He asked with a small smile.
Miranda looked up at him and then shyly looked away. She fiddled with her hands and asked under her breath five words that a lesser god would've smote her for. However, though Naruto wasn't a lesser god, he was still taken off guard by the question.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Wow. That's one hell of a landmine he just stepped on," Ares said with a snicker.
"Shh-shh-shh! I want to know the answer!" Aphrodite waved at him.
Had he been mortal, Naruto would've choked on his tongue right there. So taken aback by the inquiry to his love life – he, a god, asked by a ten-year-old mortal girl if he was dating! Apollo was going to have a field day with this for sure if he ever found out about it.
"Oh, I totally would." Apollo snickered.
Flustered and faltering with his words, Naruto's silver tongue – honed and trained by the master that was Hermes –
"You're welcome, Cousin!" Hermes grinned.
promptly turned to lead as two wide green eyes stared up into his (chosen) ocean blues.
"I...uh...Miranda, w-why would you ask me that?" Here Naruto was almost afraid of the answer. If she was asking out of curiosity alone, then he would've looked even more foolish than he already did. He could live with that, if only suffering at the jabs from his cousins from then on about his single status. If she was asking for herself, then he'd be in that awkward predicament of turning the young girl down, and it was an unwritten rule that you did not upset a daughter of Demeter.
Grain-Zilla was very protective of her babies.
"Damn straight." Demeter said in earnest while Hades said it in deadpan.
"Because everyone keeps saying you're in love with someone!" The exasperation in the demigoddess' tone threw Naruto for another loop. "Gertrude thinks you're 'woefully heartbroken' over Athena's oath, Danielle thinks you're hung up on Aphrodite like everyone else, Bridgette says that she's wrong and you're longing for Artemis, but Janie thinks that you're waiting for the right demigod to come along because you're soul-crossed lover hasn't been born yet since you're the youngest god in existence!
"I like how Janie thinks." Aphrodite stroked her chin. "Although Bridgette's would be very juicy!"
"Oh gods, Mom." Piper whined.
"Shush, sweetie. Mommy's plotting."
"Aphrodite, please refrain from pairing my otherworldly son with another soul," Hestia said.
"I promise nothing!"
Ronnie said it was something 'gross' and told me to ask you if you like my mom? Are you going to date my mom? Does that mean I'll be your daughter and your cousin? Is that even legal?!"
"That is a good question. Well, sister?" Hades said with mirth in his tone.
"I'm quite good at the moment." Demeter said in a tight voice while avoiding Hestia's pointed glance. She fidgeted in her seat when Hestia continued to stare at her. "Sister, please! I wouldn't-!"
"Zeus and Poseidon." Hestia ticked off her fingers. The brothers in question squirmed uneasily while Demeter's cheeks burned. As did the cheeks of the children of her two brothers. And the other demigods' cheeks.
"T-That is entirely different!"
"Is that what it is now?" Hades asked, grinning.
"Quiet you-you-you pedophile!"
"Sticks and stones, Demeter."
...Nope. Naruto stood up and walked away. Well, walked was being generous. He may have appeared to have walked, but he was gone long before the young mortal's mind could process his absence. Nope. Whole lotto nope. So much nope, they can't even fathom how much nope will be there for the next generation's nope. That's just nope. Nope. Nope, nope-ity, nope.
"Good." Hestia nodded. Her son didn't need to be involved with that sort of drama.
"Oh, man. That's hilarious!" Leo snickered along with the other demigods. "They can't even fathom, I gotta write that one down. That's gold."
The demigods, and Dionysus, would be sad to hear the next day that Naruto would be departing from Camp until summer came so that he could properly train his apprentice.
Though, that declaration started a whole new mess of rumors.
"Wait, what kind of-" Color drained from Percy's face as grins spread across the faces of his friends. "No. That can't - I mean, that's - No! No, are you-? No, no, no, a thousand times, no!"
The rest of his friends laughed while Annabeth could only turn a pretty shade of red at the very notion. The images she thought up...then she added herself into the mix and-No, quick! Must distract myself! The Hoover Dam was built in 1933, originally called the Boulder Dam...
"Stop laughing, it isn't funny!" His hair ablaze and his cheeks filled with ichor, Naruto glared daggers at his so-called 'best friend'. Despite his order, Horkos continued to laugh, doubled over at the gut with his arms around his sides. The only saving grace for Naruto was that the zoo they decided to meet at was filled to the brim with mortals who could care less about one immortal's problems.
Initially, Naruto approached his friend in his Roman guise. Orcus was a stern, rule-abiding bastard, and had not liked to interact with Naruto initially because he was fully Greek and lacked a Roman persona as of yet. To Naruto, it would be like talking to Sasuke again. In his experience, a cold, mostly-detached man that cared little about his personal problems made for an excellent ear to talk off.
"...He makes an excellent point," Demeter said.
"Of course you would say that," Hades said dryly.
"Why else would Persephone still be with you?"
"Love? Devotion? Hera? Take your pick."
Too bad for him that the Minor Gods' personalities were only so much different that it was easy for them to switch back to a Greek form. Something that Orcus did as soon as Naruto finished his tale.
"She–She actually asked you–Wow!" Horkos, in the guise of a handsome dark-skinned man that could've been mistaken for an attorney based on the suit he wore, righted himself and wiped a tear from his eye. "That-That is honestly the greatest thing I've ever heard in the last thousand years!"
"Huh, and that's including the introduction of the lottery business," Hermes said with a blink of his eyes.
"And Baywatch and The Dukes of Hazzard!" Apollo gasped.
"Ugh." Artemis scrunched her nose up in disgust.
"Argh! Why are we friends?!" Naruto groaned. The member of the House of Hades let out another chuckle and the Minor Olympian God glowered at him. "You done?"
"Yeah," Horkos said, a smile on his face as he straightened his tie. "Yeah, I'm done."
"Good."
"...She really asked-?"
"And I thought that you would be able to help me? What the hell is wrong with me?" Naruto began to walk away, nearly at his breaking point. He ran his hands through his hair to snuff out the flames that threatened to spread, and then stuffed his hands into his black windbreaker's pockets.
"Naruto, wait! I'm sorry. You have to understand, though," Horkos said as he caught up to the blond. He put a hand on the younger god's shoulder. "You're a black sheep-"
"And that's a bad thing in our family?" Hermes chuckled.
"For that one?" Leo snorted, "Probably."
"Yeah, yeah, Dionysus said the same thing." Naruto grumbled. His grumpy demeanor dropped as he walked by the lion exhibit. The sight of children and parents gathered around Rhea's symbolic animal always brought a smile to the God of the Hearth's face. He thought they were cool, too.
"You have to do something," Horkos continued. He let his hand drop and smiled at the awed whispers of children while watching the small pride laze about. "Look at those creatures, each of them knows they have to procreate. And I'm not talking about the lions."
"Dude." Naruto deadpanned.
"TMI." Nico nodded.
"They do, Naruto. All of life, all, immortal or not, has a need to procreate, to ensure they are remembered, by genetics, essence or legend. You are not exempt from this, especially given your...unique history."
Naruto shifted where he stood. His first life was a touchy subject, something the Olympians felt uncomfortable addressing – even Ares, who took whatever potshots he could whenever he could just to start a fight, didn't go near the topic like there was a nuclear minefield around it! They were curious, of that there was no doubt, but since his time existed before their rise, they were not the gods of his era. It was a heavy blow to their egos, not one they'd accepted as of yet.
"Then what do you suggest?" Naruto's query had more bite to it than he would want to admit.
"Go get laid."
"What typical advice from a god." Athena scoffed.
"Hey!" A few offended gods frowned at her.
"Am I wrong?" she asked, a brow raised in challenge. She smirked when they failed to come up with a rebuttal.
"Oh, how very Greek!"
The wisdom goddess nodded. "That is also true."
"I'm not saying you need to have a child-!"
"A God has sex – boom, child! Without fail! There are no miscarriages! If I'm going to have a kid, I'm going to raise that kid!"
"Good on him. And good luck trying to find a nymph or goddess that'll stick around long enough," Apollo said, snorting.
"Didn't you get married in one?" Nico asked.
"Note how I said 'nymph or Goddess', Nico," Apollo said.
"His marriage there doesn't count. I want to see it in full swing before we jump to any conclusions," Artemis said. "If this woman can keep you in line, then I will consider there to be hope for the male species."
"...Where is that book!?"
"Noble, but-"
"There is no but! There is no excuse! I will not do to a child what was done to me!" Naruto snapped. The zoo quieted and people stopped moving, frozen in time. Horkos stared, wide eyed and gob smacked, at the fire that was his friend's body.
"So you're just going to defy Ancient Law? Go against everything-?" The fiery being stepped towards Horkos and a burning finger pressed into his suit, eradicating the fabric at a touch.
"The Ancient Laws exist as an excuse! The ways of Ancient Greece are gone! Children are the future, Horkos, notus! We are archaic! You are examples! You are stories and legends!"
"Humph, he runs his mouth like most young gods." Zeus rumbled.
"He's not wrong though," Percy muttered. He thought the same thing before he went to that museum.
"Stop speaking so highly, Naruto! The Fates made you one of us-!"
"Maybe they shouldn't have!"
"I think he deserves to be here." Hestia murmured lowly, slightly upset that he felt that way.
"Hestia, as one who was a mortal turned god, I believe I can glean a bit of understanding," Dionysus said. "His world was vastly different from the one we live in now. Laws he no longer had to consider are now shackling him. It is not a slight to you, but to the Fates' rash decision to bestow upon this man a new life."
"Dionysus, that...was very kind of you," Zeus said, awed by his son's words.
"Thank you father. ...So?"
"I'm not reducing your sentence every time you're kind, Dionysus."
"Well, can't blame me for trying," Dionysus sighed and sat back in his throne.
The Upper Air went still as the words echoed through the cosmos. Horkos' mouth moved, but no sound came. Naruto continued to burn, his fire turning brighter, the light going whiter.
"My people believed in Fate, some that it bound us to duty, and others that it was our duty to be bound to it. I didn't. If I was destined to suffer, to go through the childhood I had – hated, feared, and ignored – then my work after was for nothing! I am not a tool of the Three Sisters, Horkos! I am not their child!"
"Your mother-!"
"This is not about her!" Naruto roared, the ground melting beneath his feet.
"See, at least I was correct there," Dionysus said.
"Yes, thank you Dionysus." Hestia smiled.
"You're still not going to receive any more reductions," Zeus added.
"Drat."
"Hestia chose to be barren! She chose a life without children! Yet, she raised you all the same! A babe that came to her from her fire!" Horkos shouted back. "One who came from a time before civil-!"
"Say it!" Naruto cut in. His eyes burned. "Say it, Horkos! Say what I am! A beast! A barbarian! A foreigner! Those words are compliments to the things I heard growing up!"
"You are no longer that mortal, Naruto-!" Horkos' head snapped to the side and he fell to a knee. His eyes were wide as his cheek stung and ichor spat out of his mouth.
"Boom! Surprise right!" Ares cackled, while his aunt gasped.
"He did not just-!" Hestia cut herself off and took a deep breath. A disappointed frown spread across her face. "If he were my son, I would give him a piece of my mind."
"I will always be that mortal," Naruto said, his knuckles white and sore. He let his hand fall to his side and his head dipped down. "You won't understand. None of you will ever understand."
"You..." Horkos gasped at a flare of pain and his hand went to his face. "You struck me..."
"I did." Naruto turned and began to walk away. "Let them know, Horkos, let them know that The God of Peace threw the first punch, but the line was crossed a long time ago."
"...This is the best day of my life." Ares roared with laughter, holding his sides. "Put that on a shirt!"
Horkos decided that maybe his friend's problem was a bit more than having a repressed sexual appetite. He would let this altercation slide, just once, and wait for Naruto's apology before he sought his friend out again.
First, though, a trip to Asclepius' office for some help...and some advice.
"He's good like that," Jason said with a nod.
"You punched Horkos?"
The question was asked with a blatant incredulous tone. The query came from a scarred, yet handsome biker, who sat at a small table within a Starbucks with three other men. Two blazing eyes stared from behind black wraparound sunglasses at the youngest that accompanied him.
"Order and Chaos, yes! How many times do I have to repeat myself?" Naruto asked, scowling at his older cousin.
"You punched Horkos?"
"Me, stop doubting him and celebrate!" Ares ordered his other on the screen.
"He is the God of Peace, Ares," Athena said to him.
"Right, but still! I know anyone and everyone can be violent. Cept. Eirene. Fuckin' bitch."
"Ares!" Hera warned.
"She is!"
"Believe it or not, Ares, I can punch people. Hell, I can kill people. I just don't like to," Naruto said, scowling. The God of War continued to stare at him, dumbstruck, and the silence – save for the surrounding conversations and music playing in the background – was starting to grate on the younger god's nerves.
"Wow," was all Ares said as he sat back in his seat, deep in thought.
"That's the best you got? Embarrassment." Ares slapped a palm over his eyes.
"'Wow'? Our little cousin might have just kicked off World War Three and all you can say is 'wow'?" Hermes asked incredulously from his seat. He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. "I'd have expected more from you."
"I agree with other Hermes. We have lines written for this!" The god of war complained.
"Written is being generous. You scribbled them on a parchment. In crayon!" Apollo deadpanned.
"My red pen ran out!"
"More like it ran off."
"Hey! I only stole it one time!" Hermes cut in with a frown.
"Boys, please." Hestia smiled at them. They quieted down, but sent glowers at each other.
"I'm admittedly a little disappointed, myself," Apollo said. He glanced at the other blond god. "Why did you punch him?"
"I had to kill a fly that landed on him – why do you think, Apollo?" Naruto asked. He crossed his arms and glared at the table. "He was pissing me off."
"You get mad, too?!"
"Ares, seriously, I'm starting to worry now," Hermes said, frowning. He turned his attention to his younger cousin. "Was he really pissing you off, or was it the situation?"
"Wait, there was a situation? What situation?" Apollo asked.
"The Situation?" Apollo asked, taking on the likeness of the reality TV star.
"Dude. That joke is so old, even the Titans thought it was in bad taste," Hermes said with a snort.
"Oh, right, you were flirting up the cashier during the story. Wait, how do you not know what's going on?" Hermes asked. He looked outside and frowned. "Nope, no flying pigs. At least not yet, so that can't be why you missed it."
"Smartass. Ares?" Apollo asked, hoping for a clear answer.
"The spitfire here has been getting hit on by mortals and doesn't know how to fuck 'em, went to ask his jerkoff buddy for advice, got reminded of the 'no kids' law, and punched the jerkoff's lights out," Ares said. The other three stared at him and he shrugged. "What? Those were spitfire's words exactly."
"I'm sure they are. And without the Ares filter?" Apollo asked, looking at Naruto.
"My filter is very straightforward." Ares huffed and crossed his arms.
"And vulgar," Artemis said.
"Duh."
The whiskered blond began to re-explain his problems with the demigoddesses and issues with having a demigod yet not being able to raise them, only getting halfway through before the God of the Sun interrupted again, this time more alarmed. "Wait, you still haven't gotten laid yet?! Dude! I only have a little over two years before that time is up! We have got to get you laid, now!"
"Apollo, you cannot just rush someone into such a thing." Hestia scolded.
"I'm only looking out for him since he'll be made fun of."
"What are you saying?" Athena asked him in a dangerous tone, Artemis joined her in glaring at their brother.
"I just don't want him to end up like you two. We make fun of you two behind your backs all the time."
"Dude!" Hermes hissed.
"Truth god. I can't help it!"
"Time?" Hermes asked, but Apollo hopped out of the booth and began to get his flirt on with the nearest group of girls. Naruto let his head drop to the table with a thunk, groaning while his two other cousins eyed him.
"The Twins made a bet last year. After you got off without so much as a slap on the wrist for the Master Bolt theft," Naruto said to the smirking God of War.
"I dunno, losing to Percy Jackson, a demigod with only a week's worth of training, seems like a pretty good punishment," Hermes said. He smirked. "Especially after he used that attack."
"I did what now?" Percy asked curiously and Ares felt a sense of foreboding.
"You all swore on the Styx not to mention that bullshit attack!" Ares snarled, the cup of coffee in his hand crushed into oblivion.
"I didn't," Naruto said, grinning. "You forgot to order my compliance."
"That's because he's afraid what the 'Seaspawn's master's Thousand Years of Death is like," Hermes said.
"...No. No! Are you fuckin-NO!" Ares slammed his fists on his throne while the gods laughed.
"Percy used the Thousand Years of Death?" Leo gaped. He crossed his arms and pouted. "Not fair."
He snapped his fingers. "Oh, that's right! He already knows!"
"Stupid fucking misnamed attack – How was I supposed to know the punk would stick his sword in my ass?! Who even does that?!" Ares demanded, brooding over his humiliating defeat. Getting a small nick in his skin would be more bearable!
"...Yeah, I got off lucky," Ares muttered to himself once he considered it.
"Poor Riptide," Percy said, wincing.
"If it makes you feel any better, Percy still scrubs Riptide every day," Naruto said. He smiled. "He's afraid you left a stain."
"Damn right I would!"
"Oh, I'll leave more than a stain on that little shit," Ares grumbled. He would throttle that brat's neck when he least expected it.
"Ares' embarrassment aside, what did our beloved Twins bet consist of exactly?" Hermes asked. He wanted to know if he could get in on the action. He was the God of Tricksters and Thieves, and gambling fell under those domains.
"For some reason, they were betting on my night life." Naruto admitted.
Apollo looked at his sister in boredom, "Really, Arte? That's all you got to bet on. At least make it interesting."
"You did as well!"
"Yeah, but, that's me. Apollo. That's old news for me and you by extension."
Ares looked up from his brooding and Hermes blinked owlishly. The God of the Hearth nodded. "I know, right? From what I remember, Artemis was using me to insult Apollo, he didn't take it too well, and shockingly they argued over what was better: Being a 'prude' or a 'man-whore', I'll let you guess who got what role."
"Wow, Artemis, I had a hunch, but seriously? When did you become such a man-?"
"Finish that sentence, Hermes, and you will find it very difficult to deliver your mail when your head is mounted on my temple's wall."
"Jeez, take a joke."
"So the Hunt-Cunt and the Sunspot bet on your sex life?"
"Lady Artemis, I would like to apologize for what I just said," Piper said, suddenly nervous.
"Worry not, Piper McLean, I know it is just the words you read." Artemis discreetly waved at her lieutenant.
Thalia slowly slid her concealed silver blade back into its sheath, the scowl on her face almost as frightening as her father's.
Jason scooted closer to his girlfriend, acting as a shield, while Aphrodite glared around the room, daring anyone to take action against her daughter.
Ares lay on the ground, choking on his laughter.
Ares asked. Naruto scowled at the god on Apollo's behalf. He actually thought Artemis' role was a necessary one and appreciated what she did for Nature. Could do without her Hunters' poor manners, though.
"Artemis bet that I would still be a Virgin God by the end of my first millennium, and Apollo bet I would not. If Artemis won, Apollo had to back off of his womanizing," Naruto said.
"Of course…" Apollo glowered at his sister, who was smirking at what she presumed to be an easy victory. "You are such a child. Making that kind of bet, mother would be ashamed!"
"You're the one who shames her!" Artemis refuted, but her brother merely crossed his arms and shook his head.
"You, young lady have a problem."
"I'm the one with the problem?!"
The two gods nodded, it the standard reward for Artemis' victory in the Twins' gambles.
"And if Apollo won?" Hermes asked. Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his seat and mumbled something under his breath. "What was that?"
"She'd have axe mountain debt."
"Speak up, hotshot!" Ares growled. "Or I'll give you one of those stupid Thousand Years of Death!"
"Fine!" Naruto snapped. He crossed his arms and looked away. "She would have to ask me out on a date."
Artemis eyes went wide and dilated. Then, they narrowed and began to glow with a silver light. She turned and glared at Apollo, who was rubbing his chin in thought.
"You know something? I actually might not have an issue with that," he said.
"Apollo…" Artemis ground her teeth together while the rest of her oafish siblings or uncles were snickering, whereas Aphrodite giggled madly. Even Athena had a small smirk on her face.
The only one unamused by the thought, aside from Artemis, was Zeus.
"Treat him right, Artemis," Hestia said with a small smile.
"Hestia!" Both the King and his huntress of a daughter protested.
"...You're shitting me."
"He's not," Hermes said in awe.
"Holy fuck." Ares stared and then grinned. He knew someone who would kill to get this information.
"You're getting a special treat, Ares." Aphrodite purred at her lover. Ares pumped his fist in victory while Hephaestus rolled his eyes.
"Ares…" Artemis glared at the War God.
"What? I'm so going to do it." Ares smirked. "Try and stop me."
He stood abruptly and walked to the door. "I'll catch you later. I got things to do."
"Ares! You better not tell Aphrodite!" Naruto shouted after his leaving cousin. He groaned when the god let out a cruel laugh.
"Ha! Suck it, Girl-Scout."
"Oh, maybe she will for once!"
"Aphrodite, I will disembowel you!"
"Oh, that so doesn't bode well."
"He never stood a chance." Hermes noted, almost, almost feeling sorry for him.
"Well, look at the bright side," Hermes said. "You'll make an adorable Jackalope."
Hestia turned to Artemis.
"Aunt Hestia, I wouldn't...well, er... Maybe...I don't know? Stop looking at me like that!"
"Humph." Hestia turned away from her niece with a small disappointed frown on her face.
"And now you'll be without any treats from her." Hades shook his head while the rest of his family paled at the thought, none more so than the Goddess of the Hunt. "A fate I would not bestow on any of my subjects, no matter their crime."
"Don't you have packages to deliver?" Naruto asked, snidely.
"Oh, no, little cousin. I have today off." Hermes laughed at the forlorn look on his cousin's face. "Now, what flavor of pellets do you prefer?"
"Do they make ramen flavor?" Thalia wondered, smirking.
"They will if he's turned into a jackalope." Jason guessed. He looked at her. "Would you keep him as a pet?"
"...I...Hm." Thalia creased her brow and pursed her lips in thought before she looked at her patron. "Lady Artemis? What happens to those Jackalopes?"
"Er...Focus on the story, Thalia Grace. I will answer your question at another time."
Apollo ran back over to the table.
"Naruto! Great news! I might have just gotten an invite to an orgy, and they'll let me have a plus one!"
"You filthy cheater!" Artemis accused her twin.
"Ha! No, wait, double ha! I play to win, Arte. So uh, get wrecked."
Aphrodite was in titters, she so hoped that Apollo won this.
It would be a day for the history books.
Naruto dropped his face into his hands while Hermes fell out of his seat laughing.
"Oh, man!" Hermes wiped a tear from his eye. "I missed this. Gossip and gambling on Olympus is better than any mortal drama!"
"I do hope that something comes from it," Hera said. Her husband and niece looked at her, and she raised a brow in question.