He'd tried to kiss her.
His resolve had flown completely out the window, he realizes now, as he stalks furiously away from the library. Sasuke isn't sure where he's going, nor is he sure where his head went. His noble decision to keep her at arm's length, to keep her away from the black hole that resides where his heart used to be, was powerless in front of balmy green eyes and pouty pink lips and a pretty rose blush.
He'd tried to kiss her.
Sasuke can't even see straight, he's so angry. Angry with Sakura for turning away, but mostly furious with himself for even trying in the first place. He is tampering with the malleable foundation of their friendship. He is testing the foundation, pushing limits, crossing lines.
Sasuke is such a fool, and he has no one to blame but himself.
He glances at his phone and sees that it's 8 o'clock now. 8 o'clock on a Wednesday night. He has an 8 AM class tomorrow, his homework isn't finished, but all he wants now is a drink.
Naruto and the others are more than willing to oblige him. Ten minutes later, he finds himself at a bar with his best friend, with Shikamaru and Kiba-who-he-hates-now and Chouji and Sai-who-works-with-Sakura and Neji, and Sasuke orders a hard drink from an easy bartender.
There is a playoff game on the big TV behind the bar. His friends around him, talking and yelling and drinking and shouting at the TV and hitting on the bar skanks and knocking back shot after shot provide a welcome distraction to the conflict roiling inside him like a cancer. But it is a shallow, fleeting distraction, one he knows will not last him the night.
He glares at the empty shot glass in his hand, tells himself he is an idiot, and orders another round.
xoxoxo
Sakura doesn't move for a long time.
She sits there at the table, heart racing, chest heaving, because she almost kissed Sasuke.
It's not their first almost-kiss. That happened sitting on her bed, and it ended with Sasuke all but running out of her room with hell on his heels. But it IS their first almost-kiss that Sasuke initiated.
Against her will, Sakura is somewhat exhilarated. She feels like she's just performed the best dance of her life, only to come in second at the competition. Cheated, somehow.
Sasuke wanted to kiss her.
Despite knowing that it's a Bad Idea, despite knowing that she is toxic for him and that he deserves better, despite knowing that she deserves nothing at all from Uchiha Sasuke, Sakura is excited. Thrilled, even. Sasuke had looked at her with desire in his eyes, with a promise on his lips as he whispered in her ear, his fingers tightening with surprising strength around her wrist as he leaned in closer...
She'd ruined the moment, of course, but that it had happened at all is nothing short of amazing to her.
Sasuke can see her, she knows. He isn't like the shallow, blind boys who make eyes at her and tell her she's pretty and ask for her number, the ones who fall for the facade she employs rather than the hot mess she really is. So if Sasuke can see her, and still befriend her, and still hang out with her, and still want to kiss her?
Sakura shakes her head.
Just because he could be interested in her, doesn't mean he should be. She has no idea how to be a proper girlfriend, or even a proper lover. Her only sexual experience is limited to high school kisses, holding hands, and a horrific night she wishes she could lock away in her memories but can't.
She will take this small victory, this knowledge that, however temporarily, she has snagged Sasuke's interest, become the object of his desire. And she will leave it at that.
Content with her resolution, she packs up her books and leaves the library and ignores the curious stares from everyone who witnessed her altercation with Sasuke and when Ino calls to invite her to dinner, she goes with all the intention in the world of keeping what happened to herself. Her little secret with Sasuke.
And she hopes he isn't too angry with her.
xoxoxo
Sasuke is so angry with her.
It's all he can focus on as he sits at the bar, knocking back a Yuengling and pointedly ignoring the fact that it's Sakura's favorite beer. The camaraderie of his friends is no longer a welcome distraction. It's background noise, the soundtrack to this continuous melodrama that's become his life, and Sasuke wonders where it all went so horribly wrong.
He had one goal when he came to college.
Uchiha.
The Uchiha are a legacy at Konoha University. His father attended. His brother attended. Their grandfather, great-grandfather, for generations. His aim is to earn his prelaw degree, go to law school, and become a lawyer just like his (deaddeaddead) family.
He left high school without the complication of a girl, and was on pace to do the same in college. Women were distractions. Troublesome. Not worth it.
And he'd went and found the one girl who was worth everything. And he'd done it on the very first day.
She is screwed up, he knows. She's been raped and it's made her anxious and scared and she feels like she isn't worth anything. She's never said it in so many words, but Sasuke misses almost nothing. He's gifted and cursed with intuition, and even though much of Sakura remains a fortress, he can see the bigger picture through the cracks in her concrete.
It isn't that she's uninterested in him, though that would certainly make things less complicated than they already are. If she wasn't into him, he would have no choice but to leave her alone, put his attraction to her on the back burner, let his secretburningsilent love for her fizzle into nothing and sequester her in the Friend Zone.
He can tell she's attracted to him. Whether her feelings have depth enough to match his is still a toss-up, but at the very least, there is a mutual attraction. Her reluctance to act on it speaks volumes about her mindset.
It's insecurity.
Sasuke has a new enemy. It's Sakura's self-perception, which is so skewed that she can't see what everyone else can see about her. She has known darkness and horror in her past and she now sees both in herself and Sasuke doesn't know how to fight that.
It's something he can't touch with his fists, nor scold with his words, nor banish with the fiercest glare his eyes can muster. It's as much an obstacle to Sakura's heart as an overprotective father, a possessive boyfriend, perhaps more so because Sakura's self-doubt cripples her ability to connect with others. It's intangible and all-powerful. Invisible and consuming.
Fuck it, Sasuke thinks. Fuck that.
He stands off the bar stool and isn't sure if his new resolve is born of revelation or rum, but at this point, he doesn't care.
His new mission is not to avoid Sakura, to keep her at arm's length and hopehopehope the torch he's carrying for her will burn out.
He will have her.
He will have her in every way, if he has to scream in her face how beautiful she is inside and out until she believes it herself.
"Hey, teme, whatsamatter?" Naruto asks, somewhat intimidated by the ferocity of Sasuke's expression.
"Dobe where's Sakura?" he asks, shrugging off his friend's question.
"Uh, I know the girls went out to eat tonight off-campus...Sakura-chan probably went with 'em."
"Where."
"The Mexican restaurant on Second Street...why are you-"
Sasuke doesn't wait. He doesn't care that it's started to rain and he doesn't care that it's a two-mile walk into town where the restaurant is and that Sakura is busy with her friends. He doesn't care Kiba groaning behind him and Chouji saying gleefully, "Pay up! I told you" because everyone's been betting on he and Sakura, it seems.
He's on a mission. And he will not lose.
xoxoxo
"...I mean, you wouldn't guess it to look at him, but Shikamaru's an animal in bed," Ino says as they dig into a giant plate of fried ice cream.
"I believe it," Tenten says sagely.
"How?" Sakura wants to know.
"He's got long hair," she replies simply. "Guys with long hair are generally very sexual."
"Like Neji?" teases Karin.
"Yup." Tenten does not blush as she admits this about her quiet boyfriend. "Suigetsu's got longish hair, too."
"It's like banging a shark," Karin admits. "But Sasuke-kun's hair is pretty long, too. How 'bout it, Sakura? Care to contribute?"
Sakura blushes and hides it by taking an exceptionally large bite of ice cream and pretending to make a mess of her face. Dabbing her embarrassed smile with a napkin, she replies, "As if I'd know. For the eightieth time, we're just friends."
"Bullshit," Ino, Karin, and Tenten all say flatly.
"There's just no arguing with you!" Sakura tries for exasperation, but it comes out as amusement.
"We grew up with Sasuke, remember?" Ino sighs with an eye-roll, gesturing to herself and Karin, who belches unattractively and nods along. "And he's-you know what, idiot? I'm not going into this again. We told you how Sasuke is and how he acts with you, and you don't believe us, so whatever. Find out for yourself. Just make sure you let us know if he's dirty in bed like we think once he decides to give you his Uchiha pe-"
"On second thought," Karin interrupts, and she looks at something outside through her thick black glasses and smirks, "why don't you just go outside?"
Sakura frowns and follows Karin's line of sight, and to her shock, she sees a soaking wet Sasuke making his way towards the restaurant from across the street.
Well, shit.
xoxoxo
Sakura comes outside, and he is surprised how unfussy she is, standing in the rain without an umbrella or a hood. She's wearing a typical Sakura outfit: black nylons, a floral print dress, a little cardigan and leg-framing boots. She's frustratingly pretty, and it temporarily distracts him from his goal, before he lets liquid courage decide what he does next.
"Sasuke!" she says, and he is rewarded with the sight of her blush. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm taking you out tomorrow night," he snaps.
It isn't a fairytale romance. It isn't flowers and chocolates and the shy question Willyougooutwithme. It's Sasuke and Sakura, the way it's been for weeks and months and the potential for more.
Sakura's eyes widen.
"For what?" she asks weakly, stupidly.
Sasuke knows to be patient. This is new territory for both of them, and he can't push her. She isn't the kind of girl who can handle being rushed into anything, and he vows to let her set the pace just as long as she's willing to give him, them a chance.
"A date," he replies curtly.
They are standing within arm's reach of one another, and Sasuke can make out the smattering of light freckles across her nose through the rain that's starting to fall thicker and heavier, and he tries to memorize the expression on her face. Shock, mixed with wonder, like he's the most amazing thing she's ever seen and also the most confounding. He feels the same way about her.
"You don't want to date me," Sakura whispers.
"I'll pick you up at eight."
"Sasuke-"
"We'll do it your way," he cuts her off, taking a step towards her. They're not touching, but they could be, if he removed his hands from his pockets. "As fast or as slow as you want, I don't care. But I'm done pretending like there isn't anything between us."
"I'm no good, Sasuke!" Sakura has tears in her eyes, and she raises her voice in distress. "You already know what I've been through, you don't need that!"
"Stop telling me what I need and what I want," he says harshly. "I'll pick you up at eight, understand?"
"But-"
"Sakura."
She shuts up, protests dying in her throat, and she's absurdly lovely caught in the rainstorm. Such a mixture of beauty and imperfection, and he knows that she might consider herself a nightmare, but he thinks she's the girl of his dreams.
"As fast or as slow as you want," he repeats.
"Why are you doing this, Sasuke?" she asks, wincing, and she draws her arms across her stomach like she's trying to protect herself. "You don't have to. You could have any girl you wanted, you don't need to settle for me."
Nothing he's saying has any effect on her, and Sasuke tells himself to be patient, but his tolerance only goes so far. Words aren't working.
So he leans in, one hand curling behind her head and threading through her soaking pink hair, and he closes the distance between them and kisses her. It isn't harsh and demanding, the way he wants to kiss her. It's gentle. It's romantic. It's potential.
Talking wasn't working.
xoxoxo
Sasuke tastes like mint and rum.
His lips are not rough against hers; the few fantasies she's allowed herself to entertain of kissing him involved a certain measure of roughness. Instead, he's soft and achingly gentle, like he's trying not to break her.
The sweetness of the kiss makes her want to cry, so she does, but she doesn't pull away and neither does he. His free hand comes to rest on her hip, and she tentatively raises her hands to grip the collar of his jacket as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss.
Despite its sweetness, there is a raw sensuality to this moment that Sakura cannot avoid. Desire burns within her like an inferno, building and building until her knees buckle, and Sasuke's firm grip on her is all that's keeping her up. A tiny moan escapes her throat and Sasuke's fingers tighten; they pull back, each breathing heavily, and Sakura is greeted for the second time that day by the sight of a thoroughly aroused Sasuke.
He looks like he's starving. His eyes scorch into her own, and going slow is suddenly the last thing she wants to do. She wants Sasuke's mouth on her again, not just on her lips but on her jaw, her neck, her stomach...she wants to feel his hands on her, not just her hip but starting at her ankles and working his way up. She wants his muscular weight pressing her down into her mattress while Iron and Wine plays in the background.
She wants him to murmur soft words into her ear until he's all she knows.
But Sasuke is offering her the chance to take things slowly, and she knows that's what needs to happen. She's hurting still and so is he; rushing into this will end in disaster. Even if her body is screaming for him, they both have the sense to know that they need to take baby steps.
She is absurdly in love with him. Even now, he's taking care of her. Putting her needs first, and giving Them a real shot.
It's the first time she ever thinks of Them with any real hope.
Absently, she feels his fingers brush the kanji on the tattoo on her side, and she shuts her eyes, trying to freeze this moment forever.
"I'll be ready at eight," she breathes against his lips.
And when he kisses her again, she feels his smile before she sees it. And there in the rain outside the Mexican restaurant, with her friends watching and cheering and exchanging high-fives, Sakura realizes she has never believed in hope more than at this very moment.
She feels closer to happy than ever before.
xoxoxo
Sasuke returns to his dorm that night and is unsurprised to find Naruto waiting up for him.
"TEME!" he shouts as Sasuke crosses the threshold. The loud volume doesn't bother him as much as it usually would, and he settles for an eye roll rather than the scathing retort that would have usually erupted from his mouth by now.
"Why the hell did you leave like that?" Naruto demands from his messy bed, his sleeping cap lopsided on his head. "Like a stalker or some shit. What's going on, teme! I'm your best friend, you owe me the truth, 'ttebayo! All this skulking around pretending like everything's fine when really you're head over ass for Sakura-chan and you're gonna-"
"I'm going out with her tomorrow," Sasuke says lightly.
"-act like there's nothing going on, and you're not even...wait, what? What do you MEAN you're going out with her tomorrow?"
Sasuke smirks as he grabs his towel and shower caddy.
"You were right, dobe," he says, and he can't believe the words are coming out of his mouth.
There's a first time for everything, he realizes.
xoxoxo
note.. I am pacing this story slowly for a reason. If you're impatient with it, I understand, but this is my story and I ask that you give me a chance to tell it. I appreciate all the constructive criticism and the suggestions on how to improve so, so much, because it's making me focus on being a better writer. But I'm not going to incorporate quick sex right away just because you blow up my inbox demanding it, or review it wondering why they haven't confessed yet. Give me a chance to set things up, okay?
Phils won. 5 in a row. Just so you all know.
Tonight's movie recommendation: Psycho. The original. Terrifying and terrifyingly good. Anthony Perkins and the beautiful Janet Leigh...classic horror.
And I know I've been gone for a minute on Catch You Later. I'm not happy with the ending I wrote so until I am, I humbly ask for your continued patience. Love y'alls.