Reports had been coming in for weeks. It was a PR nightmare trying to tackle all of them at once. At first it seemed ridiculous, but by now even the executives had seen the evidence. There was something wrong with the game. That something was so bizarre that it rocked the programmers to their very cores. The games weren't behaving.
Every single game was different. In one, you might have Suzy Sourapple and Taffyta Muttonfudge actively trying to kill each other, and have them be best friends in another. Some of the racers even changed their names and textures. It made the whole game wonderful and horrifying at the same time.
Eventually, a board meeting was called to decide what to do. The most important men and women in the company as well as the most influential programmers and designers were all seated around the large table. The president of Tobicomi stood to begin the meeting.
"Everyone, I hope I can presume you all know why we are holding this meeting. If not, I have some startling information for you. The games are alive. They have evolved past their programming and became something more." He said.
"It's fascinating isn't it? I can't tell you how many physicists want to use our engine to run tests on their theories of alternate dimensions." One of the programmers said.
"That doesn't matter. What matters is that our games are malfunctioning. I don't care if it's 'fascinating' it's a glitch. We need to fix it." A woman said.
"You're just a pill aren't you? Look, this is big. We are sitting on the most advanced game in history. We need to market this harder than anything we've ever done before." Someone else said.
"Since mass reports of the 'Life Glitch' have come in, sales have skyrocketed. We don't need to market this, the internet is already doing it for us." One of the younger members said.
"This could ruin our ability to sell toys and other merchandise though. Anything we make might not even look like the racer we're going for. I personally heard of a game where Snowanna Rainbeau was a heavy metal fan with a Mohawk. With deviations like that, it's impossible to correctly sell products." Someone from marketing said.
"Okay, two words: Farmville clone. Give them the characters, let them customize a little, throw in some farming, hit online game." Someone said. He was immediately kicked out of the meeting.
"Hang on, what if we did come at this from online? Not some garbage that will get us sued by Zinga, but an MMO or something." Someone said.
"Or, God forbid, you continue making a racing game." Said a man in a blue suit who just walked in.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" The company's president asked.
"Oh, where are my manners? Bonjour. I do not intend to tell you my name, so you can simply call me "ze man with all the answers." Ze man with all the answers said.
"You know what's going on?" Someone asked.
"Oui. Now, zis is complicated, so I will try to summarize. The game is in fact, alive. Every game ever made is the same. My associates and I are responsible for this. Now that you are aware of it, we expect adequate compensation." Ze man said.
"You want us to pay you?" A woman asked.
"Of course. My associate created a formula to give life to your game characters. After a bit of testing, we were able to perfect it. Your saccharine game was the recipient of his latest design. It was a test run. Suffice to say, it passed with flying colors. Now, you idiots have lucked upon the most revolutionary game since Spore. Do with it what you will, but I can tell you this: I know a certain Bostonian who wants DLC very soon. I suggest you make it. He does some very sporadic and radiation fueled things when he's irritated." Ze man said.
"You tampered with my codes?" The lead programmer yelled.
"And it's your fault that my designs are being manipulated?" The head artist shouted.
"Oh merde, shut up. First of all, it was Conagher, not me, who made the little 'update' we install in your games. Secondly, Mundy was ze one who tampered with your code. Third, the characters are now alive, and can take ze full blame for ruining your designs. In short, I am the messenger, and I will shoot back if I feel ze need." Ze man said.
"Cut to the chase, what do you want?" The president asked.
"I want nine hundred thousand dollars a month. Do not act like you cannot pay, I have evaluated your finances and decided my fee based on them." Ze man said.
"Nine hundred thousand? That's more than I make in a year." One of the programmers said.
"How tragic. Now, here is the address you will send our checks to." Ze man said, handing a folded up piece of paper to the president.
"And what do you advise we do about the life glitch?" Someone asked.
"I told you, it is not a glitch. As such, I expect you to do the same thing everyone else did with their games when someone eventually found out what was going on: nothing. Zis will only affect things by bringing in more people who are curious about the possibilities. Now, I have no more reason to be here, so I will be leaving. And one more thing, this will be the last time you see me." Ze man said as he tampered with his watch. Somehow, he vanished. A sinister (and French sounding) laugh echoed through the room for a few moments.
"Well, I think that about settles things." The president said, standing up.
"How? We don't even know if he was telling the truth." Someone asked.
"Simple, we know to do nothing. I hope you are capable of doing that. Now, if you don't mind, I need to round up a few hundred thousand dollars." The president said as he walked out of the room. There was a dead silence for a few minutes.
"Okay, so are we supposed to make DLC then?" Someone eventually asked.
"I'm thinking a map set in Nevada where you have to push a bomb into an enemy base." A designer said.
"Where exactly did you get that idea?" An executive asked.
"I dunno. It just came to me." The designer said. The idea was shot down soon after when Valve caught wind of it.