"Must oh Boy-Who-Kicked-Butt." Fred stopped him.
"Really?" Harry asked that one was far lamer than he expected.
"No." George laughed, "One is the Man-Who-Won."
"Boy-Who-Lived-Again." Fred added.
"And I thought the first one was lame." Harry grumbled.
"One more." Fred tapped his chin with a finger, "If I could just remember it."
"I think you are trying to remember Property-Of-Ginny-Weasley-Hands-off." George offered.
"Yes that's the one." Fred clapped Harry on the back hoping for a bright red face.
He was disappointed when Harry just grinned, "That one I can live with."
"You better." Ginny growled from the door before she finished entering then grinned at him as she approached and kicked the twins off his bed so she could reach him and give him a hug and kiss, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Me too." He grinned, "So what have I missed?"
"Parties mostly." Fred shrugged.
"Did anyone question our captives?" he asked.
"Madam Bones did." Ron answered as the rest of the group made it to his bed, "Used veritiserum and priori incontatum. Seventeen of them have been arrested. They are the ones over seventeen."
"The other ten have been put on probation." Hermione added, "They get to keep their wands but only get to use them during class and supervised study periods. Otherwise they are locked in McGonagall's office. When they finish school they'll be on probation for another five years. They have to record every spell they do and why they used it. Then once a week thier wand is checked to make sure the list is complete and correct. Any deviation can be cause for punishment."
"There were more than twenty seven taken away." Harry said thoughtfully, "What happened to the others?"
"Surprisingly Malfoy used a shield not a harmful spell. He did mean it to hurt but he was just shoving someone off their bench not trying to kill them." Ginny told him, "He was just given a detention since his spell wasn't meant to kill."
"The rest were a variety of spells like that." Hermione offered, "Anyone who didn't try to send a lethal spell was let off with a warning basically."
"Well not surprising." Harry shrugged, "My spell was based on intent not any spell by name."
"Why?" Ron asked.
"Because even a levitation spell can be dangerous if used with ill intent." Luna offered.
"True." Harry nodded along with Luna, "For instance bashing in the skull of a troll."
"Well when you put it that way." Ron tried to keep his chuckle in.
"Pup, you're awake!" Sirius yelled from the door.
"And so is everyone else in the castle, now." Harry called back.
"Grans and Gramps all send their congratulations and get wells." Sirius plopped on the bed next to Harry's.
"Thanks for letting them know." He yawned again.
"Do you need more sleep?" Remus had walked in with Sirius.
"NO!" Harry waved him off, "I've slept enough for seven people I'm sure. It's just a lingering fogginess from so much sleep."
"Well you missed all the fun." Sirius grinned.
"Did I now." Harry didn't buy it.
"You really did." Remus added with a smirk, "Nott finally tried to escape last night."
"So what did Dirkley do?" Harry sat up paying close attention now."
"Well first Nott tried to get out of his cell." Sirius started, "Dirkley told us about the part we weren't there for."
***flashback***
"What you doing?" Dirkley found one of the prisoners stuck between the bars. One arm and leg were through but he was now stuck.
"Let me loose." Nott yelled.
"You can go back into the cell but you can't come out." Dirkley explained, "The gaps shrink and hold you. I'm really surprised it took someone this long to try."
"You stupid elf let me go." He yelled still trying to push his way out.
"You not very smart." Dirkley stood staring at the man.
"You are a servant you should be doing what I say." He was still pushing, "Now get me out."
"I not your elf so I don't do what you say." Dirkley shook his head and waved a hand at the man sending him back into his cell.
The bars returned to their normal place and Nott dove at them. This time he was caught at the neck, "Agrdklsne."
"Whats that?" Dirkley asked, "You stuck again? Want me to fix you again?"
"Ylkeeeskjlss."the man gurgled.
Dirkley bopped him in the head and he was free again, "I not save you no more. If you gets stuck again you stuck."
"Why you little…" he tried to grab for the elf but found himself back in his bed. The next thing he knew he was waking up as another elf left some food. Diving off the bed he grabbed at the elf who popped away. He felt the sensation of apparition and when he opened his eyes he was still in his cell. Grumbling he turned to the cell next to his, "I've got to get out of here."
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH." The man in the next cell backed away staring at Nott in horror.
"What?" he asked after looking behind himself to find nothing there.
The only answer was a finger pointing at him and some gibbering. Dirkley arrived a moment later, "Oh it's you again."
"What's wrong with him?" He indicated the cell next to his where the man was cowering in the farthest corner he could get.
"He think you scary." Dirkley waved his hand and a mirror appeared.
"What?" he turn to look at himself and screamed, "When I get my wand back I'm going to make you scream and bleed. Now put me back to normal."
"Whoa, who is this ugly monstrosity?" Sirius approached, Dirkley had brought him and Remus down in time to hear the scream from the previous person. He had popped away from them but Nott's scream had led them to the right row.
"That be prisoner 24." Dirkely stated.
"Oh, that one, you know I think this is actually a better look." He grinned, "What did he do to be turned in to a giant tufted… uh what is that?"
"A shaved snorkack body, they are very clumsy. Ram horns on the erumpets head, we don't let them have the erumpets horn. Then we finish it with giant Chihuahua legs, a beaver tail and a platypus nose." Dirkley explained, "But that is just the first time he tried to escape that way. If he tries again we transfigure him more ugly."
"How long does he stay like that?" Remus asked.
"Until Sir comes back and sets him to rights." Dirkley huffed.
"So never then." Sirius nodded, "Right so prisoners are in good shape I think we can go now Remy."
"Yep." He grinned and the two left with the elf, Nott still screaming threats behind them.
***end flashback***
"Well I can't wait to see if he has changed anymore." Harry grinned, "Incidentally, why Chihuahua legs?"
"Skinny little weak legs that can't hold him up more than a few minutes." Remus described Nott's condition, "The ram horns are twice to three times normal size and he can just barely pick them up."
"Snorkacks bodies have muscled back ends but skinny front ends. Normally they have very long hair and when its cut it sticks out at weird angles." Luna provided another description.
"That puts it mildly." Sirius shivered before addressing Harry, "It makes your hair look flat."
"Question, what were you doing down at the prison?" Harry asked, "I thought you just went to inform the portraits on how the battle went."
"Well…" Sirius drew it out, "I managed to talk Bones into letting us take one of the prisoners."
"Why would she do that?" he asked.
"Well she said his actions would have gotten him kissed so she didn't see any reason why we couldn't have some fun first."
"Who did she let you have?" Harry asked, he was starting to get an idea and wanted to take part.
"Just a little rat." Remus delivered the news.
"Yes!" Harry yelled he had been hoping the man hadn't been killed by one of the twin's traps, "You can't start until I'm there."
"Well we already started a little." Sirius scuffed his foot on the floor, "But not since he was tossed in a cell."
"Lord Hogwarts it's so good to see you awake." Nearly Headless Nick led the other ghosts into the hospital interrupting the conversation, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." He answered with a grin, "Anything I need to know?"
"Other than someone trying to undo some of your work not much." The Baron provided a grin that could scare the grease from Snape's hair.
"Who tried and what did they try?" Harry asked.
"Dumbles and Snapey tried to remove the hex than knocks out aggressors." The Fat Friar giggled, "It's not pretty."
"Oh no." Hermione tried to hide her giggles, "Tell me they quit trying after the first failure."
"No, sorry." Helena Ravenclaw stated flatly, "They are not that intelligent."
"What shade did they reach?" Harry asked.
"I don't know, but I can tell you they tried at least three or four times each." Nick offered, "However the last time Dumbles tried it his hair… poofed."
"Poofed?" Sirius asked.
"Remember the big hair from the seventies." Remus explained, "I gave him a picture of that guy we saw on the street by Lily's house."
"You mean the one who had curly hair that stood up about a foot tall?" he asked.
"Yes that one." Remus agreed.
"Oh, I have got to see this." Sirius turned and ran from the room only to come back in not more than five minutes later.
He was laughing his head off and soon the rest were as two people entered behind him. Snape's hair wasn't too bad. It was curly and tall but as his hair was only down to his shoulders to begin with so the curls were shorter. Dumbledore however sported hair three times as high as Snape's and it was neon pink.
"Mr. Potter fix this immediately or I will be forced to take off points." Dumbledore grumbled.
"Actually you can't." Harry grinned, "You are not allowed to remove points when you directly disobey one of the orders from the heirs."
"What?" Snape fumed.
"I told you that I would take care of the spells on the seats." Harry pointed out, "If I say I am taking care of something you are to stay away from it."
"Why you little…" that was as far as he got before he collapsed on the floor.
"What happened?" Dumbledore asked looking at his fallen professor.
"He attempted to harm the heirs." Helena said succinctly, "That is not allowed you will need to find a new potions master he has been fired."
"But we need him here to spy." he began.
"To spy on what?" Remus asked, "Voldemort is dead!"
"Dead!" Dumbledore stumbled back, "But I thought… the wands joined… how?"
"I have another wand that I carry." Harry explained, "While he was trying to battle the join I simply dispatched him with the other one."
"But you can't buy another wand!" Dumbledore exclaimed.
"No but you can win one." Harry smirked, "And I have won several."
"How did you not know he died?" Sirius asked, "We've been having parties for the last two days because of that."
"I… " he never finished his sentence and just turned and wandered out the door.
"I think we broke him." Sirius whispered.
"I don't think he thought you could do it." Neville shook his head in disgust, "No one can know or do as much as he can. Gran really hates that about him. She says way too many people believe him, it's because his defeat of Grindlewald."
"Do me a favor will you?" Harry asked, "If I start thinking I know all and can do all tell me I'm acting like him."
"You already do a bit." Hermione said before laughing at the face he pulled, "But that's because you knew what was going on and had advice that you insisted on following. The difference is you freely admitted you didn't know all that much and had been told what to do."
"You did manipulate him pretty well." Sirius agreed.
"Dad said to make him stay out of our stuff." Harry huffed, "I only did what he wanted."
"Exactly." The rest of the group agreed.
"Well I'm glad that's done." Ron laid back on the bed he had been sitting on, "I'm ready for a bit of that calm after the storm."
"Actually." Harry grimaced, "That was only the first part."
"What's the second part?" Neville asked.
"Reworking the rest of the world." Luna answered for him.
"What?" Ginny asked.
"We can't let them be complacent. We don't want another dark dork starting up." Harry explained, "When we can make everyone equal regardless of blood we'll have a better chance of having a peaceful society."
"Just a better chance?" Hermione asked.
"They promote equality in the muggle Britain but it's not exactly a peaceful place." Harry explained, "It's better than what we have though."
"True." She conceded, "I guess the changes won't be made overnight either."
"Nope." He agreed.
It was a few days later before Harry was able to get to Griffindor Manor. He visited Nott first, "Wow you really don't know when to stop do you?"
"Let me out." Was the growl from the flobberworm on the floor. At least he thought it was supposed to be a flobberworm body. The spotty fir, oozing pustules and nasty smell was just extras.
"Let me think." Harry tapped his chin with his finger for a few seconds, "Ummm… no."
"Turn me back please." The next words were very near to begging.
"Maybe later." He grinned, "I'm going to go have some fun at Pettigrew's expense. I may come back and mess with you later."
"The Dark Lord will find me." He turned to threats.
"That's highly unlikely." Harry grinned at the man, "Because he's dead."
"NO! He is immortal." Nott argued.
"Nope." Harry popped the word, "Been dead for about a week now. He tried to attack me on Halloween again. He should know by now that's an unlucky day for him."
Harry walked down a few more cells where Sirius and Remus were waiting. Pettigrew was curled into a ball at the back of his cell until he saw Harry join them, "Harry please your dad wouldn't want them to become murderers."
"You are right. He wouldn't." Harry agreed, "However he wouldn't want them to let a traitor go without being pranked into insanity."
"What are you going to do?" he asked trembling and rolling into a ball again, a normal position for him Harry thought.
"Well that would be telling." Harry grinned evilly, "And I don't let secrets out."
"Which thing are we going to do first?" Sirius asked, "I vote for number 2,756."
"But that's half way through the list." Remus huffed, "I think the first one should go first."
"Or the last one." Harry added, "I really liked the last one."
"That one was an exceptional evil idea." Sirius agreed, "But it was yours and I want to use one of mine."
They heard the whimper that came from the huddle on the floor. Remus grinned and said, "I think we should go discuss it and see what ideas the twins came up with. You know they love pranks and are far more inventive then even James was."
"They did help me with the idea for the last one." Harry agreed.
"They think you're the greatest thing since dung bombs." Sirius nudged him, "It is their life's ambition to make sure you have all your pranking needs met. They even helped prank the dork lord too."
More whimpers were coming from the corner and a few from the cells around them as they discussed the twin's pranks and the number of dead death eaters from the battle. Harry thought it was very interesting that nearly everyone in his cells knew about the twins and seemed to fear them.
"Sir your twin terrors have arrived to discuss the treatment of your prisoners." Dirkley popped up by Harry's side, "You want Dirkley to bring them here?"
A cascade of whimpers was heard before Harry replied, "No take us to them. I don't want to ruin the surprise for all my… guests."
Harry, Sirius and Remus were popped away leaving behind a bevy of guests dreading their reappearance. The laughing trio entered the study where the twins were waiting.
"How did you get Dirkley to tell me my twin terrors were here?" Harry asked.
"We didn't ask him to say anything." Fred looked surprised.
"We haven't seen the lovely little elf." George added but smiled, "Twin terrors, I like it."
"Well then let's prove him right. Do you have any suggestions?" Harry asked.
"Well our first idea was putting the rat through a maze." George offered.
"We will supply a variety of punishments for not finding the correct path." Fred added.
"Of course there won't be a correct path so that will leave plenty of avenues open for punishment." Sirius grinned knowing how the twins think.
"Exactly." They nodded together.
"Ok, what about you two Siri?" he turned to his Godfather.
"Moony and I thought we'd get a boggart and put it in the cell next to his." Sirius offered, "Then we'd start with some of the more painful pranks we know of like boils on his privates."
"Really?" Harry looked at both groups of pranksters, "I'm feeling a little let down."
"What?" all four asked together.
"I was looking for something a little more… vicious." Harry smirked, "If we combined both ideas we'd be a little closer to what I want to achieve. Remember he's spent several years in the company of Voldemort and death eaters. He has to be a bit tougher than you're giving him credit for. I don't want him crying to get mercy I want him crying in real fear. Wet himself kind of fear."
"What do you propose?" Sirius huffed
"Nymphadora Tonks." Harry grinned.
"Oh, now that's evil." Remus agreed.