Alfred was an upbeat person, he spent a lot of time with his friends or playing video games. Despite having plenty of friends and a loving family, he felt as if something was missing. It wasn't friendship, because he had friends… but it was more like someone he could be himself with.
He noticed it a while ago, that he was different with each of his friends. It was as if he was shaping himself into what they'd like so they could continue becoming good friends. He really realized it one night when he had been talking with his brother, in their little conversation he'd used his actual opinion and he didn't care if what he said made his brother mad or dislike him. He felt secure enough with Mathew that he didn't have to worry about offending him, or wondering if he shouldn't have had said that. He wanted this with all his friends. He wanted to feel just as open and secure with all of his "close" friends.
But it didn't work out, turns out him being honest and open with his dude friends kinda freaked them out. They blew it off like a joke and Alfred let them, it wasn't like he couldn't handle having their relationship be a little fake. It wasn't even fake, it just was lacking a connection that Alfred wanted.
What was wrong with that? It's the way it had always been so it couldn't hurt to continue things this way, right? Of course, it was simple. So Alfred dropped the idea of having this closeness with everyone, he could do just fine with his brother. Mathew was a good listener too.
But shortly after Alfred decided that he would talk to Mathew more, he slowly began to see this he hadn't noticed things about his brother that he hadn't seen before. Like how his brother is always at home.
He knew his brother was a bit of a social outcast but he never realized how completely out of everything Mathew was. He was almost invisible… So while trying to balance out himself he also wanted to help Mathew, so he talked about it with his parents, but again, things did not go as planned. Arthur seemed concerned but not concerned enough, saying it was a normal thing to be lonely every once and a while. Francis on the other hand had been overly concerned, asking about depression and such. Francis of course began blaming himself for not being there for Mathew more, not being a more attentive father.
While Francis blamed himself the room fell silent. Because everyone was thinking the same thing. "We should've been there more and now look at him, pulling up fake smiles and thinking we can't see through them."
Of course, Alfred wasn't stupid. He knew Mathew would hate him if Francis started trying to have "heart-to-hearts" with him, or if Arthur tried to awkwardly invite Mathew to watch soccer with him. So he told them not to over-react and to "keep it on the down low" for Mathew.
Mathew hated being fussed over…
And all seemed to be going well, considering one day Mathew came home with some light in his eyes. There was a secret celebration in everyone's head, thinking they had done well, but dinner that night seemed uncomfortable. Mathew seemed reserved and didn't talk too much about his day. No one questioned it though.
So they decided that tomorrow they would all go out and eat dinner like they used to, maybe they'd actually spend some money and go somewhere nice. Alfred came home early and got ready, he couldn't wait to Mathew face once he realized that this was all for him. Mathew would probably thank them a lot and apologize for possibly being inconvenient, which of course he would assure him that it was "A-OK!" and everything would be right in the world.
But he didn't show up, he didn't answer his phone either. Everyone thought about how secretive he was yesterday and Francis lost it.
Everyone one was surprised at his sudden hysterics but once he explained everyone was worried. "W-what if he took his life?" Francis had said "What if that light in his eyes was because he was finally going to 'released' from his pain and depression? I've read so many stories like this… My poor baby, we should have done more! Call him again!"
Alfred had been stunned into silence while Arthur grabbed his keys, he seemed as if he was going to bolt out the door but instead he paced the kitchen. If you checked the key to their garage you would find it slightly bent from him holding it in a death grip.
Of course, Mathew hadn't done anything of the sort, he just went to go get ice cream after school and his phone died on the way there. Alfred felt like an idiot for buying into his papa's ridiculous theory for even a second, he knew his father often over reacted, he knew his father was one for drama too… But for some reason, with the points that Francis had brought up, it seemed… possible?
Well, after that Mathew's mood only seemed to improve. Alfred was happy to help, though he wasn't sure what he had done.
Turns out it wasn't him at all, it was a "friend's" doing, Mathew had done it all on his own. Alfred was happy at first, to see Mathew smiling and laughing more, but he wondered who this new friend could be.
But again, Alfred's plan didn't turn out like expected. The friend was someone Alfred had never thought he'd have to think about again. Gilbert, Mathew's new friend. Alfred had met him during his time of "Honesty and Openness" and all they did was jab and joke at each other.
It was fun at first but then, when Alfred became closer with the albino's friend than Gilbert was, things got complicated. Gilbert got defensive and angry once he found out he was being blown off by his friends so they could hang out with Alfred's group instead.
Alfred had tried confronting him and "honestly" talking to him but things got blown out of proportion and Gilbert stormed off.
That's basically when their friendship ended. Alfred was done with him and his irrational attitude, so he didn't even bother thinking about him again… which of course was lie, because the truth was he thought about Gilbert a lot afterwards. He had a crush on Gilbert at the time and his brain was trying to cope with the fact that it had really bad taste in men. He was slightly disappointed that nothing developed between them, but at the same time, after seeing what he was really like, he was glad nothing had happened.
His plan to just forget about Gilbert didn't work though.
In a rush to find his lost wallet, Carter (one of Alfred's distant friends), found Tony (a close friend of Alfred's) in the locker room badly beaten. Though Tony was in pain he was able to explain small parts of what happened, he told Carter that the person who'd hurt him was Gilbert, he'd attacked Tony for no apparent reason.
Alfred fumed once the tale finally reached his ears, Gilbert had viciously mauled one of his brethren in the locker room and he would see that justice was served.
Then there was this huge blow out. The school got involved and parents screamed at each other, it was a fun little bit for everyone. Alfred wasn't involved though because he was neither the victim nor the attacker. It was almost painfully obvious that Gilbert was the culprit but he would never admit, and there wasn't any real evidence to support it. Plus, everyone knew that "Alfred's group" and Gilbert weren't getting along to say the least.
So it could very well "Well, Gilbert hates them so of course he did it!" Or "Really? Come on, it's clear he's being framed. There's no evidence!"
Gilbert was too sly, and frankly, too good at doing bad to be caught. So Gilbert was let off the hook and Tony was released from the hospital and transferred to another school. So the drama died down, and Alfred forgot about Gilbert and everything that happened and tried to just focus on friends.
Before it was "Gilbert, the one who Alfred would to pick to throw off a cliff with no knowledge on what the conditions were like at the bottom." and now it is "Gilbert, my brother's friend."
Fate is a real bitch. He tried his best to get Mathew to ditch him but with each thing he said against Gilbert, Alfred could see the light dying out of Mathew's eyes.
Alfred couldn't, he really couldn't be the bad guy for his Mattie.
"Ask him his side… I never did." Alfred had suggested, stabbing himself mentally for giving Gilbert the benefit of the doubt. Mathew jumped at the idea though, a small smile coming to his face as determination set into his eyes, his whole person screaming "I'll clear his name!"
Alfred stepped out at that point, Mathew had heard his side and he was going to hear Gilbert soon enough. He could decide on his own.
Alfred on the other hand, began to feel a bit lonely. He knew he had tons of friends he could talk to, but none for this problem, he was worried they might think badly of Mathew for hanging out with Gilbert. He really couldn't talk to his parents about this either, because it really was Mathew's decision, that and he didn't want papa to freak out again.
So now Alfred had these feeling and words and opinions all bottled up inside him and no one he could talk to about it, because the one person he was himself with was the problem!
Alfred wished he could start everything new and always be himself with his friends from the beginning and never have this dramatic past with Gilbert. The past couple of days Alfred had been distancing himself from his friends, thoughts like "they don't really like you for you!" and "They'll hate you if you ever try to be open with them again." nagged at him constantly, bringing his confidence down considerably. Alfred felt like a moody girl whose boyfriend didn't feel with being lovey dovey with her…
Though as soon as he realized that he was feeling so crappy was because he was distancing himself and making himself lonely when, really, the only thing he wanted right now was some company. So he quickly changed his point of view. He went to school that morning with a smile on his face and every intention of hanging out with his friends. His friends were thrilled to see him so engaging even though it was slightly overwhelming for everyone, but either way he enjoyed himself to the most he could.
Even if he wasn't one hundred percent himself with his friends, that was ok, it's not they were one hundred percent themselves around him… even as he tried to focus on his own problems he couldn't help but let his mind wander back to his brother every once and a while.
A bird outside? Gilbert…
A girl wearing a large hoodie? Mattie…
A girl whining about her pale complexion? Gilbert.
A boy shyly try to get to his locker past a group of girls? Mattie…
It was like Gilbert haunted him in every way he could, taking his twin from him was one thing, but taking over his mind? He needed to get himself sorted out, worrying about his brother and Gilbert wasn't his job right now. It was to focus on himself.
Alfred made a quick excuse to go to the bathroom and dashed for a stall where he hoped to pull himself together but if anything it made it easier to think about Mattie. It was quiet and it made it so easy to focus on exactly what he didn't want to. Alfred gave up and decided to get back to his friends… but he made the mistake of talking out loud for a moment, catching the attention of a passer-byer. Alfred squeezed his eyes shut and turned to apologize but something wonderful happened when he laid his eyes upon the shorter raven haired boy in behind of him.
His thoughts quieted themselves, there was nothing but wonder in his head... and he was loving the feeling.
There was something about this boy that seemed almost unnatural, and he meant that in the nicest way possible of course. Maybe unnatural wasn't the right word for it… unique was probably a better word.
Kiku. That was the name Alfred was given when he'd asked, it rang in his head bit, and Alfred wondered if this was good for his health… this feeling of raw newness. New for many reasons.
The obvious being that he had just met Kiku, he didn't know anything about him. Then there was all these new feelings that accompanied Kiku, like the feeling of nervousness that he didn't usually feel when he meet someone new, or the feeling of being slightly self-conscious. Like he wasn't quite sure if he was on Kiku's level, even though there hadn't been a show of superiority, Alfred found himself feeling like he wouldn't be able to hold Kiku's attention. But Alfred was persistent and somehow he ended up getting the raven to allow him to eat lunch with him.
Alfred followed Kiku down the halls, walking slightly behind him so he could stew in his thoughts for a minute without Kiku seeing the weird faces he makes when he's thinking.
"Why am I getting so hyped up? What's the big deal? I'm sure me and Kiku will get along great, and he'll the first friend that I've made in a while that our friendship didn't start out with someone introducing us and saying 'You two would make great friends!' … maybe that was is, I'm choosing Kiku all on my own. So everything feels new and different and WOW I'm being an idiot, aren't i? I need to get ahold of myself… Hurry, hurry, start a conversation!"
Alfred jogged so he was walking beside Kiku "So what are your hobbies?"
Kiku jumped at the sudden and loud appearance of the formerly silent Alfred "W-what?"
Alfred frowned slightly "Dude, were being friends… We have to get to know each other." Alfred chuckled slightly so he wouldn't look sad, maybe Kiku didn't want to be friends with him…. maybe Kiku only said he could sit with him is because he has trouble telling people no?
Kiku blushed "Y-yes! We are! I just meant the sudden excitement, well it surprised me. I'm sorry… it was rude to answer your question like that."
"Good job, Alfred, now you've made him feel bad and he's apologizing."
Alfred smiled "No dude, its ok! I should apologize for being so excitable, sorry…"
Kiku looked flustered "Oh no, there nothing wrong with being excitable, really… I made it sound like it was bad, I'm sorry, I should be clearer about what I mean."
"GOD he's saying sorry again, good fucking job… You really suck at making friends, Al…"
Alfred laughed stiffly "No, it's really ok, it just need to pay more attention… Not that I'm not paying attention to you! I-I just mean…" Alfred slapped his hand against his face "I'm really bad at this… Sorry…" Alfred waited for Kiku to apologize back and get flustered and walk away and never talk to him ever again.
"It's alright, Alfred…" Kiku chuckled "I am too. Come on, were almost there." Kiku said as he started ahead again. Alfred pulled his hand away from his face and looking at the back of Kiku's head with a look of surprise, he didn't peg Kiku as the quick to forgive type, but man was he glad he was. Luckily Kiku didn't turn and see him with that dorky look on his face again.
Alfred jogged again to catch up with Kiku but before he could try to start another conversation Kiku spoke up "Writing and photography."
Alfred blinked, he sounded so sophisticated with hobbies like that, but then again, what else would someone like Kiku be into? Someone like Kiku. What did that even mean? Alfred didn't want to fluster himself so he decided to stay on topic "Are you any good at writing?"
"I suppose." Kiku said quietly while he fidgeted slightly. Alfred smiled because he recognized that shifting movement. Shoulders up slightly, hands gripping onto the ends of his shirt, averted gaze, and a slight blush are all things Mathew does when he's talking about his art. Everyone that knows that Mattie has a bit of a self-confidence issue when it came to his art and would often get embarrassed when someone asked him about it.
"You don't gotta be embarrassed. Your writing is perfect the way it is!" Alfred encouraged with a bright smile, he knew it sounded cheesy but sometimes you just need to hear something cheesy to make you smile. He usually said stuff like this to Mathew when he was down, Mattie would usually responded by playfully punching his brother and telling him not to be such a dork, but Alfred knew Mathew appreciated it… so maybe Kiku would to?
Kiku's head snapped up and he looked like Alfred had just said something extremely surprising "Y-you know?"
Alfred wondered if Kiku had never had someone support his art, maybe that's why he stuttered and seemed shocked. Poor guy.
Alfred nodded, trying to look enthusiastic "Of course, my brother does the same thing so i can tell!"
Kiku blinked up at Alfred "Really? I didn't think a lot of boy's did this too…"
"Well, maybe not all boys… but my brother draws instead of writing though, he gets embarrassed when people ask about it too."
Kiku's eyes widened "I'm surprised you're ok with this, Alfred. You don't seem like that type of person how would… er… support it."
Alfred was a bit hurt by that, did Kiku think he was a big jerk? It's not like he's been a really mean person, so why wouldn't he try to support someone who wasn't confident in their art? Does he seem like the kind of to taunt someone who's having troubles? Alfred's brows creased as he smiled "Why wouldn't I support it? I think it's totally normal."
Kiku's face seemed softer suddenly and his eyes lost their hard edge, it was like Alfred had said the magic word and one of the locks on the treasure chest just fell off "I'm surprised… D-do you enjoy it then?"
Alfred was beginning to get the feeling that they were talking about two different things. Why would Alfred like it when people were embarrassed? Did Kiku peg him as some sort of sadist? Alfred held back his nervous laughter as he studied Kiku face, he seemed relaxed and interested. Alfred was still beyond confused but he was just going to keep playing it out like he knew what was going on. He liked how comfortable Kiku seemed with him and he wasn't going to use that just yet.
"Well, kinda, I guess…" Alfred said with as much confidence as he could muster even with all his confusion. He didn't enjoy when people were embarrassed per-say, he couldn't actually say whether he liked it or not, it wasn't something he'd even had to consider. They looked cute most times. Maybe that's what Kiku meant?
Kiku nodded "It's ok, you don't have to be embarrassed…" Alfred watched as Kiku's cheeks colored considerably "I enjoy it has well…"
"W-what is going on? Is Kiku talking about something else or is HE the sadist? Is that even the right word for it? Should I just confess that I'm seriously confused? Or should I just keep rolling with it? Gah… I have to confess, it's the right thing to do! Yeah...ok… I'll just hint that, I'm confused!"
"You enjoy being embarrassed?" Alfred asked while shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket, his expression staying innocent and relaxed. Even though he freaking out about really missing something important, considering they'd seemed to be on to completely different pages.
Kiku's brows creased "What?"
Alfred shrugged "You said you enjoyed being embarrassed, I didn't think anyone enjoyed that!" Alfred laughed "I sure don't like it…"
Kiku's eyes widened "You talking about embarrassment?"
Alfred nodded, he could feel his smile becoming wary. He knew he'd better explain himself. It was now clear that they were talking about two entirely different things… he wondered what Kiku had been talking about, what did he enjoy? And why did it make him so happy to know that Alfred found it normal? He needed to clear this up "Yeah, I noticed you grabbing the hem of your shirt and the blush…" Alfred paused and cleared his throat, he knew this was going to sound really weird so he was giving himself a chance to back out, but of course he didn't take it despite all the common sense he had "The shoulders raised slightly, as if to shield the ears. Averted gaze, possibly to avoid awkward eye contact. It reminds me of my brother, he does same thing when he has to talk about his art too, but he draws, not write… Well he does that too but not the point-"
Kiku covered his face "You were talking about confidence in art and embarrassment…?"
Alfred kept his eyes glued to Kiku's now hidden face "Yeah."
Kiku nodded but kept his face covered. Alfred swallowed and shuffled his feet, they'd come to a complete stop in the middle of the hall and he didn't know what to do with himself now that Kiku was covering his face.
"What just happened, what's going on? Was it something I said? Well of course it was! But what had he been talking about, why is he getting so embarrassed now? Maybe it was something sadistic? Oh god… I need to fix this! Fix it, fix it, fix it…. uh yes, ok…. but how? What do I do? God say something Alfred!" but before he could actually try to fix whatever the hell was going on Kiku ripped his hands away from his face and began frantically apologizing. His hands flying in every which direction as he tried to explain himself "I'm so sorry Alfred you didn't know what I was talking about and I didn't know what you were talking about and I thought you were talking about writing yaoi not being embarrassed by your art because to be honest I am embarrassed by my art but on in the same way your brother seems to be but i didn't mean to confuse you I just jumped to conclusions I should have been clearer and not just assumed you understood because obviously-"
The words just kept coming, flowing from his lips in a frantic attempt to explain himself. He spoke faster and faster trying to get everything out before he died of air loss. Alfred didn't understand half the words Kiku was saying but he found himself smiling softly to himself, he liked the way Kiku tried so hard to apologize, like he was as worried as Alfred was about messing this up.
Alfred chuckled and placed a hand on Kiku's shoulder "Dude, chill… It's not a problem."
Kiku looked as if he was going to say more, his mouth hanging open for a second before he slowly closed it. Alfred could feel his cheeks burning and he wondered if he looked as red as Kiku, he knew he probably didn't considering Kiku's skin was so much lighter, but wondered about it anyways. It was better than trying to figure out what Kiku had been talking about when he'd said "writing yaoi", he'd heard the term before but he couldn't remember what it actually meant… He have to look it up later. There was no way he was going to ask Kiku about it, the kid looked like blood might explode from his face any second now.
But for now he just wanted to focus on defusing the awkward situation they'd created.
"I'm sorry I confused you, dude." Alfred said as he let his hand fall back to his side "But man that was funny! Look at us, we're blushing like a couple of prude grandmas talking about sex!" Alfred laughed loudly "Talk about the best ice breaker ever… Just get really confused and embarrassed at the same time and all should go well."
Kiku chuckled "I suppose you're right, that was very silly…"
"I was so confused, when you were like 'Do ya enjoy it?' I was like 'Whhhat? Enjoy someone else embarrassment? Does Kiku think I'm a sadist?' and man I can't believe that happened!"
Kiku laughed along with Alfred "Did I really ask that? Oh my… I must have sounded so creepy."
Alfred shook his head "Nah man, everyone has their kinks."
Kiku's face caught fire again "N-no Alfred, not me! I mean, that's not what I meant, no… I mean that's wasn't-"
Alfred threw his head back in laughter "Calm your tits, I was just joking around with ya."
Kiku's blush didn't take any comfort in Alfred's words and stay glued to his owners face as he stuttered a reply "I u-uh…"
"De-stress your chest." Alfred said as he started down the hall again, making Kiku jogged to his side.
"Don't have a rack attack…" Alfred said to himself and laughed at himself, making Kiku join in with the giggling. Alfred realized that Kiku was laughing with him and he just had to continue "Adjust your bust before it combusts."
Kiku laughed even harder at this one that he wobbled a bit while he walked and bumped into Alfred. The blond got so excited that he seemed to be entertaining Kiku that he racked his brain for more ideas on what to say, finally one popped into his head and he said it loudly, hoping to make Kiku laugh even harder "DISTRESS YO BREASTS."
But the giggling coming from the raven ceased abruptly and Alfred wondered if he'd crossed the line with this one. Kiku stared at him blankly for a second before hesitantly whispering "Hukuna your tatas…"
Alfred wished he would've laughed quietly and slapped his new found friend on the shoulder while telling him that was a good one, but that was too tactful. No, Alfred could never do something so unexciting. Instead he snorted before erupting in a fit of exploding laughter, which eventually caused him to prop himself against a wall so he could keep himself standing, his hand coming up to wipe tears away from his eyes as he continued to laugh. It was just too perfect with Kiku's emotionless eyes and blank face. "Hukuna your tatas…"
Alfred finally got ahold of himself enough to turn to Kiku and slap him on the shoulder "That was the best…. I…. oh god dude… I can't…"
While Alfred laughed Kiku stood off to the side with a look of almost triumph on his face, it was clear that he was proud of his joke. Kiku hadn't expected Alfred to be so responsive to his joke, he wasn't used to people laughing that hard at his jokes, he usually only gets a chuckle… Maybe it was because of the extremely awkward conversation they'd just had minutes ago that made him laugh so hard, like releasing pent emotions through laughter. Well it was better than through anger.
Alfred seemed to finally be able to calm himself down and he apologized for laughing so hard, to which of course Kiku replied with an apology for making Alfred laugh so hard in the first place. They continued down the hall talking about nothing in particular, just jumping from topic to topic.
"This door here." Kiku said as he gestured to a door coming up on they're right, there was no sign on the door, there wasn't any sign at all, just a blank wooden door. Alfred stood off to the side remembering every scary movie that was set in a school that he'd ever watch. He could hear the audience in his head saying "No! Not through that door!"
"A-Alfred?" Kiku asked. His voice snapped Alfred back to reality. Kiku stood with his hand on the door handle and a curious look on his face as he studied his friends face, Alfred knew he had probably been making a weird face or something because Kiku was back to being thoroughly confused.
"Alfred are you alright? You look kinda… weird." Kiku continued as he let his hand drop from the door knob.
"Whaat?" Alfred shook his head "Nah, dude. I-I'm fine."
Kiku looked at the door and then back at Alfred, then he nodded and sat down in the hallway, sitting against the wall "It's probably dusty in there, I don't know if you have allergies or not… we should probably just eat here."
Alfred smiled widely "Yes, i have tons of dust allergies! I have every single kind of dust allergy... So I think eating here is a good idea too." he plopped down next to Kiku and pulled a sandwich out of the pocket of his jacket. I was wrapped in plastic wrap and was a bit squashed, but Alfred tore away the plastic and devoured it anyway.
"Man…" Alfred said as he pulled out another sandwich from his other pocket "I missed my late morning snack so I'm starving!"
Kiku had a thermos filled with soup and a plastic spoon halfway to his mouth as he watch Alfred pull yet another sandwich out "H-how many do you have in your jacket?"
Alfred, thankfully, swallowed before speaking "Two in each pocket, so after this one i only have one more left… Sorry, I'm kinda a slob, I guess…" Alfred said as he brushed a few crumbs off of his chest.
Kiku shook his head "Not at all, I'm just surprised you were able to fit all that in a jacket."
Alfred eyes lit up "This jacket is awesome!" He stood and shrugged it off of his shoulders.
"First there's theses two front pockets, and they're really deep! Then there's four pockets on the inside, I could put more sandwiches in these now that I think about it. There a breast pocket, I keep fruit snacks in here…" Alfred paused and pulled a couple of packs of fruit snacks out "Want one?" he offered.
Kiku smiled and extended his hand "Thank you."
Alfred placed it into Kiku hand, feeling a slight thrill when their hands brushed together. "Man, his hands are soft… I thought they'd feel like porcelain or something, all cold and stuff…"
Alfred shook his thoughts away and continued showing off his jacket. He pulled it back on "I got it when I was younger, my uncle gave it to me. He lives in Scotland so I don't see him much, but whenever he does come to visit he bring the best presents! When I first got this I was like six so it didn't really fit but I loved it anyways… It's basically is like that best jacket ever."
Kiku laughed "Thank you for that, I was actually curious considering you always seem to be wearing it."
Alfred plopped back down next to Kiku on the floor "Yeah, its 'cuz it looks so good on me!" he said while fishing out his last sandwich.
Kiku had set his soup aside and was eating the fruit snacks Alfred had given to him, making sure to thoroughly chew each one before swallowing, eating one at a time and rotating from flavor to flavor "It suits you, I think, the aviator look."
Alfred blushed slightly "Really? Ya know, you're the first to say that, everyone else thinks it's too costumey."
Kiku shook his head slightly as he dug through the small package for an orange gummy "No. It looks good to me, it looks good on you… though if you imagine it on someone like me, i think it would look rather costumey." he giggled at himself, as he pulled a gummy orange snake out and popped it into his mouth. Alfred hadn't made any reply so Kiku looked up, wondering if he'd said something to upset the blond, but instead he found Alfred looking at him with a wide smile and bright eyes "Dude, try it on."
Kiku sputtered "W-what? Really? I don't think that would be a good idea, this jacket is so special to you a-and-"
Alfred ignored Kiku's rambling and struggled to pull his jacket off again. Once he got it off he stood and shook it off "Don't worry, It's clean!" He held it open so Kiku could slip into it. Kiku slowly stood and approached the leather jacket "Are you sure-"
Alfred rolled his eyes "If I didn't want you to wear it I wouldn't have offered… now come on! Slip in!"
Kiku chuckled as he slipped Alfred's jacket on, Alfred had moved to the front and was adjusting the fur collar so it rested correctly along Kiku's neck. Kiku tried not to laugh as Alfred's fingers fidgeted against his neck, which had always been a ticklish spot for him. Kiku wondered if it would be weird for him to take a deep breath right now, he kept getting these whiffs of Alfred's scent and it was so faint and pleasant that he wanted more, but pulling the jacket up to his face and breathing in the scent was out of the question.
Alfred stepped back and looked over Kiku with his hand tucked under his chin and his lips pursed. The shoulders of the jacket were too broad for Kiku's and the sleeves hung down past his wrist, the hem was too long too, but Alfred couldn't help the blush that was creeping onto his face.
To be honest, he hadn't known Kiku very long and he could tell you his middle name or favorite drink or anything of that sort, but right now, when he was standing in front of him in his oversized aviator jacket, he thought Kiki was the cutest dude he'd ever laid his eyes on. It's not like he was going to jump the dude, or confuse any undying love of any sort, but he was feeling a crush coming on. Like a sweet, childish, with no real intention, kind of crush. The kind you get from seeing a cute person on TV.
Kiku looked down at the sleeves hanging down over his hands and gripped the edges with his fingers "It's too big…
Alfred was frozen in his place as he watched the other try to see what he looked like in the jacket, twisting and turning trying to get a good look, finally Kiku turned to him and smiled slightly "It looks costumey, right?"
Alfred swallowed, hoping to wet his dry throat "Nope, I-it looks fine."
Kiku smiled as he slipped it off his shoulders "Well, thank you for letting me try it on. It was more comfortable than I thought it would be."
Alfred chuckled "No problem, dude, It looked good to me… maybe my jacket just looks awesome on everyone!"
Kiku sat back down and took a gulp of his now chilled soup, he mentally face-palmed for not putting the cap on for keeping it warm, it cooled so quickly since he liked it slightly colder anyways. He took another sip and decided it would be better to eat his soup like this considering he was sure the bell was going to ring soon, he'd hardly eaten so it would be good to get something in himself before he had to return to his studies and this was currently the most efficient way. Alfred had sat in front of Kiku so they could talk face to face and was working on finishing a fruit snack pack, eating all the red ones first.
"So why do you have to eat all the way out here? You said you don't like a ton of people and you have a doctor's note?" Alfred asked as he started on the purple gummies.
Kiku took a long sip of his soup while he tried to figure out how to word his explanation, it wasn't anything bad, but it was difficult to explain. The way you feel in a crowded room, like everyone is breathing down your neck and running their fingers over your hair. How the noise is blasting and pounding against your eardrums, making you squeeze your eyes shut and bite your tongue. How it feels when the walls suddenly start grinding against the floor as they move closer and closer, trying to trap you in a small box with all these people you don't know, that you don't like. How it is when you frantically look around the room for an exit and everyone laughs, screeching as they watch your confidence melt away, laughing about your checkered shirt or the scuff on your shoe. Laughing about everything they could possibly catch with the corner of their eyes, making him feel as small as the room was quickly becoming.
Kiku swallowed his soup "I have anxiety."
Alfred frowned "Is it bad?"
Kiku raised a brow "I have a doctor's note telling my teacher's that I'm to sit in the back of the room when they're teaching and I need to be near a window if at all possible. I'm not allowed to sit in the lunch room because it will most likely cause a mental break down, I'm late to some classes because I have walk through the halls when they're not so packed. It's pretty bad I've been told."
Alfred's eyes widened as he brought his hand to his forehead "Are you kidding! You need to be... like… home schooled or something!"
Kiku chuckled softly "Your concern is touching. Both my parents are working long hours to support a big family-" Kiku was interrupted by a loud ringing filling the halls.
Alfred looked around the empty hall "Man! that came quicker than I thought it would."
Kiku quietly agreed as his steady hands rushed to cap his soup. Then he stood quickly and extended his hand towards Alfred "It was nice eating lunch with you, hopefully I'll see you around."
Alfred laughed as he held Kiku's hand and shook it "Are you kidding? I'll be seeing you tomorrow, dude! We're friends now. Also I wanted to say-" Alfred continued, trying to explain how much he enjoyed Kiku's company without sounding like a creep, but he was mostly just repeating himself and rambling. Kiku felt a sweat drop roll down the back of his neck as he saw a group of people making their way to their next class, one of them pausing to clap a hand on Alfred's shoulder as they moved past.
"See ya later, Troy!" Alfred called loudly as the figure disappeared down the hall, his hand still shaking Kiku's, it didn't seem like he was going to stop anytime soon either. Alfred turned back to the raven haired boy in front of him "Anyways, I was just saying that we should hang out again tomorrow, I like talking with you, like no homo, or… i mean nothing against that at all… in fact-" Kiku stopped listening as the halls started filling up, people brushed past him as he tried to gently get his hand free. Alfred felt Kiku trying to wriggle his hand free and frowned "What's wrong?"
Kiku didn't register Alfred's words at first as people flowed around them "Uh, people." was all he could really get out. Alfred gripped Kiku hand tighter "Oh shit! I'm so sorry… god i forgot, I'm so sorry… uh… um ok… I got this!" Alfred quickly pulled Kiku to his chest as wrapped his jacket around Kiku, his arms pushing Kiku to him. Kiku try to push away but Alfred just held tighter as he laid his head on top of Kiku's, speaking quietly into Kiku hair "its ok dude, just breath. Focus on what my shirt feels like, ok? What's my shirt look like? What's it made of? Just, shh, just breathe."
Kiku's could hear the footsteps around them, the sounds of 100 conversations going on at the same time. Then there is was, they were laughing at him weren't they? It's because he was hugging another boy, it was because he was holding onto another boy as if he would drown otherwise. Kiku felt it building inside, the pressure, the panic was climbing higher.
Kiku breathed out before he held his breath again "Alright… what's his shirt like? It's warm… I-it's… uh… oh god is it getting louder? Are more people flooding the hall?" Alfred made a "shhing" noise again and Kiku nodded slightly against "It's soft? Kinda… maybe its cotton. Its smells like his jacket. It smells like Alfred. Alfred, the boy I just meant. Oh, I think there a graphic pattern here, the shirt has a stiff part against my cheek… wasn't he wearing a Captain America shirt? Maybe it's his shield… I feel really small, my head tucks right under his chin..."
Alfred awkwardly patted Kiku's back, he was hoping it would soothe him more considering the raven's fingernails were digging into his sides, the shirt wasn't helping much to shield his skin from Kiku trembling hands. He took the pain though, he knew he wouldn't mention it either. Alfred saw some of his friends walking to their next class, they were laughing about something when they spotted Alfred. One of them lifted his hand in greeting and silently gestured to the boy tucked in his jacket, his eyebrows were bunched together in the silent question of "Is he ok?"
Alfred waved them away and shook his head, as if saying "Not now, go."
A couple of his friends scoffed and gave him a "Whatever, man." while other's kinda nodded and crept away. Alfred wanted to keep as many people away from Kiku as possible, so there was no way he was letting his rowdy friends near. Plus, he wasn't sure if Kiku wanted him to tell everyone about the anxiety. Which Alfred was wondering if maybe it was more borderline claustrophobia…? Alfred tried not to feel Kiku's hand trembling against his side. Moments before Kiku was talking about cool jackets and now he was hiding inside of one, he hadn't realized how bad it was until now.
Alfred should've just let him go, he should've paid more attention to the way his scared eyes darted around, like looking for an escape. How he mumbled and agreed all too readily at whatever Alfred said. Alfred wasn't sure what he was doing, he'd never dealt with someone like this, he didn't know if closeness like this would scare him more or if it would help.
All Alfred knew if that when he felt scared he liked being held, he liked being stroked and spoken to in a soft voice, but he sure as hell didn't want a ton of people trying to cheer him up. He felt pressured to feel better at that point and in the end he felt even worse.
Eventually the crowd thinned out and Alfred slowly opened his jacket. Kiku quickly lifted his head and looked around, his eyes landing on the few people still loitering in the hall. Kiku slowly stepped away, his hands were steady now but his eyes still look dark. They'd gotten they're edge back, darting around to make sure everything was to his liking.
Kiku took a deep breath and cleared his throat "Thank you, Alfred. That… That was very helpful. I-" Kiku looked down his feet and grimaced slightly before looking back up "I don't really know how to thank you properly, you really did help. I probably wouldn't have kept my sanity that time if it weren't for… your awesome jacket." Kiku smiled awkwardly, like he was embarrassed or ashamed.
Alfred shoved his hands in his pockets, his expression staying serious as he studied Kiku's features "But it was my fault, you tried to go but I kept you- uh man, I'm sorry. Are you alright now?"
Kiku's smile seemed to gain some warmth "Yes, I'm alright."
Alfred smiled sheepishly "I'm glad, dude, I thought you were gonna start crying." Kiku raised his brows and shrugged, his smile becoming slightly strained as if to say "You don't know the half of it."
Alfred chuckled "Well, I guess I better let you get to class."
Kiku eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but he hesitated, and a slow "Yes." was his answer. He didn't looked satisfied with his own words though.
Alfred shrugged his shoulders "Although, I'm always late for class so i could walk to where you need to go if you want… I like being late actually."
Kiku nodded while letting his breath out "If you don't mind."
Alfred hopped to the spot next to Kiku "Anytime dude, it's for medical purposes anyways!"
Kiku laughed "I suppose that must have kinda surprised you… I mean my whole freak out just starting like that."
Alfred chuckled "Nah dude, its cool. You handled it pretty well i think, i mean i don't know how bad it is, but you didn't go into hysterics or anything-"
"That's mostly because I didn't want to look like a cry baby in front of you." Kiku interrupted "I didn't mean to cling to you either, that was intentional… sorry."
Alfred laughed "Sorry for having freckles."
Kiku's brows creased "What? Why are you sorry for having freckles? I don't see any freckles anyways." Kiku took a second to think it over before saying "Why are you sorry for that? You can't help that."
Alfred nodded "Yeah, it's kinda funny to be apologizing about something you can't help."
Kiku stopped walking "Wait, are you talking about-"
Alfred turned serious suddenly, crossing his arm in front of his chest he sternly said "You can't help it, Kiku. You don't need to worry about looking good in front of me, in fact, don't even try at all. The point is though, I really don't mind. I don't care if I'd only known you for half a day or seventy years, I will hold you in the middle of the hallway while you have an anxiety attack because if it helps then I will be a fucking hero, ok? So stop apologizing for something that isn't even a problem in the first place."
Kiku smiled "Thank you, Alfred. I really mean it, thank you." It was all he could say, he couldn't put his thoughts into words, it was impossible at this point. Alfred only chuckled "Now, come on, let's get you to class!"
Kiku laughed "Were here already, I've been standing in front of the door, Alfred."
Alfred quickly made his way to Kiku's said "Could we pretend that I knew that all along and I was just messing around?"
Kiku chuckled "If you'd like, Alfred."
Alfred couldn't honestly tell you about his day without it sound very strange. He met a boy, they ate lunch on the floor, ate fruit snacks and tried on jackets, then he held the boy for over 10 minutes while the halls cleared out and finally he dropped him off the his classroom. It would be a hard one to explain, all right. But as Alfred said his goodbyes and left Kiku, he couldn't help but smile as he made his way to his own classroom.
"Like the kind you get from seeing a cute person on TV, just like that…" Alfred silently reminded himself.
Ok, so I have a bit to say, brace yourselves. First of all, this chapter is almost 8000 words long, I wrote all this in about one day. It usually takes me 2 or 3 days to finish my usually 4000-5000 word chapters... how did this happen you might ask? Well, I felt really guilty about letting this go for so long so I really kicked it into high gear to get a good long chapter done as a apology! So yeah, sorry!
Now, to be honest. I really am not proud of the actual writing. Like, i have no clue how to write fricken Kiku! I know he's totally out of character too... that's mainly why I waited so long to update, i'm not confident in my skills to deliver a good Kiku! So this is best its gonna get right now. Hopefully its not as bad as I think it is XD
So yeah, hopefully the next chapter will come sooner and will be better written! I literally love all of you, and thank you all for the support! Its really wonderful to have such forgiving and awesome fans... again sorry!
-That loser Jimmy writer who is really sorry and loves you all