Chapter 14: Balancing Act

It was so dark here… The blackness was thick. Suffocating. Alive. The emptiness was terrifying. Shadows were lost. Light deflected.

A single sound, whish of feathers – A dove coasted on tired wings, her feathers ashen from the touch of darkness – darker, darker, darker as she flew on. Struggled to lift her wings… She finally arced and landed; the black had somehow materialized, though invisible, and the bird rested. Gentle eyes, delicate curves, a beak that could only be used as harmless defense in the most desperate times. She seemed so serene… and she lifted off again, blinking her amber eyes against the harsh space. This wind felt heavy… strong… Approaching.

She flapped hurriedly – the dark already held her. She fled, her heart quickening. Feathers darkening, melding with the shadows, blending in and erasing edges until she was one with the blackness no matter how franticly she tried to evade, the invisible claws were already latched on.

And the bird herself changed. Full wings became ragged. Claws hooked the wingtips. Beak filled with knifepoint teeth, deadly, made to tear - lit by red fire of cruelty in her eyes. Feather became leather, roughhewn, scales. This bird was no longer an image of peace but an icon of evil. Peace to protection, serenity to strength as her lithe form slithered onward, onward, flexing new muscles as she glided towards a red light that was more like a bloodstain on the velvety black background.

The light seared as it fell upon her, but the sensation, the ability to feel, was so exhilarating! The feeling - ability to feel - privilege awoke something strange; strong and excited. But a desperate fear arose just under the enjoyment – She pushed it away and embraced the thrill, the pain she felt from the red light.

The glow touched her steel feathers, liquid fire seeping into her flesh and being - the black began changing. A moment of no boundary. Then it was back, and cocooned itself in its long, broken, insubstantial wings - the edges melded into a smooth and heavy texture. Black darkened and became a menacing red. Enveloping its body, the wings shadowshifted to the cloak-like fabric. And the bird became an image of the side of herself she had always attempted to subdue.

Until now.

There was freedom, sweetness. The dark was bitter but so very satisfying!

The red-cloaked version of herself lifted its head and smiled, laughter emanating from its deepest existence, the four eyes glowing a scarlet born in the deepest depths of evil. Trigon's voice was so tightly braided in the red-self's laugh, it was impossible to discern.

And in the distance, a soft sob escaped a pair of muffled lips in a whimper, a whisper of guilt… Soft enough to be ignored.

But the sound came from her own lips.

Dove opened her eyes, moonlight wavered in her view, and she closed them again at the leaden misty feeling, the tears gathering under her eyes… the feelings that shook her very soul… and the pillow was wet.

Another tear added itself to the fabric, a small trickle that Dove felt all too vividly. "Azar help me," she muttered, softly, weakly, helplessly… and a shudder cascaded down her neck, shoulders, and back as she realized exactly what it just might have meant.

She didn't want to give in…

Meditation the next day was difficult. Even after she had finally quieted the whispers of the dream still haunting her, the laughter still echoed off the walls of her memory and aroused the fears anew. She couldn't manage to quiet the emotions. Her consciousness was turned inward; she sat in the lotus position in the middle of neutral territory in her mind. It was usually so quiet here… but not today.

Her dark side wasn't present, at least not showing herself – but Dove could feel her looming somewhere in the background, smiling, laughing, mocking, her breath poisoning the wind and tainting the stars, the ground, the mist writhing around her… She refused to show herself, but her presence was felt in every thought of fear in Dove's mind.

Dove couldn't bury the awareness any longer. She knew the dark-self was taking her over, so subtly she could barely recognize when it crawled out of the shadows… Fear clawed at her heart whenever she thought about it, about how stealthy, how slippery it was; it terrified Dove to know that she could barely recognize when that was happening… How could she stop it if she couldn't recognize it?

But even more terrifying was what happened when that dark side reared and Dove became everything but herself, what she did. Heavy guilt settled over her mind palpable as lead. All those innocents, injured and dead… and the worst past of it was that it was for no other reason than to satisfy cravings, desires, what she herself wanted… It didn't matter what she'd do to the other person when that mindset came…

"SELFISH!" her mind screamed at her, frustration muffled by the whimpers of fear but vivid nonetheless.

No, no, it wasn't selfish – well it was but it wasn't her – It was only when her mind was eclipsed by that shadow of her, when in control she shuddered at the idea of hurting people –

'But you still killed them,' a voice resounded from the rocks, rising from the very depths of her being – which was supposed to be calm during meditation…

Shhh, she pleaded mentally –

'You killed them.'

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted mechanically, trying to drown them out – A moment of silence and three more chants.

'There's peace now, but won't it just come back?'

It doesn't have to, Dove convinced herself. "Azarath Metri -"

'But there's no guarantee!'

STOP IT!

…Deep breath.

Please, stop, stay calm – focus, peace, peace, and quiet… calm…

A sigh and a shudder.

'This kind of fear doesn't just go away…'

She countered with the halcyon words.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Let her consciousness slip away…

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos… Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

…or at least try to.

Distant echoes of thunder cried, 'DON'T LET GO, SHE'LL TAKE CONTROL AGAIN!'

She willed the faded voices to let her mind be silent but they just wouldn't stop… Even meditation couldn't silent her innermost voice. So she tried to ignore them, focus on emptiness and somehow stay centered, grounded…

'Murder' and guilt –

Ignore them.

'Broken' and 'slipping' –

Ignore them.

Snatches of breath and catching a distant image and a woman's scream –

IGNORE it – !

Center, recenter, don't let it in –

She heard a small, timid whisper that was almost lost in the wind murmur, 'But there's no stability here anymore… It's all falling apart.'

A shimmer of air for a nod and intellect spoke in a grave voice: 'These are dark days in Dove's world…'

Dove involuntarily shivered before gathering her willpower and slapping a blank black image over her thoughts and holding it there with all her mental strength, forcing them to silence.

Training was soon; Dove knew she couldn't keep this nervous pacing. There was no point in worrying anyways – for now she was still okay… but she still shuddered at her thoughts – She had to stop that. She couldn't let Raven see what was happening – she didn't want to. It was probably only a phase, a nightmare-inducing, recurring phase… It'll pass, she told herself hurriedly, it'll all be over soon…

A deep breath and a sigh, keeping the whispers of fear within her mind at a distance. The guilt alone threatened to destroy what little calm she had gleaned from the meditation -

I wasn't myself, Dove reminded herself hurriedly, not conscious, not ME - It wasn't really me doing those things... It was that part of me...

She was desperate to believe that the guilt wasn't hers to bear. But even with such adamant denial, subliminal undercurrents of thought leaked into her mind - whoever or whatever did it, it happened, and it used her hands to accomplish all those appalling things.

Azar hold her, it already hurt deeply enough without lying to Raven...

And experiencing lifelong secrecy had taught her that the best way to tell a lie was to believe it was the truth. So, if she truly believed that it wasn't really her... It wasn't lying, and she wasn't deceiving her sister.

Still the nerves hadn't eased; what if it happened again, and she couldn't free herself...? But she had come out of it every other time in the past... it was nothing to give Raven any reason to wonder over. But she was still uneasy, future comforts didn't erase what had already happened, and she worried her expression would betray her. She knew she was inexperienced at keeping her thoughts off her face, and Raven knew how to read her expressions. Those facts were a formula for discovery…

Just a moment of thought and then she raised her hood up over her face, carefully adjusted… There. It would cast dark enough shadows over her brow to hide those thoughts from Raven. Others couldn't see any creases of worry. The darkness would make it harder to recognize the most subtle signs of emotion in her eyes. There was relief in knowing she could hide her face more easily, too; just angle her head a bit downward, or to the side, and the hook at the end would hide everything else...

Besides, it was comforting. She felt more contained, and less exposed, and safer.

By the time Raven entered the room, Dove's mind was eased. Her expression was calm.

At first Raven didn't seem to notice anything amiss. A brief lecture and verbal review - then she asked Dove if she planned to put her hood down. It was unusual to see it shielding her face; Dove rarely ever lifted it, it was usually only ever raised when seeking retreat, and Dove had told her from the beginning that the wider range of vision and greater alertness when it was down was reassuring.

But now Dove shook her head. "It helps me focus." It wasn't a lie; keeping the anxieties in control would help her focus.

Raven, though apprehensive, didn't complain; usually Dove's experiments ended badly but lately there had been improvements in her ability to use her powers… The time spent on this ability felt like hours of toil, but the effort finally seemed to take effect.

After all the practice, all the training, Dove felt more comfortable with the telepathy than she knew possible. Reading thoughts had become almost too easy; opening the connection no longer took fifty tries – or even two. Training sessions were less of an item to dread. Raven had even wondered aloud how Dove hit such a sudden breakthrough. (Dove had an idea where the power came from but refused to answer; she shrugged.)

Today Raven stood in Dove's room, Dove sitting leisurely on the bed as she readied her mind. She set her eyes on Raven's (and ignored the typical chill), placed the bridge – a static feeling, and the pull she was so familiar with, then she could… hear… Raven's thoughts came crisp, clean, and clear once they made eye-contact.

Confidence, timid but almost eager, sparked in Dove's mind as she realized exactly how easy it had become. Maybe dealing with her powers wouldn't be such hassle after all.

"Can you hear me?"

Dove wondered at the voice she heard in her mind and nodded, vaguely thrilled by its clarity. This was more than catching quick glimpses of thought, she could actually understand what Raven was saying. She thought to herself, I've never done it so well before…

"Was I supposed to hear that?"

Raven's voice startled her out of the connection. "Wha - ? No…"

"Guard your mind," Raven told her. "And stay centered."

Dove blinked. Her pale-mint cloak faded to a tinted white; maybe she was a bit too enthusiastic…

"Set mental boundaries. If someone else has telepathetic abilities, it could be disastrous for you to not be aware of how far you open the mental gate. Just like with the energies, you should only use as much of your abilities as you need, and be careful to not let your thoughts out when you let others' in." Though she debated whether Dove really needed this lesson - she was guarding her mind already, probably without being aware of it.

Dove thought with distant eyes for a moment, filing the information away and being sure she truly understood - she did. She nodded. And she noted that Raven seemed more... distanced lately. Usually she would have at least acknowledged Dove's success with the communication... but today she held a firm silence between them when the lectures were done. Dove was long accustomed to Raven's tepidity, but if it felt cold before, it was a biting frigidity now. She felt stricken. More than anything, she longed to be close to her sister... and with every mask she hid behind to avoid telling the truth, she felt she was falling farther from that hope. It hurt to know. But it was her own hand that dealt this situation... She knew she deserved it. She would just have to play what cards she had and hoped that she wouldn't lose herself in whatever twisted game her dark side was playing...

Her gaze had drifted off. "Dove," Raven called, for the third time.

Dove snapped back to the present. "Hm?"

"Do you understand?"

"Oh. Yeah." She blinked the remains of those thoughts back under the cover of neutrality. "I... Yeah, definitely. It seems a lot easier than before." A smile nudged the ends of her lips upward as she readily rushed her mind to the new subject; her robe was touched with emerald green.

Raven only nodded. Her expression was completely unreadable, a thick shield...

Dove wasn't sure how to interpret that. Even the empathy wasn't reliable; Raven held her thoughts and emotions tightly within herself and gave absolutely nothing away. Had she ever seen Raven close up so stiffly...? It made her nervous. As did the prospect of not knowing exactly what to do with the power. There was the promise of strength that fluttered tantalizingly behind every move her dark self made, that with the crimson adding itself to her mindscape spectrum she could have strength she had never even dreamed of, and stepping out of her own weakness was something she had longed to do for years... but was it possible to gain that triumph without any more people being injured along the way...?

Maybe Raven seemed to will thorned barriers between them, but Dove knew that Raven understood far more about their abilities than herself. Carefully framing her words, she asked hesitantly, "Why do you think my powers are so much… stronger?"

Raven's response was clipped and flat. "It could be from how chaotic your emotions have been lately. More emotion means more power released. And you've spent all of your life suppressing it. Until recently you didn't know you had that kind of power, let alone how to use it."

Dove's robe shifted to yellow-green and her eyes lit up as she struggled to fight back an apprehensive smile. "So… do you think – maybe… Do you think there's more? Some kind of-of untapped power that's just waiting to be awakened, and - ?"

Raven obviously didn't share her enthusiasm. Her expression instantly darkened, and her gaze became close and serious. "There is, but I doubt you can control it. I don't even know how to use those powers without losing control."

Raven's ominous words doused what little chance of excitement Dove had. She decided she'd probably deny herself the tempting leap into a pool of power.

But deep down, somewhere in the depths of her mind, there was a part of her that churned eagerly at the notion of having all that power at her disposal… and it wasn't exclusively her dark side.

Dove was lost in thought and Raven was lost in a book when they passed each other in the hall, too close, and their fingers brushed –

Raven felt a shadow in the air, something dark and horrible - Her mind and eyesight were suddenly overcome with spasmodic images, psychic impulses - Flash of red, taste of blood, Trigon's voice echoing through the images - black, crimson, the scent of death and an overwhelming guilt - pain and a sob –

The vision finally let her free and she cried out through a strangled gasp.

Dove jumped at the sound and turned to Raven, immensely concerned as a thousand and one worried thoughts crossed her mind; with everything happening lately, had she hurt her – ? She hurriedly asked, "What's wrong?"

Raven's breaths were heavy, her heart quickened, but she didn't let it show, by habit. She immediately began trying to steady her breaths, calm herself, bring herself back to reality… She vaguely realized she had dropped her book.

She focused her eyes on Dove's with a calm expression and told her, "I… think I'm fine…"

"Raven – " Dove was still tense; that answer wasn't satisfactory at all. Her robe was a deep gray-lavender – shaded concern… "Are you sure?"

Raven nodded. "You should calm yourself before you worry about me," she told her in a carefully controlled voice.

Dove nodded hesitantly and turned away obediently, and continued down the hall with her eyes closed and her fingers to her temples as she took in deep breaths and tried to let go of the emotion…

Raven's gaze followed her intently, and once Dove turned the corner, Raven allowed her expression to fall to what she was truly feeling.

Suspicion.

Now it was nearly impossible to deny – both the strained empathy and the intuition forced her to realize that something was unsettling Dove, deeply. And whatever it was, she was fighting so desperately to keep it hidden… It was completely uncharacteristic; Dove was far from garrulous, but when approached, especially by Raven, she was always willing to at least admit that something was bothering her, and she was usually grateful for an open ear turned her way. But now… Dove had seemed to cower from the idea of sharing her mind with Raven, even for an instant… maybe… she was guarding herself; that would explain the jolt and crash when Raven tried to connect to her, she was hiding something and didn't want Raven to see…

Just when she thought they were getting somewhere in their relationship, another block sprung up on the road. Go figure.

It was impossible to tell what Dove was hiding, she was so careful to hide her thoughts; and the vision had come far too quickly and suddenly for her to recall much more than the sharp discomfort lingering from each sensation. Whatever it was, it was taking its toll on Dove's mind… and it concerned her, and she wondered why Dove was so desperate to keep it hidden. Could she really hold a secret so dark, so terrible? Dove had always seemed so innocent, so weak but hopeful… What could take that away from her? And in so little time…

Raven nearly convinced herself that it was some sudden realization regarding her abilities, or maybe Dove was just ashamed of her inability to restrain her emotions. She couldn't really believe it. But she also couldn't convince herself to pry; her life held more than its fair share of shadows, and she knew from experience that some secrets should stay secret. She couldn't ask Dove about it, she wouldn't. She wouldn't think of invading Dove's privacy. Especially with how uneasy she seemed lately; talking may only aggravate whatever wound was in her mind rather than soothe it… but Raven knew that something was wrong, very wrong… and she hoped that whatever was lurking in the shadows of Dove's thoughts was something more easily contained.

Dove sighed. She had been successfully answering Raven's telepathetic questions for ten minutes, and patient as she was, the exercise was growing tedious. By now sending the thoughts to another's mind was effortless as blinking.

"There were four. And... Raven, I think telepathy's mastered."

Raven's eyes were guarded but her expression showed enough for Dove to know she was skeptical. "I think moving on is a bad idea." What she kept to herself was the reasoning: she couldn't know how stable Dove's mind was, or how - or if - she'd be able to handle lessons that were any more distressing.

"Raven, it's no use practicing something I already have strong control over," Dove told her, dropping the connection and withdrawing her consciousness back to her own mind. "Shouldn't we be practicing something I don't?"

The steadiness stained her robe green, and a slight tactical yellow crept in alongside it. Dove was mildly startled by her own confidence despite the timid tone - it felt unnaturally brazen; any time ago she was afraid of telling Raven her honest opinion, that she thought she was training her wrong. She didn't want Raven to be upset at her, she was intimidated, and above all she once trusted that Raven's judgement held far more weight than her own when it came to her abilities. But now that she was growing more comfortable and at ease with the training routine, she was also growing bolder, and less afraid to give Raven her own opinion. What was there to fear? And to be honest with herself, she was doubting Raven's techniques lately… She hated to admit it, but it was starting to feel like Raven was losing sight of the lines between their individual abilities again… Raven herself had admitted the technique could be better...

No longer could she blindly cling to Raven's thoughts for distrust of her own. When she was helplessly lost and confused in this new world, after her entire life had been turned inside out, she needed that guidance. But now that she was regaining her roots, maybe it was time to branch out.

Still, Raven seemed to disagree. Dove pressed on. She mentioned, timidly (the embarrassment nullified the step towards bravery), that there are so many other abilities she fails miserably at containing; "Wouldn't it be better to get those to a point where it's safe around other people than to hone the telepathy any more than we need to?"

Raven may have been more confident in her judgement than her sister, but she was far from stubborn. She consented advancement with a nod. But where to go next? Dove made a good point; one of the first priorities had to be control around others. Keeping them safe. The energies were dangerous - but practicing their use was just as risky for Dove's mental state. Better to choose something less frustrating - Mental work. Dove was already confident with reading and projecting thoughts - but there were many more facets of the telepathy, of the astral connections... Dove had once tapped into her memories by accident, and fell into shock the moment she escaped the trance. Raven had planned to delay that more advanced and sensitive ability, Dove didn't seem ready to handle it fully - but maybe she could introduce her to the territory.

"Let's try... filtering."

"Not empathy?" Dove asked, slightly nervous -

"Not empathy," Raven affirmed. Because last time we tried that, you nearly set the tower on fire. She kept that thought to herself. "Filtering thoughts, memories, looking for specific things deeper than surfacing thoughts."

"So... It's more telepathy...?"

"More like searching their mind. It's more advanced than reading brief thoughts; this lesson would touch on using the connection on a deeper level, in the soul as well as the conscious mind. Emotions are intertwined with every memory a person gathers, whether we like it or not. I've told you before that emotions are deeper, purely astral triggered by thoughts but acting as catalysts for much deeper reactions..."

Dove nodded, remembering that lesson clearly. "Are you sure this isn't empathy?"

"I am. I won't put you in that situation again," she assured her, detecting the slight note of unease. "I'm going to show you those... less-fleeting things, and your goal is to filter them and find whatever matches what I tell you to search for."

Dove nodded and mentally repeated the instructions as Raven taught her to, and her robe showed a timid gray-green shade of anticipation.

Raven could keep her true thoughts sectioned off, protected - still she asked warily, "Can I trust you?"

Dove's expression grew slightly injured. "Yes, Raven, you know I wouldn't invade your thoughts…"

Raven… hesitated.

Dove's shoulders fell. "Raven…"

Her mentor could have sighed - Dove was genuinely hurt... "Just don't look any deeper than I'm voluntarily letting you."

Dove nodded, hoping that Raven would see that her compliance was completely willing…

The chilled suspicion lodged inside her couldn't be shaken; was it safe to let Dove see any deeper than the carefully controlled surface? The threatening presence she felt lingering in the fringes of Dove's mind did nothing to ease her inhibitions. But she knew the strength of her own defense. As Raven gathered the thoughts, she reminded herself that if Dove tried anything invasive, she harbored the power to stop it. When it came to mental abilities, willpower was what mattered, and if she resisted Dove's attempt, she herself would win the battle. Dove's will was weak and timid and could hardly have 'power' attached to the end of it.

Dove recentered, nudging the wounded feelings of Raven's distrust to the shadows of her mind, and once she was calmer she opened the connection - not needing eye-contact for their minds to reflect, the connection to hold.

Try to be optimistic, Dove told herself in an echo of her mother's voice, careful to not let the thoughts escape the bounds of her own mind. I can control this more now – that's a good thing…

Before she began the search, she sent, "What am I looking for?"

Raven had already chosen which memories she would show Dove – something with enough emotional stimulation to help her practice blocking such things out, but nothing confidential in any way. "Something… alien."

"Alien?"

"Alien."

Dove blinked. "Okay…" Even her mindvoice was timid, small, resigned. It was request for clarification, a question in her thoughts when she repeated the word, but Raven's answer held a tone that foretold impatience, as if exactly what it meant was trivial and she shouldn't have asked… Dove was slightly confused but decided the confusion was better than annoying Raven any further and giving her one more reason to set them apart. Raven wouldn't give her an impossible objective; she began the search and decided she'd know it when she saw it.

Thoughts were easy, light, only first-level thinking. But memories required her to delve deeper, extend the reach of her powers, open herself just a little more… And – no wonder Raven was so wary – she needed to strengthen the connection, unite their minds more than even telepathy required.

Slipping between thoughts, wading through memories, Dove explored Raven's mind cautiously, to not disturb any more mental energies than absolutely necessary, like walking through a dark, forbidden hall and being careful the footsteps didn't echo. The foggy and shrouded atmosphere of Raven's mind loosed eager fascination within her. It was like stepping into a reflection of her own thoughts – or almost like it; Raven's were darker, tenser… More controlled. She could feel the chariness as Raven filtered each fragment so thoroughly, so automatically it led Dove to wonder if she ever had a stray thought.

Glancing across the flow of mentality – Suddenly she felt more than saw a black wall that drew her attention away from the memories, formed like solid shadows and cemented with will… Deep fascination took hold of her and she led her mind just a bit closer –

A pulse of defensive power erupted and pressed against her for a startled confusing moment –

She realized it must be a mental block and quickly turned away. Swam back into the memories, back to where Raven trusted her. Almost.

She could feel Raven's distrust, a presence just beneath the conscious flow of energy, the source of power feeding into the boundary, so exactly as if it was her own. With their minds so connected, Raven's few unguarded mind-currents became her own, and – She suddenly hoped she could form such substantial barriers.

And yet, even with how strong her defenses were, Raven seemed…. almost afraid of letting her see… Attempting to soothe her, Dove told her verbally, "Your mind's so guarded, even if I wanted to I couldn't invade your thoughts…"

Raven noticed that speaking didn't cause her to lose focus to the point of dropping the connection; another advancement she hadn't seen coming… and Dove's words did nothing to ease her ill trust. Dove was too stealthy for comfort. Dove was nearing things she had always kept closed off from anyone but her closest friends, and Raven could barely feel where she was. Dove's motions through her mind were alarmingly smooth and undetectable enough to drive her to triple the already strict defenses around her deeper self.

"Raven, I-I think I'm nervous."

"It's the empathy," Raven told her, not bothering to hide the fact that she wasn't thrilled at having Dove sort through her mind. "Fight it. Hold it back."

And though Dove's mindscape was weakly shielded from view, Raven caught misty glimpses of chaos… Even with both empaths placing such uneasy guards, the connection was deep and the involuntary transfer between their minds was magnified by the closeness. Raven could vividly sense something stirring unease in Dove's mindscape – it was deep, buried, hidden… but it was definitely there, and it was strong.

Raven was pulled from her wary thoughts before they could go any further – Dove had gone back to sifting the memories and was giggling hysterically for some reason. And her clothes were flooded with a painfully bright pink.

Though the shade hit a new degree of intensity, it was a color her cloak hadn't taken in awhile, the manifestation of happiness, a burst of joy against a recent background of timid grays and nervous earth-tones.

Raven wondered if she should be relieved for her.

Whether she should or not, Dove needed to calm down; the air was already growing crisp with electric energy. "Dove."

Her sister could have been deaf - her awareness was enveloped by the memory. When she found something that could match "alien," she had looked deeper into it - and fell into the depths until she lost herself in Raven's memory. Bright colors but faded light surrounded her; she could sense an thousand and one strange, small beings - awed fascination emanating from every one. They were surrounding her - Opening the memory just a bit more revealed that these... things... looked like a comical cross between a priest, an insect, and an egg.

Dove only vaguely knew she was laughing as Raven's memory-self tried to levitate away, and they grabbed her cloak to stop her before she was five feet from the ground.

"Don't - Go AWAY!" Raven threatened -

"Don't go away!" the priest-bug-eggs resounded eagerly, obviously not understanding, "Don't go away! Don't go away! SHALA!"

Dove was fizzing with full laughter - and white sparks of emotion.

"DOVE." She added a slicing blow to the connection, severing the bond.

Dove snapped out of the trance and the images vanished. "Huh - ? Yeah?" she asked, slightly dazed and a little more confused. But more giddy than anything.

"Your powers?"

Dove blinked with her head tilted for a moment - "OH!" She closed her eyes, forefingers to temples, breathed - "Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos..."

Slowly the lightless beams faded and the color of her cloak faded with them. Dove opened her eyes once the energies were in control. From her perspective.

Raven could still sense the energies riled within Dove's soul, the joy still rolling in her empathic senses. She raised an eyebrow.

Dove still smiled up at her, reveling in her own joy. Tasting the thrill of near-magic pulling at her mind, begging release, promising pleasure... and being able to really smile felt good. Honest happiness, like a beacon...

Coming back to the focus of the lesson and thinking that Dove should know better by now, Raven told her, "Next time you look into a memory, only look. Don't fall in."

Dove nodded. "Right. Don't fall in." Then her eyes brightened - "SHALA!" she added gleefully, smiling wildly and putting a hand over her mouth to stifle the giggles.

"Dove."

Her tone was all the strict reminder Dove needed. Another smile, though sheepish, pricked up the ends of her lips as she lowered her hand. "Sorry, Raven, I couldn't help it."

"You need to help it."

Dove nodded, her overgiddy emotions crumbling at the sensation of Raven's annoyance finally breaking through. "Right..." Calmer, slightly resigned, she convinced her lips to fall and closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, adding the mantra a moment later. She was approaching neutrality and her robe was as faded as it would get.

"Keep your emotions under control," Raven reminded her. "Nothing good will happen if you don't."

Dove froze, her breath caught and heart paused. "Um... Right." She remembered how to breathe and forced herself to look neutral. Raven's words evoked memories of what happened when she overexerted, lost control of her mind and not her powers, felt the fury poison her thoughts... She swallowed, shivered. Washed the memories from her mind - as much as she could; icy nerves still chilled her thoughts... "So, are we trying again?"

"We are. But this time I'll only show you one memory. Try to look in, but keep your distance."

Dove nodded. She saw the duality of Raven's instruction, half training and half warning.

When Dove opened the connection and pressed past the living static of barrier, the memory was simple, familiar, Raven's own training. She cautiously fed the memory, opened herself and Raven's mind further, feeling shadow-sensations from the memory: gentle candleflames for sight and gossamer incense for clarity of mind. Raven's focus on Azar's words; the ignored sensation of being observed too closely by the priests. A demonstration - a mimicry... a lecture.

Dove, keeping highly conscious of her own being, noted with wonder that she now knew exactly the source of Raven's training method. She really was training her the only way she knew...

As Dove watched the memory, timidly pressing slightly deeper with every moment until Raven reprimanded her, "That's close enough" to stop the advance (Dove heeded and drew her soul a bit farther back but still Raven's shielding was the focus of her thoughts), Raven carefully inspected what she felt within Dove's Self. Though foggy between holding the memories and still concentrating on the mindbounds and distracted by monitoring Dove's presence in her mind, she wondered what it was. Maybe after this session she'd ask, or check Dove now -

Dove saw that thought and terror flashed through her - Raven wasn't the only one glancing into the other's mind. She gasped sharply, her shock tore her from the memory and the connection imploded, a feeling like whiplash slammed into her soul and she blinked herself back to the physical world and cleared her vision and desperately tried to catch her breath. A rope of energy jolted around her. She struggled to regain control - pull it back in - relieve the suffocating fear, before Raven guessed -

Raven was startled by the sudden pull away, but not at all surprised that Dove lost control. "Breathe deeper," she told her, regaining her full consciousness and easing herself out of the connective pressure smoothly - far more easily than Dove could. Apparently Dove wasn't as stable as she thought; she'd have to ask later. "Let go of the fear. It's startling, but that's all it was. You can recover." Her thoughts shifted focus to guiding Dove back to control, back to emotional safety. "Breathe, Dove. Take control of your breath and you'll be more able to control your emotions, the energies." And she was more wary of Dove than ever when she realized exactly which moment it was that Dove lost control.