Her hands were placed firmly against her lap. Jane was nothing short of nervous. She'd never been to Garrus' house, and she lied to Saren. He probably couldn't see through her liew because he had little understanding of humans, but what if that wasn't in the case, he knew she was lying. What if this was just a ploy? What if he was just going to burst through the door and yell at her for lying?
Jane tried not to think of this, knowing that she was doing nothing more than worrying herself. Garrus only wanted to talk, she knew that. He wasn't going to do anything. And maybe, if it was under her three hour time period, she could rant about some stuff too.
"Are you okay in there, Jane?" He called to her from the kitchen.
"I'm fine," she responded, "I've just never been to your house before."
He stepped out with a bit of food, "It's a mess, but I invited you over because it's important."
"Is it bad," Jane grew a bit worried.
"Yeah," he sat down beside her, "This war is going to happen. Now, it's only a rumor, but I heard word that the humans got the krogan on their side."
"Really?" Her thoughts shifted to Kaidan for a moment. Could she confide in Garrus about such a serious topic?
"I'm not high in the military ranks so, I'll probably be sent off soon. Turians tend to send their lowest ranked men out first as pawns, then they send in their higher ups. I'm probably going to die out there,"
"You won't die,"
"Jane," the palm of his hand rested on her cheek and she didn't push it away, "I'll be put on the front lines. How I fight won't matter, they want me to be killed off."
"Is that why you invited me over?"
"I could really use a friend, more than anything right now,"
"When will you be sent out?"
He sighed, "Tomorrow,"
She didn't know what else to ask. All the things she wanted to say, formed in her throat and choked her. Looking over at her companion, a pain in her chest formed. If what he said was true, a moment like this could truly never happen again. Saren and Nihlus, didn't have the same relationship that she and Garrus did. Her feelings towards him were special, it was such a strange thing. In her mind, she knew it was love, but it felt so different than the way she loved Saren.
"You don't have to go," the words came out of her mouth without hesitation, she was like a faucet that'd been left on.
"I do, I do," he smiled at her, and it was hard not to noticed that his smile was more human than turian, "but it's okay, Jane, because no matter what happens, I'll be happy."
"How can you be happy at a time like this?" she protested.
"If the turians win, I'll be happy that you get to stay close to me. If the humans win, I'll be happy that you're free, and if I were to die out there-" he slid his hand down from her cheek to her hand, "-I'll be happy that I knew you."
"Garrus," tears began to well up in her eyes, likely, from the inability to control her waves upon waves of emotion.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked.
Visibly startled by the question, Jane felt Garrus slowly slide his hand away, but she pulled it back quickly, "Yes, yes you can."
There was a slight grimace on her face. As he leaned in closer to kiss her, her thoughts only shifted to Saren. Never had Jane imagined that she'd grow up to be a liar. He would find out about this kiss someway, and he'd literally kill her. Death didn't seem to faze her that much these days, but after he got finished mutilating her corpse, he'd go straight for Garrus, just the weight of the thought of Garrus dying because of her was too much. Her hand placed itself against Garrus' face and pushed him back.
"No. You can't," she corrected herself.
He chuckled, "I knew you wouldn't want to."
"I'm sorry, but Saren. I like you but-"
Almost instantly, her omni-tool pinged. A message from Saren. Her mouth went dry and her hands shook as her fingers went to open it, all the while Garrus was watching her intently.
Saren: Come home now.
It hadn't nearly been three hours yet. It hadn't even been an hour, yet he was messaging her to come home. It was suspicious, she was more scared than what she wanted to let off, but instead, her level head did not falter in front of Garrus.
"I should get going," her voice was so monotone. It wasn't intentional, but that cryptic message made her more than a little nervous.
"He's got a tracker on you," Garrus stated nonchalantly.
"What?"
"He knew you were coming her, he put a tracker on you to get your location,"
"I see," She stood from her seat and walked towards the door, "I'll catch you later, Garrus."
ooooOOOooo
Somehow, in her head, Jane was more confident, but standing here at the door of the apartment, her knees buckled. A door was all that stood between her and Saren. He would be angry at her for lying to him and going to Garrus' place. He'd be even more angry that they almost shared a kiss.
The door open and Saren stood in the doorway, towering over her. Her head had to tilt it's way nearly all the way back to look him in the eye. When he was intimidating like this, it was difficult to remember that they were in love. Instead, he looked like a monster, or a villain from a scary movie. Gripping the fabric of her dress so tight it would rip soon enough, her feet carried her past him and into the house.
"Jane," his voice sent shivers down her spine.
"Yes, Saren," her hardest efforts could not cover the fact that her voice was shaking.
There was a brief long moment of silence as Saren turned on his heels. He closed the door behind him and then locked it, leaving them alone in a room together.
Jane hadn't felt this uncomfortable around Saren since the first day that they met. When he stuffed her into his car and words struggled to come out of her mouth. Times had changed since then, but here it was, a scenario just like the ones she'd found herself in almost a year ago.
"I trusted you,"
"I didn't mean to betray your trust. He needed me, as a friend,"
He let out a huff, had it not been such a serious moment, her pride for him holding in his anger in such a good way would have shown, "You lied to my face."
"I know and I'm sorry," Jane tried to step closer to him, but turned away from this option when the sound of his growls grew more prominent.
"Give me one good reason why I should ever let you walk out of that door again,"
Her mind suddenly went blank of all rational thoughts. Almost anything that came to mind, was thrown away. Deep deep down inside, he didn't have to let her go out anymore, especially after something's like this. The walls of the house were all she deserved, but these feelings aren't the one that came out.
"I don't know," she whispered.
He let out a sigh, making his growling stop there. Jane took this as her chance to run to him and jump into his arms. He didn't hug back, but her grip on him tightened, hoping that this was the best way to show her love towards him.
He cleared his throat and she took a step back, "You are to no longer leave this house alone again," she nodded, "And if I so much catch you thinking of Garrus, I will punish you."
"I'm really really sorry for lying to you," her hand rested on his chest, "but Garrus is being sent off to war tomorrow. It's starting and I was worried."
"What did I tell you, do you not listen?" His voice was raising.
"I love him, Saren,"
A firm grip found it's way around her neck. Such a sudden move had already put her at a loss for air, but now, there was no way air could get in. His hold on her was tight, not enough to kill her, but she knew that if this kept up, her body would fall to the ground as she lost consciousness.
Her hand wrapped itself around her wrist and tears formed in her eyes. It hurt. It hurt so much. No matter how hard she tried to beg, nothing would come out. How long did he plan to hold her, to choke her?
When his grip on her released, her question was answered. She inhaled deeply letting her lungs fill with as much air as they needed, before her mind lost control of her body when the coughing began.
"You will never say anything like that again, do you understand?"
Suddenly memories washed over her of how things were when she'd first met Saren. How watching her back was a necessity because he was somewhat. Bruises littered her body from each time he'd grabbed her the wrong way. Horrible thoughts of what he'd do to her next often times took over her mind, to the point where her only thought was of Saren and what he'd do to her. Suddenly, she was back there.
So many words tried to come out of her mouth. So many things formed, but then were forced back down. She had so much that she wanted to say, yet only one thing came out.
"I fucking hate you," Jane muttered.
He merely grunted as a response, but those words wounded him. In the moment of battle, he would not show it, but it was true.
"Hate me all you want, but you are never getting away from me,"
"When the humans win this war, I'm leaving, and never looking back,"
He glared down at her, "You have nowhere to go."
"I'm going straight to Garrus' house," she hissed.
His growls began again, warning her to step back once more, but he took her by the wrist. Reaching his arm back like he was going to strike her, she instantly flinched down, waiting for the hard slap that had given her nightmares once before. This slap never came, but instead he released her wrist and put his arm back down.
"I'm leaving out on a mission. I'll be gone for a while with the war,"
It took all her might to hold back the urge to ask how long he would be gone, instead, she scoffed.
"I don't care where you go," she spat.
He began to growl again, but held back, "I'll probably be gone for a while. I left a credit chit for you."
She didn't say a thing in response and yes walked away to start packing. She hadn't even noticed that Garrus wasn't the only one leaving out today. Saren was probably hoping to get the same attention from her.
"Do you know who you'll be grouped with?" she asked.
"I don't,"
"Oh,"
"Jane, I'm not going to say I'm afraid of the humans because I'm not, but I am afraid of never seeing you again, so let's not leave this on a bad note,"
"I understand, I am sorry, but you're going to have to understand that Garrus is part of my life,"
"And you have to understand that hearing you say you love another man upsets me," he growled.
"He is my friend and I care about him. I care about you too. It's not like I'm pushing you away for another man. I couldn't if I wanted to. I'm stuck with you,"
"And if you weren't?" He shot a look towards her and her body tensed all on it's own.
"I don't know,"
The room was silent for a while. All the while, her eyes stayed in his armor. Blue was such a pretty color, and it was basically the only thing Saren and Garrus had in common.
"What do I have to do to get you to love me only?"
"Saren, I don't know," she whispered, "I'm not good at this. I haven't been a relationship in awhile it's not like I love you any less,"
He grasped her hand, kissing it, "I heard humans like that."
"I do," she whispered