Disclaimer: Cassandra Claire owns all!

Chapter 14

Descent:

Saturday Night

I'm not quite sure who broke from the kiss first, only that I was out of breath and lightheaded by the end of it. I locked my hands around the back of Jace's neck as I tried to steady myself, resting my forehead on his chest as I closed my eyes tightly. Once again I was aware of all the stares of everyone around us, but that wasn't even the cause of my panic. The entire time I was kissing Jace... even the thought of kissing him made me want to do it again, by the angel get yourself together! Anyway, the entire time I had felt bright lights against my eyes, it wasn't a painful sort of light like when you get a massive headache or a bright led flashlight is shined directly into your eyes, it was more like I was aware of the light around me.

I had opened my eyes and I could see it. Everything was blurry and out of focus, but it was there. The dancing bodies of people I didn't know from sight, the red and gold colors of our school were painted and striped along the walls with the words 'Idris Prep' in the center of the far wall. Streamers and balloons hung from the walls as well as the ceiling and long tables with red and gold coverings lined up against a wall with punch bowls and snacks. The bright light had been a rotating rainbow colored strobe light that hung from the ceiling, casting peculiar colors on everyone, changing their normal colorings to purples and greens, oranges and blues.

I tried to focus in on Jace's face, the way his golden lashes fluttered against his cheeks as he kissed me. His face looked so calm, so at ease... so beautiful. I was almost able to distract myself, but the sudden bombardment of color made me feel sick to my stomach. I still had the dizzying feeling from earlier, only this time I'm not so sure its just from the kissing. "Hey, are you alright?" Jace asked as he pulled me closer and led me off the dance floor.

Slowly, I shook my head, not trust in my voice to come out evenly at the moment. I concentrated on the floor, that was simple enough right? The floor was made of white speckled tiles with even more gold etchings. The etchings were in curling and swirling designs, none that I had ever seen before, but they were much more calming than everything else around me. My stomach was still churning but my head was starting to clear as Jace led me away.

One of his hands rested gently but firmly on my back to keep me from falling while the other held my hand as he steered me through the halls and out into the school grounds. The cool night air hit me all at once as I sipped in calming breathes. Jace brought me over to a nearby bench and helped me down before kneeling down in front of me. He took up both of my hands, soothingly rubbing them until I had calmed myself. This was stupid, and I knew it. I'm going to be the crazy girl who makes a big scene after being kissed for all of the attention. That's what he was going to think of me now.

Tears filled my eye and I quickly looked up at the sky to hide them. Even with everything blurry and weird I could still make out the stars. It has been quite a bit of time since I've been able to sit out and watch the stars, so long I hadn't even realised how much I missed them. I missed the way they could look so bright, so close and brilliant, yet be so so far away. Jon and I used to sit outside on an old blanket and watch the stars. He would point out constellations for me and tell me stories about them while I drew them out. One night Luke even took us to a planetarium where we could see all of the constellations no matter the time of the year. I remember being so excited to go home and try to find those constellations all on my own.

I was laughing before I even knew it. It wasn't a normal laugh, it came out crazed and hysterical and to be honest I truly didn't care if anyone heard it. Hot, fat tears streamed down my face, most likely ruining the makeup Iz so skillfully applied as I laughed like a mad woman, and Jace remained kneeling there, holding onto my hands as if I were about to float away at any moment, and to be honest I probably could. Nothing felt real to me in that moment, yet everything was so shockingly real. All the pressures and frustrations. All the rehabilitions and exercises. All the countless half hearted optimism. All the disappointment and anger. It all can crashing down around me. It reminded me of Atlas and the great weight of the world he was burdened with, all of those lives rested on his shoulders and only he is faced with the struggles to withstand it.

Ever since my accident I wanted my eyes back, I wanted them so badly and now that it was possibly happening I couldn't handle it! How does that even make sense? In what realm of rationality does me regaining my sight lead to me going mad with it!? "I never wanted any of this..." I whispered to myself as I tried to stop laughing. "All I wanted was to grow up normal. To go to art school. To have a normal life and now look at me. Seriously look at me!" I yelled, I'm not even sure who I was yelling at, only that the words were pouring out of me.

"Why couldn't he have gone blind!? Why couldn't he have just stayed home and drank!? Its all his fault, all of it! Now I'm blind and my mom feels guilty. She was there with me, did I tell you? She was there for the whole thing, but she only left with a few cuts and a minor concussion. 'It should have been me who was hurt.' 'It should have been me to lose my eyes.' 'My poor baby girl, my poor Clary, it should have been me.' That's what she says all the time. Mom doesn't think I can hear her, oh but I can hear for sure. It was the eyes that went, not the ears. I heard all of it! Even my mom can't accept this! Jon is the only one who did, but he had to leave for college, that's the real reason why I'm here, and now I can't even handle getting my sight back!" I couldn't hold back my sobs anymore, I didn't even try.

"You and Iz seem to have everything planned out. You know how to get through everything, you know what your going to be doing, you know who you are and I'm just stuck. By the Angel I'm so stupid! I'm so so stupid!" I sobbed and sniffled. I felt tired all of a sudden now that all of those pent up emotions were out there in the open, out there for anyone and everyone to know. I looked down at Jace to see he had a neutral expression in place. There wasn't pity or anger, he merely seemed to be listening.

I took one of my hands from his and wiped at my eyes as I tried to somewhat regain myself. Jace took in a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace. "I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know," he whispered as he pulled me against him. Already, I felt my body relaxing as I took him in. He must be some kind of drug to be able to do this, to be able to calm me so quickly.

"All you need is people to help you through this, because whether you like it our not, something is happening. You may not like this, but you may need to go to your doctor soon, they might be able to find out what's happening. Until then I need you to know I'll be here to help you, you can't shake me that easily, okay." My tears had slowly ebbed away to a soft trickle as I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder. Gently I nodded my head, I was far too exhausted to speak.

My hands felt numb as I tied to keep ahold of Jace, to keep from slipping away into dream lands. My head drooped now and I had to concentrate really hard to keep from slipping. "Woah there," I heard Jace say, but he sounded far away now. My eyelids felt heavy and I fought to keep them open. I felt my body shift and I looked down to see Jace had scooped me up in his arms and was carrying me back inside. "Don't worry, I'll get you back safely," Jace's voice echoed in that far off way. I was vaguely aware of Jace entering the girls dorm and opening my dorm room after finding it.

Iz had said it was a good idea to leave the door unlocked so that we wouldn't have to worry about bringing our keys with us. And besides, no one is going to be in the dorms, they'll all be at the party, Iz had said. I felt the softness of my bed underneath me then, and soon my shoes were taken off and my covers were pulled up around me. Again I tried to force my eyes open, and again they failed to comply with me. I willed my hand to move, to reach out to Jace. I wanted him to stay just a bit longer, even if I was only going to be asleep. Just knowing he was there was calming enough for me. I'm not sure if I succeed or not, only that the descent into sleep is easy.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! I'm back again! I hope you guys liked this little bit, I know I enjoyed writing it, not to mention it was on time! Anyways, Clace is moving forward quite a bit so you all better be grateful for that, and these next couple chapters might be hard, like in the feels section. I don't know about you guys, but if I were in Clary's position I'd probably react in close to the same way so those emotions are real. There will be doctors up coming, just as Jace said, so that might be a bit tough, I'm not sure yet. I wanted to remind you guys again that I am just as new at this whole subject as many of you, in the writing and reading area at least, so no the medical info won't be as accurate as I'd like it to be, and it might be a but awkward and weird until I get the hang of it. Just stick with me and we'll get there eventually, hopefully! Um, I guess that's it for now so bye! I love you all and thank you for reading!

-Haybell