Disclaimer: I do not own Lord Of The Rings
I've Got A Dream! And Aweful Singing
Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas arrived at Edoras in the usual manner. By falling off their horse.
" Hey!" yelled Aragorn as Legolas and Gimli's horse crashed into his.
" Sorry!" said Legolas, "But Gandalf's horse won't stop farting, and our horse just couldn't stand the smell."
" Who knew that rainbows would smell that bad." coughed Gimli.
" Halt! Who goes there?!" yelled a guard up on the wall.
" Your face!" yelled Gimli.
The guard shot an arrow at him, and Gimli leisurely stepped out of the way.
" Someone's got anger issues I see." said Gimli, "I thought it was just Aragorn and Voldemort."
" Hey!" said Aragorn. He drew his sword and pointed it at Gimli.
" Take it back!" he yelled.
Gimli rolled his eyes. "You just proved my point, stupid."
Gandalf decided that it would be best if he took over from there.
" Good man of Rohan, won't you let us through?" asked Gandalf.
" Not unless you say 'please'." said the guard.
" What, are you in grade school or something?!" Gimli asked sarcastically.
" Obviously." said Legolas, "He doesn't appear to have a proper manicure. That is the Elven way to show that you are a man."
Everyone (including the guard) looked at Legolas strangely.
" Okay." said Gimli awkwardly.
" Well, anyway, you can't come in." said the guard and he walked away.
" Now what?" asked Legolas, "I sense that rain is coming, and it'll ruin my perfectly styled hair!"
Aragorn walked up to the door and knocked on it. Then he ran away.
" Aragorn! This is no time to be playing 'Nicki Nicki Nine Doors'!" said Gandalf.
" Awww." whined Aragorn.
He walked up to the door.
"Open sesame!" Aragorn ordered.
Nothing happened.
Aragorn plopped down on the ground. " Well, I'm out of ideas."
Gandalf rolled his eyes at Aragorn and drew out his portal gun, shooting one hole on the gate and the other over it.
" Good idea Gandalf! Exactly what I was thinking!" said Aragorn.
Gandalf face-palmed and jumped into the portal, the others following suit.
They arrived in Edoras and began walking towards the Golden Hall, the people of Edoras staring at them as they went by.
" Mommy," they heard a little kid whisper, "Is that the travelling circus?"
" Hey!" shouted Legolas, and Gandalf quickly ushered him along.
Meanwhile, Aragorn was peering up at a figure standing up by hall.
" Hey, is that Galadriel?"
" No," said Gandalf, "That is the White Lady of Rohan."
" Not the most creative name I've heard." said Aragorn.
" Yeah, not to mention Gandalf's various names. Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Gaundi,..." said Gimli.
" Gaundi?" said Gandalf.
" Yeah something like that."
The figure caught sight of the travellers and ran inside.
" Where'd she go?" asked Aragorn.
" I bet she smelled you." joked Gimli.
" Don't joke about that. The smell police are always listening." said Aragorn.
" You mean they're always sniffing." said Gimli.
They had finally reached the Golden Hall.
" Halt!" ordered a guard. "I need to see your passports!"
" What the hell is a passport?" whispered Aragorn.
The guard heard that and stepped in front of Aragorn.
" No passport! No entry!" he bellowed.
" Here." said Aragorn, giving the guard a box.
" What the hell is this?" asked the guard.
" It's the $400 Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak off Amazon." said Aragorn.
" Go right in." said the guard, examining the cloak.
" Sweet." said Aragorn.
The four travellers walked into the Golden Hall, Legolas looking around in disgust. The walls were grimy the lighting was dim and the entire place smelled like cow manure.
" Who's there!" yelled someone in a crackly voice. "It's time for King Theoden's story time!"
" I am Gandalf, and I am here to talk to King Theoden!" replied Gandalf.
" Well come back tomorrow! Me and my best friend King Theoden are going to play Battleship!" said the voice.
" This is an urgent matter that cannot wait until you are done playing Battleship." said Gandalf.
The man scuttled out into the light. He was short and about as grimy and smelly as the room itself.
" Well since you made me lose my page, you might as well tell us what is so very important." said the man.
" Sarumon is using his vodoo magic to control the King, and I am here to help him." stated Gandalf.
" I believe you are mistaken." said the man nervously, "There's nothing wrong here."
King Theoden mumbled on his throne.
The lady the travellers had seen walked up to Theoden.
" Hi Eowyn!" said Grima happily, " Do you want to play Battleship too? I'll let you win."
Eowyn gave him a weird look. "No. I just came to give uncle his Cheerios."
Gandalf walked foreward.
" What's going on here?" Eowyn asked, "Who are these people?"
" Sarumon! Release the King from your control!" ordered Gandalf.
" No!" yelled Sarumon from Theoden.
" What the..." said Eowyn.
" Let him go or else I'll force you to eat your vegetables!"
" No!" said Sarumon stubbornly. "You're not my mom!"
" Let him go or else I'll TELL your mom to force you to eat your vegetables!" yelled Gandalf.
" You wouldn't dare!" gasped Sarumon.
Gandalf drew out his cell phone.
" All right! All right!" said Sarumon, releasing the King.
Theoden staggered foreward and fell, Eowyn catching him before he hit the ground.
" Oh crap." said Gandalf, "I, errrr, have to go."
He quickly ran out of the hall.
Eowyn looked down at the travellers. "I didn't think my uncle would die. I always dreamed that he would get better and let me join the Rohirrum, even though he would probably make me stay home and do house-hold chores instead."
Suddenly, Theoden lifted his head.
" I have a dream."
He suddenly stood up and faced Grima.
" I'm malicious mean and scary. My sneer could curdle dairy. And violence-wise my hands are not the cleanest. But despite my wicked sword and my hair-do and my throne, I'd really like to be a concert pianist!"
Gimli leaned over to Aragorn.
" Let's be thankful Pippin's not here." he whispered.
Unfortunately for them, Grima decided to get in on the song.
" I've got scars and lumps and bruises, plus something here that oozes. And let's not even mention my complexion." sang Grima in his crackly voice.
" Yes, let's not." whispered Legolas in disgust.
" Oh my Valar." said Gimli in horror, "He sings worse than Pippin!"
" But despite my extra toes, and my goitre, and my nose. I'd really like to make a love connection!" continued Grima, while Eowyn retched.
Then some of the Rohirrum stepped foreward.
" Tor would like to quit and be a florist!
Gunther does interior design!
Ulf is into mime!
Atilla's cupcakes are sublime!
Bruiser knits, Killer sews, Fang does little puppet shows!
And Vladimir collects ceramic unicorns!"
"*cough* Brony." whispered Eowyn.
Everyone turned to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli.
" What's your dream?" King Theoden asked menacingly.
" Sorry boys. Singing's not cool." said Aragorn.
Everyone pointed their swords at him.
" Uhhh, Legolas wants to be a Barbie Girl, Gimli wants to be a Ghost-Buster, and I would like to go to the bathroom." said Aragorn.
" Your dream sucks." Theoden told Aragorn.
Aragorn shrugged.
" I've got a dream! I've got a dream! I just want to go a kill the Witch King! But my uncle will not let me, 'cause he says I must do laundry. But deep down deep inside I've got a dream!" sang Eowyn.
" Yes way down deep inside we've got a dream!" everyone sang.
Suddenly Gandalf came back in.
" So, what did I miss?"