A/N: Actually I wanted to correct my grammar and stuff but then I just changed a lot and basically rewrote this chapter because now it feels right to me – so you have to read again ;). And thanks for your comments – all very much appreciated!
Naturally I went to bed quite early with all these thoughts swirling through my head. I even forgot about the upcoming day. Everything was blocked out through the blackness in me.
The next morning I was awoken by my dad and his best try at singing a song to me.
"Happy birthday Bella my sweetheart."
Tiredly I stared at the little cupcake with one candle sticking inside. Oh right, it was my birthday and I had totally forgotten about it.
Dad sat on my bed and shared some memories with me,
"I just can't believe it. My cute little girl turned 18. I just remember you with your piggy tails and adorable smile. The whole sun lit up when I looked at your face. And all I have is this little cupcake and this photo album."
I was touched by his lovely speech and hugged him very close.
"Thank you dad. You know, I don't want any more presents. I already got the credit card and I am just lucky to have a dad like you."
He smiled brightly at me and gave me a kiss on my forehead still holding a big, blue album.
"And now show me what you got," I said excited.
"Actually this was your moms' idea and I got some pictures from her. Also I checked every corner in this house and found everything I needed. Just go ahead."
Slowly I made myself more comfortable on my bed and took his present. As I opened it dad's eyes were fixated on my face.
The first picture was me in the hospital right after my birth and many pictures followed. Some I knew and some I didn't. I loved these pics when my mom was still with us but also the ones with my dad and his hideous choice of clothes back at that time. Also he had written some words under every picture. Mostly they were memories or lines from a poem.
After I turned the last page I looked at him and felt tears in my eyes.
"You're welcome my darling," he said and hugged me again. "Now get dressed and come downstairs because today I made you a special breakfast.
I sniffed and nodded my head. It was very overwhelming because I never thought that my dad would give me something like that. Slowly the blackness backtracked and left me alone for now.
Like something very precious, that it was to me, I put the album on my desk and looked at it for some more seconds. After this nice surprise I showered quickly and made myself presentable. At least this day should be a good one.
As I walked downstairs my nose was filled with a very delicious aroma. Dad wore an apron and was standing on the stove. These two things were very rare and just seen at special occasions.
"Just sit down Bella. I made your favorite blueberry pancakes with whipped crème and berries. Also you'll get some eggs and bacon. Everything selfmade by the master chef aka dad."
He beamed like a child and seemed so proud that he done it all by himself.
Because I still had plenty of time I took a seat and stuffed myself with all these dainty things. Of course my dad also ate and we talked some more.
After we were done and I was totally full and getting tired again my dad stood up and put the used dishes into the dish washer.
"You know, your mom send you a card. It's right over there," he said pointing at the small hall table.
Quickly I stretched my arm and grabbed the envelope. I opened it and saw a card with a dog on it. It said,
"I'm scared of old people."
When I opened the card the dog was hiding in a trash can and said,
"Ok, I think you are an exception. Happy birthday."
Every year my mom had sent me these kinds of cards and I really liked them. Also her and Phil had written on almost every other empty space of it and told me that they would visit me on this weekend so that we all could celebrate together.
Also I received two other cards from my aunts. It was funny how all my feelings made a 180 and I felt good again. Even Edward wouldn't change that.
At 07:30 I got myself ready for school but before I could leave dad wanted to talk about something,
"I think I'll make a reservation at a restaurant of your choice. We can all go when your mom visits."
It didn't take me very long to decide.
"The Lodge is just as perfect."
"Ok Bells. But if you have other plans for the evening just tell me, we can also eat earlier or on Sunday?"
"No, until now I don't have any plans. It's all right. Thanks dad."
I hugged him and went out to step into my car. When I arrived it just had started to rain but this was just a typical day in September here in Forks. I had practically grown up with wellies on my feet.
Tugging my hood around my head I hurried to get inside as fast as possible.
"Hey there birthday girl," Angela greeted me and gave me a cute card with the promise of a visit to the Seattle zoo.
"Thank you Ange! It has been such a long time since I have been to the zoo."
"You're very welcome Bella. I think it will be so much fun. And we could also go for a movie or something like that," she said brightly smiling at me.
"Did I hear Bella and birthday?"
Turning around I spotted Alice right behind me.
"Hey Alice. Of course, today's Bella's birthday. She just turned 18."
Alice squealed and took my hands. "That's wonderful Bella and I totally missed it because I actually never asked you for it. I'm really sorry but I'm gonna make up for it. So what are you doing for this weekend?"
"Alice you really don't need doing this. I'm not a big fan of birthdays."
Angela and Alice looked at each other and it seemed like they had a plan in mind.
"Bella. This is your 18th birthday, it's almost as important as your 21st and we really need to celebrate it, don't you think? So how about this Saturday? Don't tell me there is something better to do," she said playfully.
"Not really. Just my mom and her boyfriend are visiting and actually we wanted to go eating dinner on Saturday." While saying that I looked into Alice's eyes and saw hope and gleam in it and I really wanted to be a part of it. Just as dad said I could always postpone the dinner. As a matter of fact I knew that mom would stay at least for a week in Forks to meet old friends and relatives.
"Ok I'm in it. What have you planned?"
Alice squealed again and leaned on the locker beside me scrunching her nose. Angela also looked very interested at her and her reeling mind.
"Maybe we could go to a club and just have fun. You know… Maybe we'll find a nice guy for you," she said smirking and winked at me.
"But we're not 21 yet, so how could we get entrance to a club?"
"Don't worry Bella, I know some people who know some people. I promise it will be a nice club and we won't drink too much alcohol. At least not too much. I'm thinking about the Vanilla Sky in Port Angeles."
"It will be fun Bella. I've just heard good things about this club," Angela chimed in. She actually seemed really excited so there must be something about it.
For a split second I wanted to worry again and let the anxiety in but not this time! I would have fun with these two girls and maybe even getting wasted. There were a few things I just wanted, no needed to forget.
"I'll let you two know and we can meet up before at my house, if that's ok? My mom won't be there and we can get dressed and stuff," Alice asked and looked at us.
"It's a done deal," Angela said and so we talked some more and parted ways by the ringing of the bell.
Actually it was quite a nice day and I also got some congrats from other people I knew and talked occasionally to. I also saw Edward and really tried hard to ignore him because I was looking forward to Saturday and didn't need his emotional downside this week anymore.
Later on I had a free period and decided to go to the empty library and just enjoy a good book.
When I entered I spotted the red sofa immediately and got quite mixed feelings. Edward insults after he had found out that I had hidden and listened to his and Lauren's little sexual encounter. I tried to ban these memories from my head because he had changed or so I thought.
I walked over to the window and watched the rain drops hitting the glass and merging together. It looked like a stream of tears…
The day at the beach had been so intense and he carried so much baggage. Adding mine wouldn't really help but I could understand from where he came from.
Also I swore to myself to not get physical with him again until we had talked about some things. I wanted to explore him but I knew that this wouldn't go to be very easy because he shut himself up so many times and I couldn't reach him in that place.
He was a walking and talking frustration and never gave me the answers I needed to get. But on the other side I knew that there were feelings I couldn't admit to myself at this very moment. I felt drawn to him, always had.
I hadn't touched a book but just stared outside and mulled over everything and nothing. So naturally I didn't notice when the door was opened and someone sat right beside me.
"You're all alone by yourself and it's your birthday," he said and watched the rain getting heavier.
"I really like this place," I answered and sluggishly moved my head to look at him.
"What happened to your face?" I asked him spotting a small red scar above his right eyebrow.
Edward just shrugged and replied,
"Got into a fight and this motherfucker actually had the nerves to hit me but who cares?"
"Maybe I do," I said and turned my gaze away.
"Actually I just wanted to give you that," Edward said and put something in front of me. Then all of a sudden he left me as quick as he had arrived.
My fingers touched the small package and when I opened it, I almost lost my breath.
It was a tiny but beautiful golden necklace with a four-leaf clover and a note stuck to it,
"Happy Birthday Bella. May the luck be ever in your favour. E."
I hadn't noticed that I was smiling and so I kept my golden luck in my pocket until I arrived at home.
The very first thing I did was talking with my dad and he just understood. Actually he seemed quite glad that I did something with my friends instead of staying at home. Of course I didn't tell him what we wanted to do but instead told him that there would be a slumber party at Alice's house. Girls only of course.
After that we ate some cake and I got some more calls from my relatives and also called my mom and talked about the upcoming Friday.
Dad went to bed around ten and I followed up. When I got undressed I remembered my precious gift and tried it on for the very first time. There was nothing else on my body.
I had to caress it over and over again because I still couldn't believe that it had been a present from Edward to me. But I knew that I loved it but I couldn't wear it right now because I still hadn't figure out so many things and it was able to send out wrong signals.
So I put it back but kept the note and tugged it to my mirror in my room and decided to sleep.
Friday came along and I never actually found the right moment to thank Edward for his thoughtful gift but I forgot this as I saw my mom standing on the porch and greeting my after I returned from school. Dad had picked her and Phil up from the airport and brought them to their motel in Forks. After they unpacked some stuff they just walked to our house.
She almost hugged me to death but I had never been happier to see her because she was like a stroke of light in a storm. Lightening up everything with her carefree and fun spirit.
We went inside and she said,
"Bella, you have grown up so much and you're even more beautiful. Now you're almost a woman and not my little girl anymore."
"Dad had said almost the same thing. What's up with you all getting so emotional?" I mocked her jokingly.
"You'll understand when you have a child of your own," she said smiling knowingly.
"No, really mom. I'm very happy that you and Phil could make it."
"Of course my dear. I would never ever miss your 18th birthday and I haven't seen you in such a long time."
"Yeah had been 7 month now," Phil said and also gave me a hug.
"Come here," mom said and pushed me on our living room sofa. "Don't look," she said and put something in front of me.
"Actually it had been Phil's idea."
I looked at Phil's face and smiled at him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome and now open it."
Slowly, to save the beautiful wrapped paper, I opened the gift and noticed something black and shiny. It was a brand new camera.
"Thank you. Really that's awesome!" I said totally astonished.
Mom beamed with joy and balanced on her tip toes; eager to show me how all the buttons worked. Dad had been in the kitchen and prepared some food.
"Phil remembered how you talked about all the nature surrounding Forks and how you wished to simply catch it whenever you wanted. And of course you can take pictures of your friends, the fridge or squirrels."
I raised my eyebrows at Phil and he simply laughed it off. After that we all sat down at the kitchen table and talked while eating hot dogs and drinking some beer. No one was mad at me for postponing the dinner and I guess my mom knew that I wouldn't go to a simple slumber party.
As I laid in my bed my mom came into my room and sat next to me. Gently she brushed over my hair and started to sing a song she had always sung when I was younger and couldn't find any sleep. We didn't talk and I just fell asleep as the last note of her song was sung.
The next morning I felt actually quite good and looked forward meeting Alice and Angela and also going to a club for the very first time. Also it was good to not think the whole time about Edward even when his note greeted me. With that reminder it was really hard not to wear his necklace.
Also I asked myself if he would be there today. But he probably had something better to do than spending his night in his room on a Saturday.
I had been told to arrive at around eight at her house and so I didn't waste any time to do so. My parents wished me fun and mom told me to be careful and didn't drink too much. I promised her that I hadn't any intentions to do so and waved them all goodbye.
As I had arrived at the Cullen's house Angela just followed up one minute later and we both entered right behind.
Alice was standing in the kitchen and hugged us tightly.
"Girls, this is going to be an awesome night and you know why?"
Both of us shook our heads and looked at her questionably while she gave each of us a red cup full of liquor.
"We can drink as much as we want and we don't need to care. As I told you I know some people and one of the bouncers tonight is the older brother of Jessica. She was so nice to tell him that we should be let in and treaded with special care."
I sniffed on my drink and looked at Angela. It seemed that she also wasn't sure what Alice had given us.
"But when we all can drink who is there to drive?" Angela asked and looked at her drink suspiciously.
"And this is where it all comes down. I, as you know, have a brother. His name is Edward," I rolled my eyes at her and felt this strange feeling in my stomach again.
"Don't give me that look Bella," Alice said playfully. "He will drive us and also come into the club. And before you can object I think that's quite a nice deal. He can take care of us and protect us if needed and also bring us home again. Cool, isn't it?"
"I guess we can cheer to that, can't we girls?" I said and raised my cup.
"Hell yeah," Angela said and giggled when Alice and I looked at her surprised by her sudden outburst.
As I was told by Alice we just drank some sparkling wine mixed with juice and it actually tasted quite good. Edward wasn't seen or heard but as I noticed Alice told Angela that he was still at Jasper's house and they probably played pool. Actually Jasper would have loved to come but he couldn't because his family had a big party and he had to be there to represent and all this stuff.
He hated it but once in a year his parents decided to show off their wealth and big mansion.
After my second cup I already felt a little bit tipsy and told Angela. She just felt the same way.
"Do we want to order some Chinese? I think we should eat some more before we hit the club, right?"
"That's a good idea," Alice replied and after a few minutes we had decided what to order and called the restaurant which would bring the food within 40nminutes.
"I hope we will get fortune cookies, they are hilarious," Angela stated and played with the ice cubes in her cup. They made this clacking noise when she hit them with her straw.
"Actually I never had one before, did you Bella?" Alice asked while standing in front of her wardrobe and picking out clothes we all could wear tonight.
"Just once but it was really nothing special. Forgot it already," I answered and watched her.
She had told me not to bring something because she had bought me an outfit as present. Of course I thought it was too much but it made her happy and I was really excited what she had chosen.
Angela had brought some clothes with her and would mix them with some of Alice's stuff.
"Here it is Bella!" Alice yelled, startling Angela and me. "It's something very nice, not too revealing and kinda hot. I think it's just the right thing for you."
She said holding it in front of me.
It was a black skirt with brown stripes of leather and the top was also a mix of red and black velvet with a broad neckline.
"Alice, everyone will stare at my boobs. Isn't it a little bit too risky or fashionable? I mean we are just going to Port Angeles and not New York."
She came to me and patted my shoulder. Scolding me like a small child,
"Bella I knew that you would say that but let me promise you that you will get some stares but these will be good stares. You are the birthday girl after all and you've got such a nice figure. You should embrace it some more and it will enhance all your best features. For example your beautiful long legs. And maybe you'll meet someone interesting."
"Go figure," Angela said and poured Alice and her some more wine. I also chugged some more of the bubbly liquid.
A few minutes later I tried it on and I had to admit that Alice had been right. She really got a great fashion sense and I liked myself seeing in it. Maybe also the liquor gave me some extra confidence. I knew that the necklace would be just perfect for this outfit but I didn't dare to put it on because of questions which would follow.
Alice and Angela also got dressed in party mode and after we had eaten and full stomachs we wanted to open our fortune cookies.
Mine said,
"A pleasant surprise is in store for you tonight." This was kinda lame and exciting at the same time. And I totally knew what it was all about. "Oh my god. These are the most boring cookies in the world," Alice said and read her out loud, "It's never too late for good things to happen." "Blah, blah I say. Now read yours Angela." "Okay, here we go," "When the moment comes, take the top one." "What does that even mean?" I asked and we all just started to laugh out loud until we heard a knock on the door.Much to my regret Edward looked totally hot. Maybe it was my hazed mind or I had just lost it but when my eyes met his, a soft shudder went through my body and I wanted to feel him. Now.
"Ok girls. Edward's here so now let's get the party started!" Alice shouted and dragged us from her bed.
We giggled some more and Edward just stared at me and it seemed that he couldn't take his eyes off me. Also I didn't miss the look when he noticed that I didn't wear his necklace.
As I walked out of the door he whispered in my ear,
"You look very pretty."
"Likewise," I said and rushed past him.
Angela and Alice sat in the back while I was put into the front. Nervously I fiddled with the radio and stopped when Alice screamed at me to put my hands away from the buttons because she really liked that one particular song.
A tiny smile appeared on his lips and I had to chime in into his smiling. Automatically my hand reached into my purse played with the tiny clover.
While Edward drove I had so many thoughts running through my head and I also wanted to start a conversation but couldn't say a single word. It felt like I got a lump in my throat.
Alice chatted the whole time and Angela sang along to some of the songs. So I didn't notice when we had arrived.
"We're here girls. Common, get out."
"Thank you big brother, we gonna have so much fun." Alice said again and we all made our way to the row in front of the club.
There were no complications whatsoever and we all got in. The club was fully packed and there was a positive vibe going on. Many people grinding, drinking and talking. Okay, some weren't really talking on a verbal level.
Edward watched the three of us and was always in our nearness. From time to time he shook hands with some other people and greeted them with a big smile.
But when they were gone his smile went with them and he looked just as lonely as always.
Angela shoved us to the bar and we ordered three shots of Tequila. Actually I liked the burning in my throat and got even more boosted than I already was.
We cheered again and all of a sudden I heard this amazing song.
I already felt drunk but I didn't care. It felt absolutely wonderful and I had fun when I danced with the girls. Edward was standing near the bar and kept an eye on us. But I felt that I just danced for his eyes only.
Oh, oh-oh I got a love that keeps me waiting
Oh, oh-oh I got a love that keeps me waiting
I'm a lonely boy
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh-oh I got a love that keeps me waiting
Feeling ecstatic and sexy I moved and didn't mind some guy dancing very close to my ass. I also didn't mind feeling his hands on my waist and his hips pressed into me. Alice and Angela just encouraged me and danced with each other.
I didn't see the guy's face and to be honest I also didn't care. The only fingers I felt were his. Slowly I got drowned in the music and lost it almost all until Angela grabbed my hand and asked me if I wanted to join them going to the restrooms.
Actually I really had to and so I said goodbye to my faceless partner.
I was blinded by the different colours and shades. If Angela hadn't held my hand I completely had missed the way. We parted the crowd and fought our way to the restrooms.
All of us went quickly in and got quickly out. I had splashed some water into my face and felt refreshed.
"So, how do you like it so far Bella?" Alice asked me and I just gave her the thumbs up. "All right then, let's see what's going on with Edward. Maybe he is joining us on the dancefloor."
As we arrived at the bar Edward was still standing in the same spot but talking to a tall blonde woman. All of a sudden I felt this strange feeling again. Maybe I had to admit that it was jealousy but my mind was battling this fact and so I tried to hide my inner turmoil and just accepted the way it was. He could do whatever he wanted.
Alice really wasn't shy and went straight to Edward. Angela and I followed right behind.
"Hey what's going on Edward? Who is she, do you wanna introduce her to us?"
The girl looked at her funnily and I decided to dislike her if she didn't like my loveable Alice.
Edward seemed uncomfortable but replied anyway,
"This is Irina and I just have talked to her for the last five minutes."
"Nice to meet you Irina," Angela said and waived at her. I just could laugh at this and Edward's eyes shoot immediately at me. It seemed that he wanted to shut me up. That made me even more laugh and I had to hold my breath to not disturb everyone.
"And who is that little skank laughing at me?"
I couldn't even be mad because Angela had understood skunk and I just imagined myself as being one. Alice didn't understand our little joke and so she just went to the bartender and came back with three more shots.
"Way to go girls," Irina said, rolled her eyes and disappeared. Now I really couldn't hold back anymore and laughed at the fullest. Edward seemed to be mad but I was so used to it I wasn't scared anymore. So I walked right to him after I drank my shot while Alice and Angela went dancing again.
"Loosen up a little bit Edward. You seem to be a little bit stiff. And sorry that I made Irina running down the hill."
I smiled at him and got lost in his stare again. Had he always looked that good? Again he wore his 5 o'clock shadow, a dark shirt and jeans. Also a leather jacket and black shoes. I wanted to touch him, feel him everywhere and tell him to leave me alone at the same time.
As he didn't replied I notched him into his side and said,
"Don't be such a downer Edward. We have so much fun; just enjoy yourself for a second."
All of a sudden he grabbed my arm and dragged me into a remote area of the club.
We stood there face to face and I was pressed against a wall while he was lingering in the shadow.
"What's going on with you Bella? I can't seem to find the girl I know."
I rolled my eyes at him and sighed out loud.
"Here we go again. Maybe you can't find her because she's having fun for once in a while and enjoying herself without being dragged down."
He looked at me very distressed and his hand went through his hair. A nervous habit of him as it seemed.
"Look, I'm sorry. It's just… I'm not used to these thoughts and feelings. It's just…"
"What. What Edward?"
Now he looked straight into my eyes.
"Why don't you wear my gift?"
I cleared my throat and answered,
"I never had the chance to thank you for it. It's quite unique and beautiful but how can I wear it when things are still so strange between us?"
Edward wanted to reply when suddenly Alice came stumbling along.
"There you are guys. I think it's time to drive home very soon. Angela isn't feeling very well and me neither."
Her face turned slightly green and I thought she would puke any minute.
"Ok, let's go then."
I looked for Angela and found her sitting on a bar stool. She looked fine to me.
"You're ready to go home? Heard you don't feel that good."
Just nodding she grabbed my hand and we made a beeline for the exit following Edward and Alice.
"That was funnnnn Bella, let's do it again," was all Alice had said before she started to snore while Angela tried not to vomit into Edward's car.
"Are you really gonna be all right if we bring you home Ange?" I asked her and really worried. It seemed that she and Alice had some more drinks while I had been talking to Edward.
"Thanks Bella. I guess I feel better now. I'll take a shower and drink some water. I'll call you later. Thanks Edward for the drive."
"No big deal," he answered and brought her to her front door.
The last miles we drove in silence and I just knew that this night wasn't over for me.
Edward parked his car into the garage and picked up Alice. She was still asleep and he didn't want to wake her up.
"I'll bring her to bed. Would you wait for me in the garden?"
I nodded and watched him taking care of Alice. We parted ways in the hallway and I found myself on the big and comfy garden swing.
The stars shone brightly above me and I fell in love with its beauty.
After what seemed like an hour he joined me. With him he brought his guitar.
"She's good?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I laid her in her bed and put a bucket next to her if she feels like barfing. Also I made her drinking some water at the end. She'll be fine."
I felt relieved and was happy that I wasn't really drunk. Also the cold air really helped clearing up things.
"Don't you freeze?" He asked and didn't wait for my reply. "There you go," he said and gave me his jacket.
I was far from freezing but accepted his jacket nonetheless because it smelled like him and felt just right on me.
"Maybe you wonder why I brought my guitar with me. I wanted to sing a song to you."
I avoided to look at him and leaned further down, finding my feet very interesting all of a sudden.
But then Edward stood in front of me and held his instrument. He looked fragile and scared but very determined to do the right thing.
"It's called Be still my love by Bush and I dedicate it to you, to us, to everything in between,"
It's a killer inside as I'm watching you slide out my hand
You're slipping away as I'm watching you fade
Please hold on
If I'm losing you now I won't give till I'm out
You're my world
I'll shoulder your pain
Ride the violent waves as I can
Be still my love
They can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
I had to gulp and got lost watching him. He never had looked more beautiful.
Now a stranger between
I can't get to you please
Don't fade off
Can't stand to lose you
I don't know what to do
For your bleeding
We're up all night, Sleep all day
We won't care, whatever you say
Our love, is ocean sized
Be still my love
They can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
The moon found its way through the clouds and shone brightly on that little spot in the grass. Edward was standing right next to it and it seemed that he didn't dare to get into the light.
I won't do no harm
And I won't do you wrong
I want you to come
Cause you've been gone to long
Try to revive
And bring you back round
No you are gone
Deep underground
And nothing could ever be the same again
Ohhh I miss you my valentine
Lately, so heavy without you
Be still my love
They can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
Be still my love
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
Be still, be still, my love
As he finished I felt a tear dropping to the ground. Without a word I stood up and went to him. This was his way to say that he was sorry, that he missed and still loved me. He still wanted to try.
"Edward… I… That was just beautiful." Gently I brushed his cheek as he closed his eyes and leaned into it.
"I've missed you so much Bella."
He looked at me and found myself in the depths of his inner self. His sadness and sorrow. My heart was bleeding for him, because of him…
Slowly my lips met his and he almost held me too tight but I relished in this new, much deeper, feeling.
He took my face between his hands and finally they moon broke through again and I could see his features in a dim brightness. Whatever it was between us, I just couldn't let it go.
"Bella, you look so pretty. You've always looked pretty to me since the first day I saw you at school. There I knew I had to have you. Everything of you but I just couldn't. So I decided to make your life miserable instead. We both shared the pain and I could get near to you without someone noticing what I really felt. During that time I had lost myself, I am still lost but I don't want to drag you with me. You are my sun and everything I can give you right now is darkness and heavy thoughts."
His thumb went over my lips and parted them. I was ready and his words flood through me like the blood in my veins.
"Edward, please…"
He didn't wait any longer and finally kissed me. It wasn't a kiss like before. I was so much deeper and in it laid a promise for so much more.
My fingers got tangled in his hair and my skin felt rough from his kissing. I just couldn't get enough. I wanted to feel him entirely.
"I love you."
And I didn't know what to answer to that. So I said nothing at all. I knew that I hurt him but he couldn't expect me to love him all of a sudden.
He let it slip and instead started to undress me.