"Pikachu… wake up, Pikachu…"

Pichu groaned and opened his eyes. He was laying on his back in a huge dark chamber he had never seen before. Turning over, he realized he was on top of a platform that was floating in the water, with several other smaller platforms surrounding it.

"Ugh… man, that must have been some party last night. I don't remember a thing," he groaned, sitting up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around some more, then glanced behind him and gasped. Togetic was laying next to him, in a similar condition.

"Togetic?" he cried. "Oh no… you and I… we didn't…?"

"Pikachu, look over here, you dumbass."

"Huh?" Pichu turned around and saw a large yellow Pokémon with spiky fur sitting on a yellow platform across from him, gazing at him.

"Uh… sorry if I trashed your house, mister."

"Shut up, Pikachu. I am Jolteon, one of the ancient Sages. You are inside the Chamber of Sages, located in the Temple of Light."

"That's nice. How'd I get here?"

"By withdrawing the Light Ball, the only weapon powerful enough to destroy Mewtwo and the final key to the Sacred Realm. However, Mewtwo was also able to enter the Sacred Realm, and he obtained the Triforce. He has done terrible things to Hyrule, even though you took the Light Ball in the name of good."

"Not really. I just thought it was shiny."

"You truly are an idiot, Pikachu."

"Yeah, well, you keep mispronouncing my name."

"Pikachu, I'm a freaking Sage. I don't mess people's names up. Just look at yourself."

Alarmed, Pichu slowly approached the edge of his platform and gazed down at his reflection in the water.

"HOLY SH#T!"

He was now at least twice as tall as he had been before. His ears were long and slender, and his tail, which had been a stump before, was now huge and lightning bolt shaped. His cheeks, the tips of his ears, and the base of his tail were still green, as were the stripes on his back that hadn't been there before. The Light Ball was in a harness that was slung over his back.

"Pichu!" Togetic exclaimed to her partner, who was biting his nails in horror. "You're… slightly bigger! You evolved!"

"Is that what happened to me?" said Pikachu, visibly relieved. "Oh, thank Raikou. I thought it was the LSD."

"…What LSD?"

"…Forget I said that."

"Pikachu, with all that's happened I'm sure you're very confused right now," Jolteon cut in.

"Yeah, but that's pretty much my natural state of being."

"Allow me to explain everything. You, heaven help us, are the Hero of Time, the one destined to banish evil from Hyrule. As such you were also meant to carry the Light Ball, but it will only grant its power to a Pikachu. Therefore you were sealed here until you were old enough to evolve. So not only are you a Pikachu, you've grown up. You're a young adult now."

"But I'm still obnoxious. And I still pick my nose."

"Yes, well, that's just you. Now, in the seven years you have been gone, Mewtwo has turned Hyrule into a land of monsters, and I don't just mean Pocket Monsters, because that's what we all are. Our only hope is for you to awaken the other five Sages. With their combined power, you may be able to stop him."

"You mean all I have to do is wake some people up?" said Pikachu. "That doesn't sound hard."

"You wake them up by journeying into cursed temples and destroying a bunch of enormous deadly monsters."

"I hate you."

"For now, take my power with you for the remainder of your journey," said Jolteon, producing a small yellow medallion out of the air.

Pikachu received the Zap Plate! Jolteon adds his power to Pikachu's, even though having it doesn't actually make Pikachu any stronger! That sucks!

"You must find the other Sages, Pikachu… because I'll kick your ass if you don't…"

––

There was a flash of light, and when everything cleared Pikachu and Togetic were back in a familiar room.

"We're back in the Temple of Time!" said Togetic. "But I wonder, have we really been gone for seven whole years?"

"I think so," Pikachu said morosely. "I sure feel different. Almost like I have seven years' worth of emotion and feelings pent up inside of me."

He belched. "Ahh, that's better."

"I've been waiting for you, Pikachu," came a voice.

"NOOOOOOO!" Pikachu screamed, throwing himself on the ground and covering his head. "NOCTOWL ROSE FROM THE GRAVE AND FOUND ME AGAIN! AND I'M NOT EVEN A KID ANYMORE!"

"Pikachu, that's not Noctowl," said Togetic, pulling on his arm.

"Huh?" Pikachu looked up to see a Pokémon with a black face, white fur, and a sickle coming out of his head.

"I'm glad I'm finally able to see you. I am Absol, survivor of the Dark-types."

"Your name's 'Absol'? That's unfortunate," said Pikachu. "Can I call you Dear Abby?"

"No."

"The Ab-Abber 2000?"

"NO! I will not tolerate any cracks at my name!" Absol snapped before taking a swig out of his bottle of Absol-ut Vodka. "Now listen. As I'm sure you know already, your task is to awaken the remaining Sages and use their power to defeat Mewtwo."

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW THAT?" Pikachu screamed. "ARE YOU ANOTHER INTERNET STALKER? BECAUSE I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU PEOPLE!"

"Waste him, Pikachu!" Togetic cheered.

Pikachu reached for his Leaf Blade, only to discover it wasn't there. "Hey! Where's my Leaf Blade so I can slice your head off?"

"Why stop at his head?" Togetic said with a naughty grin.

"Pikachu, it was a leaf," said Absol. "It wasn't going to last for seven years."

"YOU STOLE IT, DIDN'T YOU?"

"What the hell would I do with a leaf?"

"STOP DODGING THE TRUTH YOU SICK BASTARD!"

Pikachu used Thunderbolt! Woah! How did that happen?

"That's what I wanted you to find out," Absol groaned as he got back to his feet. "With the Light Ball, you can now use Electric attacks."

"Oh. That's pretty sweet."

"Indeed. Now like I was saying, you have to go awaken the Sages. The first one is the Forest Sage, who lives in Kokiri Forest. She is a girl I'm sure you know very well."

"Really? Is it Togetic?"

"…No."

"My mom?"

"Your mom's dead, Pikachu."

"…Togetic?"

"IT'S LEAFEON, YOU ASSWIPE!" Absol roared. "But you can't help her the way you're currently equipped. You need a new weapon."

"Maybe if someone hadn't stolen my Leaf Blade…" Pikachu muttered.

"You need an entirely new weapon. You'll find it in the Kakariko Graveyard. Now hurry."

Absol stepped backward and vanished into the shadows.

"What the – dammit, why do people always do that to me?"

"Ya know, he was pretty hot," Togetic smirked.

"Yeah, I guess he was pretty – WHAT? Togetic, how can you say that?"

"What? He was! Do you think he liked me?"

"You wanted me to castrate him. I'm sure he's crazy about you. Seriously Togetic, don't you think I'm hot?"

Togetic stared at him, then turned around and started puking.

"I'm going to assume that was time travel sickness," Pikachu muttered as they walked out of the Temple of Time.

––

A/N: I kept you guys waiting a long time for this one, didn't I? Mostly I just wanted to keep you all in suspense. I generally won't wait so long between updates, largely because this story is still far from over.