Chapter 14 – The best you can do

Revised by: bookgodess15 :)

House was sitting in a chair next to Chase, legs placed on the ledge of his bed, reading a medical paper and making different faces while perusing the pages. It was already dark outside and House didn't bother to use the long fluorescent lamp affixed to the ceiling to beef up the reading experience, even though the one he seemed to be guarding was fast asleep, shifting his head on the pillow on and off since he had been watching him. As he got at the bottom of the page he heared Chase mumbling and turning about in his bed. He stroked his leg, which was sore from sitting at one position for over an hour and got up slowly. He was standing beside the bed just as Chase opened his eyes. He blinked confused, not being able to put the events in order or to figure out where he was at the first place.

"Your temperature broke. How are you feeling?" He noticed the familiar voice and turned his head towards it. House was twiddling with the IV stand, ocassionally glancing to the side to see Chase's reactions. He was feeling weak and dizzy, but managed to pull himself up a bit on the bed with one elbow rubbing at his face.

"Sick." As he tried to speak he found his throat was sore and he sounded congested, which was also noticed by House, who finally stopped and looked at him.

"Thank God! Now my heart is at rest because the aliens did not abduct you to try out one of their secret healing device. Get that shirt off!"

"Mmm…" Chase glanced down onto his chest and noticed that he was still wearing the same dark blue shirt, promiscuously undone, ripped on his right arm to which the IV was bound.

"Yeah. It's still the same one. Very clever obsevation. Now get it off!...Oh! Don't look at me like that! I'm not going to keep it!" Chase did what he was told, but he forgot about the needle in his arm and looked up at House.

"I cantake that out for a while. Sit up." As he was pulling out the needle Chase hissed a bit. When he finished he took the stethoscope and pressed it against Chase's chest. "I don't have to tell you what patients do in this case, do I?" Chase breathed in and out, coughing slightly to the side, feeling uncomfortable. House pressed his fingers under Chase's chin pressing the side of his neck at different points. "Does it hurt?" Chase nodded. "You shoud have kept your ass in bed as you were told." He draw back from the bed throwing a hospital shirt onto Chase's lap, who hesitated a bit before taking it on. He returned to the bedside after pouring some tea into a plastic glass and handed it to Chase accompanied by a small bottle.

"What is it?"

"Cough medicine, but you better check for big letters on their back before taking any." Chase nodded, getting the point, and managed a hardly visible smile, sipping from the tea.

"I mean the whole mug. You were dehydrated." Chase lifted the mug and tried to force himself to drink some more.

"How's the kid?.." He said it in a low, weak voice, which was rather a whisper.

"Ask how his dad is…no more vacation time…you can imagine…lot of crying, rage…as for the kid, he tasted the hard end of the remote control as it turned out, which eventually broke off the filling from his tooth, which he aspirated into his lungs, which caused the pneumonia. I ordered a bronchoscopy to remove it. He's gonna be fine."

"A filling?? How did you know?"

"The oral fixation hypothesis…some people never get out of the habit of putting everything in their mouth as part of their social cognition." Chase couldn't help but smile holding the plastic glass with both hands while watching House who was searching for something in one of the cupboards.

"Thank you…" House turned towards the bed to face Chase.

"For what?"

"For not asking anything." House made a clashing sound with his lips.

"I thought I wouldn't have to." Chase looked at him with confusion in his eyes licking his lips and shaking his head slightly, but House, instead of arguing or even explainig his point as usual, kept in silence starting to move out of the room. Chase turned his head away.

"We had an ugly quarell…she was drunk…and I left…" House turned back slowly clamping his lips. He limped back to the chair he was sitting in next to the bed and placed both of his hands onto his cane looking at Chase.

"Go on…"

"…we were a week before Christmas. I found her drinking on the sofa…that was not our first battle about it…she simply stood up and told me to go away, shouting, crying, the usual stuff…finally I took my things shut the door and went to my dad…" Chase gave a light sarcastic laugh before continuing. House watched him with concern. He expected another crying scene, but Chase's face was emotionless and calm, his voice sarcastic and tired. This surprised him.

"…He…went somewhere to amuse himself with my future stepmom…so I just stood there on the doorway with all my bags for 4 hours… He never talked about mom with me, he never talked about me either… I felt uncomfortable. After 3 days I decided to go back. Before asking I'm not sure if it was my conscience or just the fact that I was rather willing to pick empty bottles and shout days long than waiting for my dad…I still don't know why she did that…" his expression darkened and he paused "…It was terrible…" He bowed his head, definitely fighting with his tears, but this time he acted more mature than House expected. Like he always did in fact, aside from the two recent occasions he had the chance to witness. He very quickly pressed his eyes with his fingers then looked up at House. "Is this what you wanted to hear?"

"I wanted to hear how you felt… how you feel."

"I just told you."

"You told me it was terrible. I'm not an idiot! That's quite obvious."

"What do you want me to tell? That I felt like shit!? That I was crying and throwing up in turns? That the body laying on the bedroom floor was my own mom!?" Chase was half shouting at this point.

"Yeah! Tell me that you hated her, that you felt it was your fault! Tell me that you were afraid and disguasted! Tell me that you're over it!" Chase breathed heavily staring directly into House's eyes looking threatening and pitiful at the same time, beseting the blanket to somehow supress the urge of crying again in front of House.

"You know my answers already!..."

"I suspect them. That's not the same. What did you feel when you looked at her?"

"House! Enough! Leave me alone!"

"Not until you answer my question. Come on! Cry if you would like to, everybody would! What did you feel?"

"I'm not over it! Ok?!" Chase's face was now covered with different emotions. He lifted his hand to rub at his eyes again.

"I know…I would like to help…"

"By reminding me to something I don't want to remember?!" He paused for a bit. No matter what he said, he wanted to talk about it. He wanted him to know. "Yes…the answer to your question… I felt that it was my fault, that I left…I should have known…It didn't make it easier to deal with what happened. Nor did that everybody tried to ignore it. And yes, I hated her, I still do if that matters…for doing this to me…I cannot forgive it and I cannot forget it as I said. When I looked at her lying there…I felt…" He stopped, his voice was trembling. "I felt nothing…I couldn't think…there's one word for it and I already told you…It was terrible."

"You never talked about this, did you?" Chase shook his head. House waited for a moment then broke the silence. "Your mother was falling in and out of depression. I remember her visiting a psychologist when we were together. Her parents forced her to. She always joked about it… Maybe it was more serious than anyone concidered it to be…Cronic depression wasn't only a result, it was the cause. She was sick…It was not your fault." Chase slowly raised his head.

"Did you love her?" This question took House off guard. He didn't expect the question.

"I don't know…that was a long time ago…I think I did."

"Great. Somebody at least. She's never been an easy case. You didn't change, House."

"Yeah. I have a kink for nutters." House looked up in disbelief when he heared Chase laughing. It was a mixture of bitterness, sarcasm and something of a real laughter which made him smile too. "What?"

"Nothing. At least I know why you liked her, but why my dad hated her still makes me wonder."

"We will get back to it as soon as I find a good reason."

"Yeah...but don't…" Chase wanted to response but instead he cupped his hands in front of his face and sneezed loudly, which was followed by some coughing. "Bless." House sighed then stood up, reaching for Chase's forehead, checking for fever, before Chase could push his hand away in surprise.

"Just somelow fever." Chase sat there sniffling, still dazed from House's prior gesture. He saw that he was taking out different things from a drawer meanwhile throwing a pack of tissues towards him, which he caught with one hand.

"What are you doing?"

"It's time for the IV I pomised."

"I just sneezed, it's not like..."

"Sure it's not. You had a high fever, the flu and an asthmatic fit, other than that you are perfectly fine and I just enjoy keeping you here. I had a nasty fight with Cuddy over you...now I own your ass…Your arm!" Chase gazed at him, pouting his lips, but finally lifted his left arm towards House.

"What's up with Foreman?" Chase tried to divert the conversation into a different direction.

"Heee…is busy with my extra clinic hours…"

"So Cuddy got mad at you…" Chase chuckled.

"You can't imagine…she's a beast."

"And Foreman?"

"He ganged up with the beast, betrayed the king and saved the pawn in stuccato horse jumps."

"Wrong move…"

"The first two obviously…you should thank him."

"I know…he didn't figure it out, did he?" House shooke his head. Chase gave a thankful look, slightly relieved. He followed House's figure as he made his IV ready. He knew he won't tell anyone. He leant back to the pillow suddenly feeling tired, House was right, he was not fine yet. He wondered whether he gave him some sedative again, like he was sure he did last time. He didn't mind it indeed, that was the best House could possibly do, he would've done the same. They were not that different from this respect. That's why he trusted him, that's why he never tried to compare his actions to the trivial benchmark of mimiced ethics, morals and emotions, which he himself never believed in, the way Cameron did most of the time. That's why he tended to take his side at times aside from protecting himself. House must have noticed his tired look, because he glared at him with drawn eyes.

"Tired?" Chase nodded. "Have some rest. That's the best you can do…better than thinking about what might have been..."

"I'm gonna be fine." House nodded. Chase's eyes were already closed when House raised his head to face him again.

"I'm sorry…" He said softly before turning off the lights.

TBC…

Note:

Fist of all, I would like to say sorry for the huge delay, but I had lots of exams this semester which took up all my time for a while. But now I'm back with the new chapter! I hope you'll like it! I was thinking very hard how to go on with the story, but now I think I made up my mind. :D

Well, I'm just very impressed with all the nice reviews!!! Thank you:D