VERY IMPORTANT SUPER MUST READ VERY COOL A/N: So uh, most of these jokes are visual. Haha. Very sorry, but fanfiction unfortunately doesn't allow me to insert images into the story the way ao3 does. While I transcribed all the words into text here and tried to describe the images to the best of my abilities, I don't think my words can do these graphics I made justice. But never fear! I have a link!
bit . ly / 2wHP94N (- Type in this url without the spaces and it should lead to my tumblr. I promise the link is safe!)
Yo, what's up Uraraka.
I just wanted to let you know about how dope of a guy Bakugou is. Like, did you know he helped me ask Jirou out? Oh wait, you were there...guess you already knew that. Well, besides that, Jirou says he even helped her out at some point during the date (yeah, we both knew you were all there the whole time, but it's cool fam).
Anyways, because Iida completely forgot to add in his cool traits last time, I've come up with my OWN list HAHAHAHA
List of Bakugou's good traits:
•Hella smart
•NICE abs
•Ignore what Iida said because his hairstyle is LIT
•Knows his fashion stuff so he'll make sure that YOU'RE gonna be the ugly one in the relationship
Wait, actually that last one might be a bad thing instead...
Well whatever! I think you should date him! And I'm not just saying this because I want to stalk you on YOUR date...haha...what?
Also, unlike Iida, I don't have a camera. But I still wanted to add in a "For Your Consideration Section" for the memes you know XP
For Your Consideration
«Insert image of shitty stick drawing of Katsuki breathing fire, with a speech bubble floating above his head saying, "Uraraka's hot and I'll kill you if you don't think so!"»
In conclusion, date my mans.
From,
Kaminari
He's cool, I guess
-Jirou
Uraraka,
I, too, would like to take this opportunity to recommend Bakugou as a potential partner for you.
«Insert triple-moon hex drawing with a picture of Bakugou taped to the center of it. Above his picture is a heart drawn in red.»
With this hex, there should be no problem with you falling for Bakugou's charms now.
You're welcome,
Tokoyami
Katsuki doesn't know what he's done to deserve this. Any of this.
He helped un-asshole-ify Kaminari's entire outfit, and this is how the guy rewards him?
He aided Jirou in having a normal date with Kaminari when all she's ever done is make fun of him, and this is how she repays him?
He essentially bailed Tokoyami out of an entire prison sentence after Jirou threatened to call the cops on them, and this is how he repays him?
Katsuki had even kindly inquired Tokoyami, "Where the hell did you get that picture?!" to which the guy had merely responded, "I found it when I was digging around in Iida's trash."
That, which was immediately met by a: "Why were you digging around in Iida's trash?"
Katsuki's obscene cries, however, were only met with silence — fading into the dusk like waning rays of light.
And that now brings him back to the present time. Here. With these two letters of recommendation.
Nailed into Uraraka's doors like they're Martin Luther's 95 Theses on the Catholic Church.
...If Katsuki calls the feds on them for property damage, would that seem like enough of a non-selfish reason for him to want those stupid fucking letters of recommendation removed?
...Wait.
Wait a second.
When did Katsuki start caring about things like selfishness? And non-selfishness?
Katsuki scratches his head a little.
Is this what having friends has done to him?
Does he like, actually have a moral compass now?
...Well considering that he now knows what a moral compass is, the answer to that question is probably yes.
He takes another look at Kaminari's letter, reading over the words, "Uraraka's hot and I'll kill you if you don't think so!" Grimacing a little, he thinks to himself, Isn't this a little...distasteful?
Sure, maybe a few months ago he would've said this exact sentence word-for-word, and sure, he would've gotten away with it too, simply because to not say it would essentially be character assassination.
But now, Katsuki's grown. Now, he knows to abide by the law.
Now, he knows that the fear of jail time is very fucking real, and he absolutely shouldn't be saying shit about killing all willy nilly.
Katsuki calmly contemplates these words, which bang against the crown of his skull like an endlessly ricocheting rubber ball tossed around at a perpetual speed of mach 7.
Hey, doesn't he sound...a bit friendlier, perhaps? A bit less like a jerk? Like...a better person?
Upon realizing this, Katsuki instantly begins aggressively knocking on Uraraka's door. Because hell yeah he's going to show off any and all improvement and rub it in her face.
(It's during times like these when Katsuki subconsciously questions whether his crush on Uraraka is motivated purely out of spite at this point.)
"Bakugou-chan," a voice behind him suddenly says, sending an army's march of goosebumps down the length of his spine. "What're you doing in front of Uraraka's room, ribbit?"
Immediately, every reflex in Katsuki's body tells him to skedaddle away, right now.
Except, on the way out, something tugs on his arm.
"Bakugou-chan," the voice repeats. "I'd like to have a word with you."
Aw man, fuck.
How does he keep getting into these situations?
Once again, Bakugou Katsuki finds himself bound to a chair, with a blindingly bright light beaming down once more upon his wretched figure.
Except this time, he's somehow even more confused.
Instead of five girls piled onto the other end of a huge wooden table that he's as of now still unsure how they managed to wrangle through Ashido's doorway this time, there are now four girls and nine guys stockpiled onto that side of the room.
Katsuki begins counting faces. Let's see, there's Ashido, Jirou, Yaoyorozu, Froggy, Kaminari, Kirishima, Aoyama, Iida, Tokoyami, Todoroki, Shoji, Sato, and Koda.
That's a lot of people.
That's a lot of people that he recognizes.
He pauses, trying to think of what could possibly warrant this kind of attention on his person.
But after five seconds of thinking and seven more seconds of not being able to come up with any sufficient reason, Katsuki gives up.
Regardless, the answer here is probably that he's in some kind of deep shit.
But besides that, as much as Katsuki constantly talks about how things are fire hazards, this is the very first time where he's 100% certain that having this many people in this tiny of a dorm is definitely some kind of safety violation here.
Where are the authority figures in this school?
Why are they allowing this?
"So," Ashido begins, squinting her eyes at him. She then pulls out a flashlight and begins to beam that into his eyes. "I've read Kaminari's and Tokoyami's letters of recommendation—"
Fuck. Katsuki really should've just torn that shit down. Vandalism would've been enough of a reason to do so. Fuck. Why did he have to shoot himself in the foot like that by being a wishy washy little bitch?
"—and we just wanted to ask you," Ashido continues, "what makes you think you're good enough for Uraraka?"
Katsuki blankly stares at her.
Huh?
Kirishima — three people away from Ashido — stretches his neck out to look at her. "Hey, I think Bakugou's a pretty great—"
"Yeah, Ashido! He's dope!" Kaminari butts in, defiantly folding his arms together. "If you had really read my letter of rec instead of just laughing at my drawing skills, you would know!"
Sato awkwardly begins shuffling towards the door. "You know, I don't really know Uraraka that well, so, like, maybe I'll just go…"
"I think Bakugou-san would be a ~✦✶✵✺✳︎✷✬◇✧ ✭✶✵✺✳︎✷✬✪✭ ✧◇✦Brilliant✦◇✧ ✭✪✬✷✳︎✺✵✶✭ ✧◇✬✷✳︎✺✵✶✭✦~ match for Uraraka-san!"
Shoji shakes his head at Aoyama's sparkling comment. "Well, I think Bakugou still might have some growing to do before he's ready to be in–"
"Ugh, growth is overrated!" Dark Shadow groans, swiping at the air. "It's all about rushing headfirst into a relationship, inevitably getting your heart broken, and spending the rest of your life wallowing in depressing slam poetry." He shoots a thumbs up at Katsuki. "So I for one am rooting for you, my man!"
Meanwhile, Todoroki looks around the room, taking in everyone's faces one by one. Then, he takes an uncomfortably long look at Katsuki. "I don't know what I'm doing here," the piercing depths of his one icy iris screams.
"Bakugou-san is an illustrious member of the student council, and as the president, I strongly recommend—"
"Indeed. He did try to help me tutor everyone before our exams, and though I can't say he did well as a tutor, he at least—"
"Yeah, he's not bad," Jirou chimes in.
...Who the fuck is this girl and where did the hell did the real Jirou go?
"I'm fine with Bakugou-san dating Uraraka-san, as long as it means he'll stay away from Coco," Koda says.
Katsuki's eyes start threatening to spin out of his skull at this point.
Is Koda still on that angle?
When will the ban end?
"Hold on, hold on, ribbit." Froggy holds her hands up at everyone to calm them down. "This is a little, ribbit, confusing, don't you all think?" She raises her hand high up like a teacher's pet in class. "Raise your hand if you're not in favor of Bakugou-chan dating Ochako-chan."
Shoji raises eight of his hands. Ashido joins in on the fun.
"Then all in favor, ribbit?"
Kaminari and Iida both enthusiastically shoot their hands up. Tokoyami calmly raises an arm up, while Dark Shadow throws up both his wings in excitement. Kirishima raises his hand, as does Aoyama, who inserts in a little twirl before doing so. Koda timidly puts a hand up, and Yaoyorozu follows suit. After a moment's worth of hesitancy, Jirou half-heartedly, shamefully raises her hand.
"Sato-chan, Todoroki-chan, I notice, ribbit, that you two didn't vote," Froggy says, turning towards them.
"Does it matter?" Sato asks, pointing at the rest of the crew. "There's already a pretty overwhelming majority here, and it's not like my vote would turn the tides or anything."
"Sato-san! In a democracy, your vote always—"
"Iida, you literally staged a coup d'etat and established your own shadow council. Who are you to talk about democra—"
"I don't know what I'm doing here," Todoroki repeats. Except this time, out loud.
"Well, I suppose if we're mostly, ribbit, in favor of the two of them dating, then—"
"Let's set them up!" Kaminari suddenly exclaims, eyes wide with a manic, impromptu excitement.
"Dude—"
"Kaminari-san, I believe that would be—"
"How absolutely ~✦✷✬✪✭ ✧◇✶✵✺✳︎✷✬◇✧ ✭✶✵✺✳︎✷✬✪✭ ✧◇✦Spectacular✦◇✧ ✭✪✬✷✳︎✺✵✶✭ ✧◇✬✷✳︎✺✵✶✭◇✧ ✭✪✬✷✦~"
"Ooh, that sounds super fun!" Ashido begins jumping up and down in excitement. "You know what? I change my mind! I think I'm gonna change sides!"
"Ashido-san! In a true democracy, there are no takesies-backsies!"
"How should we set them up?"
"Well, if we're to surreptitiously get the two of them together, we must first learn the art of bird calling. Here is a cockatoo—"
"Okayyy man, let's not."
"Are we in need of any hexes?"
"Magic? Yo dude, that sounds pretty cool—!"
"I'm not sure if magic is up to code…"
"What code?"
"I mean, the—"
Shoji sighs, resignedly shaking his head at the rest of them. "Well, I suppose someone needs to supervise—"
"Haha, hell yeah, Shoji! Join the dark side with us!"
"I just want you all to know, that if anything goes too far, I'll be reporting directly to Aizawa-sen—"
"Awww man, a snitch?"
"Come on, man!"
"Shoji-san, even I wouldn't—"
"Yeah! Even Iida wouldn't do that to us, man!"
"—in fact, I would rather report directly to Principal Nezu!"
"...What the hell, Iida?!"
"Can we ban these two?"
"As the student council president, I—"
While the lot of them bicker amongst themselves, Froggy reaches out and begins untying the rope tethering Katsuki to his wooden chair. "Come with me, Bakugou-chan," she says, extending an hand to him.
And because Katsuki's pretty sure he's gonna go deaf if he stays here for any longer, he obediently obliges.
Look, Katsuki is fully aware that him being obedient to anything, even his own mother, is entirely out of character for him.
He gets that, and he fully regrets his decision.
But regret won't take his actions back.
Remorse can't change the past.
Repentance won't explain why he's sitting here in the middle of Yuuei's garden doing yoga of all things.
"Okay, now bend your body, ribbit, until you're at about a sixty degree angle," Froggy instructs. She places her hands on the ground and begins walking them forwards until her body and the ground form somewhat of an equilateral triangle. "And this, ribbit, is the downward dog position."
No, really, what is the point of this?
"Hey, uh—"
"It's Asui-chan."
"Alright, Asui...chan. Can you just explain to me—"
"Okay, now we're going to stretch our back out and do a plank, ribbit." Asui walks her hands forward again until her back forms a straight line. Katsuki follows suit, to a position he can only refer to as: the easy part of a push up.
"So, Asui," he tries again, "could you just explain why we're—"
"Now, get up back to a standing pose. Taking one leg forward, we're going to follow through with one arm, ribbit, while stretching the other to the sky. This is the triangle pose, ribbit."
"Asui, what—"
"Oh heyyy, guys!" Ashido suddenly materializes in the distance, her voice reverberating from no less than two hundred meters away. "What'cha doin'?"
Behind her is a haphazard conga line of her peers. And Uraraka.
Katsuki really hopes this isn't what he thinks it is.
Congratulations! New skill «Foresight» has been gained.
Fuck.
"Looks fun!" Ashido giddily exclaims, only a few tens of feet away from Katsuki now. "Can we join?"
That question of hers, however, was clearly rhetorical, as she immediately sets one of her legs onto the other knee, pushes both palms together, and settles herself into a tree pose.
"Come on, everybody!" she chirps. "Yoga is fun!"
The slight twitch in her eye — as well as the strained muscles along her neck from pulling a forced smile — would like to argue otherwise.
"Come on, Uraraka!" Still holding the tree pose, Ashido flamingo-hops her way over to Uraraka. "Join in on the fun!"
Uraraka warily looks around, eying the rest of her classmates. The second she lays eyes on Todoroki doing a downward dog, she looks so bewildered it seems like she's temporarily lost all function in her brain.
"Uraraka, do the tree!" Ashido says again, this time a little louder. The look in the endless abyss of her eyes demands utter subservience.
Startled, Uraraka has no choice but to oblige. "I...o-okay." She hastily scrambles herself into a tree pose.
And then.
And then...and then Ashido very obviously fakes a trip.
As in, she slowly kicks one leg out, buckles the other knee under her, and "falls" flat on her face. A piece of paper slips out of her pocket.
«Insert image of Katsuki's face taped onto Napoleon's body on David's Napolean Crossing the Alps. In red marker above, are the words, "Wow, look at this handsome knight in shining armor!"»
"Oh no~" Ashido not-so-sincerely calls out. "What's this~?"
Meanwhile, a Dark Shadow doing a Warrior pose at the back of the line is losing it.
Ashido paws around at the ground, faking a desperate urge to retrieve the paper again.
Two more pieces of paper flutter out of her pocket.
Katsuki stares at these mortifying collages.
«Insert image of Uraraka's face pasted onto Fragonard's The Swing, with Bakugou — drawn on blushes on face — pasted onto the man beneath her skirt, saying, "uwuraka!"»
«Insert image of Uraraka's face taped onto Adam in Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam, with Katsuki's face taped onto God. Around him are miscellaneous faces taped onto the surrounding angels.»
David's Napoleon Crossing the Alps.
Fragonard's The Swing.
Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam.
Who knew Ashido was so cultured?
...Scratch that, who knew he was?
"Oh no~" Ashido repeats. "Did you see them?" she asks, gathering up all the papers.
And then she shoves them all in Uraraka's face. "Did you see them?" she repeats, adding an odd enunciation to every word.
Katsuki wants to die.
Actually, fuck that. He's probably already dead.
Because right now, this is hell.
This is bullying.
And worst of all, Uraraka's being dragged into this clusterfuck.
Not wanting to waste a moment more being a hesitant fuck and risking Ashido pulling out even more weird collages, Katsuki grabs Uraraka's and Asui's wrists. "Let's just go and do yoga elsewhere," he says, leading them back to Heights Alliance.
"Ooh~ Yoga elsewhere~"
"I see you, Bakugou! Respect 100!"
"Bakugou-san, if you are to do this 'yoga' 'elsewhere,' then I would highly recommend you—"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP; THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"
"Okay, ribbit, you two. Take a deep breath in, ribbit, hold...and then deep breath out."
Asui is sitting cross-legged into a lotus pose on the floor, taking in deep inhalations through her nose and even deeper exhalations out her mouth. "Breathe," she commands.
Katsuki's cross-legged on the floor, too, but unlike Asui — who's calmly meditating with her eyes closed — his eyes are pointed upwards at the sky.
Seriously.
What is this?
Why are they still doing yoga?
Just because he said, "Let's do yoga elsewhere" doesn't mean he actually wanted to do yoga elsewhere.
"Asui, you never explained to me why we're—"
"Breathe in, ribbit, breathe out."
"This is pretty relaxing, actually," Uraraka says next to them, while also in lotus pose.
"Ohhh Bakuuugouuu!" Kaminari screams out, suddenly kicking down the door to Asui's room.
"Not anymore," Katsuki catches Uraraka muttering.
"We come bearing gifts!" Kaminari continues, whipping out a cake. "It's Sato's!"
"Come in," Katsuki immediately offers. After all, Katsuki loves Sato's cakes.
Look, if he didn't already have the biggest crush on Uraraka, then Sato would probably be the biggest contender for his heart right about now.
Not just because he can bake some nice cakes, but also because he's a beefcake.
Congratulations! New Move «Dad Jokes» has been added to your arsenal of attacks. But you already know four moves! Should a Move be forgotten to make space for «Dad Jokes»?
• Right Jab
• Left Kick
• Leer
» Pride
Are you sure you would like to delete your «Pride» to make room for «Dad Jokes»?
» Yes
1, 2 and...POOF! Congratulations! You are a «Fool».
"Strawberry shortcake?!" Uraraka exclaims with glee, immediately taking up a fork to dig in.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, cake, cake, cake," Ashido says, verbally brushing the cake aside. "More importantly"—she hoists what looks to be an empty wine bottle in the air—"I have this!"
Iida immediately busts his head through the crack in the door. "As the student council president leading a group of future pro heroes, I cannot condone underage—"
"Chill out, man." Kirishima yanks Iida through the threshold. "It's just some, uh"—Kirishima takes a quick glance at the label—"sparkling—"
"~◇✧ SPARKLING ✧◇~"
"—apple—"
"~✵✺✳︎APPLE✳︎✺✵~"
"—ci—"
"~✦✷✬✪✭CIDER✭✪✬✷✦~"
"—non-alcoholic, of course."
"Oh. Yes, then...in that case, I can fully condone—"
"Haha yeah!" Ashido exclaims, plopping herself straight down onto Asui's floor. "We're gonna play Spin the Bottle!"
Oh no.
Katsuki doesn't like where this is going.
All of the kids Katsuki can recognize by name also begin sitting their asses on the floor in a circle that more so resembles an amoeba than anything else.
And before he knows it, they've forced Katsuki's attendance into the circle as well, by sheer virtue of just gathering around him.
"Uraraka," Kaminari says, snatching the empty bottle from Ashido and 'casually' handing it over to Uraraka. "You wanna start?"
"I—"
"You're starting," he demands. Katsuki has never seen the guy look so assertive in his life.
The ends of Uraraka's lips pull down on her face as the tips of her fingers hesitantly tap against the cold glass of the bottle.
"Come on," Kaminari insists, forcing the bottle on her again. There's a dangerously mischievous glint in his eyes.
Uraraka sighs, but ultimately relents. Finally taking the bottle in her hands, she sets it in the middle of the…"circle" and weakly spins it.
It barely budges a few centimeters.
"Awww, come on!" Ashido whines. "You gotta do more than that!"
"Yeah!" Dark Shadow joins in. Taking the bottle in his wing, he says, "Give it a little...spin." And then he aggressively flicks it in a clockwise direction.
The bottle begins whirling around, so fast it devolves into nothing more than a blur. The second it slows down enough for the cap end to start making itself clear, Katsuki notes the expression on everyone's faces as it points at them one by one.
Ashido is pumping her fists in the air in anticipation. Kaminari is a bundle of jolted nerves, giggling to himself with his fingers crossed. Next to him, Jirou sits in stark contrast — legs loosely tucked under her, she casually leans back on one arm, barely paying any attention to the bottle's direction. Towards her left, Shoji is covering his eyes with all ten of his hands, and sitting directly across from him, Yaoyorozu is following suit (albeit, with just her two hands). Sato, on Shoji's other side, doesn't seem to give a shit, as he voraciously begins chowing down on his own cake. Kirishima keeps stealing glances in Katsuki's direction and Tokoyami is taking a nap. Likewise, Asui — who somehow got caught in the circle too — is still in lotus position on the floor. Aoyama, meanwhile, is sitting perfectly upright on his lonesome — sparkling, as per usual. Nearby, Todoroki and Koda look like they want to leave, considering how badly they keep eying the door, and Iida looks like he wants them to absolutely, definitely stay, considering how badly he keeps eying them to keep their asses sat on the floor.
Uraraka looks like she's been trapped into an undesirable situation.
The bottle begins to slow ever more, eventually rounding the circle at a snail's pace.
And seeing this, Kaminari and Ashido look like they're about to bounce into the stratosphere out of excitement.
Slowly teetering around, the bottle finally slows to a definite halt, landing on...Shoji.
"Alright, which of Shoji's mouths are you gonna kiss?" Dark Shadow jeers, pointing at Shoji. "Tentacle mouth one or tentacle mouth two?"
"Uh…"
"Oh look at that!" Ashido suddenly exclaims, pointing at the ceiling.
"Look at wha—"
"Whoops!" Taking advantage of her distraction, Ashido zealously spins the bottle again. "Oh no~ My hand slipped!" Hand on her head, she feigns remorse. But the slight showing of a toothy grin alerts everyone to her true intentions.
Once again, the bottle spins at an otherworldly speed, before finally coming to a stop at...an incredibly shocked Yaoyorozu.
Ashido pouts. Not even bothering to fake a distraction this time, she flicks the bottle again. "Whoops!"
It lands on Koda.
"I said...whoops!"
This time, it stops at Aoyama.
"WHOOPS."
It lands on Katsuki.
Seeing this, Ashido's frown immediately flips on its head, transforming into an impish grin. "Oh, would you look at that!" she squeals. "It landed on Bakugou!"
"Come on, Uraraka!" Kaminari shouts out, as if on cue. "Give him a kiss!"
Miscellaneous other peers join in on the excitement.
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Dark Shadow heckles, rhythmically pumping his wings up and down in tandem with his exclamations.
"I—" Uraraka looks nervously around the room, before her gaze awkwardly lands on Katsuki. And then she meekly averts her eyes again. "I...can it just be a hug instead?"
Kaminari vehemently shakes his head. "No, you gotta kiss. It's the name of the game."
"The name of the game," Iida interjects, "is Spin the Bott—"
"That's not what I meant, Iida!"
"Does it"—Uraraka quietly murmurs, scratching at her arm in an obvious onslaught of anxiety—"does it have to be on the mouth?"
"Haha, yes."
"Well, can we instead just—"
"Uraraka-san," Yayaorozu suddenly pipes up. "Is this a matter of it being Bakugou-san?" Her eyebrows knit together in concern. "Would you rather be kissing someone else?"
"Well, I mean—"
"Who would you rather kiss, then?" Jirou chimes in.
"I mean, if it's about who I'd rather kiss, I...um—"
The sound of glass shattering in the distance rings in everyone's ears. Alarmed, everyone looks around, trying to figure out what's happened. And in the midst of all this, Katsuki — fresh out of chucking a glass bottle out the window of a fifth floor dorm — indignantly slips out of the room.
Really, he doesn't think his heart can handle hearing about who Uraraka would rather get a kiss from.
Katsuki trudges around his room in circles.
Uraraka didn't want to kiss him.
Well, fine, that's to be expected. It's not like she liked him, anyway.
But those eyes of hers that darted around to look at everywhere but him, those lips of hers that kept coming up with any excuse not to meet his, that slight tremor in her voice as she kept dodging the question over and over.
He knows that she doesn't like him. And he's accepted that by now.
But that doesn't change the fact that rejection still fucking hurts.
Especially when it's rejection in such a public setting.
His embarrassment pools in his chest, refusing to escape the asylum of his lungs. He can't breathe. Fuck, he can't breathe.
Katsuki stops himself in place, forcing his eyelids shut to concentrate on his breathing. But no matter how deep of a huff of air he takes, they refuse to puncture through his trachea, instead bouncing off his lungs like impermeable trampolines.
He can't breathe, and at this point, he's hyperventilating.
What can he do?
Does he know anything to do?
Katsuki's so asphyxiated at this point, that he's pretty sure he can see his life flashing before his eyes.
Oh hey, there's him being a little shit at the age of seven. There's him getting into Yuuei about a year ago. There's him fighting Uraraka at the sports festival, promptly followed by an image of him getting rejected from her. There's him getting rejected by her over and over throughout his trials and tribulations making friends.
Damn, is dying supposed to hurt this bad?
He's always known there would be physical pain associated with it, but emotional as well? Fuck, dude.
As his final memory before his death, an image of him doing yoga today flickers in front of him.
Yoga.
No.
No, absolutely the fuck—
Katsuki pauses.
He's seeing stars now, so apparently the answer is absolutely the fuck yes, he should do yoga.
Damn.
Obsequiously plopping his ass down on the ground, Katsuki awkwardly forces himself into a lotus pose. Closing his eyes again — this time with much less pressure — he focuses on...well, nothing. Emptying his brain, he thinks only of his breathing.
In, like a balloon slowly filling up.
Out, like a bowl of water leisurely tipping out.
In, like bread rising in the oven.
Out, like exhaust sputtering out of a car engine.
As he continues this, he feels air actually entering his lungs and beginning to circulate around the rest of his body.
He opens his eyes again at the startling realization.
Yoga...actually works?
He scrambles back up to his feet.
Hey, if this mediation shit worked, then what about those other poses?
Katsuki immediately bends down, touching his toes. And then he walks his hands forwards in a downward dog.
You know, now that he thinks of it, this is actually a really nice stretch—
It's just at that moment that someone decides to knock once on his door and force their way in.
Just to walk in on Katsuki, with his ass pointed to the door.
It's a face-to-ass meet-cute, if you will.
"Bakugou-chan?" the person asks. "What're you doing, ribbit?" A pause. "Yoga?"
Blood — for more reasons than just by virtue of his head being upside down — is rushing to Katsuki's face as he stares at Asui from between his legs. "N-no…"
"Ribbit."
"I was just...trying to get something."
"...Ribbit."
"It's not what you think—"
"Ribbit."
"Okay, okay, fine." Katsuki finally surrenders. He's not sure if it's from a sense of feeling slighted, or from utter dizziness at this point. "I...I'm doing yoga."
"Ribbit."
Katsuki forces himself back up again, sighing as the pool of blood in his head finally gets to circulate back into the rest of his body. "I was...doing yoga"—he spits the word out—"and it worked and meditation was calming and helped me breathe, alright?"
Asui nods, her tongue sticking out ever so slightly from her lips. She casually looks around the room, before her eyes widen ever so slightly. She looks back at Katsuki. "Yeah, of course you had trouble breathing, ribbit." She points at something behind him. "Your window's still closed."
Katsuki glances over his shoulder.
Sure enough, his window is still padlocked shut.
He is.
So.
Fucking.
Stupid.
And, what's more, this just means that yoga really doesn't fucking work.
Storming to the window, he opens it with an irate flourish, and turns back around to Asui. "If meditation and breathing shit doesn't actually work, then what was the point of teaching me yoga today?"
Asui blinks. "Well, they do work." She shakes her head a little. "I just wanted to point out that your room was stuffy." Finger on her chin, she asks, "Yoga helped you with mediation, ribbit?"
"Well, yes—"
"It calmed you down, ribbit?"
"Yeah…"
She smiles. "That's great!"
No.
No, not great.
"That still doesn't answer my question," he demands.
She sighs, looking somewhat irritated at his irritation. "I've heard about your, ribbit, friendship exploits recently, Bakugou-chan. And considering how much a lot of other people in class seem to like you now, I just wanted to see if you had changed, ribbit."
Katsuki rubs at his temples. What? "And how was yoga supposed to help you with that—"
"I just, ribbit, wanted to see if you could get into a calmer disposition now."
"Right."
"To, ribbit, see if you had really grown as a person the way other kids seem to say you have."
"Right."
"And I wanted to see, ribbit, if you were worthy of Ochako-chan now."
"...Wrong."
"Ribbit?"
Katsuki glowers, tightening his fist. He's just about had it with all these 1-A kids today. "Recommendation letter this, worthy of Uraraka that." He swipes at the air. "You realize, right, that it doesn't matter how much of a match other people think she and I are? Who cares if you think I'm a good match for Uraraka—"
Asui frowns for the first time all day. "I'm one of Ochako-chan's best friends—"
"—because ultimately, the only person to decide whether or not I'm a match for her is her," he concludes.
For a second, the girl looks taken aback, before slowly settling back into her usual lax pose. But now, there's a lack of tenseness even in her eyes, and a hint of a smile gracing her lips.
"Look, Asui—"
"You can call me Tsu." She nods her head at him.
"...Alright, Tsu." He gives her a quizzical look. He thought she said her name was Asui before, so what the heck is a Tsu? "It's not like I"—he lays a hand over his heart, in an uncharacteristic act of sincerity—"can't respect the opinions of Uraraka's closest friends, but it's also just fucking dumb for everyone to go running around acting as proxy for her decisions."
Asui licks her lips a little, before folding the tip of her tongue back into her mouth. "Bakugou-chan," she says, a softness setting into her features, "I think you've come a long way."
"Wha—"
"HEY, KIDS!" Someone kicks down Katsuki's door and busts his way through the threshold.
It's Kaminari.
"WHO WANTS TO PLAY SOME GAMES?"
Thrown over his shoulder like a potato sack is Uraraka, who's pounding her fists against his chest and knees against his back in protest.
"We're going to do a cooking contest!" Sato declares, a knife already in hand.
"It's in teams of two," Koda adds, and Katsuki notices the two of them are already in matching red aprons.
"That wasn't the plan," Kaminari hisses at the two of them, in a way that Katsuki assumes was supposed to be discreet. But considering how permanently fried Kaminari's brain is, nothing that guy does ever goes to plan.
Seriously, what does Jirou see in a guy like that, anyway?
"We're going to watch some—"
"~◇✧TWINKLING✧◇~
"—movies together!" Kirishima exclaims, adding his voice to the fray.
"No, no, no!" Ashido shouts. "We're gonna play Seven Minutes in Heaven!" She rubs her chin, mischievous glint in her eyes. "You and Uraraka are gonna go first, okay?" she says, waggling her eyebrows.
Behind her, Todoroki sighs. "So we're not doing a cooking contest?" He looks dejectedly down at the empty soba bowl in his hands.
"Bakugou-san! Uraraka-san! I have arranged for you two an amusement park date tomorrow! Take these two tick—"
"No, Iida. You're supposed to say that it's a group field trip, before we all come up with excuses on why we can't go!"
"Oh. Well…" Iida's glasses fog over for a moment, as he ponders how to go about this. A lightbulb goes off in the reflection of his frames. "Bakugou-san! Uraraka-san! I have arranged a class field trip to the amusement park tomorrow. But because of incoming weather conditions, neither me — nor anyone else in the class — can make it tomorro—"
"Dude."
"How about another shopping trip?"
"Why, yes! A fashion show sounds absolutely splen—"
"I still think Seven Minutes in Heaven would be—"
"What about a game of Truth or Dare?"
"Can I suggest charades instead?"
"How would charades foster a romantic connection, Shoji?"
"Well—"
Amidst all this chaos, Katsuki looks back towards Uraraka's figure, who is now resignedly slumping on Kaminari's shoulders.
And, you know what?
As much as it irritates the shit out of Katsuki that he has to deal with this, it absolute incenses him that Uraraka has to be deal with all this unwarranted attention.
Because, you know what? His dumb crush is for him to deal with alone. And it's not something that him or anyone else can force Uraraka to oblige to.
"Enough already," he yells out. The room immediately falls silent. "Quit it with your recommendation letters and obvious attempts at getting me and Uraraka together, okay?" Pointing at an Uraraka who looks almost at the point of frustrated tears, he cries out, "Can't you see you're making her uncomfortable?"
"Uhm…" Unable to let go of Katsuki's burning gaze, Kaminari slowly sets Uraraka off his shoulders. "Oh...uh...sorry man." He twiddles his thumbs. "It was all in good fun, really."
Katsuki scowls at the lot of them. "If you think that shit was fun, then you can all get out of my room right now and look up what that word actually means in the dictionary."
"Baku—"
"Get out."
"But Ba—"
"I said get out!"
In a final cacophony of moans and groans, the 1-A kids all shuffle out of Katsuki's room — with an amused Asui leading a perplexed Uraraka out the door.
Sometime Later, Uraraka's Room
"Hey."
"Ribbit."
"You know, that whole thing today, with Bakugou-kun…"
"Ribbit?"
"Yeah, at the end of the day. When he was, like, telling everyone off."
"Ribbit."
"I know, I know, it's him of all people. But you know, it was—"
"...Ribbit?"
"It was...argh. It was kinda hot, you know?"
"Ribbit~"
A/N: Anyway, so I think the next chapter is Sero, but I'm not entirely sure since I don't have any concrete plans right now, haha. I'm gonna reply to some of your reviews here:
Guest: HAHAHA, thanks so much for telling me this! I can't believe I forgot which team Kaminari was on! I'll go and make edits later, but thank you so much for making me aware of my mistake LOL.
ILiekFishes: Ah, yes! I'm gonna say that for all the reasons you said that the sentence is wrong, is why I intentionally structured them that way, haha. A lot of my humor is based on subverting expectation, so I thought that by sorta inverting that kind of sentence structure, it would be an interesting surprise to the readers. That's not to say I did it well haha, if it doesn't read as intentional, so thanks for pointing it out! I'll try to figure out if I can make the joke more obvious, or how I can just improve on syntactical jokes in the future haha.
TheSilverHunt3r: Ooh, Bakugou as the fashion guru for the entire group sounds like a fun idea! Idk if I can ever fit that in in the future, but I'll keep it in mind. Thanks!
Ta11gir11: Omg, thank you so much! I'm very happy that that line made you cringe enough you had to walk it off around your room LOL. Thank you so much, I'm so happy you like my writing. That makes me so happy, thank you!
Sorry, I'm rushed today so I can't reply to everyone's reviews like last time, but I truly appreciate all of them. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope I can update as consistently as I have been the past few chapters! See you next chapter!