Chapter Fourteen

Arthur stood at the window and watched Merlin, he just stood there letting the rain drench him, and he looked so small and alone. Arthur wished he could go out there and comfort him, or at least offer him his cloak to shelter under.

The apparition continued to read.

I can't believe I left this go so long without writing, I feel like I've been on the road for months, probably because I have. Uther nearly got us killed, running after any rumors of sorcerers or magic. I've been using my magic more and more, its a miracle that no-one's noticed. Much more of this and I'll be caught. Thank god Morgana doesn't know about my magic. There's one less thing to worry about. She said she forgave me for poisoning her, but she was just trying to regain my trust. She's in league with Morgause, fully this time not just unwittingly like before with the knights of Medire. I followed her found out she was making Uther mad to weaken the kingdom for an attack. They caught me, and left me for dead bound in magical chains. A Serket stung me and I couldn't get free.

"Stop!" cried Arthur, shocked that Merlin spoke so frankly about Morgana's betrayal, but the apparition paid no mind.

It turns out being a dragonlord has its advantages, Killgarrah saved me, killed the creatures and took me off to safety he cured the sting as well, but it took too much time. Morgause and Cenred were already marching on Camelot by the time I made it back. Some days I wonder about him. Morgana thankfully didn't try to kill me again when she realized I'd escaped, well not until I tried to stop her from summoning an undead army from the crypts of the city. Then she gave it a good try, its a good job I've had so much practice blocking with a sword, thanks for that Arthur, though she did manage to knock the sword out of my hand, it gave me the opportunity to duck down and make the ceiling fall in on her. I destroyed the magic she used to summon the dead, and they fell silent again, leaving the knights to fight off Cenred who seeing the full force of Camelot decided to cut his losses and retreat. It isn't over, not while Morgause has an army she can call on, she'll come up with some other way to give Cenred the advantage.

Morgana made it out of the crypt. She didn't out me for trying to stop her, she only took credit for my stopping the magic on the bones. I'd say Uther thinks the sun shines from her, except if he did she'd be burned at the stake. How Uther doesn't see the contempt in her eyes whenever she looks at him, I will never know. But for some reason he will not doubt her, he's blind to her true nature always has been really. I can't talk, I've got the same set up with Arthur, he's so thick some days I wonder if I worry about exposure too much because something tells me I could do magic in front of Arthur's face and he'd still be looking for a way for it not to be true. I was gone for days, fighting for my life, fighting to get back and warn him about Morgause and Morgana, but the only thing Arthur noticed was there wasn't someone there to pick up his dirty socks.

Arthur shook his head at that, the rain seemed to have slowed and stopped, but Merlin outside hadn't moved. It was almost like he was in a trance.

That goblin nearly cost me everything I care about, but I won't be sorry for helping someone in need even if it was a trick. With the creature back in its box the only consolation I have now, are the mental images of Arthur with Donkey ears and Uther with a baldhead. I never laughed so hard in my life. I had to leave the bray in for a couple of days, it was too funny for words, and besides, Arthur is constantly in need of lessons in humility.

Arthur pursed his lips at that, but he supposed he had to be grateful that Merlin was there to reverse the Goblin's spell even if he did let it spin out a few days.

Arthur's always full of bad ideas, and he never listens to me when I point them out either. Since when is he concerned with blending in with the local color? It was almost worth the bar fight, to see the look on Arthur's face when the barmaid said I was the cute one! Worth it if it weren't for Gwaine's injury that is. Though, if you're going to meet someone, meeting them while fighting in someone's defense while vastly outnumbered is a pretty good way to get the measure of their character. Even if he is a drunk.

Gwaine told me his father was a knight, and he died before he knew him. I told him my father had died, just after I met him. I couldn't tell him who my father was and what he'd done to get banished. I barely know Gwaine, but it felt good to tell someone, other than Gaius about it. I suppose I'm still grieving, but I can't talk to Arthur about it, he'd ask too many questions and I know he's not ready for the answers.

Arthur sighed, so much of Merlin's life was wrapped up in secrecy he wondered how he kept it all straight.

Gwaine saved Arthur's life in the melee, but Uther still banished him for saving me from the fake knights. It's a shame. Gwaine would have made a great knight. He's going to Mercier I'm going to see if I can keep track of him, we may need his help again one day.

Arthur frowned perhaps Merlin had been collecting knights for him all along.

This is all so ridiculous; I have to write it down. I know I haven't been writing much in this book, I've been writing more to my mother, and letters to the friends I've made, like Gwaine and Lancelot. These last few months have been like a nightmare, oh sure we had the normal troubles, where Arthur almost married a Sidhe, and Morgana nearly died thanks to some visions in the crystal cave. There was that business with Gwen getting kidnapped, but we got Elyan out of the deal so I think we came out ahead. Arthur went on his 'important quest' to find the Fisher King's trident, and Morgana used the opportunity to nearly suck the life out of him. I got to him in time, thanks to Gwaine, but it turns out I was supposed to be there all along.

I freed the Fisher King, and he gave me a gift to help me in the dark times ahead, well things are pretty dark right now. What else? Oh I saved Gwen from being executed again, by pretending to be an old wizard name Dragoon, it was kind of fun to tell Arthur and Uther off for being such Noble pains in my ass and not seriously have to worry about being burned at the stake, it did get a little dicey towards the end there, but the spell wore off and Arthur only thinks I'm a drunk and idiot, and not a sorcerer. Is that better? Some days I wonder, today though I have to be the rambunctious friend and get the future king to buck up enough to rally the men and win Camelot back.

Oh yeah, I didn't say, Morgana finally showed her hand, and it's a good one she has an immortal army with Morgause at her side, sitting on the throne of Camelot revealing both her parentage and her magic in one fell swoop. We've fled the castle and are currently sitting in a cave while Arthur holds court with the rocks in the corner. I know it's been a shock for him, I mean it was a bit of a shock for me and I already knew she was evil, a witch, and Uther's illegitimate daughter. So things to do, buck up Arthur, figure out a way to stop an immortal army, and recapture Camelot. No problem easy.

The apparition stopped reading for a moment and Arthur looked over at Merlin's impassive face.

Arthur,

This is the end of this book, I hope you're reading this in the distant future and you want to remember the great adventures we had, but I'm not that optimistic. I have no doubt we can defeat Morgana's immortal army and regain control of Camelot, but I cannot be sure if this will cost me my life. I've asked Gaius to give this to you if the worst should happen. I want you to understand why I had to do this, and why I couldn't tell you. You are my best friend and I could never standby and watch you get hurt without doing my best to stop it. I hope you can forgive my betrayal, and the secrets that I have had to hold. The irony is that I think you might be ready to accept me, magic and all, but with everything that's happened with Morgana I think the shock might be too much, so I've decided to wait a little longer. I want you to know who I am so much it's a constant ache in my chest. I've been standing in front of you for so long waiting for you to notice, but you won't, you won't see it until there's no other place for you to look.

This is me, Arthur, I hope you can accept that, and if Gaius is the one who gave you this book, then I hope you can forgive me for what I've had to do to protect you.

I know you will be the great king of legend and if I am not there to see it, I have one piece of advice to leave you with...

Don't be a prat.

Merlin

The apparition vanished and the book dropped to the ground.

Arthur looked out at the courtyard, the rain had completely stopped, but the clouds still cast a grey gloom over the area. Merlin was slowly circling his pyre, he picked up one of the spare pieces of tinder, and seconds later it was aflame. Arthur took a deep breath he was watching Merlin do magic like it was nothing. Looking down at the flames, Arthur noticed they weren't very bright. The image in the window was fading.

"Hey!" cried Arthur, as the image got dimmer, "Let me out!" he pounded on the wall with his fist, "Let...Me...Out!" he punctuated his words with a thump to the wall. "Please," he whispered and the world exploded around him.

Author's notes: I think I might be in love with the ending of this story, it came to be in a dream... :) There's still some wiggle room in the wrap up so if you have some specific realizations you'd like Arthur to have let me know. Later Cynic.