Chapter 14: Scars

When they parted ways, Alenko and Shepard had agreed on trying to incorporate the volus to the council, and not bringing out the idea she had about the krogan yet. She didn't tell him that she also had the quarian in mind, mostly because she couldn't find a reasonable argument to include them in the discussion. She knew the quarian had had an embassy and that they were expelled about the geth incident. However, she felt they deserved a place among the council races after what they had done for the galaxy. She just still hadn't found the words to make other people see her point of view.

During the next following days, she kept herself busy. She met McAllister's team and exchanged ideas with them. She was pleased to see that Samantha Traynor had been added to the team, and that the specialist seemed content about working with them.

Shepard also took some time to talk with Admiral Hackett, and asked him if he had suggestions about the next human councilor. The Admiral admitted he had thought several names, one of them being Major Alenko.

"I don't know if he would accept, though," had said Hackett. "I think he'd prefer keeping his Spectre status."

"He'll do whatever is best for us, for humanity and for the Alliance," had replied Melody.

"Yes," he had paused, "but he's a biotic. You know they aren't trusted among the civilian population."

"About time we stop discriminating each other," had said Shepard narrowing her eyes. "I think we've had enough discrimination from the aliens as it is. Udina wasn't a biotic and look what he's done, maybe if people see a biotic doing a great job they'd shut their damn mouths."

Shepard had also visited Urdnot Wrex and asked him about the situation with the krogan. Wrex admitted that some of his people were getting reckless and wanted to crush salarian skulls. She had asked him if he needed help crushing rebel krogan skulls, and he had laughed. "That's my sister!" he had said. He promised to keep her posted.

Melody also visited the hospital, partly because of the promise Garrus had made in her name the day he took her home ("Home!" she had though, feeling strange about the word) and partly because she wanted to speak with doctor Chakwas. She had spent a few hours talking with veterans and civilians, lifting their spirits and answering their questions as long as they weren't too personal. Then she had searched for the doctor.

"May I have a few words with you," she had asked Chakwas when she found her, "in private?"

The doctor had nodded and led her to an empty room. Then she had asked, "What is it, Commander?"

"I don't know how to ask this so I just will," Shepard had said. "My mother made me promise her that I'd search help. I can hardly sleep, and when I do I'm having bad dreams. I'm anxious all the time, and she thinks I wanna bury myself in work to avoid thinking. I believe... she might be right."

"You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel like that," had said Chakwas, "after all you'd been through. Don't worry, Commander, the Alliance has the resources to help their soldiers. I'll find you someone. I know you'd also like discretion."

She had thanked the doctor, and let her know she was about to call a meeting for the Normandy's crew and a few other people she trusted.

Shepard also took some time to visit Primarch Victus and also meet some of Garrus' contacts and friends among the turians. She learned from them that they were worried because of the discrimination they were suffering from some human factions. She promised she'd look into that. The next day, she contacted Diana Allers to help her design a media campaign against discrimination among races. Allers asked for an exclusive interview* in return, to which she agreed as long as her face was digitally modified the same way the Alliance did with older vids of her.

Reluctantly, she also visited the psychiatrist that Chakwas recommended her, doctor Dunard**. She didn't like having to see him, but she also wanted to be able to sleep. The nightmares were getting worse, and in the most vivid ones she relived some of the physical pain she felt when she was wounded, during the Battle of the Crucible. She didn't speak about it when she woke up, but she could notice the worried look in Garrus' face.

After two weeks and a few days of her talk with Tali, she received a call from the quarian asking to meet her on the hangars. She rushed there, and found Garrus already waiting outside the building.

"You took your sweet time to get here," the turian said. "Did I ever mention that turians don't like cold weather?"

"A few times actually," she answered, pushing him inside. The door closed behind them. "You didn't have to wait outside, you did because you wanted to so don't blame it on me," she looked around expectantly. "So, where is she?"

"Tali, or your ship?" he asked, chuckling. He started walking, and she followed him. The hangar was a big structure, with several floors, corridors, storage rooms and space for several ships. They climbed a few stairs and reached a wide corridor.

"Over here, Shepard!" they heard the vibrant voice of Tali ahead. The three of them entered a room with a large window. Shepard remembered when she was first shown the Normandy SR-2, built by Cerberus, and the emotions she had experienced standing next to Joker.

This time was like that, but not quite. The Normandy stood there, out the window, protected by the hangar's roof, but it didn't show the glory of the days past. Although it had been painted, the fixes to the hull were noticeable. Some non essential parts from the design had been removed, the materials probably used elsewhere. The ship was scarred, just like her Commander. Most of the scars Shepard showed when she awakened in Cerberus' base had faded, but she had new ones, from the Battle of the Crucible. So did the Normandy. It fitted, she thought. She smiled.

"I know she doesn't look great," said Tali, "but she'll fly. We're still working on the engine, but the rest is done."

Shepard leaned on the window, and could see several quarian busy on the ground, entering the ship or getting out, carrying boxes or parts.

"She's an old soldier," commented Melody, "just like the rest of us..."

Tali nodded. Garrus lowered his head, lost in his own thoughts.

"Would you like to go inside?" asked Tali.

The Commander pushed herself out of the window. "I thought you'd never ask," she said, her compelling voice burdened with emotion.

Tali opened another door, and the three climbed down some stairs until they reached the ground level. As they approached the vessel, the quarian saluted.

They entered the Shuttle Bay. It had been adjusted, to fit the resources they were to bring to Earth from nearby systems. Some patches on the walls and floor were made from a different material, it was noticeable at first sight even when they had almost the same color. On the bright side, she noticed there weren't any more cables on the ground. The Commander made no comments. She headed straight for the elevator, followed by her two loyal companions.

Their walk through the fourth deck was brief, as not to disturb the quarian still working there. The Starboard and Port cargo rooms looked almost as they had before. The group took the elevator to the Crew Deck.

Melody Shepard approached the memorial wall when she left the elevator. Two names had been added: James Vega and David Anderson. Her index finger slowly traced the names. At her side, Tali and Garrus stood silent. The three of them lowered their heads, almost at the same time, and each mourned in silence.

A few minutes later, Shepard turned and started walking. She entered each room, remembering the people who she could normally find in each, on her rounds. Thane Krios on the life support, Miranda Lawson on her office, than later was taken by Liara, Mordin Solus working on the genophage cure on the med bay, Legion on the AI core...

"So many ghosts," she murmured.

"Are you all right?" the worried double toned voice of Garrus asked from her side.

"Yes," the Commander shook her head. "I guess we just had to keep going and didn't have time to mourn them all..." she looked at her companions. "I didn't have time."

"We could have a memorial ceremony for our fallen," said Tali.

"Yes, we should do that," Shepard nodded.

They headed back to the elevator. The place where the galaxy map should have been was dark, devoid of life. Tali commented it would be restored when the engines were ready. The rest of the deck looked almost as it had before. No more boxes piled in a corner, but the patches from different materials were noticeable, even more than on the other decks. The effort the quarian had put into fixing the ship was remarkable, because even when the repairs were obvious, they had tried everything to look the same. Or better, because there were no cables on the floor in any part of the ship. She headed again for the elevator.

"Your cabin suffered the most damage," Tali commented.

"The hull was basically... gone," Garrus added.

"So..." Shepard turned to look at Tali. "What about the model ships, the hamster...?"

"Liara retrieved each model ship, and fixed them piece by piece," said Tali. "The hamster escaped, it was a real pain rescuing it from under the decks."

"You tell me," said Shepard chuckling. "The little one is a survivor, it deserves a medal or something."

"And the fishes..." continued the quarian, "well, I hope you like Earth species just as much as you liked fishes from around the galaxy..."

"Honestly I didn't notice, so I guess I do."

They exited the elevator and entered the cabin. She stood at the entrance, impressed. It looked great, even better than before. There were no patches of different materials, everything she used to have in there was in the proper place. There were no boxes at the head of her bed. The roof had the large window she loved so much, from where she could see the stars when she was laying on her bed...

"Wait a minute," Shepard turned to look at Garrus. "This bed is larger."

"My idea," intervened Tali.

She looked at the quarian with a smirk on her face, but said nothing. Instead, she pointed to the elevator. They took it to the Shuttle Bay, and from there they exited the Normandy.

"So, she's alive," she said when they were out of the ship. "Let's celebrate, drinks are on me. So are emergency induction straws, Tali," she chuckled softly.

"Sorry Commander, you won't get the privilege of seeing me drunk again," said the young quarian. "That was once in a lifetime."

"You owe me at least another time, then," retorted Shepard. "One and a half, really."

"Not funny," commented Garrus, and both women noticed that he meant it. The human took the turian's hand, and the three of them exited the building.

The next day she called the people she wanted to attend the meeting. Since they were on Earth, everybody, alien or human, had adopted normal Earth's work schedule. Therefore she scheduled the meeting for the following Saturday. She mentioned Garrus that she had never used names of the days of the week since she had graduated from the Academy, and he told her that on Palaven the week lasted six days but only one was non-working.

"Of course," she commented, chuckling "turians don't need leisure time."

"Neither does a certain human I know," he said.

"A human who picked you up after you had no place to go?"

"Twice," he said as he hugged her.

* I want to write it eventually. Searching for inspiration...

** I actually wrote the first session and posted it as chapter 1 of another story (A soldier's heart). There's absolutely no need to read it to understand this story.