CHAPTER 14
Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Breakdown had always been big on the holidays, mostly due to the kids he'd been working with. But this was the first year that putting up the tree wasn't just for show, but rather for the fact actual presents would be under it. It wasn't like he was alone in his first full-out Christmas however, as he had quickly learned Luke hadn't ever had much of one either. It was rather good timing, as they were a few weeks away from the trial, and Christmas would be a welcome calm before the storm, to say the least.

Luke himself had mixed feelings about the celebration, as much as he loved the idea of celebrating his first holiday in his new family. He'd never gotten real "gifts" before other than the game that Barricade had give him, and the thought of getting any more felt almost overwhelming. The tree was the coolest thing, as he'd discovered, it was towering as high as the ceiling and being an Autobot home, that was easily saying something. It was nice to have Barricade around again as well, considering the mech had come in to celebrate with them.

Breakdown had Luke on his shoulder while decorating the tree mostly, but once that was done, the boy had left to go to sleep. Leaving the two mechs alone to converse and talk about just how to go about the holiday. "So, why the tree?" Barricade questioned "I mean, I get why you're putting it up this year, but why have it before?" He questioned.

"Just in case." Breakdown shrugged.

Breakdown didn't want to openly admit that he loved the holiday, it seemed too weird for someone like him. He sighed a bit, crouching low to check on the packages carefully. He'd only been able to afford a few gifts for Luke on top of those from "Santa Claus" but he still felt there was a decent amount under the tree for a mech that made only so much money a year. "Kid's gonna think he died and went to the all spark." Barricade noted "So, what's the plan for the whole "Santa" thing?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Doesn't it require eating cookies and drinking milk on top of the presents?"

Breakdown grunted, he hadn't even thought about that one, which was a problem. He shrugged his shoulders slightly, looking the mech calmly in the optics. "Bridges to cross when they come to them, or however the humans say it." Breakdown replied flatly "If nothing else we pour out the milk and crush the cookies into crumbs, he's ten, he won't know the difference." He explained.

"Surprised you aren't more excited about this." Barricade frowned "Getting to play Santa is supposed to be tons of fun."

Breakdown grinned a little bit to himself, looking down at the ground a bit as he stood. "I guess I'm a little nervous. I've never had to do it before, and as silly as it is, I don't want to screw up." He explained, taking a deep breath "I just worry he'll wake up, or decide not to believe in Santa... It's like." He grunted "Okay, I'm excited as frag and nervous at the same time, that make any sense?" He questioned.

"I guess, but you're talking to me here, so not totally." Barricade shrugged "The most time I've spent doing stuff for kids is on cases." He sighed a bit, sitting on the Transformer-sized couch "And as much as I'd love for that to change, I don't think it will anytime soon." He noted, leaning back a bit "So any adoption papers under the tree this year?" He questioned with a wink.

"I'm not adopting Luke."

The words that came out of Breakdown's vocal processor nearly stunned Barricade. Not only did he not see it coming, but to hear it in itself was a shocking thing considering how much the mech seemed to love the young human. "What? That's a joke, right?" Barricade questioned "If you loved that boy anymore I'd have to question if you were even my brother." He added.

"Luke's better off not being related to me by law." Breakdown explained "We go through enough prejudice everyday. I can't even imagine an outcome of adoption proceedings that didn't involve him being taken away from me." He told him, as calmly as he could, though it did hurt a bit to say "All I have to do is make sure Luke stays here until he's eighteen, and he'll never have to worry about it." He added.

"And what happens if he gets older and wants to be adopted?"

Breakdown was silent at that, he wasn't sure about how to answer that in all honesty. "Then I'll just have to explain to him why I can't do that to him. After all, why do we need a piece of paper to prove that we're family?" Breakdown looked towards the hallway that led to Luke's bedroom "He knows that I'm his Father, all that adoption is is a piece of paper." He then added "When have we ever needed a piece of paper to be family?" He asked.

"Eh, I guess I see what you're saying."

Breakdown nodded his head a bit, putting a finger to his lips as he heard the door to Luke's room open. After all, the last thing he wanted was to make Luke think that he didn't want him at all, which in his fragile state right now, he could easily think. "Daddy?" Luke called out.

"Yes?"

"I think I had an accident again."

Breakdown frowned, though Luke was a little old to be wetting the bed, he knew it happened. He'd woken to the boy screaming in terror before, and knew that once in a while the memories of his abuse did come back in such a force. Taking a deep breath, and standing up to his feet, he turned towards Barricade. "Can we talk about this more later? I need to, y'know." He explained.

"Sure."

As Breakdown left, Barricade could only wonder how long Breakdown could honestly keep up the stance of not adopting the boy. I give him a year... Barricade thought to himself.

...

It was an hour later when Breakdown had finally gotten the child calmed down. By that time, he'd gotten him cleaned, and changed his sheets as he did each time. But that night he could still feel the boy tremble as he was settled into bed. "Luke..." The boy looked up at him "Hey, you're shaking, everything alright." The boy was silent "Bud, talk to me." He added.

"I'm still scared."

Breakdown processed the words for a moment, but understood what it meant. He was talking about the trial, something that, unfortunately, Luke was old enough to understand. "What have I told you, kid?" Breakdown said quietly "All they want you to do is tell them what he did to you. Then you'll never have to see him again." Luke was silent "Come on, there's no reason to be afraid, Luke, especially not at such a happy time of the year." He noted.

Luke shifted a bit in the bed, turning on his side a little, he settled himself. The boy knew that his foster parent was right, but he still couldn't shake the feeling. After Christmas was over, unfortunately, he'd have to stand up and testify whether he wanted to or not. "I'll try." Luke replied, quietly as could be "But can I tell you a secret?" Breakdown nodded a little "I'm kinda worried I'm not on the nice list too." He added.

Breakdown smirked, now this was more of something a kid like him should have been worried about at his age. Carefully leaning forward, and kissing the boy on the top of his head, he smiled a little. "Luke, you have nothing to worry about there. I have connections with Santa, and you are definitely on his nice list." Breakdown explained "I bet you the elves are already working on your toys-"

"Then why have I never gotten presents on Christmas?"

Breakdown frowned, that was a question that was tough to answer. On one hand, he could tell the truth and give away that Santa wasn't, in fact, real, while on the other, he could simply tell a lie. As a realist, the latter seemed almost difficult, but he still couldn't crush a ten year old's spirit. At the end of the day, that would land him in more trouble than a lie might. "Well, you never celebrated Christmas before, silly." Breakdown poked the boy gently in the stomach "You gotta do that to get presents." He added.

"Oh." Luke shrugged "That makes sense." He was silent for a moment "What if I don't want a toy for Christmas?"

"What kid doesn't?"

Luke stared at Breakdown with a look that said he was as serious as a heart attack. "What I really want is for you to be happy." Luke explained, Breakdown raised an optic ridge "I mean, like... Not to have to go through preju... Preju..." He struggled then added "You know all the time." Breakdown smiled a little at that "Well, and one of those cool new toys, you know the Autobot ones?" He asked.

Breakdown couldn't help but grin wider, the boy certainly had a heart of gold, thinking on those terms. "Well, I don't know about your toy, for sure." Breakdown explained, sighing a bit "But you just... Don't worry about the prejudice, okay, kiddo? Some things are even out of Santa's power..." He paused a moment "But with that, I think it's time you went back to sleep. I'll be joining you in it soon enough." He said with a yawn.

Luke nodded his head slowly, resting his head against the pillow calmly. Breakdown had moved for the bedroom door slowly, thinking over why exactly Luke may have wished for something so uncharacteristically unselfish for a child. At the same time, however, he knew the answer in his spark, even if in his frame of mind, it was better not to fool himself into believing an adoption could ever happen. "Sweet dreams, Luke."

As he flicked the light back off and exited the room, Breakdown could only hope the next few nights leading to Christmas would be easier.