Disclaimer: I do not own, and it is better that way. Because I don't want responsibility for it.

Warnings: AU to the nth degree.

Notes: Thus ends this portion of Chicken House. I think I might weep now, but all my tears were beaten out of me.

Welcome to the Chicken House
by Fairady

.

.

"By the way, Wade was totally lying when he said all I talk about is the Jonas brothers."

.

.

Dear Diary.

I've given this some thought and decided the best way to do it is to keep my opening line and use Wade's medium. For consistency. Hopefully they won't be confused. Well, any more than they normally are.

Who? The readers. Don't ask, it's confusing enough that I know about it now. It'd just break your tiny little drunken minds if I had to explain it to you. I never gave it much thought before. Just thought he was crazy. But it all makes sense now. I tell ya, you really don't know someone until you've sucked them up into your head.

Oh, don't worry. I might be crazy now but I'll be better in a day or two. A little better anyway. Not sure this sort of crazy is anything that'll ever completely go away even if Wade gets up to take it all back. Truthfully? Between you, me, and this dirty alley; I don't think I mind that one bit.

But look at me getting sidetracked! Wade makes this whole narrating while actioning thing look much easier than it really is.

What Mags did almost killed me. I don't remember much of that night for myself. Mr. Closeted-Megalomaniac's personality took me over completely and left me pretty much dead to the world. All I've got is Wade's memories of it all.

Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your finger snapping? I only wanted to get your attention. You seem real eager to leave me and I'm only halfway through my narrative.

Mags really is the "master of all metals" and not just in the porn industry. So the swords stuck in Wade? Yeah, they didn't help at all. Mr. Issues ripped 'em out and stabbed him with them before Wade could even get another insult in. Which is damn impressive if unsporting.

Don't tell him I told you this but Wade actually blacked out from it. Well, a little from the pain of it and a lot from the way it screwed with his powers. And as soon as he wakes up we're having a serious discussion about all the little health issues he's been keeping from me. Came too just as he was sliding off the stupid torch. Which was plenty of time for Mags to do his thing with me.

Yeah, I'm not talking about that. Lets just say he's still in my head along with the new hairdo. That's the great thing about getting stuck with Wade though. The voices in his head are so loud I can't hear good ol' Mags at all. Not unless I want to.

Anyway, Wade was really scared when he saw what'd happened. I looked really out of it and the damn machine wasn't helping any. Nice to know he really does care about me though. God knows he'd never say it to my face.

Oops! Sorry about that face punching thing. I know you were being good, but it's a Wade response. The more serious and emotional things get the more of a jackass he is. It's instinctual. He can't help it which means I can't help it either.

Fine. Long story short -so stop sobbing you big baby- Wade stopped the machine. With the help of a couple of clips of bullets. But I was pretty much sucked dry by then. I guess I was dead, sure looked like it. Scared him even more. Enough for him to do something real stupid.

Yeah, he touched me. Idiot tried to find a pulse on me.

No, like this. Fingers to the throat and- Oops! Guess I shouldn't have used so much force, huh?

I guess his gloves got ripped sometime in his merry little jaunt up the Lady Liberty. Cheap pieces of crap. I'm going to have to remind him to beat Weas for it again. That's the third set to not hold up to their life-time guarantee! Doesn't anyone do quality work no more?

Hey! That was rude! I'm trying to talk to you all and you just take off running. It's not like I'm trying to kill you. Oh, he's fine! It was just a poke to the windpipe. He's still breathing. I think.

Fine, since you all don't want to play I'll wrap this up. I'm staying at the school just until Wade wakes up. And if he even thinks I'm staying behind again I'll break his legs. Can't break his arms because that's the first thing I'm going to do to him after I say hello. Guess the school can't wait to get rid of me either. They're tired of me tormenting Summers. I can't help it though! He really is adorable when he's trying not to blast me with his eyes.

Speaking of which, since you've all been so patient, wanna see what I can do with my eyes now? I'll even give you a head start. 1, 2, 99-

.

.