A/N

:D

Had things been differently, I would have delighted in saying that the ball was as spectacular as I dreamed it would be. Everything was dazzling and perfect! It seemed to be something straight from a fairy tale. Unfortunately, there was just one thing missing from mine, and that, of course, was Severus.

I had convinced my friends to allow me to walk to the ball myself, that I would find them and join up with them when I got there. You see, I really wanted the walk alone to prepare myself for the pain that I would endure on this cursed night. As I descended the stairs, I passed by Patricia Paisley. She was talking to some of her Slytherin friends, though I did not know their names.

I didn't dare to even look at her, not wanting to attract the unwanted attention. Instead, I kept my eyes focused directly in front of me. And, as I descended the stairs I found, much to my dismay, that this simply would not work, either. For who should be waiting at the bottom of the stairs but Severus? He was holding a bouquet of flowers. I spotted some alstroemerias among the red roses and baby's breath.

His right arm, holding the bouquet, was slightly elevated, and his gaze, it seemed, was transfixed upon me. Most assuredly, I was a strange sight to behold. My dress alone would make those who knew me well enough turn and stare at me in confusion. When I had purchased the dress with Sibyll and Roberta, it had been during a time when I was hopelessly in love with Severus, and when I had believed him to share similar feelings. I thought I would give him a nice surprise and wear Slytherin colors. Quite clearly, the joke was on me….

And so I slowly made my way down the stairs, looking warily at Severus. I was a sight to behold in an olive green dress, cutting off just above my knees, and a black sash and bow around the waist. I approached ever nearer, and his expression seemed to grow more and more hopeful--- when suddenly I heard behind me a most delighted cry, and a black and white blur flew past me as Patricia flung herself onto Severus, kissing him passionately on the lips.

A few factors about this kiss pained me in such a way, I do not believe anyone could have ever felt pain similar to my own. The first factor would be, naturally, the kiss itself. It really did hurt to see someone I loved so dearly sharing a kiss with someone else, especially when, just two days before, it was my lips his were pressed against. Ah, but then, if what she claimed was true, hers might have been pressed to his as well…

The second pang was brought to my chest after Patricia pulled away from Severus. I could still see her pink lipgloss shimmering on his pale lips after they had separated me. Evidence…. that hurt, too.

And the last, but certainly never the least, was their behavior after the kiss. Severus blushed deeply, and, in a very shy manner, offered Patricia the bouquet of flowers he had been holding. Thrilled, she took them, making every effort to smell them and swoon over him in such a dramatic way. She even dared to give me a couple of dirty looks in between praising Severus and trying to get him on the dance floor.

On the stairs, I felt my legs might just collapse underneath of me, if it weren't for someone much taller for myself holding me, keeping me upright. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see platinum blonde hair draping over my shoulder as the one assisting me leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"Come along, then. Pay them no mind, for they deserve no such recognition." His voice wrapped around my numbing mind like a ribbon, and I allowed him to lead me away from this place. Everything seemed to move past me in a blur when, before I realized it, I could see my friends. Sibyll noticed me first and broke from Lewis briefly to intercept me.

"Thank you, Lucius. You've done a great deal for her these past twenty-four hours. As her friend, I hope there is some way we can repay you."

"Nonsense," I was removed from Lucius's arms and intercepted into Sibyll's. "Just seeing her get through this situation in one piece is enough. Take care of her." And with that, he walked away, joining some other Slytherin's over by the punch table.

I allowed Sibyll to push me into the middle of a crowd that all my friends had made. There stood Remus, engaged in a conversation with James and Lily. And I had to say, they all looked quite handsome. Lily, who did not usually care to put much effort into doing her hair and make-up, looked like an entirely different person! Her hair was tied up in a bun, which I have only seen her do once before during a particularly involved potions lab. That, along with her make-up, really complimented her features.

James's hair, along with Sirius's, I noted, had been slicked back, no longer appearing shaggy. Remus had combed his over and geled it, really making him seem even more striking than usual. I had to admit, had my heart not been so preoccupied with Severus, I daresay I might have found myself swooning for Remus.

Noticing my presence, they turned to greet me. Remus looked happy to see me, though slightly confused. Lily also possessed an expression of confusion, though it was not so slight as Remus's. James, on the other hand, looked ready to burst into laughter. It was my dress, I knew it had to be.

"Lucinda, you look….lovely…" Remus said, pulling his eyes from my dress to my face.

"Slytherin colors," James scoffed. "SLYTHERIN COLORS." This time, it was anger.

"James!" Lily said sharply, taking his hand.

"Don't be an imbecile. She purchased this dress back when she thought she was going to be here with….you know…" Roberta had come up behind me, feeling the need to defend me from James.

"Roberta, Lily, you misunderstand." He looked upon me with kind eyes. Really, I had to admit, these past two days were the most kind and mature I had ever seen James Potter. Maybe Severus had finally taught James a lesson? After all, wasn't that partially what he had been trying to do in the first place? Maybe now James realized how badly things could go when you picked on someone, or teased them, or fooled them and tricked them. I was made a victim, by a victim, to prevent a bully from continuing the great and terrible errors of his ways….

From this day forward, maybe James could conduct himself in such a way that, when he died, people would be able to say, "James Potter, bloody decent bloke." Perhaps he may be able to behave in so right a manner, that he can be forgiven the misguided actions of his boyhood. Of course, I hoped for something similar for Sirius. Though, I knew he was still a bit off. Yes, Sirius would, in a more personal manner, have to see what it would be like on the other end of the stick before he made any lasting changes. So often would he break something, or defile something, or do something wrong, and allow someone else to take the blame for it.

And, perhaps, maybe even Peter Pettigrew might finally find himself amongst people where he truly fit in. Yet, in every aspect, he was a lamb following a shepherd. Wherever life would take him, undoubtedly he would find that shepherd, and follow him faithfully with every ounce of his being.

"You misunderstand," James continued, the soft expression still remaining. "It just….It infuriates me that even at this ball, where we are to have left that whole incident behind us and start anew, there is evidence of it. Just seeing her in this dress, in those colors….It makes me feel like Severus is having one last laugh at us all."

Indeed, I could understand his point, and I sympathized now with his reaction, though it had startled me in the beginning.

"Well, that is nothing!" Lily declared, drawing her wand. With a flick of her wrist, she mumbled a spell I had never heard before. Yet its effect was obvious. In a small flash of white, my dress had changed from olive to silver, the ribbon from black to sky blue. The grateful expression I gave Lily was enough and, satisfied, she turned around and grabbed James.

"Let's all dance and have a bloody good time!" Roberta screamed eagerly. She took Sirius's hands and the two rejoined in their dance.

Remus shyly made his way over to me, just in time for the songs to change. The one that had just been playing was fast. This one, however, called for a slow dance. And so, Remus placed both hands at my waist, and I hung myself around his shoulder, letting my head rest on his chest. It felt right, in a way, but not as right as it ought to have been.

We danced, swaying back and fort in silence. I felt Remus turn his head a little, and his lips were pressed against my ears.

"You know," he said, "you look even lovelier than before. Silver really does suit you, just as well as black did."

"Of course you'd say that." I teased. "For silver is the color of the moonlight."

"Ah, yes. And no color ever made me forget myself, or had so much power over me as silver has."

I smiled at this, and pressed my head even deeper into his chest.

After that dance had ended and we had shared a few more, I decided I was going to get myself some punch. I asked Remus if he cared for any, and he told me he didn't. Though, he did inquire as to whether or not I wanted him to come along with me.

"No," I said adamantly. "For I am going to have to have some bit of independence sometime. You all need to let me learn how to live again! I can't go on with all this babysitting!" And with that I made my way through the crowd toward the back wall where the punch table was.

One thing I'm always self-conscious of at dances is navigating my way though people. I always feel rude or awkward whenever I am forced to squeeze myself past someone. That is why, typically, at such events, I allow Roberta to lead me through the crowd.

When I finally reached the table, I was quite surprised at what I saw. Professor Dumbledore, of all people, was serving the punch! I was quite surprised when it was he who held out a small muggle cup out to me with the pink liquid inside.

"Professor! What are you doing back here! Shouldn't you be out and enjoying the festivities?"

"I can enjoy them quite well from here, thank you. And actually I am just giving Professor Slughourn a break. He'll reclaim his post in about an hour or so. Besides, I thought you might like a drink, and I've been meaning to speak to you."

Fantastic.

"Fantastic!" I tried to muster up a cheery sound in my voice. "What about?"

"There's no need to take up that false tone, my dear, for you know well what it is about."

My heart sank. Of course. Had my friends taken it upon themselves to inform every professor at Hogwarts about what had transpired?

"Relax, Lucinda. Your friends have not gone out and spread word to the world, as you might think. Only two professors know of Severus's terrible deed, those being Professor McGonagall and myself. I will not press you further about the matter, as I can imagine it troubles you greatly to discuss it. I would just like to make certain that you are well."

"Oh, yes. Very well, Professor. Thank you."

"And one more thing. Although you shall be leaving Hogwarts very shortly, please know that if you ever, in your life, need someone to talk to, I shall always be here for you. You are my student, and, as such, my child. I will always be here for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes. What a crybaby I was!

"Thank you, Professor." I sucked the tears back as best I could. "That really means quite a lot to me."

I was about to go, but I couldn't help but notice that Dumbledore's gaze briefly and ever so slightly flickered behind me, and back. Interested, I turned around to find what he had looked at, only to come face to face with Severus.

"Severus!" I said, shocked. What else was I really to say besides his name? The hurt and pain came welling up again, and I thought I might be physically ill right then and there.

"Lucinda," he remarked nonchalantly. "You're looking well…."

"Uh, yes, thank you." I wanted to get away from this awkward situation as quickly as possible. Looking around for any possible ways to slip past him, I finally saw one, and was about to make my way through it, out the hall and into the girl's lavatory to sob my heart out when I noticed that he had a hand outstretched toward me.

"Wh-" I began to ask, but was soon cut off.

"No hard feelings." He simply said with an odd grin. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. No hard feelings! Of course there were hard feelings! He broke my blood heart! Made a mockery of it! Of me!

Robotically, I felt myself respond, much to the protest of the rest of my body.

I shook his hand and then quickly darted away. I was about to carry on my plan of heading towards the bathroom when Roberta intercepted me. Of course, I saw her bright, bold yellow dress before I actually saw her, and in an instant she was by my side, an arm wrapped firmly around my back.

"Darling, are you alright? What could that arse have possible wanted with you?" She was rubbing my back now, trying her best to comfort me.

She escorted me back over to Remus, when finally I spoke.

"It was, undoubtedly, the strangest thing…. He offered me his hand and…tried to ensure there would be no hard feelings, I guess, is the best way to put it."

"Tell me you didn't shake his hand!" Lily cried. The girls looked emotional. The boys had their lips set in thin, straight lines. Well, all of them except for Lewis. He looked around at everyone else confused, clearly not knowing anything about anything that was going on.

"Come now, boys!" I said, doing my best to suck up all my confusion and hurt. "Let's not let this ruin your good time!"

Reluctantly, Remus eased into a forced smile and, taking my arm, we continued our dance where we left off. The other couples did the same. It was really lovely to watch all my friends slow dance. Lily had her head resting on James's shoulder, her eyes closed, and there was a peaceful smile on her lips. She really did look happy.

Roberta and Sirius were much different. They had their eyes down set onto the floor, occasionally looking up and giving each other shy glances. Every once in a while, their eyes would meet and, embarrassed, they would quickly look down to the floor once more.

Sibyll and Lewis were different still. They had all the closeness and chemistry that two good friends would have. Having been Charms partners for the first four years of their Hogwarts schooling, it was no wonder that they should be. They did not possess the romantic happiness that Lily and James had, nor the flirty awkwardness that was so eminent of Roberta and Sirius. Occasionally, one would say something to the other, and a small conversation would start up.

As for me? I found myself as a mixture between all three. While, in physical appearance, I slightly imitated Lily's position, mentally I resembled that of Sibyll, at the ball with a friend, one that, at one time, could have been much more but never was. Between the two of us, we acted much like how Roberta and Sirius were. Though, it was less on a romantic level, for me anyway. Occasionally, when my head wasn't resting on his shoulder, I would look at Remus, only to look away, red in the face.

It was just so strange to be with him at the ball, after everything that had occurred this past year. I think things would have been far less awkward if Severus never happened. Perhaps Remus and I might be dating? Who could know? The shyness that was Remus when he met my gaze was one of romanticism. It was a shame we could not be on a similar emotional level. How I would have given anything to feel how I did two years ago, for us to be what we were….

Every once in a while, my eyes would dart to where Severus and Patricia were dancing. He looked so blissfully happy to be with her. I had to laugh at myself. The whole time before we had become an item, I was so worried about Lily. Indeed! I had been dreadfully paranoid of his unresolved affections for Lily, and how they would overpower anything he felt for me. Little did I know that the person I had to worry about was the arrogant girl who made my life a living hell at every turn!

It was strange. I had figured Patricia Paisley to be a very shallow sort of person. As she had no hesitations in sneaking around with Severus while my back was turned, one could say I had been dead wrong. And I knew she was the sort of person to run around with someone's boyfriend regardless of her attraction to him. The fact that she was with Severus of all people, she had to feel something for him.

Patricia was, by no means, an unattractive girl. She could have her pick of a whole lot of boys. Ah, but, she was with Severus. Of course, I did feel scorn, and I did feel bitter. But Severus was happy, and despite the hurt he had inflicted on me, I could not, for the life of me, bear him any ill will.

I was wondering when this silly love potion would wear off when I was subjected to seeing something I could never be prepared for. It was more than just a kiss… They were snogging. No, not even snogging…making-out, would be a better term for it.

They were going at it quite fervently, tongue and all….Patricia grabbed at Severus's hair in passion, much like I had when I attacked him in the bathroom…

Bile rose in my throat, tears in my eyes. I knew then that this potion would never wear off, ever. While it may have facilitated my infatuation with him, I did come to love him. That was for certain. And I knew no amount of comforting from Remus or any of my friends would do me any good. Nothing could rid me of the spell Severus had cast upon me, one with no magic or potions involved.

In pain, I turned my face into Remus's shoulder. He had no idea what I had seen and, encouragingly, he wrapped his arms around me, one still about my waist, the other higher up on my back. He embraced me tightly.

How sad for him that things had to be like this! I knew that continuing on in the wizarding world would hurt him. I could never love him the way he wanted. Why linger on and keep his hopes up when I could disappear forever and give him a chance with someone else? Staying in the wizarding world would hurt me, too. Each time I saw a cauldron, I would be reminded of Severus. Could I really stick through the pain and pursue my dream as an auror?

No. I knew I could not. And so I made a promise to myself, nestled into Remus's shoulder, his lips brushing my cheek. I promised myself that after this night I would leave the wizarding world forever. I would rejoin my father and live out my years as a muggle.

Lifting my head up after Remus retracted his own, I took a good, long look at all my friends. How I would miss them! I knew I would be saying good-bye to them on the train tomorrow, but little did they know it would be forever. Mentally, I bid them farewell on a more permanent scale. None of them could know of my plans. When auror training began next year, and I failed to make an appearance, they would then know. When they sent me letters by owl, only to have them returned to no avail, they would know. I would move someplace where no one knew me. I would be as far from Hogwarts as I could be. Perhaps I'd move to Scotland? I'd heard Edinburgh was lovely. Yes, perhaps there…..

Before I even realized it, people were hugging each other, bouncing up and down.

Had the dance really ended so quickly? I found that I was pushed by Roberta into a quick hug with Remus. "Not too long, you too! There'll be plenty of time for goodbyes on the train!" And then I was dragged off, back toward the stairs.

With what I knew to be my final opportunity, I stole a glance at Severus. It was the briefest of all glances, for I saw he was looking at me, too. My head turned, I wondered just what it was playing on his face when he was looking at me. There was some odd expression, yet it made no sense to me….

Ah, well. When I had gotten back to Ravenclaw Tower, I feigned exhaustion. Having changed out of my dress and into my pajamas, I pulled the curtains around my bed closed and took out my wand, rolling it delicately around in my hand.

What horrible things I did that night… I made sure that I would never forget Severus... His face might one day dissipate from my memory...but his name would forever strike into my heart....

Thanks for reading!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and highly respected.

((As for the last line in the chapter, all will be revealed. I'll make a brief note at the beginning of the chapter where it comes up again....If need be...))