A/N Just a warning, this chapter deals with sensitive subjects. RM's past is revealed which is also disturbing. This is the last chapter that takes place primarily in Sanctuary so this story is about to take a complete turn.
Temerate (v.) to break a bond or binding promise.
"Abso-fucking-lute-the-fuck-ly not. Are you back on those fucking drugs, RM?"
I roll my shoulders forward with a heavy sigh. "God, you're fucking dramatic. I'm just asking, dingus."
"That's not how shit even works around here. When we scavenge, if you find things it goes in the truck, then it's put in the supply closet. It's not a fucking free for all because you found it."
"You won't know what to look for even if I give you a list. Please, I wanna come!"
"I'll help you come."
Actually, yeah. Yeah, that's how I can sway shit my way, and it works!
Negan folds his arms, embellishing his full height. "I want to touch your feet, then. In fact, I want one of those foot jobs again."
"So that means I can go?" I jump up and down in excitement before I begin my moonwalk.
"Wait a minute!" He stills me by my arm. "What I say fucking goes out there, and I mean every-motherfucking-thing. You stay by my fucking side, and if it's too dangerous you wait in the truck. RM, don't make me regret this because I'm going to fuck you the fuck up one side and down the fucking other if you don't listen to me."
I humor the motherfucker because he seems really opposed to this.
"Where are you going?"
"You just said I could come!"
"Today isn't a supply run."
"Well," I whine. "But I want those things now!"
"Tough shit. I have things to do. I'll see you tonight, and stay the fuck in Sanctuary, RM."
I mock him with an ugly expression when he turns around to leave.
...
Outside in the courtyard is still technically a part of Sanctuary. Maybe I could talk one of these burly fuck Saviors to take me. Negan would never know. Knowing my luck, some shit would go down and then I'd really be in trouble. I plop myself down on one of the tables. I'm not used to having to wait on things. Madsen really did spoil me.
"Hey," Dwight says.
Oh, god. Not him. Not now. Not when I'm so confused about my feelings for Negan.
"Can I?" He points to the empty spot beside me.
No. No, RM! "Sure." What are you doing?!
"I miss you."
Of all the fucking things.
"Wait." He grabs me by the arm to pull me back down in my seat. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I want to thank you. I didn't want to hear the things you had to say, but you were right."
"If Negan sees us together you know it will only put more tension between the two of you."
"Let him be angry. Soon, none of that will matter."
"I don't understand what you mean." When he runs his hand down the side of my head, I push it off me. "Dwight, that sounded like a threat."
"And you're starting to sound just like him!"
"Look, I don't agree with everything Negan does, but no one is forcing you to be here, either. Negan does right by us."
"That's a fucking lie."
"No, your opinion is bias. I know that he's got your wife, but, Dwight, that was her decision not once but twice. Sometimes I think that Sherry is making excuses to stay with him."
"I see he's got in your head, too."
"Where are you going?"
"Some of us have to work for our points, RM."
My eyes well up as I turn my head from him. "Asshole," I murmur.
"Slut," he responds, leaving me alone.
Or so I thought I was alone.
The Savior leader towers over me as his lip snarls. I can see the veins and tendons protrude in his neck, yet something is keeping him at bay. "You fucking know I was here the entire time?"
I shake my head no. Now I'm glad I didn't leave.
"I really hope you don't believe that slut shit."
"Guess I do if I feel this shitty?"
"Because you thought he was someone you could trust. Just like I did."
"He's only seeing one side of things because of Sherry." Fucking Sherry. Always fucking shit up!
"Fuck him. Sherry is a ladder climber, and I saw that shit a mile away. I did him a fucking favor."
"I thought he was my friend," I frown.
Negan might be pretty dense at times, but he knows I'm upset. "Let's go get dinner. We'll eat just the two of us."
"So I can feel even more like a slut that doesn't work for points? I'll pass- ow," I whine, when he pulls me up by the arm.
"Bitch, you're not going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Especially over something that comes out of that leatherface fuck."
"Alright, fine!"
"You know, I'm getting real sick of this shit when you don't get your way. I told you you're not a slut. Just like I told you I would take you into town when I get a chance so that's the end of it."
"I'm sorry, okay?" Negan has been in a really bad mood the last few days. It's like the stress of everything is starting to show. As insane as it sounds, it's kinda hot.
"What are you doing?"
"I want to wait in line for food tonight."
"Pff, why?"
"Because, it's the right thing to do, dingus."
"Look, I bust my fucking balls for this place. Being moved to the front of the line is a respect thing."
"Well, it ain't happening tonight so get the fuck in line."
"I swear to fuck on floozy if I didn't want your pussy as much as I did," he grumbles, taking his place at the back of the line.
The Saviors all look confused. "Is… something wrong, Sir," one of them asks.
"Yeah, that fucking kill's gonna be picked clean by the time we make it up there. Which at this rate, should be the middle of next fucking week."
I still his flailing hand. "Mellow fucking out."
He folds his arms with a pout.
As the line starts to inch its way down, so did the meat on that animal. Would you fucking believe that the person in front of Negan got the last piece?
"S-sorry, Sir! I didn't realize you didn't get food yet. Hey," the worker in the kitchen shouts at the man who was in front of Negan.
I shoot Negan a glare when the plate is taken from that man and given to him.
Negan draws out the longest sigh before giving the plate back. "Go. Before I change my fucking mind."
A part of me did feel bad for him, so I decided that I would suffer, too. They give us some kind of slop on our plate.
Negan's brow raises. "You really gonna eat that?"
"What is it?"
"Chili. I… think."
Well, Chili I think is probably about the worst thing I've ever had here. After two bites, I scrape the rest off my plate onto Negan's. Fuck that, I'll starve.
He practically inhales it, and my hand.
Gross. Waste of a goddamn glove.
"Can I fucking help you," he asks with a mouthful to one of the younger men just standing at the end of our table.
Now I know that I say some pretty off the wall shit, but this kid is a moron. He's lucky he leaves before Negan loses his shit.
"God I fucking hate your generation. If I gotta hear that's legit one more goddamn time I'm adding more motherfuckers to my fence."
"Way to show your age, old man."
"Fuck you. How old was Madsen again? Fucking ninety?"
"Forty-six, and fuck you."
"Well, I'm sure he'd agree with me about your dumb generation, too."
"He used to get real mad when I'd say ain't."
Stop using ain't. You know I do not like it when you talk like that.
"Seriously? He bitched at you for that?"
"Madsen chewed my ass all the time."
Negan mumbles something under his breath, before pushing his tray away from him.
I follow after him as I nervously knot my hands. He seems tense, and not like his usual dramatic self. Was it something I said? I didn't say anything though! "What were you mumbling?"
"Doesn't fucking matter." He doesn't even hold the parlor door open for me. "Look at this. Everyone is conveniently asleep about the time I get home. Fucking useless bitches." He shuts the bathroom door so hard it splinters and the knob pops off.
I watch the metal twirl before coming to a complete stop. This is more than his bad mood. It's going to cause a fight, but I want to know what he mumbled.
Negan's hands grip the porcelain sink as his head is dipped down. Several tears have already fallen against the chrome faucet.
It paralyzes me to see this man in such a frail submissive state because I know it's not for me to see. Is this something that he does often, or is this just his breaking point? Did I cause this? I slip my arms around his torso in hopes that he knows he doesn't have to go through this alone. Maybe I'm not the best with this affection shit, but I am here.
"Get your fucking hands off me."
"No," I whimper, trying my best to hold onto him.
He drives his fist right into the metal wall. "Let fucking go," he screams.
"You're hurting yourself!"
"What do you care, bitch? You don't give a fuck about me!"
"That's not true!"
"I have never tried to change you, other than the drug use. Even with all your quirks and that stupid fucking rapping. Yet he fucking gets on to you for saying a goddamn word? And you fucking lay down for that? Or maybe you were the one on top. I'll never know since you can't stand the thought of fucking me."
"Hey, hey! That's none of your fucking business, okay? Madsen put up with all my shit with a smile, so don't make him out to be something that he's not. And for the record, ain't ain't even a fucking word which means all he was trying to do was better me."
"Yeah, Madsen the all fucking mighty."
Where's Madsen the all fucking mighty?
We got in a fight.
You stupid girl. What did I always tell you?
I cover my ears. "Stop it, Mama," I beg.
Out of my way. Boss ain't paying me to talk.
"RM?"
Well, I got some of that money stuff. If I paid you, could we talk?
Maybe after my shift, I can spare a minute.
Okay, Mama.
"RM!"
I snap out of it when he gives me a quick jerk and lower my hands down some. "What?"
"What?! What do you mean what? You just called me Mama!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Oh, right. I'm just making this shit up."
Fuck. I did? Am I fucking losing it? What'd they put in that goddamn chili? "Look, fucker. I didn't come after you because I wanted to start world war three. Or whatever goddamn world war this is between us, I've lost count. And for the record, there's been plenty of times I wanted to fuck you these last few weeks."
"Yeah? Is that why you followed me? To fuck me? Fuck you, RM. Get the fuck out, now!"
"I followed after you because those feelings that I felt for Madsen, that you constantly give me shit about, I feel for you. The reason I hesitate at times is because I know what being with you means. Sharing you with five women, and yeah, that fucking bothers me. I don't want to be just another rocket socket."
"What the fuck?! Why didn't you say anything sooner!"
"You cheated on Lucille all the time and that was someone you loved! What fucking chance would the druggie cunt have? I don't have incredibly fuckable tits and long flowing untangled hair." My bottom lip starts to tremble as it chokes me up. "I'm just trailer trash. I should be the one called dumpy," I whimper, tears flooding my eyes. Fuck. I don't even give Negan a chance to respond, and do the only thing I'm good at. Running. Through the parlor and up the side steps to the roof. I check my hiding spot on the roof for my pills under one of the rocks.
Empty.
"Fuck! Fuck," I scream, beating the rock against the roof until it splits it half and I smash my finger. "Goddammit!" I turn around so I can go find Connor but bump right into Negan. I hit him with such force that I lose my balance and fall backward.
"Sweet fucking fuck!" Negan is able to catch me before I tumble right off the roof.
I blink a few times in disbelief at what just fucking happened.
Negan yanks me against him, thrusting a hand down into my pocket. "See these?" He's pulled my sobriety coins out. "Kiss these motherfucking goodbye." He flings them off the roof.
"No," I scream, trying to lunge for them but his grip is too strong.
"Up here looking for drugs like I don't fucking know! You've gotta be kidding me with this fucking shit!"
"My coins," I whine, going completely limp in his arms.
"Why would you throw all this away for some fucking pills?" He gives me a violent shake. "Answer me, goddammit!"
"Fuck you, leave me alone!" I wait for him to drop me on the rough tarred roof. Instead, he brings me close against him. Negan opens his hand to reveal the coins still in his palm.
"But I thought..."
"I just acted like I threw them, though after this stunt you pulled they're mine." He stuffs them in his pocket.
I try to fish them out, but he shoves my hand away. "Never thought I'd see the day when you don't want my hand in your pants. I mean, how bad does one have to fuck up to be rejected by you? Your standards are pretty low. Especially for you to see something in me."
"Look, I know today has been a shit day. You wanted to go get that stuff and I said no. The fight with Dwight. Our fight."
I stand up straight again, moving away from that. "You think I give a fuck about any of that? No, what bothers me is the fact that I open up to you to tell you that I have feelings for you and that shit gets completely fucking ignored."
"How the fuck am I supposed to know when you're being serious?!"
"When am I not serious, motherfucker? What you see is what you get!"
"Well," he whines. "Say all that nice shit again."
"Fuck you."
He grabs my wrist before I can get too far. "You're not just another rocket socket to me."
"Yeah, bitch? We gonna have the white picket fence and live happily ever fucking after with your wives?" I scoff at him, trying to pull away.
"Would you settle for rusted chain link?"
"This ain't a fucking joke!" When Negan comes after me, I sweep my leg out like PM showed me, putting the dumpy fuck right on his ass.
"What… the…"
"I'm going to the Kingdom. Goodbye."
"RM! Wait!"
As I return to his room to pack my things, I remember what my friend Cheeto told me.
A man will stop at nothing when it comes to the woman he wants to be with.
Let's see just how much truth there is behind the whole not just another rocket socket. I don't even make it past his door before he's standing in the frame.
His arm is stretched out, blocking me from going any further. "First off, I think you should know I'm pretty fucking turned on right now by that stunt on the roof."
I snap him a glare.
"Second, and listen up because this is god's honest shit. You mean a fucking fuck ton to me, you strange broad. I'm going to refrain from profanity momentarily to illustrate just how serious I am. Women have come and gone, and I feel nothing about it. But if I lose you? That is it. If you walk out that door, you're going to take the only humanity I have left in me." He moves his hand from the door frame, settling it at his side. "Do what you have to do. Just know that nothing will stop me from getting you back, and I will do anything to do so."
A man will stop at nothing when it comes to the woman he wants to be with.
"You really mean that?"
"I most certainly motherfucking do."
I drop my bag to my feet, moving my arms around him. I'm hoisted up so that I'm eye level with him. "Fuck you, Negan."
"Fuck you, too, RM." He steps forward into his room, closing the door behind him with his foot as he rubs my ass a bit before having a seat with me in his chair.
I sink down on his lap, tucking myself away against his chest. I'm not really sure what all this means, but I guess at this point I'm just happy to fit somewhere in this world of his alongside all these other women. Does that make me crazy? Probably. Do I care? No.
My hot breath fogs up the window. I use my forearm to wipe it away. The sky looks like everything is about to fall to fuck. It must be time for storm season again. I hope Negan gets home soon. The trucks pulled up a while ago so I know he's gotta be here. Thankfully, I don't have to wait too much longer but he seems a little tense tonight. Go figure now that we're actually getting along.
"Your teacher stopped me on the way up here tonight."
Fuck. "Okay, but in my defense, it really wasn't supposed to look like a banana bazooka, it just did!"
"…what?!"
Oh shit. He's not talking about that dick sculpture I did in class?
He shakes his head, rubbing his brow.
"Well… what's that look for?"
"I don't want you to take this as an insult but sometimes I wonder if maybe you're not as old as I think you are."
"How old do you think I am?"
"Cut the shit. How old are you, RM?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't fucking know?"
I stare back at him because he's starting to annoy me.
"Okay. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you never celebrated your birthday."
"Like that stupid party Amber threw you? No."
"Which you fucking ruined, by the way."
"Cry me a fucking river."
"Anyway, let's fucking think. There must have been some time when you knew your age."
"I met Madsen when I was eleven."
"Oh, that is fucking sick!"
"Stop fucking spitting on me!"
"What the fuck was a grown man doing with a child?!"
"Madsen never touched me-"
"I thought you said you two fucked?"
Now I'm fucking irritated. "Let me fucking finish. Jesus. He came over to see my mom about drugs. When he came into my room, I figured he was like the rest, but he wouldn't let me touch him."
"Wait a goddamn minute because I want to make sure I am hearing you right. Your mom let men rape you for drug money?"
"Look, man, that's just the way shit was, okay? I didn't know any better, and she told me that was the only way. Do you wanna figure out this age shit or not?" His door slamming shut startles me. I don't understand his mood swings. Where did he put my damn tabloids? I wanna finish that abduction story...
...
Dingus here startles me when he rips my tabloid from my hand.
"I was reading that!"
"You know, that motherfucking junkie cocksucking boyfriend of yours better be glad he's six fucking feet under because I would have killed him myself."
"Don't you fucking dare threaten my Madie! I fucking told you what the fuck happened."
"How old were you the first time he touched you?"
"I told you, I don't fucking know."
"You better start fucking talking! I want to know everything!"
"Alright, damn! Stop yelling at me!" Shit.
"Start from the beginning. He's at your house. What did he do to you?"
"Madsen took me from her home that night, and I went to live with him for four winters."
"Okay, so you're fifteen. Still not any better."
"And we still hadn't fucked. Anyway, you rude fuck. One day while Madie was at the shop, a few men broke into his house. They set it on fire and took me to their place in the desert. I spent three winter's there."
"Did they... rape you?"
"No. That's not why they took me. These men were rival dealers of Madsen's. The point of the fire was to make it look like I died."
"Then with Madsen grieving you, it took him out of the drug business."
"Yeah, and things fell to fuck fast. Cheeto's drinking got out of control. Madsen was fucked up from all the drugs used to cope with losing me. Dominic was the only reason the shop didn't go under."
"Why didn't you try and run away?"
"It wasn't as easy as walking out the front door, dingus. Plus one of the men had a son named Specs. The things they used to do to him were awful. I got my chance to escape the first year, but I couldn't leave him there."
"You could have told Madsen, he would have got Specs out of there."
"Yeah by Madsen killing those men. That's not what I wanted. I had to convince Specs that what they were doing to him was wrong. That things would be better if he came with me. If that meant two extra years captive, it was well worth it."
"So you finally convinced him and went back to live with Madsen at eighteen."
"Yeah, for two more winters. We fucked that last one. And only because I came onto him after the five hundredth and twenty time and I'm not even exaggerating. He'd be like, I'm a grown man. It's wrong. I'm too old for you, blah, blah, blah."
"You didn't stop to think his side of it? You were with him since you were eleven."
"He said the same thing. What would people think, RM? You've been with me since you were child. But it's like I told him, he sure as fuck ain't my dad. Madie was my protector. He kept me safe. My stomach never hurt when I was with him like when I lived with Mama."
Negan lets out the longest sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"Here is this guy I thought was just some junkie fuck that you couldn't let go of because he OD'd with you in his lap. I never fucking though he'd actually be a decent guy, and it fucking pisses me off because… how the fuck am I supposed to compete with that?!"
"Madsen and I had our problems just like anyone else, man. In fact, things were almost over before they even began."
"What do you mean?"
"I got tired of asking him to fuck me. Eventually, I just stopped trying. Things spiraled way out of control and I said all this fucked up shit to him so he kicked me out of his house."
"His loss."
"Looking back on things and knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted one minute on fighting."
"I was a fool for cheating on Lucille. The night I told her that I had ended things, she actually asked what was wrong with me. Why would I pick the sick one? Guess it doesn't really matter anymore." Negan's eyes drift off to the side some before returning back to mine. "So you forgave Madsen and he fucked your brains out which explains that spaced out look you always give."
"Yeah. Something like that. Sex was different with him. He let me keep my stockings on and he never hurt me. Madsen was also extremely protective of me when it came to other men. One time, this guy named Ducky forced himself on me and Madsen cut his balls off. Made the fucker carry them around in his pocket as a reminder to him and everyone else that I was his."
"That sounds like some shit I would do."
"It's fucking barbaric. He was still a person. Madsen had no right to take his balls. Just like you had no right to chain that man to the fence."
"Any-fucking-way, before I get even more pissed. Nineteen is still pretty fucking young, especially if he was forty-fucking-six."
I roll my eyes annoyed. "Fuck, man, get off my tits about that shit."
"Why did you only stay two winters with him?"
"To go live back with Mama."
"Why in the fuck would you go back to live with your mom after what she fucking put you through?"
"She got really sick."
"Yeah fucking right," he scoffs under his breath.
"What does that mean?"
"When did Madsen overdose?"
"That night we got to Mama's house."
"Whatever, but, okay."
"What do you mean?"
"Why did you let her boyfriend's rape you?"
"Why do you keep saying rape? Mama said that-"
"Exactly! Your mom was a piece of shit that should have had her tits in her pocket, too. She manipulated you, RM. Let me guess. Mama didn't like Madsen because Madsen knew what fucked up things she was doing to you. I'd be willing to bet she killed Madsen by lacing his drugs, or whatever needed to be done to make sure that Mama had a way to keep you at that house. And I bet while you were grieving Madsen some sorry fucking fucker was emptying into you while Mama was all doped up from the drugs it got her."
"I will never forgive you for what you said!"
"Well, the truth is one pill that's painful to fucking swallow."
"I'll show you, motherfucker!" I hurry down to the level Connor stays on, beating on his door. "Connor, it's me, open up." Fuck Negan, I'm going to be so goddamn fucked up.
"Connor's dead, RM."
"You think he's the only way to get drugs?!"
Negan forcefully grabs me by the arm, pulling me back upstairs. "You wanna piss the life away that I gave you? You wanna fucking go out that way? Fine, bitch. Let's fucking both go out that way."
"You're hurting me!"
He shoves me into his bed.
"What are you doing?" My eyes widen as I look at this stash Negan has in his end table. It's all the shit he's ever confiscated from me.
"Yeah, bitch, get an eye full of this." He pulls me against him, pinning me in place as he takes a syringe and a balloon of heroin from his drawer.
"No, stop!"
"This is what you want, RM. We'll just go back to the way things were. You can fuck me for drugs and everything will be fine fucking fucking fine!"
It's the only time I've ever been frightened by a needle close to my arm. "No, please, I don't want this. Please, I want to be clean!"
"More for me then." I'm shoved to the floor before he sits back on his couch.
"No!" I hurry to him, fighting for the needle. "No, please don't do this! I'm sorry!"
"Come on, we'll get fucked up and fuck. I'll let you call me Madsen."
I finally get the needle, then shove open his window to toss everything out it. Fuck. Since when am I the one in control? The truth is, if Negan relapsed because of me, I'd never fucking forgive myself. I might have never killed someone before, but this would be the same thing.
He sits slouched back on his couch. No expression what so ever.
I, on the other hand, am a rattled fucking mess. "For fuck's sake." It feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. This big fucker means more to me than he'll ever know but it's about time that he knows. I straddle him, fixing his hair back in place.
He refuses to look at me. "I don't give a fuck whether or not you think I'm being harsh with you about your mother. What she did to you was fucking wrong. You're just too brainwashed to know right from wrong. Men touching you without your consent is wrong. There is nothing that makes it okay for a man to touch you."
There's that fucking word again. Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. What does that even fucking mean?
I didn't understand it when Madsen said it, and I don't understand what Negan is saying. "Mama said-"
"That's enough!"
I whine and drop my head submissively. "Madie hated Mama, too. He would always tell me, if you're going to keep defending her, this conversation is over."
Negan lets out a heavy sigh.
"I'm a real dick, okay?" I don't expect him to let out some breathed laugh.
"We still didn't figure out how old you are."
"Madsen had only been gone three days before people started eating each other."
"Two years have passed since the outbreak started, so that should make you about twenty-one now. Give or take. Maybe twenty-two since you're counting winters and not years."
"Apocalypse math?"
"Yeah."
"Let me make all this up to you."
"It's going to take a lot for-" His eyes drop taking in the sight of my naked flesh when I toss my shirt to the floor.
I slide off of him, moving his legs apart so I can kneel between them. There isn't much response from him other than his watchful curious eyes. He's not even turned on when I finally manage to free him from his pants. Usually, a few tugs and he's good to go but when I take my hand from him, it just kind of flops to the side. "I'll let you call me Lucille."
"Fucking Christ, that is not the issue!"
"I'm sorry!"
"How many times have we been in this spot all for it to fall to fuck?"
"As much as you think it's bullshit, I had my reasons for not taking things farther with you."
"You had one reason. Madsen."
"I let him go."
"Bull-fucking-shit. You need to understand something. I ain't him. Not even fucking close. I sure as fuck won't bow down the way he did."
"What are you saying? You are just like Madsen, and you belong to me, motherfucker."
"Yeah?" He leans over, getting right in my face. "Then who's the one on their fucking knees?"
"Fuck you!"
"Bitch, I wish you would fuck me with half the intensity you have when it comes to your hatred for me."
"Is that so? Because I'm trying to fuck you now except I'm not the one that's turned into the little engine that couldn't get it up."
"Really now?" Negan leans back against the couch, one arm slung across the top of it. That engorged arousal stands at full fuck me attention. His other hand lurches at me, grabbing a fist full of hair.
I gag trying to choke him down.
"What was that you were saying about getting it up? Let me hear you muffle it over my cock that you can barely fit in your mouth."
I pull away from him with a frustrated yell before hauling back and slapping the fuck out of him.
"The… fuck? You hit me!"
"How fucking dare you treat me like that!"
"You fucking liked it. I bet you're so wet right now I wouldn't even have to try. I'd just slide right in. Isn't that right, my little buckle buffer?"
I try to hit him again but he catches my wrist.
"Do it again and I'll tie your hands behind your back."
I take it as a challenge and use my other free hand.
He spins me around, yanking his belt off in one swift motion. The leather binds around my wrists, tightening with a jerk. Negan stands up behind me, tilting my chin back so he can look down at me. His arousal is uncomfortable as it stabs between my shoulder blades. He gives me a light smack to my cheek, then his fingers tighten around my jaw. "Be fucking nice."
"Fuck you," I snarl between my clenched teeth.
"Well… don't let me keep you waiting," he smirks, assuming his spot on the couch.
"You arrogant fuck."
"Prove me wrong then." He touches the tips of his fingers to the back of his ear. "What's that? Not a goddamn fucking thing because you're so fucking turned on right now you're just trying to decide if you want me in your mouth or inside you." His lip only curls up more. "Or maybe both." He sides my shorts button out of place and with a tug, they pool around my feet. Negan pats his knee.
I set my foot against the denim so he can take my boot off. If I wasn't such a weak bitch, I'd kick him right between his legs. Instead, I just let him tie me up like some fucking deviant.
"Look at me."
My eyes burn back at him.
"Yeah. I fucking like that. In fact, that's the look I want when you're hate fucking the shit out of me."
While he's been sidetracked playing king dick, I finally free myself from the leather restraint. I mount him, shoving the leather in his mouth and wrapping it around his head like a bar gag. "Now it's my turn to hear you muffle over something, bitch!"
He tosses his head back and laughs against the restraint. His finger tugs the leather from his mouth. "Surely you want my mouth for other things." He drags his knuckle between my legs.
I let out a frustrated groan, pressing my knee to his shoulder.
His hands trail up the back of my beauties all the way to my ass before his fingers grip it tightly and I'm moved right over this fucker's mouth. He runs his tongue lightly against the material.
"Fuck," I moan, ready to rip them open so he can go the fuck to town.
He flicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in disapproval, shaking his head side to side. "Don't you fucking dare rip that perfect new skin of yours."
"But-"
"I said no!"
I moan again when his mouth returns.
"Better."
His husky voice feels good, among other things. I grab the sides of his well-groomed hair as I brace myself for this ride thankful these beauties are fishnet. I fucking love this, wishing I wasn't so stubborn. I would have greeted him every day like this had I had known that his mouth was this good. He's right. It can be used for other things besides all the hot air that comes from it. "Shit!"
"Bed."
What? Now? "No, no, no." I try and guide his head back between my legs.
"Now."
Dammit! I scoot back some on his bed as he drops his shirt to the floor.
"You sure you want my big hairy body seizuring on top of you?"
"Fuck yes." I start to rip a hole in my beauties but he stills my hand.
"What did I fucking tell you? Those are mine, and you will not put a hole in them."
"But how will we-"
"Control, right? That's why you want them on? RM, you're in control of everything. If you don't like something I'm doing, tell me to stop."
I'm not sure what he means and try to rip them again.
He moves my arms above my head, pinning them against the bed as he presses his knee to it. "No." He licks up my neck before sinking his teeth in my skin.
Fuck, I want him to lick every part of my body starting back between my legs. My fingers trace up the definition of his arms and up over well rounded muscle. Another sharp bite to my neck makes me moan his name. The more he works his way down, the more it starts to make me uneasy until I feel that dreaded tug on my beauties. "Negan, no. My hip scars. Please, let me rip them."
"I don't want you to rip a hole in these because there's no need to. No man will ever force himself on you again, RM. I promise." The sheet is moved over close to me.
I know what he's doing. It's not meant to cover me up, it's meant to comfort me.
His fingers settle against my hips. "You can trust me, and you know I'll stop if you want." He slowly starts to ease my beauties off, using the material to arouse my skin. It's almost like a metaphor for taking my innocence. Something sacred I can offer him, and only him. It's not even something I allowed Madsen. The fabric comes down my ankles and over my feet. I curl my fingers nervously around the sheet as I lay vulnerable before this man.
Negan takes my foot, pressing his lips to the top as he works his other hand up and down on himself.
I'll never understand his fetish for feet but I really don't care what he does to me at this point. It all feels so fucking good. I dip my fingers between my legs and start to pleasure myself, too.
His eyes widen as he stills his hand. "Fucking shit, yes!"
I want his attention there so he'll bring his lips back and I can find my release that way.
"Yeah, finger that tight little cunt!" He yanks me by the hips to the edge of the bed and gets to his knees.
I moan so fucking loud when he starts helping me until it becomes too much for him and he shoves my hand away. My feet settle against the hard contours of his shoulders, courtesy of Lucille. Fuck, his mouth, yes! I'm almost embarrassed of the faces I'm making which he keeps watch over. These corrupt eyes staring back as he snickers against my heat every now and then. It startles me when he slides me up the bed.
"Fuck, I can't take this shit anymore." He stretches over me, wiping my arousal off his chin with the crook of his elbow.
My eyes roll back in my head as he runs his length between my legs, teasing my most sensitive area.
He reclaims my lips so hard our teeth clank together.
"Sir, we've got a problem," Seth shouts, knocking violently on the door.
Negan pulls away from my lips, lowering his face into the crook of my neck. "Fuck! Are you fucking kidding me with this? I'm going to kill him."
"No! Don't kill him!"
"Goddammit," he yells, punching one of the wooden bedposts. He gets his pants up, zipping them before ripping the door practically off the hinges. "What?! And this motherfucking better be life or motherfucking death."
I cover myself with the sheet, trying to listen to what Seth is saying.
Negan puts his hand on the wall, setting his forehead against his arm. "Fuck. Gather everyone up." The door is shut, but not before he lets out a heavy sigh.
"You're leaving?"
"I have to."
I sit up from the bed. "You can fuck me real quick if you wanna."
He leans down, pressing his lips to mine. "No, I'll be back."
"Okay," I flush.
Negan helps me back into my beauties. "Every fucking time," he sighs, picking up his shirt.
"Wait!" I hop down from the bed, wrapping my arms around his torso. "Please don't leave. I have a bad feeling."
"My men need me, RM."
"But, I need you!"
"I will be right back. Let me find out what's going on."
"No," I whimper. "Do you swear you'll come back?"
He runs his fingers along my chin. "I promise."
I find myself jealous that Lucille gets to go with him. I follow him through the parlor, and down the first set of steps. Even though I'm three steps higher, he's still taller. "When you leave Sanctuary are you going to harm someone?"
"…yes."
"There's gotta be another way."
"This is the only way, RM."
"Please," I beg, tearing up.
He grazes my cheek as if he expects tears.
Maybe I should have cried just to show him how strongly I feel about it. I don't understand it. The dead are trying to kill us, but we have to fight each other too? Though I guess to be fair there was killing long before the dead came.
"Go wait for me, okay?"
"Right here."
"No, inside. Why don't you clean up the parlor a bit?"
"It's not messy."
"It's a little crowded."
"You want me to tell your wives to leave?"
"Yeah. I'm your property now, right?"
He knows I've relished the day I could kick out dumb and dumber. "Yes," I smile. "Mine."
"Maybe you could get rid of those cigarettes while you're at it. You know, for me?"
"I will for you." I clench his hand tighter. The last time I felt this unnerved was the night Madsen told me to go to sleep. That everything would be fine.
Don't worry about me, RM.
Then Madsen was gone. I stare back at Negan briefly. "Promise me."
"I promise." He leans in for a kiss that I deny.
"For when you come back."
"Alright, bitch."
"Be careful, dumpy."
He grabs my tit real quick before hurrying out.
I can't help but laugh. Oh! Speaking of tits. I moonwalk back into the parlor. "You can't stay, you got to go," I sing at them. Now, granted I didn't expect them to take me seriously, especially wearing a pair of beauties and nothing else while singing in a manner that can only be described as someone who is tone deaf. "Negan said to get the fuck out, or you fucking fuckers are fucking fucked!" Yeah, that got their attention. "Bye, sluts!" I stroll back into his bedroom, slamming the door.
After the second day, I'm going insane. I've never been so worried in all my life. My stomach hurts, churning as if there's something inside. Until the door is swung open. "Thank fuck," I whine, hurrying off my pallet and around the bed. Except… it's several of his men. This is the only time I've felt ashamed of being naked. I move behind one of the large wooden posts on his bed. "Where's Negan?"
"Dead."
Dead? Negan's dead? He promised me! "What?! You're lying!"
"We watched it happen. They slit his throat wide open. The Saviors are under-"
I can't catch my breath as things start to close in. "He promised me!" I told him not to fucking leave me. That I had a bad feeling! I can't do this again. Madsen damn near broke me, and now Negan? This isn't fucking happening! I refuse to fucking believe it. "Where's Negan?!"
"You're the druggie wife, aren't you?"
"Leave right now," I order them. "Negan will return soon and he'll fuck you up if he finds you in here!"
"This is the one, boys. I'm sure of it."
"Get your hands off me," I yell. "No! Stop! Stop touching me!" They extend my arm out some but I try my best to fight them off. There's just too many of them. "I don't do drugs anymore!" I'm struck twice in the head as it disorients me enough to where they can get the needle in my arm without me struggling. "…stop," I beg them. "Negan, help!"
"Negan, help," some of them mock.
These beauties are ripped from me by three different men.
"Lock her up in the basement after you take turns on her."
"Negan," I whimper, reaching for the torn fabric as I fade out of consciousness.