NOTE: This takes place over a year after the accident. And the next chapter will continue from this one.
Peter sat on the familiar bench, eyes searching upward as he wondered which floor his friend was on. His mind wandered back to that morning as he searched the internet for a doctor while Neal sat lifeless next to him. He made several calls before finally finding one that was willing to suddenly take on a new patient. The doctor had experience with brain injuries and he also happened to work out of the same hospital that had saved Neal's life after the car accident. He had insisted that Neal be admitted immediately for observation and Peter had the thankless task of packing a bag for his partner and driving him to the hospital. Neal had been silent the whole time, barely mumbling a goodbye when they took him away. Peter, on the other hand, had cried like a baby, only calming down when he had arrived home and into the comforting arms of his wife.
The mandatory seventy-two hours had turned into a full month and Neal had refused all visitors and Peter had no choice but to abide by his friend's wishes. He had talked to the ex-con several times and Neal said he was doing fine, but over the phone there was no way of telling how Neal really was.
The doctor would always return Peter's calls in a timely manner but he would state patient- doctor confidentiality when questioned and would only say that Neal was doing as well as expected under the circumstances.
"Is this seat taken?" Peter smiled, hearing the soft voice of his wife.
"It is now" Peter commented as Elizabeth sat down beside him.
"I knew you'd be early" Elizabeth said. "Why do you think he wants to see us?"
"Don't know" Peter answered gruffly, "but it's about time."
"Peter, please don't." Elizabeth turned and faced her husband. "Don't go in there with any preconceived notions."
"Too late" Peter muttered.
"Peter, don't make a scene in there. It's not going to help Neal if you're arguing with his doctor."
Peter stood, muttering something under his breath. "I'll be a boy scout. Let's go see what Doctor Freud has to say."
With a bemused smile and a shake of her head, Elizabeth followed her husband inside. They were a few minutes early and standing outside the appointed door when they heard someone rushing towards him.
"Sorry, I'm late...got called away for an emergency." Peter and Elizabeth exchanged weary glances. The doctor was nothing like Peter had expected; he was a burly man with curly hair and a thick mustache that covered half of his mouth. He reminded Peter of someone and the agent kept staring...
"Gabe Kaplan" the doctor said, with a slight smile. "Everyone says I look like him."
"Aha." Peter said, remembering a TV show he had enjoyed as a child. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare."
"It's ok; I get it all the time. Please sit." He gestured to the two seats.
Once they were seated the doctor sat behind his desk.
"Please call me Ben" he said with an easy manner that eased the tension radiating from the Burkes. "First, let me assure you that Neal is doing well and I apologize for not being able to tell you more on the phone." He directed the last comment to Peter.
"Also, I have Neal's blessing to talk to you. He said you're the closest he has to a family or at least any family he'll admit to."
Peter chuckled softly. "He won't tell you either will he?"
Ben smiled. "No, but I don't need to know about his past. I can you tell he's not depressed..."
"But the other doctor" Elizabeth interrupted.
"Probably had no experience with brain injuries" Ben put forth. "What Neal is going through is typical and something I've seen many times before." The doctor paused briefly and shuffled some papers on his desk, moving them to a corner. He rested his elbows on the newly cleaned space and studied the Burkes."We put so much emphasis on the first year with retraining the brain and relearning simple tasks we sometimes forget the emotional aspect of recovery. Around the one year mark, a patient starts to realize that they're not the same and no matter how hard they work, most likely they never will be." Ben stood and strolled over to the fridge in the corner of the small office.
"Care for a drink?"
The Burkes shook their heads no and waited while the doctor grabbed a bottle of water and took a drink.
"Neal is unique. I don't think I've ever treated someone who wears a tracker on his ankle." He chuckled softly.
Peter cleared this throat. "Doctor, if he's not depressed what is he? And why did he almost kill himself?"
"But he didn't" the doctor countered. "If Neal truly wanted to die he would have pulled the trigger long before you found him."
Elizabeth knew her husband was getting a little exasperated by the doctor's ramblings.
"Ben, how can we help Neal?" she asked.
"You can't." Ben saw their faces and quickly added. "You've done everything you can do for Neal. Now it's up to Neal to accept himself and that's the hardest thing he'll ever have to do."
"And if he doesn't?" Peter questioned.
"That's where I come in" the doctor responded. "It's my job to show Neal that his life is worth living." Ben sat down again.
"Neal is suffering from a lot of anxiety and I feel that's causing the majority of his shaking. He confided in me that he's worried about what happens when the tracker comes off and he's a free man."
"He's never mentioned that to me" Peter commented.
"I asked him to describe himself in our first meeting and he said he's a brain damaged ex con." Ben paused for dramatic effect studying the couple across the desk. "He doesn't believe he can go back to his old ways and he doubts anyone would hire him if he tried getting a job."
"Peter, what about the bureau?" Elizabeth glanced at her husband. "Would they hire Neal after his sentence is done?"
"I'm not sure" Peter admitted. "Most CI's end up back in jail...I don't know if it's ever been done."
"That's why I called..." Ben paused as he looked at his notes." Your boss... Reece Hughes."
"Hughes was here?" Peter couldn't keep the shock out of his voice. "He never said anything to me."
"I asked him not to" Ben explained. "He spoke very highly of Neal and said it was possible for Neal to be hired in the same capacity he's doing now."
"But..." Peter said quietly, "I hear a but coming."
"But, he's not sure if this is what he wants" Ben concluded. "It's ok, though. It gives Neal an option if he chooses and right now, he doesn't feel he has many options in his life."
"So, what happens next?" Peter asked with a quick glance at his watch, surprised that they've been sitting there for nearly an hour.
"I've kept Neal here longer than normal because he had a rough time getting off the antidepressant." Ben smiled wearily. "I have thought about treating his anxiety with a less potent medication but Neal doesn't want anything and we'll go that route for now."
"And Neal...when does he get out of here?" Peter fidgeted in his seat, and loosened his tie a bit.
"That's up to you" Ben said, much to the Burke's surprise.
"Neal described his living arrangements and I don't think living on his own is a good idea right now. He gave me two viable choices and..." he glanced again at his notes. "Considering I can't get a hold of Mozzie I'd prefer Neal move in with you..."
"What?" Peter choked out.
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No...Not really" Peter stuttered.
"It's fine" Elizabeth said.
"Mr. Burke?" Ben eyed the agent sternly.
"No, I'm just a little surprised." Peter frowned as he returned the doctor's gaze. "Neal went out of his way to prove he could be on his own after the rehab, I'm a little...shocked that he would agree to this. He did agree, right?"
The doctor nodded slightly. "He understands it's for the best right now and it's not forever. Consider it a half way home between here and his place."
"It is fine" Elizabeth insisted again. "For however long it takes, Neal can stay with us."
"Good." Ben sat back in his chair. "I think he'll be out of here in a week or two. I can call you when I have a release date."
"Can we see him?" Peter asked.
The doctor shook his head. "It's Neal's request that he sees no one. I'm not going to sugar coat this...it's been hard on him and he doesn't feel up to seeing anyone. But again, let me assure you he's doing better..." Ben paused with a small sigh. "I'll ask him to call you tonight ok?" The doctor stood, signaling the meeting was over.
Later that evening Peter stood in the guest room, wondering what Neal might need while living there.
"Peter, come to bed." Elizabeth stood in the doorway, dressed only in a night shirt. "Neal sounded ok tonight so stop worrying."
Peter glanced her way and then went back to studying the room. "Do you think we should put a TV up here?"
"Fine" Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. She entered the room and grabbed her husband's hand, leading him out.
"Peter, let's go to bed. You can worry about this tomorrow."