I am truly sorry for talking so long to update and by not having more to publish, but my computer crashed with everythin that was in it, so I am currently rewriting the story. But I thought I'd publish that anyway. I'll try to update soon and go back to my original rythm
A week has passed since Alice and I made love, a week in which I've barely seen her. They are training, or so I have been told... I am angry, angry that she won't tell me what's happening! Angry because I miss her! Angry! But more than anything I am scared; scared because my first love, my only love, the only one for me is going to fight for her life and there is nothing I can do to help.
Sure I have tried to get Alice to talk about my transformation, but she always avoid the conversation by being her cute self, I let go, but not tonight, tonight I won't let it go. I hope.
Alice is coming to pick me up, so I can spend the week-end with her and the Cullen's, Emmett is having my back, he sent me a text telling me that all the family was trying to convince Alice that turning me is the good thing to do, that it's the only thing to do. But my pixie is a stubborn, and the truth is I wouldn't have her any other way.
I was ready and waiting on the porch, Alice was on time, like she always is. I hopped in and kissed her, How much I missed her lips! I think I am addicted to them, like kids to chocolate...
"I missed you too" she smiled as she started the engine.
"I've never said I missed you" I teased
"Please your lips did" she laughed adorably
Who in their right mi,d would want to hurt her, that's the thing though Jane wasn't in her right mind and as far as I am concerned insanity is not good enough to keep her from death sentence.
"How is the training going?" I asked
"well, it is hard and the boys are doing their best to play with my gift, so I can't even rely on it anymore" she sighed
"Well, good because Jane knows about your gift and she sure as hell must have trained to beat it too"
"You sound like Carlisle, it's kind of scary" she laughed
"Well, then little Alice Cullen, you are going to train harder or you'll be punished"
She laughed, it's good to hear her laugh again, it's more natural, I think my fighter of a girlfriend has hope again.
"You know sometimes I wonder if my parents loved me as much as Carlisle and Esmee do. I mean as much as I act like it's in the past it still hurts sometimes"
Alice didn't talk much about her past, it was kind of a secret dark place within her.
"They were stupid Alice you are a wonderful person, they shouldn't have treated you so poorly"
"Thank you"
" you're welcome, my love"
"Bella, I know what Emmett told you, I saw him telling you"
I replied with silence, was there anything I could say anyway...
"I don't want him to change you" she said her voice shaking
Again I couldn't voice anything..
"I can't have you leaving your family, your youth, your old days, your desire for kids, I can't let you give that all up just for me" she said
"Alice, I'd give up so much more for you, but I am not doing this just for you I am doing it for me. Asking you to turn me is one of the most selfish things I've ever done" I stated
"How is that?" she asked
"I love you, I can't stand the thought of growing old, of being mortal, of loosing you. Alice you need to make me like you, not because I want to be with you forever, because I need to be with you forever. Of course I am scared of loosing Charlie and Renee, but it's not a permanent loss, just the time to handle my thirst even if it takes a decade, and even if I'll never see them again, they're parents all they want is for me to be happy, and there is nothing in this world and none who makes me happier than you. As for kids, my love you are enough kids to have for a-"
She cut me by a playful slap on the shoulder
"I am not a kid!" she pouted
"yes, you are!" I laughed "But seriously Alice, I don't want Emmett to do it either I want it to be you, but if Emmett still want to and you still refuse me I'll accept his offer, not because I don't care for you, but because I do. I care"
She didn't answer...
"Alice what are you so scared of?"
"Fine, I'll tell you" she took a deep unnecessary breath "Bella when I woke up, I didn't remember anything about my human life, I might've had a boyfriend or a girlfriend that I love but everything was black, what if you wake up and don't remember me, what if you just forget me. And I know it's awful to say that because my greatest fear should be that I kill you, but I know I won't I am unable to hurt you even if I wanted to. I should be terrified that one day you'll regret your decision, but all that scares me that keeps going in my mind my only terrible thought is that you forget me and that you'll realize that I am not the one for you and you'll leave because you won't even remember how much I love you, how much I can't live without you" she said that quickly.
It all hit me like bricks! I should've thought about it I should've figured it out.
"Alice Cullen, listen to me very carefully, It won't happen none of your siblings lost memory. And even if I did it'll take me one glance at you to remember my love for you Alice, because that's exactly what happens every time I see you I fall in love all over again. I understand your fear Alice, I really do, and I wish I could take it all away for you, but I can't all I can do is tell you Alice Cullen there is not a single version of me, that won't fall in love with you. Plus I am your mate, therefore at the second the vampire me will see you I'll know that we are meant to be"
She smiled a little
"Okay then" she said
"What do you mean okay?" I asked unsure
"Okay I'll change you, you'll be like me Bella"
"Are you serious?" I said happiness enveloping me
"Yes, why you don't want me to be?"
"No, yes I mean Alice it means the world to me that you accepted I was starting to feel like maybe you didn't want me at your side forever"
"Bella, there is none I'd rather have by my side" she reassured me "Now we still need to discuss the details"
"What details?"
"When, where, how and much more" she smiled
"Having you agreeing was the hardest thing anyway" I smiled
"I don't think so, not when my whole family shared your vision" she smiled
"I am sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable" I said
I don't really know how she'd take her family being on my side
"Are you kidding, you guys ganging up on me is like a dream come true" she laughed
Her tone was one of fun but there was no sarcasm in her words...
We arrived at the Cullen's house, I was ready for the upcoming conversation. We will find the right organization of that I was sure.