Chapter 14: Pang of Guilt

Carlisle sighed as he arrived home, opening the door to find his one-year-old sitting on the floor playing with his toys. Chuckling, he walked over lifting him up into his arms. "I see you snuck away from your mother again," he commented.

"Da, da, da," little Edward answered shaking his rattle.

Smiling, Carlisle kissed his son's forehead when Elizabeth walked out of the parlor. "Our son seems to run away whenever I fall asleep," she commented.

"He is an adventurous boy," he answered.

He kissed his wife's cheek with a small smile. "Yes, but he always seems to brood during the day," she observed.

"He broods?" he asked lifting Edward up.

The one-year-old was looking at his father with the rattle in his mouth. "He doesn't seem to be doing that now," he commented. Elizabeth sighed as she looked at her son, stepping behind her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist. She rested her cheek on his shoulder with a sigh. "Everything alright?" he asked.

"I'm just thinking," she replied.

He rested his free hand on hers. "I have work to do," he told her. He placed Edward into her arms before going upstairs.

"Dinner will be ready soon," she called to him.

"I'll be down shortly I juts have to look over this paperwork," he told her.

"Alright," she answered.

Carlisle sighed as he moved his fingers through his hair as he entered his office. Closing the door behind him, he sat down at his desk with his head in his hands. "Carlisle you are being foolish. Elizabeth is a fascinating woman, why can't you just be in love with her?" he asked himself quietly, his eyes closed. He twisted his ring around on his finger. "Why Lord, why do I still feel these feelings I shouldn't be feeling for Esme anymore? I am a married man, I bound my life to Elizabeth, why can't I let myself love her like she should be loved?" he asked the ceiling.

His heart torn between his wife and the woman that he still had feelings for. He shook his head slowly, wanting nothing more than for his life to get easier. He had a beautiful, doting wife and a beautiful son. What more could he ask for. Putting his head in his hands, he let out a shaky breath. "Foolish, foolish man," he muttered to himself.

Carlisle looked up when there was a knock on his office door. "Yes?" he answered. The door opened and Trudy stood there with Edward on her hip.

"Dr. Cullen, he was looking for you," she informed.

"Oh was he?" he murmured.

Smiling Trudy walked over, placing the boy into his lap. Carlisle smiled as Edward reached forward, grasping his pinky finger. Chuckling softly, he gently bounced his son on his knee. Closing his eyes, he held his son close to him as he started thinking; just wishing he would fall as hard for Elizabeth as he had for Esme. She was one thing he never doubted and that was for the love of his son. Stroking the top of Edward's head he smiled as the one-year-old was reaching for the papers on his desk. "Are you going to be a future doctor?" he quipped lightly.

"Da, da, da," Edward answered.

Chuckling softly, he kissed his son's forehead again with a smile.

After awhile, there was another knock on the door. "Carlisle, dinner is ready," she informed.

"All right," he answered.

He gently placed Edward into her arms, kissing her cheek gently. Elizabeth smiled a little before they both walked downstairs to the dining room.

That night, Carlisle was lying awake in bed when he felt the bed shift. "Elizabeth," he whispered.

"Yes?" she answered quietly.

He reached out for her, holding onto her hand. "Have I been a good husband?" he asked quietly. Elizabeth sat up, lighting the lamp by the bed.

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, her eyebrow rose.

Sighing, he rested an arm behind his head. "Have I been a good husband?" he repeated. She lied down on her side staring at him.

"You are a wonderful husband," she replied, her hand resting on his chest.

She moved circles on his chest with her thumb. "What would make you ask such a question?" she queried concerned. Closing his eyes for a second, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I just feel like I let you down. That you deserve a better man," he replied.

Sighing softly, Elizabeth entwined her fingers with his. "Carlisle, you are a wonderful husband and a doting father. I am the happiest woman in this world," she assured him. Elizabeth rested her head on his chest, moving her hand up and down his chest and stomach. He moved his hand up and down her arm as they sat in the silence. "There was something I have wanted to tell you," she said quietly.

"What is it?" he asked.

She sat up, looking at him with concern in her eyes. "I know this is so unexpected and I hope you won't be disappointed," she said quietly. Carlisle sat up, leaning against the headboard.

"Elizabeth, no matter what, I could never be disappointed," he assured her.

Smiling a little, she took his hand moving it onto her stomach. "We are going to have a baby…this spring," she said quietly. Carlisle stared at her in disbelief while keeping his hand on her stomach. "I know you never thought of having another child so soon…" she started.

"Elizabeth, this is wonderful news," he told her stopping her from continuing.

The smile reappeared on her face. "Another child," he whispered. Even though he was happy at the idea of becoming a father again, but then the pang of guilt hit him when he remembered once more than the child was with Elizabeth and not with Esme. Elizabeth leaned forward kissing him with a smile. It took Carlisle a second but he kissed her back, his hand resting on the side of her neck.