December 14, 2010

Rick had been on his best behaviour all day. He kept her caffeinated, kept her fed and ensured that her blood sugar level stayed high as well. He didn't act up. He stayed quiet in his chair and even helped fill in some of her paperwork. Part of Kate was thankful. Part of her was irritated because by the time the end of her shift rolled around, she had no reason to stay behind.

And by the look on Rick's face, that had been his intention. The minute the last signed page was tucked safely in its folder, he offered her a charming grin.

"All we've had today is bagels, pastries and coffee," he declared. "What do you say to some real sustenance?"

Kate wanted to say no. Her last couple of days had been trying at best. They'd left her emotional and vulnerable and really, she wanted nothing more than to go home and recuperate. She looked up when he rested a hand on hers, reading his eyes.

Trust me.

So Kate nodded.

But it wasn't what she'd expected.

She figured on something like Remy's, somewhere they went often and felt like home. Instead, he tugged her to a nearby hot dog stand, ordering for both of them before looping her arm through his and wandering off down the New York streets. Much to Kate's surprise, he spent their leisurely walk-and-eat pointing out all of the buildings and apartments with Christmas lights.

"See that apartment up there?" he said, pointing as they were stopped at a crosswalk. "See how many lights they have? I bet they're compensating for something."

Kate arched an eyebrow playfully. She was valiantly ignoring the fact that the company and the Christmas lights were both to blame for the lightening in her chest. "Well, you'd know all about overcompensating, wouldn't you."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," he teased in response as they both stepped out onto the street. They were bickering over which way to go when they heard the soft strings of Silent Night just loud enough over the whoosh of cars driving by. Rick didn't hesitate. He tugged her towards the noise. There, standing on the street corner in happy Santa hats, was a chorus group. They were young, probably from one of the nearby high schools, and they all wore corny sweaters as they sang.

Rick tugged Kate to a stop just off to the side and dropped her arm. Instead, he grasped her hand lightly in his and turned his attention to the carolers. Kate smiled as she listened. She was still exhausted, still emotionally drained, but she no longer felt like the world was crashing around her ears. She subconsciously stepped slightly closer to Rick's heat with a smile as Silent Night became Angels We Have Heard on High.

It wasn't until her shoulder brushed his arm that Kate realized how tense he was. She looked up, watching as his jaw worked, like his teeth were grinding together. It didn't take a genius to see he was uncomfortable and yet, his grip on her hand hadn't tightened. It stayed loose enough that she could pull away if she wanted, but his entire body stayed stiff and rigid. And Kate realized just what was going on. Sure, things had shifted, but Rick had been right, he wasn't going to change over night. Even with the wreath, how he'd pushed her to keep sharing her traditions, it was still uncomfortable for him.

She tugged on his hand and he gazed down at her. She shook her head slightly, in exasperation and the affection she'd never admit to. "Why?"

He tilted his head to the side, brow furrowing. "Why what?"

"You hate this. Being here, listening to this… you're uncomfortable. So why do it when you knew I would have preferred to just go home?"

For a moment, she could tell by the flash of his eyes that he was seriously considering feeding her some story. So she stepped minutely closer, the entire side of her torso brushing against his arm and, in a brave, bold move, wove their fingers together. She could see the shift in his eyes as he gazed down at her.

"Because you needed it," he answered. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you've had a pretty emotional couple of days." Rick shrugged. "And you love Christmas."

Kate wasn't sure what to do. She never knew what to do with this sincere form of Richard Castle. This one thought about what she wanted, what she needed. Kate wasn't used to that. The Page Six playboy she knew how to handle. This thoughtful Rick slipped past her defenses and wormed his way into her heart.

She didn't say anything and turned back to the tail end of It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. When the applause died down, Kate tugged on his hand. Their fingers were still intertwined so it wasn't difficult to lead him away.

"But they're not finished," he protested.

"I know," Kate replied. "But if you grind your teeth anymore you're going to be eating out of a straw for the rest of your life." She let the teasing glint show in her eyes as she peered up at him. "Besides, the next one was going to be Rudolph and I hate Rudolph."

"First of all," he argued, holding up the requisite number of fingers on his free hand, "I'm sure there are excellent cosmetic dentists in New York that would gladly ensure I could still eat solid foods. And second," he tugged her around to face him. "I promised you that I would do anything for you when it came to your mother. And that includes anything you need, even if its just cheering you up and even if it means braving subzero temperatures and Christmas carols."

She couldn't stop the chuckle that reverberated through her chest, and she tried to ignore the heat of his hands on her biceps. "It's very brave of you."

For his part, Rick enjoyed the feeling of her strength beneath his fingers. "It's it though?" He grinned and squeezed her arms, then took a chance and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they started away from the carolers. She surprised him by cuddling in. It was then Rick realized her cheek was cold despite the fact that she was bundled up against the chill. "Come on, Detective. Let's get you home."

Kate didn't argue. She was getting cold and he was warm, so she'd put aside her pride and teasing for warmth. And she was touched and charmed that despite the fact that he hated the carols, he'd pulled her that way because she'd had a couple of bad days. These kinds of things were what endeared him to her, what made her want to keep him around, and made her snuggle deeper into his side. They weren't far from her apartment anyway.

But more than that, Kate knew that the last forty-eight hours had broken down a barrier between them. She didn't feel as odd about accepting his role in her life and she didn't feel the same urge to pull away as she had before. It wasn't about spending personal time with him as a bad idea now. Instead, it had become almost a safety blanket, a guaranteed way to make her feel better. And he was proving it now.

She didn't pull away until they reached the front steps of her building. "You… didn't have to do this but-" She raised a hand as he opened his mouth to interrupt. "I appreciate it. Thank you, Rick."

"Was it successful?" he inquired, a thrill racing through his blood at the soft use of his given name.

"Yeah," she answered, offering a small smile. "Yeah, it did."

He reached out for her hand when she went to climb the stairs, then had to step after her to level their faces. She turned back curiously and he squeezed her hand.

"I'm glad. Until tomorrow, Kate."

Then he took a huge chance, leaned in, and pressed his mouth softly to her cheek. It lingered just too long to be platonic.

She looked utterly shocked as he pulled away, but he could see the blush intensifying beneath the pink colour the cold had contributed to her complexion. So he offered her a boyish grin, then hopped down to the sidewalk. He tucked his hands into his pockets and headed off down the street whistling happily.

I don't think I'm completely satisfied with this, but that could be a whole lot of other stuff piling up on me. Who the heck knows these days. I need a gremlin to write my last paper because I don't want to.

And look! No tears! Laughter and sincerity but no tears! Success!

Here's to hoping I can do this again tomorrow! (Today?)