A/N: Thank you so much for your patience, and for all the support for the last chapter! This one's a bit shorter than usual, but I hope the content will make up for that! Oh, according to wikipedia, gomoku is a game similar to tic-tac-toe (if you know what that is) that can be played with pen and paper (or in this case, in the sand).

Chapter Fourteen: Wonderstruck (Summer - part four)

I won't do anything is the first thing he decides. Because he's afraid – he's so afraid. Though he knows, rationally, there is little reason to be. The feeling is mutual. They like each other (and this is a magical thought, one that almost goes over his head, liking each other, a two-way emotion, an open connection that offers so much possibility).

But he doesn't know what to do with that connection, that invitation to take a next step. He doesn't know how to like someone, doesn't like the aching, longing, resistant feeling in his chest. He wants to lock his heart down in self-defense, because he feels like it'd be very easy to get hurt now, easier than before, which is saying something because the two of them have hurt each other in so many ways already.

A little voice in the back of his mind chides him, saying that he's falling back on old, bad habits. Stagnancy. A fear of change. He agrees with it.

But it's only because this time he's been thrown into the change without knowing when he went from the previous step to this one. How does one go from liking someone as a friend to liking them as in liking them? Where's the boundary, what does it feel like to step across it – and when did he?

He feels like Rei would somehow be able to give the best explanation that would simultaneously make the least sense; Nagisa would say something profoundly simple and profound in its simplicity like, "There's no step, Haru-chan, you just are where you are."; Makoto would smile a lot and quietly and maybe give a little shrug and say "I don't know, it's different for everyone, isn't it?"

Gou…

Oh god, he likes Gou's brother. The thought of her knowing makes him hot and cold, much too anxious for just a what-if.

He isn't ready for any of them to know; he's hardly ready to know it himself.

But he does know it, and he also knows that he can't be a coward about this, not when it's been half a year since Rin put himself on the line with his whirlwind confession, and then left himself on the line. He'd been hurting but always still liking Haruka, never giving up on Haruka – and now that Haruka knows he likes Rin back, he feels the least he can give Rin is his honesty, if not outright than at least by not retreating.

He arrives at the pool later than usual the next morning, so he misses Ishikawa-san and Hiro. He contemplates getting in – the pool is empty – but decides against it, merely sitting at the edge of the deep end and letting the water swallow his feet.

He feels both bold and cowardly with what he's planning, but when the door to the locker room opens around ten minutes later, cowardice tries to win out. There is no place he could hide, though, and Rin is in the pool room already.

It takes Rin a few steps to notice him, but when he does, he stops abruptly. "Haru!" he says, a sound full of energy. And then he's walking again, flings his towel onto the bleachers on his way over. When he's in front of Haruka, though, he just gives a simple, reserved, "Hi."

"I waited for you," Haruka says. Rin breaks into the happiest smile, and it takes everything Haruka has not to do the same. God, how did he never know before that he liked Rin, when seeing Rin smile has always been so liberating?

Since he's already admitted to one thing, he keeps going. "I want to get better again, with my times. Is it all right if I train with you?"

"Yeah," Rin says, quietly but with an edge of giddy laughter. "Yeah, you can."

Except Haruka's hardly aware of practicing with Rin – and this may be a first, being unable to focus on swimming when he's actually swimming. Rin says some helpful things, says some things about times, probably swims with him some but honestly, truthfully, Haruka cannot remember any of it afterwards. Time is strange again, as though it isn't happening. He knows they do most of their swimming with an empty lane between them, so as not to distract each other and so things don't turn into a series of impromptu races. Rin works on free and fly, and Haruka just works on faster.

But then there's afterwards, when they're gathering their towels at the bleachers, and Rin's hand is suddenly around Haruka's arm, right above his elbow.

"You know, you're gonna have to work on this," Rin says, giving a playful squeeze.

Haruka whips around, and Rin freezes, grip loosening. He looks like he's waiting to be scolded, or to be pardoned. For being in the water for so long, his hand is very warm. Haruka both wants to fling himself away from it, and fling himself into it.

"I don't like weights," Haruka says, his voice seeming to come from elsewhere, not the empty-room feeling in his head.

Rin looks relieved, letting go of Haruka's arm. "That's not really the point."

They shower in neighboring stalls. Rin is on the outside, and he finishes first (makes sure to finish first, Haruka thinks) and heads to his locker with a "See you in a few," so that when Haruka finishes his own shower, he passes by an empty stall to head to his corner of the locker room. It still feels like Rin is holding onto his arm, like an itch he can't scratch (he tries to rub the feeling away, which does nothing).

Calm down, he tells himself, tying up his shoes. Don't be obvious.

Rin is waiting by the exit again, and when he sees Haruka he gives a chipper, "Ready to go?"

Haruka figures they're just going to the train station (he thinks of yesterday and Rin's hair in his fingers and is very glad he's two steps behind so Rin can't see him trying to stay composed), so he's surprised when Rin stops suddenly at the bottom of the front steps.

"D'you wanna go get lunch?" Rin says in a rush. Haruka is still two steps behind, which makes him two steps up, and he can see the tenseness in Rin's shoulders.

He thinks Yes and No at the same time, and in his indecision Rin turns around.

He must see the hesitation on Haruka's face, because he says, "We can just, like, get something we can carry around and just, y'know, walk around or something."

Haruka can see how much Rin wants him to say yes. And he wants it too, wants to be around Rin, wants it so much he doesn't want it because it's just too much of a feeling.

"Okay," he says, because he'd promised himself no retreating.

"Awesome," Rin says, again looking relieved. He jerks his head, starts to smile. "C'mon, I have a place to show you."

Haruka feels the smile catching on his own lips, and he fights it off. "Where are we going?" he asks, falling into step beside Rin.

"You'll see," Rin says, with an elbow in Haruka's side. He pulls it back quickly, but still jokes, "Can't promise they'll have mackerel, though."

"Hmph," is all Haruka deigns that with. It keeps Rin smiling though – he looks like he wants to elbow Haruka again, but is resisting. Does he think he can't?

"It really is supposed to rain soon," Rin says eventually. They've made it a few blocks; Haruka hasn't really been paying attention to where Rin is directing them. There are apartments intermingled with commercial lots, pathways leading to hidden entrances of multi-story buildings, lots of greenery to cushion the homes from the storefronts just next door.

"Really?" Haruka says, humoring him.

"Really," Rin confirms with a nod. "Checked the forecast this morning."

"You sound like you're looking forward to it."

"I mean, it's not like I'm crazy about rain, but there's something about summer showers that feels like home. There was just one storm this entire year so far at school." They step off the curb to cross the street, and Rin flashes Haruka a grin. "There's actually a massive water shortage."

Haruka thinks that sounds awful, and says so.

Rin snickers. "Yeah, so I'm hoping for at least one summer shower while I'm home. I've got three weeks, so there's a chance." He looks around, examining the signs on the buildings, tone going musing. "But since I'm only here three weeks, I have to fit in all the important things when I can. Like the curry stand Gou said is around here somewhere. Aha!"

They turn a corner past a bland-looking multi-story of white walls and single-pane windows, and Rin points.

It's a part of town Haruka hasn't come across before. The road dead-ends and widens into a square, enclosed on the other three sides by the backs of the businesses around it and a sparse arrangement of young trees. Food stands – not many, just over half a dozen – make up a perimeter, some with portable dining areas set out before them, plastic and flimsy-looking metal tables and chairs with tablecloths laid out over the top. Customers line up at each stand, and when he and Rin get nearer Haruka can smell the savory scents of fast food.

"This only lasts for a couple weeks during the summer, apparently," Rin says, eyes fixed eagerly on the stands. "Gou says a friend from school told her about it; it's kind of like a community secret."

For a community secret, it's a popular one – people laugh over their meals, the air is rich with the smell of comfort food and with the easy feeling of camaraderie. The vendors are loud, taking orders and calling them out. Rin shifts on his feet beside Haruka while they wait in line, but it isn't an awkward movement as much as it's like he has a song in his head that he's moving to.

The vendor who serves them is a young man with half his hair buzzed and the other half grown long and tied into an off-center topknot. His right arm is splashed all the way down to his wrist with a combination of inks in jagged blacks and meandering shades of rainbow.

Under his breath after they've collected their food, Rin says to Haruka, "That was the coolest tattoo. Oh, you don't wanna walk?"

Haruka's pulled out a chair at an empty table without even realizing it. He hesitates. "I don't mind."

"Awesome," Rin says, taking the chair opposite. "Now I don't have to worry about getting food all over myself while I walk."

It's a small table. Haruka hooks his ankles around the legs of his chair.

"One of my friends at school got one," Rin says, stirring his curry. Steam rises thick and fast, and Rin looks ravenous. "A tattoo. Honestly, I think they're pretty badass."

"You can't get one though, right? If you want to swim for Japan."

"Wouldn't be the best idea. But," Rin says, making a proclaiming motion with his spoon and sending a bit of curry splattering onto the plastic tablecloth, "times may change."

"Do you want something like that?" Haruka says, nodding his head back toward the curry stand. He's imagining Rin with something big and vivid, blooming vibrantly across his skin. Rin and colors, Rin as art. It isn't that hard to imagine at all, actually. It would be a very Rin type of fashion statement, a permanent sleeve.

Rin shrugs. "It'd probably make me cry if it was too big." He starts shoveling food into his mouth, but he sends Haruka a look full of humor.

Haruka smiles, eyes lowering, and starts on his curry. The silence that follows is long, but not uncomfortable. It's filled with the voices of those around them, and the buildings feel like neighbors also, all multi-storied and blinking sunlight down at them.

"Would you ever get a tattoo?" Rin asks eventually, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Not do you want one, but would you ever?"

"I don't think so," Haruka says. He isn't one for embellishments, after all.

"What about a piercing?"

"I don't think so."

Rin shakes his head, gives the quietest laugh. "What about a manicure?"

"Technically I've had one."

"What?" Rin's eyes go round with delight. "When?"

"Gou, on her birthday. She and her friends painted our nails."

"After you saw what she did to me, you still let her get to you?"

Haruka shrugs. "It was her birthday." And before Rin can say anything: "Would you get a piercing?"

"Yeah, I want one."

"You wouldn't cry?"

"No I wouldn't – hey, I resent that!"

"Sorry," Haruka says, not meaning it because neither does Rin. The teasing is tentative, like a fire sputtering into life. He wants it to burn brighter. "What would you get?"

"Hm, I dunno. You can switch out piercings, so." Rin shrugs.

Haruka imagines a shark tooth hanging from each of Rin's earlobes, like the one hanging from the black leather cord around his neck. A shark tooth, like the one Rin left behind on a summer night, that Haruka gave back on a cold winter's morning.

It's the very same necklace that's around Rin's neck right now.

Haruka feels a chill like that winter's morning wash over him. Guilt, and so much shame. That necklace represents, to him, one of the cruelest things he's ever done.

And yet, and maybe Haruka's just pulling this out of thin air, trying to mitigate his shame somehow – and yet, Rin wearing the necklace now kind of feels like Rin saying it's okay. Like Rin saying he has faith in him.

It's stupid but it would also be so like Rin, to try to make an unsaid gesture like that.

Rin empties his bowl, and then eyes Haruka's while pretending not to.

"Do you want some?" Haruka asks.

"Don't wanna take your food."

"Liar," Haruka says, pushing his bowl forward. Rin grins and digs in.

Somewhere along the line, Haruka's feet have unhooked from his chair legs. Rin's knees touch his beneath the table, and Rin doesn't move away, so Haruka doesn't either. Both of them leaning forward, eating from the same bowl, Haruka thinks, Okay, this is okay.

Later, at the station, Haruka's train arrives first. Before the doors close, Rin looks up at him with hands deep in his pockets and says, "Thanks for lunch."

"I didn't pay for yours," Haruka says, confused.

"No, I mean, thanks for having lunch with me."

Rin smiles at him, the doors close, and Haruka thinks, heart lurching, Will I see you tomorrow?

The answer is: not at the pool.

The summer rain Rin had been asking for falls the very next morning, warm and gentle onto Haruka's head and shoulders while he waits for his train home. It is a quiet Friday morning inside the compartment, an elderly woman with her book and a man with a computer open on his knees.

Through the window, the landscape passes in streaks of water and a close-sitting grayness, the clouds hanging low. Once Haruka is back off the train, the air smells like the sea but also wet leaves and the dust that's settled deep into the cracks of the sidewalks and the stone steps.

Though still warm, the rain is foregoing gentle to become something more intense, and most people have found refuge inside. The resulting silence and stillness, just the patter of water droplets on the ground and the trickle of them over his cheeks and down his neck, stealing beneath his collar, fill him with a sense of utmost peace.

Still, he is wiser than he used to be, and goes inside to avoid getting sick. He changes, scrubs a towel through his hair, opens the patio door just in case the cats come around (he doubts they will, but maybe he'd like their company).

He eats the leftover rice and vegetable stew Mrs. Tachibana had Makoto send over the day before, and sits and watches the rain. It's already clearing by the time he finishes his lunch. The sun tries hard to poke its way through the clouds, but only manages a few thin beams. Drops fall from the trees, and slowly, birds start up their choruses once more.

He's washing dishes when the doorbell rings.

Nagisa is on his doorstep like a ray of sunshine that hasn't been told about the rain. He's in a striped sleeveless shirt, and green board shorts, and hot pink rubber sandals, looking ready for the beach. He confirms he is when he says, "Haru-chan, c'mon, the water's gorgeous right now!"

"Don't you have school?" Haruka says, dish gloves still on and dripping suds onto the floor.

Nagisa breaks into loud peals of laughter. "Haru-chan, just 'cause you're not in school doesn't mean you have to act all old person on me. Mako-chan and I are out early. We just got here, c'mon!"

He makes Haruka drop his gloves on the spot, and then grabs hold of Haruka's wrist and pulls him outside. The air is muggy and still thick with the smell of rain.

At the base of the stairs to Makoto's house stand Rin and Makoto, with Gou sitting on the bottom step. Makoto and Rin are also dressed for the beach, in baggy swim trunks and loose t-shirts. Gou is in a long raincoat and long pants, though she's rolled the pants up to her knees.

"Hi Haruka-senpai!" Gou says, the first to notice him and Nagisa, and her wave has the other two turning.

"Don't you have school too?" Haruka asks her.

She smiles at him. "No classes today. I caught the first train I was awake for."

"Are you swimming in that?" Rin says, looking dubiously at Haruka's clothing – brown pants and the orange dolphin shirt he bought with the others not that long ago.

"I didn't know I was swimming."

"If it's Haru, he's probably wearing a suit under that," Makoto says.

"I'm not."

"Don't worry, he'll survive," Nagisa says, taking Haruka's wrist again and leading the way down the stairs.

Haruka contemplates arguing, but knows there's no real point. Not when his friends decide to ambush him, least of all when Nagisa is in charge.

"It's hardly a day for swimming," Gou says from the back of the pack. The stairs are still wet and the sky is only marginally lighter.

Rin hops down the steps to pull into the lead. "Are you kidding? It's perfect, isn't even cold." When he passes, he leaves a breeze of cologne behind, fresh like the smell of ocean salt. Haruka's breath comes a little shorter, and he averts his eyes from the back of Rin's head.

"You swimmers are so weird," Gou mutters, sounding fond and exasperated at once.

Nagisa lets go of Haruka to keep pace with Rin, and Haruka falls back a step to end up with Gou and Makoto.

"Haruka-senpai, you must have already swam today? If you swim any more you'll turn into a prune."

Makoto chuckles at this, and Haruka says, "Oh yeah, I guess you're right."

"Rin-chan, you smell so good!" Nagisa's saying up ahead.

"I always smell good."

"Um, no you don't. Remember that day we went running together and you forgot to put on deodorant beforehand and – mmph!"

The beach is, unsurprisingly, empty. The cloud cover makes the water a deep, dark aquamarine, and the low tide has the sand seeming to stretch forever to meet the sea.

"It really doesn't look warm," Makoto says, but he looks happy as always to be out of the house.

The sand is damp and cool beneath their feet, and Rin and Nagisa are already far ahead, dashing for the surf. Their whoops and shouts signal when they've touched the water. Gou gives a showy sigh, drops her bag where Rin and Nagisa tossed theirs about halfway in, and says, "Well, I'm sitting here."

It isn't long before she's collected a stick and is doodling in the sand, though, and playing gomoku against Makoto and Haruka (even as a team they cannot beat her), and then doodling a mermaid tail onto Rin, whom they've buried in the sand.

"Nagisa, don't give me boobs!"

"They're not boobs, Rin-chan," Nagisa says, patting the vague mound that is Rin's left arm. "They're your mermaid shell swim top."

Rin makes a very undignified sound. "I don't want that! Gou, draw in my abs!"

"I'm sorry Nii-san," Gou says, crouched at the end of Rin's sand tail, "but I'm very busy with the finer details of your fin."

"Makoto."

"If you let your hair down, you'd look even more like a mermaid," Makoto says pleasantly.

Rin burrows his head back into the sand. "Don't you dare. Haru, draw my abs."

"No thanks," Haruka says. He's sitting beside Rin and pressing little pebbles into a design on his tail, and trying hard not to start smiling. The smell of cologne is gone. He doesn't know why Rin bothered wearing it – though, of course, he does. He feels fluttery, but also peaceful. Rin frowns judgingly at him, and he pretends not to realize.

"You guys are all traitors," Rin says.

"You asked us to bury you," Makoto points out, still looking at Rin's hair like he's formulating a plan.

"Yeah well, I bet I'm the prettiest mermaid you'll ever see."

"There there, Rin-chan," Nagisa says, with another pat. "Mermaids aren't real."

Makoto doesn't get to Rin's hair, but this is only because Rin works his head so far into the sand that when he breaks free of his tomb, he then has to go and dunk his head in the ocean to get all the sand out.

Afterward, he plops down beside Haruka and says, "So you really managed not to get in the water." Gou, Makoto, and Nagisa are scouring for shells at the waterline, their voices filtering vaguely back to where Haruka's sitting with everyone's bags.

"It's not that impressive," Haruka says.

Rin snickers. "It's a little impressive." His hair is loose and messy, sticks to his neck and the tops of his shoulders.

"Don't catch a cold," Haruka says.

"Haru, it's summer."

"Oh, you got your summer rain."

"Yup," Rin says, grinning. "That's one thing checked off my list."

Haruka watches the three near the water, not preoccupied with the fact that Rin is right beside him. Maybe it's because things are so tranquil right now, clouds and gray and the breath of the ocean, that he can think it more calmly than he did yesterday.

I like Rin.

Right now, it's an okay feeling, even with Rin inches away. Liking Rin is…safe, because Rin won't turn him away. Liking Rin is comforting, because he can do it while simply sharing a silence with him.

He glances at Rin's fingers interlaced over one of his ankles and wonders, Now what? Answers elude him because he doesn't want any, not yet. Just more of this acceptance first.

"Gou-chan, look!" Nagisa shouts, and Haruka looks back toward the water.

Nagisa has a massive, knotted lump of seaweed in his hands, and he holds it out towards Gou as though it's something precious, a kitten maybe. She shrieks, he holds it closer to her, she runs, he runs after her, streams of seaweed flying.

"Nagisa, cut it out!" she yells, heels sending up sand behind her. Rin is doubling over in laughter. Makoto stands helplessly with the water rushing in over his ankles.

"C'mon Gou-chan, just touch it, it feels so cool!" Nagisa says. He's hardly gaining on her and she's hardly pulling ahead in their twisting sprint through the sand.

She's about halfway to Haruka and Rin when she trips and falls, face first, into the sand. Nagisa skids to a halt; there is a moment of silence as everyone stares. Gou pushes herself to her knees, face caked, and after another stunned moment she starts scrubbing the sand off.

Nagisa bursts out laughing. "Gou-chan, oh my god! Oh my god, Gou-chan! Oh my god!" By this point he's dropped the bundle of seaweed and has fallen to his knees beside her, howling in laughter.

(Rin is doing the same, pointing at his sister and falling into Haruka, his other arm clutching at his stomach. Haruka has to push back so as not to fall over, and the contact with Rin's skin makes his stomach do giddy flips.)

"I'm so going to get you back for this," Gou threatens. Her face is red but there is a dangerous gleam in her eyes. Nagisa, of course, either ignores it or doesn't notice it entirely, and drapes himself over her, laughing so much he apparently can no longer hold himself up.

"Nagisa! Get off of me!" Gou says, back forced into a bow, but she lets out an unmistakable snort of laughter. She fights against his dead weight, but slowly sinks back to the ground. "Help," she says feebly to any of the others, moments before she face-plants again.

In the end, it's Haruka who gives her a hand. Rin is actually crying tears of mirth, and Makoto watches the whole thing, seashells in his hands, like he really doesn't know if he wants to get involved in something so wild.

Gou and Nagisa squabble all the way off the beach, their heads like two fireballs catching the belatedly appearing light. Gou announced not long after getting all the sand off that she was going straight home – she has a lot of homework to do and has had enough of boys for the day. She hadn't been upset, just somewhat exhausted. Haruka doesn't blame her.

Nagisa surprised them all by announcing that he'd be leaving for homework too. ("What?" he said, pout-frowning. "You think being friends with Rei-chan this long hasn't rubbed off on me at all?")

Once it's the three of them left, Makoto gets a phone call – "Mom's sending me grocery shopping. You don't have to come, don't worry about it, I'm just going to get back to work afterwards anyway."

So this marks the abrupt dissolution of their group. Haruka and Rin wave Makoto off, and then Haruka looks again at Rin's wet hair and says, "Do you want a towel?"

"Um, yeah. Actually, can I change at your place?" Rin holds up his backpack.

They head up the stairs. The silence is still comfortable, though since Rin will likely be off to the station soon Haruka finds he wants to talk now.

"It was nice of Gou to come home early. She's really happy you're here."

Rin gives a small smile. "Yeah. With Rei in Tokyo I'm glad Nagisa's still here to make her do stupid stuff every now and then." He holds his tongue for a few moments, and Haruka can tell he has more to say. "She's gotten this preoccupation lately with growing up and stuff. Taking things seriously and being more mature and things like that."

"Oh. I hadn't noticed," Haruka says truthfully.

Rin shrugs. "In front of you guys she does it a lot less. It's not like I'm worried or anything like that, but just talking on the phone with her sometimes she'll get all Sudden Adult and I can tell she's got some sort of deal going on. I don't know if she notices it herself, but…" He rubs the back of his neck. "Man, this is kinda cheesy. But really, you guys are all great to her and I know I can trust you all with her, and it makes me happy to see her just goofing off with you guys. I'm glad for all of you guys, you know, looking out for her and stuff when I'm gone." He meets Haruka's eyes, looks embarrassed. "Guess I'm just being the overprotective big brother."

"She's lucky," Haruka says, meaning it wholeheartedly.

He doesn't really know what Rin's talking about – and of course he wouldn't, he doesn't talk to Gou on the phone like Rin does, doesn't talk to Gou all the time. Gou has always been one to take charge and play the leader, even back in high school, back when she was steadfastly Kou. She had to as their manager, and did so flawlessly.

But maybe Kou becoming Gou is a sign of what Rin's talking about. That, and calling Rin 'nii-san' – a little thing Haruka hasn't thought much about, because he didn't think it was his place to.

How interesting, what growing up does to people, what they interpret it as. New chapters, she had said on her birthday, or something along those lines. Haruka wonders what this chapter would be called.

Inside his home, Haruka picks up the dish gloves from the entranceway – "Don't ask," he says, and then, because Rin will, he answers with, "Nagisa." He gathers a towel for Rin and says, "You can shower if you want. You got in the water, right?"

"Thanks," Rin says, catching the towel when Haruka tosses it at him.

Haruka finishes the dishes, and with nothing much else to do, he gets his lesson plan out and looks it over in the living room. The kids want to try breaststroke, huh? They sure are ambitious – was he as ambitious at that age? No, of course not, he only cared about free.

Rin doesn't take long, coming back in clean clothes and hair tied into a bun.

"Are you hungry?" Haruka asks, shutting his notebook more eagerly than he'd like to admit.

"I'm fine. Should probably get going, Mom wants me to do the laundry and stuff," Rin says. He leans against the living room entranceway, not looking like he really wants to go. There is a warm look on his face as he watches Haruka, and it makes Haruka want to squirm.

"Do you want to bring something with you?" Haruka asks, getting to his feet. "Ran likes to give me snacks, I probably have something you could take."

"It's fine," Rin insists, laughing a little bit. He doesn't move though, doesn't push off of the wall. And then he says, "Haru," and his forehead pinches. "Um, let me ask you something."

"Okay…" Haruka says after a pause.

And now Rin does push off the wall, takes a few hesitating steps nearer, but he leaves a safe space. Hand on his neck, he raises his eyes to Haruka's with what seems like a fair amount of difficulty.

"Um…" Rin looks panicked; his gaze darts from Haruka, out to the side, down to the ground, and back. When he speaks, he speaks quickly. "Um, since I have to fit in all the important stuff when I can, um, hit me if I'm wrong about this, okay? You can totally hit me. But, um…can I kiss you?"

Oh.

Oh no.

The squirmy feeling erupts into something much more frightened. Haruka has a very vivid recollection of Rin's nose punching into his, in the middle of the night under the glow of his porch light. Hadn't Rin told Haruka to hit him then, too?

Rin looks just as stunned by himself now as he had then, but he holds his ground. Haruka thinks of escape, but of course there is nowhere to go. He isn't ready for this. Is he? The frenzy in his chest says no, but…

But if he's honest with himself, if he doesn't let the panic muddle him up, he knows this feeling. So similar to the thrum of pre-races, standing on the starting block tensed to dive in.

This is nerves, but greedy ones, ones that want even though they are afraid that things might go completely wrong.

But they can't go wrong. He likes Rin, Rin likes him back; that must be enough. He wants to know what can happen, doesn't want to waste time hesitating anymore. He's sabotaged himself too much by hesitating. Just do something brave, he tells himself. Just do one thing that scares you.

He nods, a single downward jerk of his head. "Yeah," he says, and it sounds like most of his voice has tried to cling to his throat.

Rin looks overwhelmed, almost like he'd been hoping for the other answer because now he doesn't know what to do. He swallows, takes the few steps closer. Leans in, much more slowly than last time, much more carefully.

Haruka feels Rin's breath on his face, feels his heart sharpen with fear and excitement. He isn't ready, but he closes his eyes anyway.

And he feels a kiss. Rin's lips, carefully, tentatively, touching his and staying there. Whisper soft for a moment, and then Rin seems to gain some surety and presses just a bit more, and Haruka feels like there is not enough room in his chest for the flurry happening there. It hurts and it's incredible, how much this makes him feel.

Rin pulls back, and Haruka opens his eyes. Rin's cheeks are so red, and his expression is so amazed. He looks from Haruka's mouth, to his eyes, back to his mouth.

Haruka thinks, Again, and Rin must hear it or see it on his face, because he leans back in. He stops, nose just touching Haruka's, and says, "Can I?"

Haruka answers by tipping his head up, just enough to brush his lips against Rin's. He's afraid of himself, of his boldness. He is more nervous than he's ever been in his life, and in an absurd way he loves it. The touch sends goosebumps up his arms, and he says, mouth against Rin's, "Yeah."

Their second kiss is much like the first, in that they're both too stunned by the sensation of each other's lips to do more than just hold them together; but it's different in that Haruka feels Rin's fingers bump into his and clumsily lace them together, and he's unable to decide which treat him more tenderly – Rin's lips or his hands.

This time when Rin pulls back, they look at each other for a long moment. And then Rin laughs – it's quiet, jittery, speechless at his own luck. "Thanks," he manages to say, letting Haruka's hand go.

Haruka's face gets so hot he thinks it might be radiating. "Okay," he says, which isn't an appropriate response, but Rin just laughs again, messy breath.

"Um, I'm really going to go now."

"Okay."

Somehow, in some reality, Haruka follows Rin to the door, though his brain is still jammed on the sensation of Rin kissing him. Rin, right here, in front of him, they've kissed and the world hasn't fallen, in fact it seems suddenly brighter, everything more vivid. His lips tingle and it takes everything not to bite them, not to reach out and touch the back of Rin's neck, his shoulders. He is wonder-struck.

Outside, Rin turns. "I'll see you, then," he says, smiling the type of smile Haruka knows is impossible to stifle.

"Yeah."

"Maybe tomorrow."

"Okay."

Rin looks away, chewing on his lip. He might be searching for something else to say, but in the end he just lets his smile burst forth fully again and says, "Okay, bye."

"Bye," Haruka says, and numbly, once Rin is out of sight, he closes the door.

He touches his lips, and is amazed. He likes Rin, Rin likes him back. It is enough.