CHAPTER 14

I spent one week in bed. Not caring. Emily had convinced me to shower and eat two of those days. Josh had told me that I needed to get over it. Not much help he was. It took me a full month to get back to feeling 'normal' whatever that was for me. We never spoke of that week. I was working and going out with my new girlfriends every chance I got, I flirted with every guy that reminded me of Jake. Attempting to fill the void. I never seen him anymore, he never came over when I was there, if the phone rang and it was him and no one else was there to answer, I would let it go to voice mail. I wanted to forget he existed. After months of hook-ups and unsatisfying sex, I decided I was done. I wanted Jake, and only Jake.

The following day when the he called I answered.

"hello?" I tried to sound casual.

"hi" he was surprised.

"is Josh home?" he spoke slowly, cautiously.

" no, him and Emily are out, do you want me to tell him something?"

"can you just tell him I called?"

"sure" and then he hung up. It took hours for my stomach to untwist. I paced waiting for Josh to get home. When he finally walked through the door, I almost jumped on him

"I did it! I talked to Jake" I announced proudly.

"you did?!?!, about what?"

"well, nothing really, he called for you"

"that's what you talked to him about?" he was smirking, making fun of me.

"hey, it's a start."

"why not have him over tomorrow for supper, that would be a start."

"well, when you call him back, you can ask if he wants to come" I said smiling. After Josh got off the phone, he smiled at me.

"he's coming"

"REALLY????" I was so excited I couldn't breath. And butterflies was an understatement.

"yeah.....but,"

"but what?"

"he thinks you won't be here." the butterflies disappeared, a gnawing took over. I felt sick.

"why does he think that."

"well I didn't tell him any different and he didn't ask." I looked worried.

"don't worry I'm telling Emily to come too." he continued. That made me feel a little better at least Josh and Emily would be there.

I was so nervous you would have thought I was meeting the Queen or something. I changed a hundred times, did and re-did my hair three times, and it took me over 20 minutes to pick out an eyeshadow. This was a bad sign. I wasn't ready. I was in the kitchen when I heard a light tap and the front door opened. I took a deep breath. Terrified. He came in. He looked at me, and then back to Josh asking the question everyone knew he was thinking, with only his eyes. Josh came into sit at the table. Jake followed. As they walked in I dropped the spoon in my hand, splattering sauce across the floor. Everyone just looked at me, I smiled nervously. Jake looked up at me, with the saddest expression I had ever seen. That was the first time I had seen him since he said he wanted nothing to do with me, and he looked awful. Tired. Sad. Lonely. Confused. All the things I felt, but hid rather well. I turned around before anyone saw the tear that had escaped. I wiped it away and grabbed another spoon. Dinner was awkward, and unusually quiet. I wanted to crawl into a hole and only come out once this nightmare was over, how could I have suggested this. I was loathing myself for making this hell.

I did the dishes, and everyone else went to the living room, talking filled the house for the first time that night. So it was me holding everyone back. I wouldn't go in the living room, I would just slip upstairs and leave them to have a good night. It was never going to work out between Jake and I anyways. I finished the dishes as Josh called to me

"hey, do you want to watch this movie?" I walked into the living room

"no, I think I will just go to bed."

"come watch it with us." Jake had spoken to me. I stood there, un-speaking, not acknowledging anything, mesmerized by the sound and tone of his voice.

"okay, I'm just going to go change." I said finally, after being prompted by Emily's nodding head. I walked up the stairs, and changed, my head in a fog. I put on cute little shorts and a long sleeved shirt. I was glad I had shaved my legs that day. I came downstairs and Emily was making popcorn. I grabbed a bottle of water and went to take my seat on the couch. Jake came in from outside and sat next to me. Close enough that as he sat down our arms touched, I felt the spark of electricity flow through my entire body. The butterflies were back. I had to work on controlling my breathing. I started to blush.

"sorry" he whispered in my ear. That set those damn butterflies into a frenzy. Emily and Josh came in with popcorn for everyone but me. Jake handed me a bag of sour patch kids, my favourite. I smiled, and looked at him confused.

"I know you don't like popcorn." he explained. That's why he was outside, he had left to go get me those, while I was changing.

"thanks." I said looking into those eyes, that could see every one of my secrets.

"sure" and he turned his gaze to the TV. I watched the movie, mostly, but I was also watching Jake from the corner of my eye. He was doing the same thing. About three quarters of the way through the movie Josh stood and told us he had to take Emily home. She stood and smiled at me. No, no, this isn't what I wanted. Don't leave. But they didn't see that my eyes were pleading. He told Jake to stay and finish the movie asking if I minded. And so Jake stayed.