AN: I think there's something wrong with me. I just got New Moon back from my now-ex-boyfriend, and here I go lending it out again! It's for a good cause, though: my new mission in life is to convert as many people as possible to Twilight as possible. I told two of my friends from school. We hang out with different groups but get on heaps well. They both went out and bought Twilight the day I told them about it, read it overnight, and I leant NM to one and the other's going out and buying it. And they told heaps of their friend about it and now they're reading it! Go me for spreading the Twilight!

I'm heaps worn out tonight so I'm writing this instead of doing homework. I had a major assessment thing for Drama tonight and then I had to work, and had to stay back late… I'm way too exhausted emotionally and physically to write anything that makes sense in a school sense. If this doesn't make sense it doesn't decide my future, feel free to yell at me if I suck.

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. If I was, this wouldn't be on fanfiction, it would be in a published book. Not that Steph would write AH fanfiction about her vampy characters. You get the point.

Chapter Fourteen: The Non-Date

BPOV

After I finished getting ready for dinner I made my way out into the lounge room to wait for Edward. The water wasn't running in the bathroom anymore, so I could only assume he wouldn't be that much longer. I was happy with the way I looked tonight; I was wearing a dark blue summer dress that came to just below my knees. I'd wanted to go somewhere casual enough for me to wear jeans, but Edward was insistent on taking me somewhere fancy. I hadn't worn a dress or skirt in a long time, paranoid about the marks on my thighs, but I had known Alice had snuck this into my wardrobe and I had thrown it into my suitcase "just in case". I was sceptical at first of how concealing it would be, but as I was sure Edward wouldn't be looking up my skirt I knew I really had nothing to worry about.

My thoughts of Alice reminded me that I had still yet to call her, so while I continued waiting for Edward I pulled out my phone and dialled her familiar number.

'Bella! What took you so long to call?'

I laughed aloud at her accusing tone. 'Relax, Alice, I'm alive. How're things back home?'

We talked about nothing much for a few minutes. 'What are you two doing tonight?' she asked.

I groaned dramatically. 'Alice, you'll never believe this!' I said loudly, knowing full well that Edward could hear my every word. 'He's forcing me to go out to dinner with him!'

Alice laughed cheerily. 'Aw, he's taking you on a date! That's cute!'

I rolled my eyes. 'It's not a date, Alice. I think there's two people you've forgotten about here; Jake and Edward's girlfriend.'

'Oh, his girlfriend won't be around much longer,' she said, dismissing her quickly. 'You know exactly what Jake would think if he knew who you were with.'

'Which is exactly why I haven't told him,' I said, feeling instantly guilty. I pushed it aside, knowing it was pointless. 'Well I've gotta go, I'm just about to go visit Maggie at the hospital,' I joked.

'Yeah, have fun on your date,' Alice replied.

'It's not a date,' I hissed, but she hung up before I could finish.

'What's not a date?' Edward asked.

I jumped, startled; I hadn't known he was standing there. He was leaning against the bathroom door, his hair still damp from the shower. He was wearing black dress pants and a white shirt with the top few buttons undone. I felt my eyes drawn to the hollow of his throat, and the faint tuff of bronze hair that was displayed, before I forced them up to his face.

'Us going to dinner,' I told him eventually, feeling stupid at my hesitation. 'She was being silly, just ignore her.'

His eyes assessed me for a moment before he nodded slightly. Then a smile broke out on his face. 'So. Are you ready for our non-date?'

I laughed at how easily he took in the situation. 'As ready as I'll ever be,' I joked, grabbing my clutch and standing. He offered his arm to me at the door.

'Don't be ridiculous,' I said, rolling my eyes and walking past him into the hallway.

Edward followed me out, locked the door behind him, and then turned back to me, his arm still proffered. 'I'm not being ridiculous. I'm behaving like a gentleman to a good friend, who only deserves the best, especially when visiting a new city.'

Knowing that this was a losing battle that I didn't really want to fight, I sighed dramatically and took his arm. 'Where are we going?' I asked curiously.

'Somewhere nice,' was all he would say.

A short taxi ride later I was grasping Edward's arm again as he led me into a very posh looking restaurant. I stared at my surroundings, not quite believing my eyes. I heard Edward chuckle, and looked up to see his eyes on my face. 'You like it?' he whispered.

I nodded slowly. We were led to a table in the corner, where Edward held my chair out for me. I thanked him, feeling myself blush, and reminded myself that this wasn't a date. So far, it was beginning to feel like one.

The waited took our drink orders and left the menus with us. I watched Edward for a moment as he considered his menu before lowering my eyes to mine. I gasped when I saw the prices.

'Edward, I can't afford this!'

He lifted his eyes and smirked at me. 'I don't see how that matters, since you're not paying a cent towards this.'

What, like on a date? 'That's hardly fair, Edward.'

'You just said you couldn't afford it. Therefore, I have to pay. Like I was going to anyway.'

I scowled at him. 'Are you always so free with your money?' I asked, remembering our Monopoly game.

'Not really,' he said. 'But I got a deposit in my bank account yesterday from my manager, so I'm allowed to squander a little. And I'm choosing to squander on you. Do you know what you're having?'

I ended up picking something that was a normal dish disguised under a really obscure name. Before long our meals were before us and I was digging into my mushroom ravioli. I frowned into my food as I remembered my earlier conversation with Alice. 'Edward, can I ask you something?'

Edward regarded me seriously, obviously picking up on my mood. 'Certainly.'

I hesitated. 'Will you tell me about your girlfriend?'

He didn't answer straight away. He took a mouthful of food, chewed carefully, and washed it down with a sip of wine before replying. 'She's actually most of the reason why I came to Forks,' he told me.

'Oh?' I tried to think of a reason why but couldn't.

'Yeah. I did come to help Esme pick a house and settle in, but Tanya was what really motivated me to get away. She's very… impulsive. She wants children.'

'And?'

'Yeah, well, and. I don't. Not with her. I don't want to wake up one day with a year old child and a girlfriend or wife or whatever who suddenly decides she doesn't want it anymore. That's exactly the type of person Tanya is. She sprang the kid thing on me one day out of the blue, and I'm pretty sure she didn't really think it through much beforehand. I sort of… tricked her into letting me go away for a while.'

I nodded slowly, taking another bite of ravioli. 'Alice said you wouldn't be together much longer.'

He raised his eyebrow at me. 'Oh, really? Did she now?'

'Yes, she did. She's my friend, she's allowed to gossip.'

'I suppose I'll let this one pass then,' he joked, topping up my wine glass. 'Why did you want to know, anyway?'

I smiled sweetly. 'Well, you already know everything about me. Don't you think it's fair that I know at least something about you since you know my deepest darkest secrets?'

As I finished I saw Edward's expression freeze on his face slightly. His eyes bore intently into mine, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The agony in his eyes was overwhelming, and I knew it was because of the reminder my words had given him. I put my fork down and bowed my head, unable to meet his gaze any longer. My chest was aching and I felt sick to the stomach.

'We never talked about that,' I acknowledged softly. 'Not properly.'

Edward's hand appeared under my chin and he raised my head gently so that I was forced to look at him. The look in his eyes had softened to concern now, but the effect didn't lessen – it increased, if anything. 'We don't have to. You don't have to tell me anything you're uncomfortable with.'

My hand jumped up of it's own accord, resting over his and holding it against my cheek. His thumb gently stroked my cheek. 'I know. But I don't want you to worry about me.'

A tight smile formed on his face, but it looked more like a grimace. 'You really think that's not all I do now?'

I lowered his hand from my cheek, but kept it in my grasp on the table. 'Which is why I want to explain. So you don't worry.'

Slowly, he nodded. 'Very well. But not here – after we get back to the hotel. You're supposed to be having fun.'

He pouted, and I couldn't help but laugh.

The rest of dinner passed quickly. I kept getting distracted – I ordered and ate dessert, but I couldn't say what it was. I was watching Edward's face. I was strangely mesmerised by the way his jaw moved as he chewed, and his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. The way that the corners of his eyes crinkled slightly when he looked up and smiled at me. And that smile itself… He didn't seem to realise that I was staring at him, but every time he looked up I felt my cheeks grow slightly warmer.

Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe that was it.

Maybe I was coming down with some sort of horrible disease. A disease that turned me into a horrible person.

Eventually I looked down and saw my plate was empty. Glancing back up at Edward, I saw him draining the last of his wine. As he put the empty glass down he shifted slightly. 'Are you ready?' he asked, looking pointedly at my empty plate.

Somehow unable to find words, I nodded and stood up. In the cab I questioned him about his home in Chicago, and he managed to avoid all those relating to music or his girlfriend. The girlfriend I didn't care about, but the music was another matter.

'Why won't you answer my questions?' I asked, keeping my voice light to let him know I wasn't angry but still frowning.

Edward sighed. 'To me, music is… everything. I like to think that I'm an all right musician, and yes, I do make enough to not need to find other work. When I get back to Chicago I'm recording a new CD – I told them that this is my time off to continue writing for the album. But I don't want to be famous.' He looked down at his hands, which were twisting in his lap. 'I don't want people to listen to my music and think that they know me, because they think they understand what I play, what I sing about. The music, it's personal… it's mine.'

The emotion in his words made me want to cry. 'Then why are you recording this album?'

He sighed again, and looked up at me. 'Because I signed a two-album contract, depending on the success of the first one. They got the sales they wanted, and called me back. But after this I'm done.'

A few minutes later Edward was opening the door to our hotel room. 'So, did you enjoy our non-date?' he asked.

'It was a fantastic non-date,' I told him, smiling. But then the smile faded. 'But now we need to talk.'

His face expressionless, Edward followed me over to the couch and sat beside me, our bodies twisted so that we were facing each other. And I explained everything to him. I told him how at first I'd wanted nothing more than for my life to be over, but I couldn't bring myself to kill the baby inside of me as well. How once Amy was born Alice, Esme and Rosalie had meant too much to me for me to do this to them. How by then I didn't want to die anymore, but I needed a release for the pain. It let me remember things, and cope with things, without becoming too stressed or anxious.

'I'm supposed to be on medication,' I told him. 'I was diagnosed with panic disorder. But the side effects were too much. I've stopped taking them. That's why I acted like I did with you and Carlisle, but it's better to be afraid than to not feel anything at all.'

Edward was silent throughout my explanation. His eyes never left mine, and I could see the pain and worry in them. 'Is there no other way?' he asked softly once I was done. 'Is it really that hard to think about?'

I looked away, nodding. It was really that hard to think about.

I heard and felt Edward shifting on the couch, and his hand was underneath my chin, lifting my face so I was forced to look at him. 'You can come to me. You can always come to me, no matter what time, what day, where we are. You said you trust me, that you know you're safe with me. Trust me with this, Bella! I can't bear to see you hurt yourself.'

At his words, I couldn't deny it to myself any longer. I wanted him. I liked him, a lot. We were past friends, on my side at least. Hot tears slid down my cheeks. 'Edward…'

He moved quickly, and I was wrapped fiercely in his arms. 'You are safe with me,' he whispered vehemently. 'I would never let anything happen to you, Bella.'

My heart in my throat, I forced myself to pull away. 'Edward, we need to talk.'

I needed everything out in the open.

AN: Hahahaha cliffhanger. Next chapter should be good, but for me it'll be hard to write. A lot of the dialogue will be from my own experience, because I have sort of been in this situation. Which is why I've been making it go really slowly – I know what it's like to not want to be "that person". Not that our situations were so bizarre… Picture Bella and Edward as normal people with normal backgrounds and you've pretty much got my situation.

It shouldn't be too long, though. I've only got one week of school left, and only one or two assignments to finish. Depends on my work roster next week, I guess.

I'd like to thank the two or three new names on the reviews for last chapter. You guys are lucky I like writing this story so much or else I'd threaten to stop updating unless I got X number reviews.