hello mon chérie. (French, my darling) he answered me, now don't mistake that to mean that he responded to my liking him. He didn't tell me whether or not he did, (to be fair I emailed him... A few... times in between...) so, I still don't know. Because obviously if he liked me back he would just say it right? I mean, there's nothing to worry about (rejection) since I already admitted I like him, right? So what other reason is there for him to not answer me? there isn't. So I guess he doesn't like me. You know, maybe it sounds dramatic but I'm a very melodramatic person. I really wanted this boy to like me, and he doesn't. Or probably. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but I doubt I'm wrong. I mean, whatever. It's fine, I'm fine. I never liked him that much anyway. I mean, its okay, its better we stay friends. I mean, I don't care anyway. Its fine. It would've gotten in the way of cross. Sorry if this is a bit short, my hearts not really in it right now, and sorry I'm probably freaking you out because of my over reacting. I love you, mon chérie
yours always,
Pigeon
Milles handed me a long sharp blade, it curved slightly. I wondered what it would feel like to stab someone with it. This time I didn't bother to chastise myself this time. This time I was standing in a pool of blood in the arena. This time it didn't matter what grotesque things I thought. Because this time, it was life or death. "Thanks." I murmur as we shift through weapons and supplies. I was relieved that I was allied with District one and the rest or the careers, especially upon seeing the double bladed sword I had so dreaded him getting his hands on.
He glances up at me as I think this and smiles, looking in the direction several of the tributes had sprinted off in. His head pivoted to the side slightly "should we go, hunting?" He hesitates before saying the word. Seeming to test it out, I see something like remorse flash in his eyes. Then he smiles and starts jogging in the direction he had been looking in, I was sure I was mistaken. Someone how was so eager to make an end to another's life has no compassion, and no room for remorse.
We all fallow at a quick pace, even I, I find with complete disgust, and fright, was somewhat excited to see if we would find anyone. Milles stopped suddenly, hushing everyone. He inched slowly away from us before motioning District one over. He pointed mutely and one smiled. One motioned us over, and then paused. "Pet, I'm gonna give this one to you. Prove to me, to us. That you're worth keepin' around. You're a pretty little thing, but that's not gonna get you to far here, pet." It was a boy; he was from eleven I think. I wasn't sure what his name was, I didn't want to know. But I think I heard someone call him Charlie once. I moved silently through the brush on light feet. Finally ending up behind him. I tried to hide my hesitance from the careers, but I didn't want to kill him. I reminded myself he needed to die for Milles to survive. But I couldn't kill him. I moved closer, and suddenly, I became aware of him speaking.
"Please," he whispered. "If you have to kill me, do it quick." He must have sensed I was surprised because he fallowed up with, "Look, your quiet, but that guy you got with you can't whisper worth a shit. Just kill me quick." My eyes filled with tears and I knew I couldn't do it, he turned around. He was unarmed. Someone in district eleven loved him.
"I'm sorry" I whispered as I slid the knife across his throat and his blood spilled onto my arms. I blinked away the tears as his cannon sounded and I see one and the other careers cheering silently for me. I nearly choke n my own disgust for them. But mostly my disgust for the beast that was me.
I moved towards them, tilting my head to the side. One stepped towards me, extending his hand. I shook it, deciding that I would never touch him on purpose again. We started walking again in the same direction as before. I knew I would survive long enough to save Milles, I knew because suddenly I could feel myself becoming cold. I could feel my heart becoming numb to my actions. I would survive, I would survive a monster. But I would survive. If only for the purpose of saving Milles.