How am I suppose to feel knowing Granddad might die?

I mean, I wasn't a natural when it came to tragic stuff. None of this ever happened in my family. No one was ever fine one moment and then suffering from a major heart attack the next. I guess I was supposed to be sad and anxious. But in all honestly, all I felt was numb.

Lynetta sat next to me on the coach with the television remote stationed in her hand, her thumb resting on the next channel button, but the TV wasn't even on. We might have been sitting there in those same positions for a few minutes, but time droned on like hours. Mom and Dad went to the hospital by themselves, promising to call when they heard more news, but the phone hadn't rung yet. At first I desperately wanted to go with them, yet after awhile I realized that wasn't such a good idea. I wasn't good when it came to hospitals, and plus I wasn't sure if I would be prepared to see and witness all the horrible, sickly stuff that happened in those places around the world. Man, it's weird to think that while you're just sitting there, bored out of your mind, hundreds of people die; people that could have mattered to someone but are worth nothing to you. I couldn't help but wonder if I were to die how many people would care. Would Julianna?

I watched the sun go down in between the blinds in the dining room where Granddad's chair stood. We never bothered to turn on any of the living room lights, so when the sun disappeared behind the houses we were left in pitch darkness. I turned to look at Lynetta, who, for the first time since forever, was actually quiet. On a normal day I would gladly take her nonexistent voice, but today I was hoping she would talk. We both needed to get our minds off Granddad.

"How was your last day of school?" I asked awkwardly, wanting to end the silence. Conversations with my sister were rare, and though I lived with her all my life there were still a million things I didn't know about her.

She let out a long breath and looked over at me. I noticed even in the darkness she had tears in her eyes.

"Bryce, really?" She asked, almost annoyed.

"What?" I demanded.

"Our grandfather is in the hospital right now and you want to ask me how school was?"

"Hey, I know Granddad's in the hospital, but I don't want to think about it. Thinking about things only makes them worse. So please, Lynetta, tell me about school."

Lynetta sighed and sat up, setting the remote down between us. I watched her wipe the tears out of her eyes and I noticed she wasn't just crying, she was in full mourning.

"You know, Bryce," She said softly in a voice I had never heard her use before. "Despite the facts that you're my little brother and sometimes I hate you I would be really sad if you suddenly died."

I just stared at her.

"I mean," She continued, sniffling. "That wouldn't happen, of course. But if it did…" She shrugged and looked at me. "I would miss you."

"I can see Granddad is really getting to you," I blurted out, regretting it when Lynetta glared at me.

"Bryce! I just said a deep, meaningful thing to you, something I'll probably never say to you again, and you think you can just ruin it?" She shrugged again and stood up. "Whatever," She added in her usual voice. "I'm going up to my room; tell me if the Mom and Dad call, okay?"

When Lynetta left it felt weird sitting in the dark living room alone, so I decided I needed to go outside and get some fresh air. With it being the first official night of summer no one, except for the Bakers, was really celebrating. I sat on the porch, covered up by darkness, and watched the Baker's festivities.

Matt-or-Mike was leaning against the side of their house strumming on his guitar while the other twin and Mr. Baker sang songs. I couldn't make out what they were singing about, but it had to be funny because they kept laughing after a few chords. Mrs. Baker was scanning through a magazine with a flashlight. I thought it was strange that she didn't just turn the house lights on, but then I noticed why she didn't.

Julianna was standing in the middle of the growing grass, bent low to the ground. At first I didn't get what she was doing, but once a small glow came from an area in the grass and Juli lurched for it, I got it. She was trying to catch fireflies. I watched her leap for the lights, collapsing but all the while laughing into the grass at each failed attempt. Minutes past, five, ten, fifteen, but Julianna seemed to not want to give up. I kept watching her, memorized, forgetting momentarily about Granddad, when my eyes caught onto something coming down the sidewalk. I looked over at the figure, just as Julianna managed to catch her first firefly.

"Nice catch," The voice yelled over across to Juli.

Juli jumped, started, and for a brief moment looked over in my direction. Her eyes were staring right into mine and I knew she knew I was sitting there, but just as she looked she turned away to smile at Clay.

"Oh, hi Clay," She called back to him.

Clay went across the street and peered at the firefly in Juli's enclosed hands. For some reason I was mad he was over there. Were they even friends? I was her boyfriend after all, not him.

"Bryce."

Lynetta always had a loud voice, but I never fully appreciated, or was pissed off, at the loudness of it until she called out my name in the quietness of outside. I jumped and I swore I might have saw Juli and Clay jump too, and now they were both staring over at me.

"Bryce," Lynetta called again and I scrambled over to the door where her head poked out.

"What?" I hissed.

"Mom called," She said. "She said the doctors aren't saying much about Granddad, but her and Dad are staying overnight at the hospital. Just thought you would like to know."

"Okay," I replied meekly and shut the door on her face. I pressed my forehead into the door and closed my eyes. Granddad won't die I tried to think. No, Granddad is tough, he can get through this.

"Bryce?"

That time it wasn't Lynetta's voice. A hand touched my shoulder and squeezed.

"Bryce, are you okay?"

Without thinking I turned around and pulled Julianna into a hug. The awkwardness of it left fast, I just needed someone to hold onto because that made the situation a little better. Juli held onto me tightly and I tried to imagine that Clay wasn't standing on Julianna's driveway across the street staring at me.