A LITTLE LESS THAN 50 THINGS TO DO AT HOGWARTS
Dec 20, 2006
CHAPTER 13: DUDE, GET A LIFE!!
After the ball, Dumbledore called the group of teens to his office
Dumby: Please, sit down
Draco: Ummm…sir, there aren't enough chairs
Dumby: So sit on the floor –kids today don't use their heads- Lemon drop??
Everyone: No
Dumby: No one ever takes the lemon drop. Well I called you all here because I have just heard about the DEs that came on Halloween night
Harry: Sir, that was 2 weeks ago
Dumby: I am aware of that Harry. But Ive just heard of it so its news to me
Draco: But youre Dumbledore. You should have known about this days before Voldemort even thought of doing it
Dumby: I don't get why everyone looks at me like Im a saviour, a know-it-all. If you want a know-it-all, theres the buck-toothed beaver right there. If you want a saviour, the Boy-Who-Lived is sitting in this room. I am but a simple old man trying to make a living off a headmasters salary
Herm: Don't headmasters make a lot??
Dumby: -ignoring comment- But I called you here because I want to know why no one was killed. If someone died, then I would have heard of it sooner
Draco: Sir that was because we sent them away
Dumby: Without a proper fight??
Harry: The DEs mistook me for Voldemort because I was wearing a Voldemort costume. I told them to bag the real Voldemort and take him back to their headquarters. It is safe to assume that they are being tortured as we speak, or dead.
Dumby: Awww… but I wanted to see fighting. No matter, now it has also come to my awareness that because of his failed attempt at capturing you, he will try again tonight, only this time, since I want to watch, youre gonna fight him
Harry: So youre purposely gonna put me in harms way, where I could be killed, just so you can get some entertainment??
Dumby: Yeah
Harry: Im game. Anyone else??
Everyone: Of course
Dumby: Its this Friday at 8 –handing them tickets-
Harry: We'll be there
Friday at 8:
Wormtail: So my lord, when do we strike??
Voldemort: The fool Dumbledore sent me an owl saying tonight at 8. He also said to bring popcorn
Wormtail: So we sit here until 8??
Voldemort: What is up with the stupid questions?? Of course we sit here. Goyle, pass the popcorn. Stop hogging it.
Wormtail: But master, its 8 now
Voldemort: -mouth stuffed- Really?? Lets move men
They marched up to the doors and opened like they did 2 weeks ago, only this time the only people in the room were the group.
Voldy: These are the only people who show up to welcome me?? Am I not important enough!?!? Now you see why I put on all that weight and went on Oprah
Wormtail: Uhhh…my lord, the fight
Voldemort: Oh yeah, Cru—
Dumby: Hold it. Theres only one way to settle this once and for all. A Yo Momma contest. Loser gets wiped off the face of the earth for ever.
Harry: Uhh… when you say loser, do you mean me or Voldemort or DEs and my friends??
Dumby: Why should your friends be included?? Its just you or Voldemort. Do you agree to the terms??
Everyone except Voldy and Harry: Yeah!!
Dumby: Then let the battle begin
Harry: Yo mamma so fat, she walked into Sears and they said "Try the Home Depot down the block
Everyone: Ohh!!
Voldy: Yo mamma so stupid she sold her car for gas money
Everyone: Oh!! Weak!! Whats a car??
Harry: Yo mamma so fat, her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up
Voldy: Yo mamma so fat she went to a Quidditch game and sat next to everyone
Harry: Yo mamma so old, I told her to act her own age and she died
Voldy: Yo mamma so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Harry: Yo mamma so stupid, she got looked in a supermarket and starved
Voldy: Yo mamma so flat, she has to walk by twice just to cast a shadow
Harry: Yo mamma so bald, you can see whats on her mind
Voldy: Well yo mamma…, your mother is… oh screw you
Harry: Hey dude, get a life. You go around ruin everyone elses. You don't bathe, brush you hair (but you have no hair) or your teeth. I can see why no woman wants you. But then get a hobby, snorkeling or something. Just get your own life for once.
Dumby: And the winner is Harry Potter of Hogwarts
Friends: Yay Harry!!
Dumby: Voldemort, any last words??
Voldemort: Uhh…bye
As they ran off like little girls, Dumbledore pointed his wand at them "Abracadabra". The spell hit a lone DE that obviously never got the message and he vanished, leaving a black spot where he stood.
Dumby: Well, that was entertaining. Now I have to go meet up with Poppy and Minnie
Ginny: What for??
Dumby: Uhh…teacher business
Ron: But Mme Pomphrey isn't a teacher
Dumby: Get to your beds now. Curfew has just been shortened to 8: 14. Now up, up up.
As he was shooing the kids up the stairs, a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs fell out of his robe pocket. He quickly picked them up, stared at the kids weirdly and then ran off in the other directions. The kids, each silently agreeing to never speak of this night again, slowly made their way up to the common room.