Hi everyone. Sorry this is turning out more angst than fluff...but it will get better

"It'll be chaos here on New Years Eve," Gwen commented, as they passed a huge notice warning about street closures.

"Fireworks on the Bay," Jack answered, smiling. "Hope we don't get a spike that night. I promised Ianto we'd go see the display. He's going stir-crazy, stuck inside all this time." Jack had already convinced himself Ianto was just upset about being left in the Hub. He'd get over that. It was only for another week or so. Well, longer if Jack could stretch it out. Ianto was safer at the Hub than in the field. And while Ianto was safe, Jack was happy. Simple. Maybe he should just tell him that. Then, again, maybe not. They didn't, as they constantly reminded each other, do sentiment.

Gwen laughed. "It's been less than a week."

Jack laughed too. "Apparently having me looking after him made every hour feel like a day. And not in a good way." I've got to stop being so protective, Jack reminded himself. He hates it. And he doesn't need it. I'm only doing it for myself.

Gwen smiled affectionately at her boss. It was nice to see Jack so content. He probably didn't even realize he was humming as he drove. Gwen had done a fair amount of soul-searching over the past week, and she wasn't overly pleased with what she'd found. But she knew now that the feelings she harbored for Jack were no more substantial than her teenage obsessions with movie stars. It was time to put them away with her other crushes. Rhys was all she needed. And Ianto was who Jack needed – and all he wanted. She could see that now. And Gwen was pleased to realize she was happy for them both.

Jack was feeling content. For the moment, anyway. And just a few weeks ago he'd been a master of the art of being happy in the moment. It was, he decided, a skill he'd have to relearn if he was going to shake off this constant dread of losing Ianto. And he had to. It was staining every moment together.

So what did he have at the moment? All good. Ianto was recovering well. Even that damned rash was nearly gone. What else? Oh yeah, they'd be going home – home! – together! - tonight. Every night from now on. Even the Rift was playing nice. Jack expected an easy drive in the sunshine and back to Ianto by lunchtime. The signature of this spike was the same type they'd managed all week. They'd arrive at the co-ordinates to find another batch of bewildered lizard-beings whose race had just discovered vortex manipulation. All the Tsaurians needed was the equivalent of a map and they'd get themselves home, all apologetic for intruding and ready to tell everyone back on Tsauria about the oh-so-nice Earthlings who'd helped them. Gwen even had a gift ready – a data recorder stuffed with information about Rifts, so the Tsaurians could start factoring Rift avoidance into any future travel. A PR exercise, pretty much.

"Road-works coming up," Ianto announced via their earpieces. "If you take the next left and the second right beyond that you'll be safely around them."

"Thanks, Yan" Jack answered, remembering too late he wasn't supposed to use that name when anyone else could hear. "To," he added hurriedly. Maybe it was time to discuss that no-sentiment rule. It was becoming annoying.

Back at the Hub, Ianto frowned. He'd picked the hesitation in Jack's voice, the change of tone. Jack wasn't happy any more. Which was exactly what was bothering Ianto. Jack hadn't laughed properly since Christmas. Since…since he'd given Jack part-ownership of the flat. Was that the problem? Was Jack regretting it?

Ianto made himself another cup of coffee and brooded. He could clearly remember making the decision to offer Jack half of his home. A reckless decision, perhaps, but he'd gotten to the point where he just needed to know, one way or the other. Even a refusal would have helped – at least he'd know where he stood. And maybe a refusal would have been the spur he needed to just walk away, end it. But Jack hadn't refused. The documents were signed and witnessed, already lodged with a lawyer. So why, Ianto asked himself, do I still feel like this?

Ianto checked Martha's list of light duties. He wanted to do something to stop the brooding. Filing. How exciting, he could do the filing. But it would fill the time until Jack returned. And it was bound to have piled up while he'd been away. He took another cup of coffee to the archives and set to work. Gwen and Jack would contact him if they needed anything. And any alerts would route to his PDA.

Filing gave him too much opportunity to think, though. It was the timing, he decided gloomily. Should have waited until things settled down. Let him decide when he wasn't still dealing with relief I was still alive and guilt for taking me onto that damn ship in the first place.

He knew how upset Jack was when he'd thought Ianto was dead. But he'd been broken hearted when Owen died, too, that first time. Desperate enough to go after that second resurrection glove. And he'd been miserable when Owen died the second time – and Tosh. Oh, Tosh, Ianto thought. I wish I could talk to you about this. You always helped me sort my head out.

Filing all done. Retrieval next. Ianto found the files Jack and Gwen had requested for research and made his was back up to the main Hub. His Bluetooth buzzed just as he dropped Gwen's pile onto her desk. More Tsaurians, Gwen reported. Just as expected. Ianto hadn't seen the Tsaurians, probably never would, now that Gwen had delivered the Rift data. They'd avoid Earth in future. Just my luck, Ianto thought glumly, we finally get some benevolent visitors and I'm stuck in here.

"It's nearly lunchtime," Gwen's voice echoed through the earpiece. "We'll pick up something, shall we?"

"Yeah, thanks," Ianto answered. He'd been looking forward to getting out of the Hub even just for long enough to collect sandwiches or whatever. Damn. But Gwen was only trying to be nice.

"Why don't you meet us on the Plass?" Jack suggested.

Ianto smiled at the prospect of getting some sunshine. "Sounds good," he replied.

"Don't forget your meds," Jack added. "In my desk drawer."

"Yes, Jack," Ianto answered, feeling a blush rise as he heard Gwen giggle in the background.

"Has he been doing that all week?" she asked, still giggling.

"Or worse," Ianto responded, slamming files onto Jack's desk with enough force to make his bruises protest. Had they been discussing him the entire time they were away?

"I did try to tell you," he added bitterly. "And you tore strips off me for it, as I recall."

"I didn't realize it was this bad," Gwen said, flinching at the memory. She'd really let her mouth run away with her that time. On Christmas Day, too. "No wonder you wanted to come back to work."

Ianto's surge of anger died. He was surprised at himself for feeling it, and embarrassed he'd let it show. None of this was Gwen's fault.

"Hey!" Jack protested. "Aren't you going to defend me?"

Sighing, Ianto tugged Jack's drawer open and fished out the packet of pills, smiling in spite of himself. All carefully labeled. Date, time and dosage. Jack's writing, but not like Jack at all. Not like Jack. This is what I've done to him, Ianto realized. This is what he's done to himself. For me.

"Always," Ianto assured Jack, feeling a lump rise in this throat. This was all wrong. This wasn't the way he wanted it. He didn't want Jack staying with him out of some twisted sense of duty, or guilt, or whatever the hell it was. He'd pushed Jack too far, played on his guilt. And he owed him a chance to back out.

An alarm shrilled in the main Hub. For once, Ianto actually welcomed the sound. Nothing like work to push emotion back where it belonged. And sending Jack on the alert would give him the time he needed. A bit of space to come to terms with the moment when he'd give Jack his freedom. What greater gift, really, could you offer someone you love?

"Something's coming through," Ianto announced, hurrying back to the Rift monitor. Nothing. He checked the other feeds. "Police alert," he corrected himself. "Stolen car, driver wearing a fish mask."

Jack and Gwen groaned in unison. "Blowfish."

"I'd say so," Ianto agreed. "Sending you the co-ordinates."

Jack chuckled. "Nothing like a good chase to give me an appetite. We'll be back soon. Bearing lunch. Don't forget your meds."

Ianto sighed. "Taking them now, Jack." He looked at the packet of pills in his hand and shrugged. Might as well. Lugging the files around had reawakened the aches. He poured himself another coffee and swallowed the pills, noticing that the ones for his allergy were down to half-doses now. That was good. Should be finished with them soon. And when he was fully recovered, Jack would stop feeling guilty. Maybe he could wait until then. Give himself another week. Or maybe dragging it out would just make things worse.

He listened idly to Gwen and Jack chatting as they chased the Blowfish. Just one. It'd be easy. They'd be back soon. Yep, they'd cornered it.

"Jack's about to read it the riot act," Gwen reported. Ianto heard the car door open and slam shut again. "It's arguing….oh SHIT." The roar of a car engine. Gunshots.

"Gwen," Ianto yelled. "What's wrong?"

No response. Just noise. And Gwen' voice, cursing, in exactly the way a lady shouldn't.

Ianto fumbled in his pocket. No car keys. Of course. Jack had them. No driving while taking those damn painkillers.

"Ianto?" Gwen, finally.

"Gwen," Ianto gasped, relief flooding through him. "What happened?"

"Blowfish tried to double back on us," Gwen explained, breathing raggedly. "It…it drove straight over Jack." She gulped. "I shot it."

"Jack. Is he…?" Stupid question. Of course he was dead. Again.

"He's dead," Gwen admitted. A siren wailed in the background.

"But you're OK?"

"Yeah," Gwen said. "But…" And Ianto realized why her breathing was ragged. She'd been crying.

"Jack'll be OK." Ianto said, trying to be reassuring. And failing. There had to be something seriously wrong for Gwen to be this upset. "How bad is it, Gwen?"

"It drove right over him," Gwen repeated. "He's…it was…Oh hell, I've got to go. An ambulance just arrived."

"Stay with him," Ianto pleaded, even more worried now that she'd avoided answering. "Don't let them take him. I'm on my way."

"You can't drive," Gwen protested.

"Taxi."

"Oh, of course." A shaky laugh. "Hurry."

Ianto fretted uselessly as the taxi sped through the streets. An icy chill settled in his soul. There had to be a time Jack didn't come back from. And every time, every single time, he was convinced this was it. And Gwen didn't fall apart over nothing. Maybe this was it.

Confused? Hope not. Remember Ianto is having drug-induced mood swings!