Disclaimer: The characters Yuu Waku and Jin Tatewaki are from a manga entitled Sweet Poison on Our Lips belonging to Mieko Koide. I wish I could take credit for them, but I can't! This is one of my favorite mangas and I couldn't resist giving these lovable characters a cameo!
What am I doing? I wondered feeling depressed and confused. Now that I was alone, I allowed my tears to flow freely. Kaemon had gone back to our apartment to pack our clothes, and I was riding in N-G's limo to the Tokyo Dome. We're going to spend the weekend in Hawaii to relax before the start of Bad Luck's next tour. I knew I had to move on with my life, especially now knowing that I never meant anything to Yuki. In spite of everything, I still longed for him. Why am I doing this? Yuki never cared for me! Most of the time I was with him he treated me like I was a nuisance, but there were times… I wrapped my arms around my ribs and began bawling in earnest.
All too soon, I realized that I'd arrived at the Tokyo Dome. There was already a large line of fans waiting for the concert. I slid down in my seat, but not before I'd been spotted. They all started screaming and waving at the limo as we made our way to the stage entrance. I quickly dried my tears in an attempt to pull myself together. If Hiro finds out I've been crying, he'll probably give me a hard time again. I walked briskly into the stadium and headed straight for our dressing room. As I rounded a corner, I accidently ran into K.
"Where do you think you're going?" Noticing the look on my face he added. "What's going on?"
"It's…nothing. I just need to wash my face." I lied hoping he would drop it and let me go.
"Don't tell me it's nothing! Clearly there's something wrong. I know your private life is none of my business, but this is a very important concert! Did you know that "Look Around" is second only to Nittle Grasper's latest single? If this concert is a success, "Look Around" might actually knock Nittle Grasper's single out of number one! I know you are having a tough time trying to deal with two lovers…"
"Wait a minute K! It's not like that…" I began to protest.
"Right now you need to focus on giving the fans your best performance." He continued undaunted. I suddenly found myself looking down the barrel of K's gun. "If you disappoint your fans, I'll permanently take you away from both of your lovers!"
"You wouldn't dare!" He cocked his gun. Swallowing hard I added, "at least you won't kill me until we've completed the tour."
"You've got a point. Maybe I should just eliminate one of your lovers for you!"
"NO! I'll do my best!" With renewed zeal, hurried to the stage no longer concerned about my appearance.
For the rest of the afternoon, I threw myself into the preparations for the concert. Hiro, Suguru and I rehearsed our set for the night. We meticulously worked on every fine detail until we were satisfied that everything would go smoothly. As we finished rehearsing, our guest performers approached the stage for their opportunity to rehearse. Somehow Sakano had pulled the right strings to arrange for Cross, the successful pop duo Yuu Waku and Jin Tatewaki to open for us.
Hiro and Suguru left to get something to eat. I wasn't hungry so I opted to stay and watch Yuu and Jin rehearse. Although they didn't overtly advertise that they were a couple, it was obvious they were in love. Ironically, they were a lot like Yuki and I. Much like me, Yuu was hyper, eager to please, and readily shows his emotions. Whereas Jin, like Yuki was much more reserved and somewhat aloof. I found myself envying them for being so happy. Unable to watch any longer, I retreated to our dressing room to prepare for our performance.
Borrowing Hiro's walkman, I began to listen to our first CD. It was kind of a ritual for me to listen to the songs I would be performing. Normally, I would envision my performance, but this time I just couldn't concentrate. When I listened to our first hit, it reminded me of the first time I met Yuki. I remembered how I'd stayed up all night writing it to prove myself to him. I took the CD out in frustration and replaced it with our newest CD. I was beginning to get into the music until "Look Around" began to play. I remembered how desperately I wanted to pour all of my feelings for Yuki into that song. I'd hoped I could pull them all out of my heart, but now I knew that was never going to happen. Most of my heart will always belong to Yuki. I just hope that what's left will be enough for Kaemon. I shook away those painful thoughts and tried to concentrate on my imagery. I knew I had to perform this song perfectly since it's probably the one the fans most want to hear.
Hiro and Suguru burst excitedly into the room. "It's incredible, Shu! The stadium is packed!" Hiro exclaimed enthusiastically.
"We'd better get ready. Cross is about to start their performance." Suguru announced.
As we changed into our stage clothes, Hiro noticed my pensive demeanor. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. I'm just nervous about tonight." I lied hoping it would be convincing enough for him.
"Alright, I get the hint." He replied giving me a pitying look.
It wasn't like Hiro to just give in like that. I wondered uneasily what he had done before coming to the stadium. We finished dressing in a constrained silence. While I applied my stage makeup and styled my hair, I tried in vain to psych myself up for our performance.
The stage manager timidly poked his head in the room. "You're on in five minutes. The crew almost has the stage ready for you."
I was completely overwhelmed by the size of the crowd as I waited off stage for the crew to finish.
"K told me this crowd is as large as the crowd at a Nittle Grasper concert!" Hiro explained. "You know what that means?" He grabbed my shoulders, "we've finally made it! 'Look Around' is seriously threatening Nittle Grasper's song as the number one single in Japan, and now we're pulling in the same number of people at our concert!"
As Hiro hugged me, the reality of his words drove all of the troubles from my mind and awakened my desire to perform. Smiling with anticipation I exclaimed, "let's go out there and sparkle!"
While Bad Luck was taking the stage, Yuki slipped stealthily through the labyrinth of equipment backstage. This would probably be the last time he would be able to see Shuichi. His heart ached as he watched his charismatic ex-lover performing one of Bad Luck's latest songs. He wondered once again if it would really be in Shuichi's best interest to stay with Kaemon. Hiro had said that although Shuichi was still in love with him, he was going to marry Kaemon. But he didn't say when it would happen. Is it possible that Shuichi would be planning to do it right away? Once again, Yuki cursed the little voice in his head that persuaded him to push Shuichi away.
The crowd began cheering wildly as Bad Luck finished another song. Before Suguru could get four bars into the next song, a deafening roar exploded from the crowd pulling Yuki out of his troubled contemplation. This song…it's the same one from the video I saw a few nights ago. Shuichi's performance on the video was extremely compelling, but watching him perform "Look Around" live was almost too much for Yuki to withstand. Most of the girls and a few of the guys in the audience were brought to tears by his poignant rendition. As the song ended, Shuichi turned in Yuki's direction momentarily. Ducking deeper into the shadows, Yuki was struck by Shuichi's sorrowful expression. It was obvious that he was struggling to keep from crying, but he managed to bury his pain quickly and jump enthusiastically into the next number.
Yuki had seen enough. He had already begun to regret his decision to come. Deep in his heart he knew that Shuichi's brokenhearted expression at the end of "Look Around" would haunt his dreams for a very long time. As he quietly turned to leave, he walked past two striking young men. Yuki realized that they were the performers who had opened the concert. The one of the men smiled warmly at him as he walked past.
As he maneuvered through the maze of hallways, Yuki began to question the logic of trying to slip out the back of the stadium unnoticed. Although he was a considerable distance from the stage, the muffled sound of Bad Luck's performance was still clearly audible. Yuki froze as he rounded a corner. K was in the hallway. Thankfully, he had been facing the opposite direction. Yuki pressed himself into the shadows and hoped that K wouldn't walk in his direction.
"I'm calling to confirm the airline reservations that were made this afternoon for Shuichi Shindou and Kaemon Aomori." K spoke loudly into his cell phone. "Yes, they will be traveling first class…Their flight leaves at 10:45 from gate 12b? Yes, thank you." He jotted this information down in a small note book and walked briskly back toward the stage.
Yuki exhaled in relief as K turned out of sight. Shuichi and Kaemon must be getting married this weekend. They certainly aren't wasting any time! For the first time, Yuki truly lamented his break up with Shuichi. He stole out the stage entrance of the stadium and into the darkness with a heavy heart.
Thoroughly exhausted and drenched in sweat, I shuffled wearily with Hiro and Suguru to our dressing room. Although I enjoyed performing, I was glad the concert was finally over. All I wanted was a nice hot shower and a good night's sleep.
"Excuse me, Shindou-san…" Yuu trotted over to me. "I know you must be completely worn out after that terrific performance, but could I ask you a question?"
"Sure," turning to Hiro and Suguru I called out, "I'll catch up with you later." I looked curiously at Yuu. "What would you like to know?"
"Is it true…that you and Eiri Yuki…are no longer a couple?" Noting the mortified look on my face, he added, "I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have brought it up."
"No, it's alright." I assured him. "I should be used to it by now. Yuki and I are not a couple." A lump formed in my throat as I spoke those words for the first time out loud.
"That's interesting, because he was here earlier." Yuu looked a little confused. "I thought that maybe the two of you had gotten back together."
"Y…Yuki…was here!" I stammered in disbelief.
"Yes, and the way he was watching you..." His smile widened at my reaction. "Well, I was sure the two of you had gotten back together."
"What did you mean, when you said…'the way he was watching you?" I asked as my heart threatened to burst through my chest. "Just how was he watching me?"
"How should I phrase it?" Yuu thought for a moment. "He looked like he was longing for you…"