Chapter Twelve - In My Heart, But Not In My Head

The next morning when she rose from a deep sleep she found that she had shifted over considerably. She was rather comfortable and gave a content, groggy sigh as she snuggled closer. Glancing upward, she was met by his face, content in sleep, just above hers, hers which was pressed into his chest, her hand resting against his neck, fingertips slipped beneath the collar of his shirt.

Oh God...

She had rolled over in her sleep and right into his embrace without even noticing, and she guessed that he in his sleep had wrapped his arms around her. It had felt so natural to them both that neither even realized it.

With a yelp that startled him awake, she jumped out of his arms and, being the ever clumsy person she was, she fell back off the cot and onto the ground with a thud.

He sat bolt upright with a start, looking confused and disoriented, just as she was stumbling to her feet.

"What happened?" he cried.

"We were sleeping together!" she blurted. "Well not really - well, yes, but not like - oh never mind! I mean - we were cuddling..." Sure, she was definitely more comfortable around him now, but this was moving a little too quickly for comfort...

"Oh..."

"Yeah... I'm sorry, that was probably an overreaction. I just, wasn't expecting..." Stop talking, stop talking right now! You've embarrassed yourself enough! The cuddling was kind of nice, to be perfectly honest, she just hadn't given herself much time to enjoy it before freaking out.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"Uh, waking you..." Shut up! She was only making it worse. "And startling you... Sorry." Good Lord she was awkward. "Am I always this awkward around you?" She had to ask.

He chuckled. "No."

"Oh. Good." This was true though, she hadn't been this awkward last night when he was telling her about them. She would even say she had been a little flirty at times.

They met eyes for a moment before both laughing a little.

"Well, now that we're up-" He stood.

"Yeah..."

He was staring again. "Sorry. It's just - I'm worried you're not really here, that it's just my mind playing tricks, or the game messing with me."

"No, I'm really here. Well, mostly, still working on the memory part. And you were just holding me, so I'd say that's proof."

"True."

They both left the tent at the same time this morning. After both trying to step out at the same time and bumping shoulders, he gave a sweep of his arm and let her go first.

"AH!" As soon as she stepped out she was met by the vulture perched right above the tent. "I don't think that bird likes me." It squawked in reply as if to say "no."

After another simple breakfast, though this one filled with multiple shared glances between the two, Terri resumed her reading from yesterday, curling up with her journal by the fire pit. After his stories everything she had written now made a lot more sense, and she went back and re-read the previous entries as well.

We left for Jumanji today. Russell hired a band of mercenaries to assist us on the journey - there's a whole lot of them, easily fifty. Heck, he's got a whole army of them! I think he's overreacting, but he seems a little paranoid that something's going to happen on this quest. I'm not sure how I feel about this - they all seem pretty intimidating to me.

We arrived in Jumanji today - it's beautiful! As soon as we stepped off the ship I couldn't wait to begin exploring. We met our field guide, Nigel, who's lovely. We've already seen evidence of or actually seen so many different animals, I got so excited! I've made sure to have my pencil and notebook ready to record everything!

Russell surprised me last night and took me to the bazaar where we spent the night at the inn there. He said he wanted to have some 'us' time, time to ourselves.

Although she couldn't remember what it was she had written about, she was pretty sure she knew how that night had gone. She felt her entire body grow hot and she quickly turned to the next entry.

I'm really starting to think this jewel doesn't exist - I haven't written in a little while and it's because it's all the same: frustration and arguments. Russell keeps getting more and more frustrated which isn't good, he doesn't need all that stress. Not to mention it's putting a strain on us; we keep getting into arguments, and I'm becoming awfully homesick. He just won't accept that it's not real - I think it's safe to say he's obsessed with finding it. Luckily we have Nigel, who's as chipper as ever. Though I think even he's beginning to get discouraged.

That was the final entry. It must have been right before her disappearance. Terri sat back and thought about all she had read, trying to turn the words into images. Come on, remember, you can do it.

"Did the reading help?" Russell joined her.

"A little, I think. I still only have blurred, vague images, nothing's clear - yet. I'm trying not to lose hope." Then she thought of something. "Can I see your ring?"

He removed his glove and showed her - it was a simple silver band.

She held up her own hand next to his. "They go nicely together."

"Yes, they do."

"Will you tell me more about us?"

He thought for a moment. "I think I've told you everything, I'm afraid."

"Tell me something again."

He was more than happy to oblige and launched back into his storytelling. Soon though, she found that she had tuned him out and was lost just looking at him. It got dark pretty early here, so they lit a fire - the way the flames flickered across his tan face, casting shadows across his hair, and those eyes... She hoped that even when her memory returned she would still get lost in his eyes, but something told her she would. She didn't know where it came from, this feeling, but suddenly she wanted to-

Kiss him. She blushed with this realization.

Something deep inside her was urging her. All these feelings for him she may not recognize, but they were starting to feel right. She knew in her heart, just not in her head. And wasn't that what mattered?

Running with it, she began to lean in, and the next thing she knew, he had stopped talking and his lips met hers in a kiss, one full of passion, of longing, one that was only becoming more and more heated. The thrill was like experiencing your first kiss all over again, or, what she imagined of course.

He cupped her face in his hands, deepening the kiss. She was just reaching up to hold his hand when the realization of what she had done struck her, and she pulled away mid-kiss.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment, thinking he had made her uncomfortable.

"No, no it's not your fault." Now she was ashamed. That had been so cruel of her. "I-I'm so sorry. That was thoughtless of me, I don't know what came over me." First the morning cuddles, now this. Was it her memory, desperately trying to make her remember? Or was it just the game wanting her to make a fool out of herself for its amusement?

She glanced around - thankfully it seemed that the men were too busy going about their own business to have seen them snogging. Good, she was already embarrassed enough.

She was on her feet before she even realized. "Perhaps I should go..." She didn't want to, but - ugh, she just wished she would bloody remember! What made it worse was that she felt she was so close to remembering, so close, but she still couldn't. "I feel like I'm taunting you by being here and I'm just sort of a burden, and-"

He jumped to his feet. "Please, don't go. Don't leave. I don't know what I would do if I lost you again."

"It's not fair though-"

"I would rather have you here, trying to remember, than not at all. At least then I know you're safe."

She nodded slowly. "I feel safe here."

"You are safe here."

There was a pause.

"How long was I gone for?"

"Months. Long, excruciating months."

Months. To him, she'd been gone months, for her, she'd been gone years. That familiar painful ache settled again deep in her chest, that longing to be here. But now that she was here, she couldn't remember, and she could no longer tell what that ache was for. But she was pretty sure she knew now.

"It just seemed like that kiss had been long waited for."

"It was."

"I'm sorry, again."

"Please don't be, it's not your fault."

She smiled a little. "Thank you. Goodnight." She pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before disappearing inside their tent.

Yay, they're making progress! ;) What do you think so far? We'll catch up with the others in the next chapter - whew, this parallel storyline thing is fun but tricky, trying to keep everything aligned in time! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! And thank you for all the reviews too! :)