Chapter 14 – March 1919

Dearest Esme,

I'm not going to beat around the bush. I haven't seen you since the day our men came home. It has been too long and I have important news that I don't wish to convey through a letter. Please come visit or I will come to you. Thomas said Charles told him that you haven't left the house since your accident. It has been two months and I am still annoyed that you wouldn't let me come help you. I wouldn't care if you were in a body cast, bleeding or burned. No matter how bad you looked I could have handled it.

Please come to tea on Wednesday. I really do need to see you.

Love,

Helen

I put down the letter from rereading it again and continued to get ready to leave the house for the first time in, as she correctly claimed, two months. As I put on just a touch of makeup I examined my face to make sure any visible skin was free from bruising.

I couldn't hide anymore. Helen needed me and for her I would pull myself together. God knows I missed her and it would be good to escape my house of horrors even if it was just for a few hours. I couldn't stay cooped up forever and even he knew that.

My mind shifted back to the morning two months ago when the rules were laid down.

"I know you're awake Mrs. Evenson," Charles said as he plopped down next to me on the guest room bed. As I opened my eyes, I could see the early morning light was shining across the bed. I looked up at his face that could have been so handsome if I didn't know the cruelty that hid behind those brown eyes. I didn't say anything. I just stared back, trying to radiate with my eyes the hurt, the pain and the hate. He ran his fingers over my swollen cheek and I winced away. "I am sorry for that Esme. Your face is too pretty. That was the liquor not me."

"And the rest of it?" I questioned through gritted teeth, painfully pulling myself up to sitting position, resting my head against the headboard.

"Yes, well I am sorry dear that I was a bit overzealous."

"Overzealous." I stated in disbelief, my voice shaking and rising. "Overzealous? That is what you called what you have done to me? Charles! Look at me! You beat me! I am in pain and I am damaged. You called your wife a whore!"

"Esme calm down," he said flatly, looking toward the window.

"I will not calm down! I welcomed you home! Lesser women would have left you after the way you treated me before you went away but I forgave and took you into my bed."

"It is my bed and you should have done no less," I heard the edge in his voice but I ignored it.

"I wanted to make you happy and give you a child and have a wonderful marriage and now…"

"Now what?" he was irritated as he cut me off. "We can still have all of that Esme and we will."

I shook my head looking down trying to keep myself in control. "No. We are husband and wife in name only. If you every touch me again I will leave you and I will go to the police."

I gasped as his hand grabbed my throat. "You will do nothing of the sort Mrs. Evenson," he hissed. "You are not the one laying down conditions in this marriage. That's my job." He released me and I tried to get up but he pinned my shoulders against the headboard. "This is how it is going to be. You are going to honor me as my wife. You are going to stay on my arm and sleep in my bed or at least lay in it. You will not leave me. You will not go to the police. Although I was inebriated the other night I do remember our conversation about the police. They can't help you Esme. They won't help you. They will just send you home to me and you know I won't be happy about it. So be a good girl dearest and do as you're told and come when I call you and I'll make you a deal…I'll do my best to restrain myself but if you force my hand I will try to keep the bruising to places where you can cover it up." I whimpered against my own will cursing myself for showing weakness and saw a cruel smile curl up his lip before he leaned forward and pressed them to my cheek. "Esme darling, you are mine and nothing is going to change that."

He released me then and stood up, pacing for a moment as he said, "I'm sorry I can't stay here with you but I do need to get to the bank. I will send notes off to your family letting them know about your accident and that you don't want any visitors. I'll let Joyce know that you are seeing no one in case one of your cousins decides to ignore your request. I expect you back in our bed and waiting for me by the time I get home tonight."

"Like this?" I said indicating my battered body.

"Esme, Esme, Esme," he said shaking his head. "I just got home from war and I have needs that you didn't fulfill last night and I don't have time for this morning. I'm sure you are fine down there and just be nice and it will be easier on you." I didn't know how I could be shocked by anything out his mouth at this point but I still was. "You'll be fine Esme and you'll be making me happy and isn't that what you said you wanted? I can see you're speechless for once," he laughed as he went to the door but he turned around, "Oh and one more thing Esme, if you ever leave me, I will track you down and I will kill you. Have a lovely day dear."

It wasn't until I heard the front door close that I started screaming.

The two months since that conversation had been a nightmare only broken by sleep where it seems my dreams were trying to protect me. Why I would have thought my dreams would have been as scary as my waking moments my mind used the time to escape often into my favorite stories. Alas I also had started talking in my sleep as well.

"Dreaming of Pemberley again last night Esme?" Charles said as he joined me at the breakfast table one morning a few weeks ago.

I almost dropped the tea cup in my hand.

"You were rambling on in your sleep again. I figured since you mentioned Darcy, Bennet, Bingley and Wickham that you must have been in the land of that snore, Pride and Prejudice."

I nervously chuckle, "I must have been. You know it is one of my favorites."

"I don't know why you love that Austen drivel. Curious though, I don't remember a Cullen in the book."

The hairs stood up on the back of my neck. I looked down as I felt the color draining from my face but luckily my mind was quick, "You must have heard Collins. Mr. Collins? Remember the clergyman, Elizabeth's cousin whose marriage proposal she rejected?"

"Ah yes, that's right. Well you must have been Charlotte in your dream then because you were saying yes to him."

"I am surprised you remember the details of a book you loathe so much Charles."

"I had an English literature class in college where I had to read several Austen books and compare and contrast the male and female main characters. There are a lot of similarities between them all. Her works are still ridiculous though."

"I think they are wonderful."

He snorted, "So I guess it will be Edward Ferrars or Mr. Knightley next."

"Maybe Colonel Brandon."

"So which character from your novels do I resemble dear?"

I cackled bitterly, feeling the stitch in my side where he had grabbed me the night before, "Oh darling, that's too easy. You are Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. You can't live up to Jane Austen's men. You make Willoughby and Wickham look like saints."

He jumped to his feet and stormed out of the room. I knew I would pay for the comment but without it I probably still would feel his wrath - I figured I would earn it with my own dig.

I gave in under his hands at night. It was pointless to fight him off. It just meant more struggle and more pain. Gentle caresses were rare and I had new bruises nearly every day to show for it. He was more careful though about where he inflicted pain. He made sure my injuries could be easily hidden.

Although the bruised that marred the left side of my face had faded completely weeks ago, I stayed inside, away from the sun I once adored and the family who I loved. I couldn't face the day.

I was afraid I would crack under others' watchful eyes but it had been so long now that even Charles was encouraging me to get out of the house.

"Have a good time with your cousin today," he kissed my forehead before leaving for work. "Don't cancel on her. She needs to see you."

I felt that in his mind he needed her to see me more than she actually did.

When Helen threw open the door she practically knocked me over with her hug. I took a deep breath that I hoped she wouldn't notice as her arms tightened around the marks covered by so much clothing.

"Oh Esme, come in! I am so happy you are here. I missed you!" She closed the front door taking my coat from me and grasping my hand as we walked into her parlor. "Laura is napping right now but wait until you see her. It has been so long that you'll barely recognize her."

I took a seat on the sofa she gestured to and looked at her face. She was brilliantly happy. The pain of her husband being away was wiped clean from when I last saw her. She was my Helen again.

"You look wonderful Helen. Having Thomas home is suiting you very very well." I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.

"I am. I felt like I woke up from a bad dream when he got home. Laura is a blessing. I cannot imagine my life without her and I would not trade her for the world. But with him here, the world seems brighter and happier, food tastes better, flowers are more fragrant." I chuckled a little, feeling some personal bitterness. "I know it sounds silly but you must be feeling the same thing too Esme," she said as she sat down next to me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine now. It was hard for a while. I was in bad shape and not easy on the eyes to say the least."

"I would have come but Charles said you didn't want visitors."

"I had Joyce to help me and besides I didn't want to taint your happy reunion with my misery. "

"What exactly happened? Charles just said you fell on the stairs."

"It was the night after he came home. It had snowed. The floor was wet in the foyer and I must have stepped in it. I lost my footing near the top and tumbled backwards. I hit my head as I fell and smacked my face as I landed. As I said it wasn't pretty and I was pretty banged up all over."

"But you are better now?"

"Fit as a fiddle."

"You look thin." How far could she past my charade?

"Between my injuries and the excitement of Charles being home, I guess I haven't been eating that much but I feel just fine."

She leaned over and hugged me, "Does that mean you two are happy?"

"Yes. We're good." I said with a smile.

"Oh I am happy for you. It makes it a little less hard to leave knowing that you are happy."

The alarm went off my head, "What do you mean, leave?"

She bit her lower lip for a moment and apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Helen! What's going on? Where are you going?" I was desperate for her answer.

"This is why I needed to see you. Thomas got a terrific job offer from a man who was in his unit in the war but it is in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. "

"Wisconsin!"

"Yes dear. Wisconsin. It is a new automobile maker and they want Thomas to run their operations. He couldn't say no and I wouldn't let him if he tried. He's worried about taking me away from my family and you but I know you will understand that I go where he goes and if that means to Timbuktu I will be by his side. That is what love is and I told him you would understand."

My heart was breaking as I embraced her, "I will miss you so much. When do you leave?"

"He starts May 1 so we'll leave in mid-April."

"So we better make the most of our time together before then. Is there anything you need? Anything I can help with?"

"Just visit with me as much as you can before I go. My biggest regret is that I will not be here when you have your first little one after you did so much for me."

"Thank you Helen but if and when I finally am with child you know that I will telegram you immediately."

"No 'ifs' Esme. Only when. You know it will happen."

"I don't think we are ready."

"Not ready? Esme you have been ready to be a mother since you were twelve."

"You misunderstand my meaning. I just mean that he's just gotten home and then my accident…we are just starting to get reacquainted with each other. I'm not ready to share yet."

She laughed. "I know the feeling but believe me a baby is a good thing to share."

"I'm sure you're right but it will happen when God intends it to happen," which I was secretly hoping was never.

I tried to change the subject, "So how is your family?"

We chatted throughout the afternoon, completely loosing track of time. When Laura woke up from her nap, Helen brought her down and she took her place on my lap. Before we knew it Thomas was home.

"It is about time we got to see you Esme Evenson. Your smile has been missed around here," he said as he wrapped his arm around Helen and kissed her cheek.

"If you are home Thomas than I better be going because I'm sure my husband will be expecting me."

"Can't you stay for dinner?"

"No I really should be going," I said as I stood up and Helen went for my jacket.

"Well you will need to come over on a weekend then so we can catch up."

"I would like that. I want to hear all about this new job that you are moving Helen away from me for."

A frown crossed his face, "Are you angry with me Esme?"

"No, of course not. I want your success and I want Helen to be happy. She is happy with you so off to Madison you go."

"Milwaukee," he corrected.

"Whatever. It's Wisconsin," I laughed, hugging Helen as she handed me my coat and handed Laura back to her. "You're embracing each other and your happiness. You go where you need to go and please don't worry about me."

"Thank you Esme," Thomas said as he hugged me and the three of them walked me to the door. "Do you want me to drive you home Esme?"

"No, it's not far and it isn't that late. After being cooped up for so long it is nice to enjoy the fresh air."

"Be careful then."

"I will be. Thank you Helen for a lovely afternoon. Have a good night."

They waved good bye to me as I headed down the street, tears running down my cheeks. I was sad that I was losing my best friend but I was heartbroken for what could have mine. I wasn't jealous of Thomas and Helen's love, but I saw in them what I had dreamed of, what I always wanted but now could never have.

I walked quickly letting the tears flow but started wiping away the tears with the handkerchief from my pocket as I turned onto our block. There was no trace left as I bounded up the front stairs and opened the front door, closing it swiftly and quietly behind me.

As I turned around I saw I was not alone.

Charles stood up from his perch on the stairs and advanced toward me, "I hope you had fun with your cousin dear because you are late."