Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: Thanks for sticking with this. Much appreciated.

--

JAG HQ
0700 Local
Monday

Mac walked into her office and switched on the lights, all the while lost in thought. They'd be meeting the admiral in 30 minutes. She'd been on cloud nine the night Harm had proposed. Walking on air. And then in the morning ... she'd been on ... was there such a thing as cloud one hundred? Because if there was, that's what she would've been walking on.

Until Harm talked about sharing the news with his parents and grandmother. That had brought it all home, and instead of feeling intensely happy, she'd felt intensely lonely.

Mac sighed. There was something wrong with that. She set her briefcase on her desk, and her eyes fell on a massive bouquet of flowers and a basket of Snickers bars sitting on her desk.

She smiled, and then she frowned, and then got caught somewhere between the two.

When on earth had Harm found the time to arrange for this? She fingered the flower petals, trying to decipher how she was feeling about all this.

Maybe she needed to give it more time to sink in.

A knock sounded at her door, causing Mac to turn her head.

"Ma'am," Harriet was beaming. "I think it's safe to say the Commander is romantic."

Mac laughed at Harriet's expression of joy, she let go of the flower petal. "I would have to agree, Harriet."

The Lieutenant's expression transformed, her eyes fixed on Mac's left hand. Mac decided it was disbelief, incredulity, shock, and glee, all rolled into one.

"You...did he..." Harriet stuttered, "Mac..."

Mac bit her lip, her own excitement bubbling over. Her doubts all faded at the wonder of what the ring she was wearing meant, of who gave it to her. She was grinning so widely her cheeks hurt. "He did."

"Oh, my! Can I see?" She rushed over – well, more like waddled over – not waiting for an answer, and took Mac's hand in her own. "It's gorgeous! How was it? Was his proposal really romantic?" Her questions machine-gunned through Mac's tiny office. Harriet gave a none-too subtle glance at the flowers and chocolates on her desk. "I bet it was."

"It was a mess, Harriet." She said sheepishly. Her behaviour embarrassed her, thinking back. And suddenly, the full ramifications of what had happened hit her square in the chest.

She was going to get married. Her. The one person who could not sustain a meaningful relationship with any man, was going to get married. This didn't solve anything, she realized. Getting married solved nothing. She still was terrified, a fear that cut sharply under her skin, prickling under the surface.

And what exactly did marriage mean? She loved Harm more than she thought she could love a person, and it scared her. She wanted this so badly, but what did that mean. For god's sake, her parents had been married and that meant nothing. She'd been married before, and she had definitely screwed that one up. Could she really do this?

Harriet stopped gushing over the rock on her finger and looked at Mac, confusion plain on her face.

"A what?"

"A mess, Harriet." Mac stared at the flowers. "A mess. I was a mess. He said the most amazing things ... I mean it was so..." He'd given her something she hadn't dared hope for, and all she could do was cry. It still made her want to cry, and she didn't know why. Since when was she so emotional. "It was more than I'd ever thought possible, it was more than I thought could ever happen, and he asked me to marry him and all I could think was that he actually wants to spend the rest of his life with me ... wants a family with me..." Mac shook her head, still not quite able to wrap her mind around it all. "It was so incomprehensible, so I just started bawling."

"Bawling?" Harriet's voice was hesitant, disbelieving.

"Bawling. It was a mess. I couldn't stop crying." Mac paused, suddenly realizing the extent of what she'd just revealed. Oh, god. She'd been rambling like an idiot. She gave Harriet a look stuck somewhere between a threat and a plea and embarrassment. "This doesn't leave my office, Harriet. They'll kick me out if the Corps finds out I cried like a baby over, over ... that." Not to mention she'd have Harriet's six in a sling. But it seemed bad form to threaten a pregnant woman in that way...

"Yes." Harriet said quickly, and then seemed to think that was the wrong answer. "I mean, no of course not," She said, just as quickly.

Mac just shook her head and stared at the surface of her desk. What must Harm have thought of her?

"Poor Harm. He was so confused. He even said I didn't have to answer him, I could take time to think it over, anything to stop the crying."

Harriet laughed. "What is it with men seeing a woman cry?"

Mac had to smile at that, ruthlessly suppressing the urge to both jump out the window running for her life, and jump up and down with excitement. Oh, lord. She was going to get married.

"It's a very emotional moment." Harriet offered.

"Tell me about it." She remembered the look on his face when he'd asked her, that ever-present glimmer of affection ... of love. The memory warmed her. No one made her feel the way Harm did. "It was amazing. The feeling." She tried to latch on to that feeling, to hoard it for all the other times when she thought she was crazy to tie herself to another person for the rest of her life, to depend on him...

Harriet grinned, her own eyes fixed on some unseen memory, her hand rubbing her swollen stomach. "It only gets better."

Mac tried another smile on. Hold on to that feeling, she coached herself.

Harriet sighed in a way that would make a sixteen-year old hugging her diary proud. "I should probably get back to work."

Mac nodded. "Me too." Working would be a needed distraction from ... thinking. "These reports won't write themselves. And Harm and I have to meet with the admiral in five to share the news."

"Good luck, Ma'am," Harriet said sincerely. The admiral had been somewhat of a bear since his rumoured break-up with Dr. Walden.

"Thanks, Harriet," Mac responded, although she needed luck for another reason altogether.

Harriet left for her desk, and Mac stared at the ring on her finger, replaying Harriet's words.

iIt only gets better./i

Did it really, though?

Her first marriage really had been terrible. She hadn't thought Harm would propose. She hadn't thought he would want to get married, let alone suggest it. What she'd told Harm at his parents' place was the truth: she'd never really thought marriages were a good thing until recently. And she'd definitely not thought she could actually have a good marriage ... she still wasn't entirely convinced she could. It just sounded too good to be true, even if she wanted it more than any other thing she could wish for. She wasn't that lucky, and she sure as hell didn't know what to do to make it work. Where did one learn that kind of thing?

She kept staring at the ring on her finger and realized with a start that she was still waiting for the next rut they'd hit; the one they couldn't climb out of.

"Hey."

She looked up to see Harm, standing at her door with an easy grin and a contented glint in his eye. Just seeing him calmed her.

Her responding smile was automatic. "Hey." She nodded towards the flowers and chocolate on her desk. "Thank you. It's very sweet of you."

They indulged in a few moments of silent admiration and brimming smiles.

"You ready to go see the admiral?" He asked.

Mac nodded, her previous doubts filtering in, slowly seeping. She stood up quickly, hoping Harm wouldn't notice.

"Mac," He caught her wrist as she walked by him to exit her office. She met his solid gaze. The calm conviction that met her was steadying and unbalancing in equal measure. "We wait and see what the admiral suggests. We don't rush to take any assignment if it's not a good career fit. However long it takes, we do this right."

She nodded.

He cast a quick glance over her, towards the bullpen, before returning his attention to her. "Ready, French fry?" His voice was low, luminous like the smile in his eyes.

She nodded again, with more conviction than she felt.

--

"Have a seat, Colonel, Commander," The admiral indicated the chairs in front of his desk. There was a speculative gleam in his eye, as he watched them. Harm thought he seemed to be in a decent mood, given the relative unpredictability of his disposition lately.

Harm gave Mac a reassuring smile. She'd seemed ... nervous in her office. He hadn't known her to be nervous very often. But then, this was an important meeting. And the admiral was still prickly more often than not.

"What is this—" The admiral cut himself off, his eye catching the ring on Mac's finger. He lit up, a reaction Harm was not expecting.

"Mac, Harm," He stood up and came around his desk. "Congratulations!"

Harm stood up quickly, just in time to receive a hearty handshake from his CO.

"Permission to hug the Colonel?" The admiral asked, wearing a broad smile.

Mac laughed, glowing from head to toe. Harm couldn't keep the grin off his face at seeing her look so happy: he put that smile on her face.

"Yes, Sir." Mac accepted the admiral's embrace. "Thank you, Sir."

"This is wonderful news," The admiral said, letting go of Mac and leaning against his desk. "We'll have to look into our options about your billets. It wouldn't be feasible to keep you both in this office, since I couldn't have you face off against each other."

"Yes, Sir," Harm responded, sparing a quick glance at Mac. She didn't look particularly disappointed, much to Harm's relief. "We understand."

"Either of us, or both if it comes to that, are prepared to transfer out, Sir," Mac added.

"Have you looked into any other postings?"

"Not yet, Sir." They chorused.

Chegwidden nodded. "Very well. This might take some time – I don't want either of your careers to take a step back because of this."

"We're prepared to wait," Harm replied. Another quick glance netted him Mac's confirming nod. Although he thought he caught something in her eye, a flash of ... worry? He made a mental note to talk to her about it later.

"I'll keep you posted." The admiral concluded the conversation.

"Thank you, Sir." They both stood to attention.

"Dismissed," The admiral was again grinning broadly as the two prepared to leave. "Harm, Mac," His voice took on a more intimate timber, indicating he was no longer speaking as their CO. His eyes twinkled. "I recall telling you both something about not getting too close."

Harm and Mac both laughed.

"You did, Sir," Harm answered for them both.

"Well, I have to say I didn't expect you two," He looked from Harm to Mac as he said this, "To hold out for very long, but you almost made four years. I'm duly impressed." He turned to Harm, "Especially given your track record at following orders, Rabb."

The admiral seemed to find this very amusing, and chuckled to himself as he resumed his seat behind the desk.

"That will be all." The admiral said, still chuckling.

"That went well," Harm commented once they'd cleared the admiral's office. He grinned at Mac.

"It did," She agreed, returning his grin. "Better than I thought." He decided that maybe he had imagined her worry. She seemed perfectly fine, pleased even.

"All we do is wait," He resisted the urge to take her hand in his, to pull her into a hug. He settled for a broad grin and a wink.

"Right," She nodded slowly. "Wait."