Stephenie Meyer owns the copyright to Twilight and all its characters
The original characters, plots, and storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Brits23 and Lazykate
(Translation: if you steal it, we will send Bitey after your ass…and not in a good way)
Just as a reminder-Lazykate writes the girls and Brits23 writes the boys.
Chapter Fourteen - Family Ties
EPOV
Hey pop, I'll be over in ten to pick up Taylor.
My phone beeped back with his reply.
Sounds good. How did things go?
I sighed. How did things go? In a nutshell, this was the most time I had spent with Esme in nearly twenty years. Overall, she had been relatively decent. Once I got over my "woe is me" attitude, I could see where my pop was coming from when he suggested that I give her a chance. Maybe she was legitimately interested in making up for the past, and if not, then things could go on as they were now. I was open to mending things with my mother, but not so emotionally invested that I would let her wreck me if given the opportunity. I had decided to give Esme the benefit of the doubt, and not look at the situation so critically. There was no reason to weigh myself down with bitter memories of the past; I wanted a new beginning, and I was pretty fucking positive that I wanted Bella to be the center of it.
Things went pretty well. I'm done being emo about it. See you in awhile.
Carlisle replied a moment later.
Hurry up, there's someone I want you to meet.
Hmm, interesting.
Is it the elusive Sweetheart, in the flesh? I quickly typed out.
I let out a short chuckle when he replied with nothing but a smiley face.
"A fucking smiley face," I murmured to myself, shaking my head as I stepped harder on the gas. I had to meet the chick who had my dad texting like a thirteen-year-old girl.
Before I knew it I was pulling into Carlisle's drive, whistling as I slammed the car door behind me. First step, pick up my baby girl. Next, get a hold of Bella to see when we could have our impending conversation that could potentially have me kissing the monogamies goodbye forever.
I opened his door and was bombarded by my girl, jumping at me and yelping until I was on my ass in the doorway. I hugged her as she licked my face and pushed her head beneath my chin to hug me back. "Aw, I missed you too, Tay Tay."
She stopped then and put a paw on my forearm, her big brown eyes searching mine intently. I knew Esme's bullshit had her just as stressed as I was - only because she loved me like crazy. She just wanted me to be happy, and I hoped from here on out that she'd be getting her wish. "It's all good, baby girl," I smiled, scratching behind her ears as she dove back in for another doggie hug. "Where's the old man?" I asked her, clambering to my feet and searching the house for my pop.
Finally he emerged from the patio door, one hand scratching the back of his neck absentmindedly as he squinted in perplexity. Truth be told, he looked like a little kid who just had his favorite toy stolen…maybe worse.
"What's up?" I asked him, urgency lacing my voice as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Something wasn't right. I didn't think Esme was the source of his distress, considering I was with her for the last twenty-four hours, and he seemed to be legitimately over what she had done to him in the past. As much as he could ever be, at least.
"I…have no idea what the hell just happened," he murmured in a confused tone, looking out toward the backyard once more.
"Uh…did you lose something?" I questioned.
He shook his head, genuine worry outlining each one of his features. "Yeah, kind of. I mean, my…friend, well she's more than that, my…Bella…"
My head shot up as he mentioned that name, my brow furrowing and my mind instantly alert.
Bella?
"Did you say Bella?"
"Yeah, she's the one I wanted you to meet but she just…took off." My pop held his phone in his hand, obviously torn on whether he should call…Bella? What the fuck?
I chuckled, slapping him on the back. "I didn't realize that was such a popular name."
Carlisle looked up at me. "What do you mean?"
"Bella," I smiled, scratching Taylor's head as she jumped at the sound of her name. "That's the name of my…more than a friend, too."
"Huh," he mused, still distracted and somewhat gob smacked at what had to have been a hasty retreat on her part.
"Well, let's work through it, pop. Did you say something to piss her off?" I asked him.
He shook his head, blue eyes wide as he ran his fingers through his hair, a trait I had clearly picked up from him. "I don't think so…I mean we were going to grab a bite to eat and have a more serious talk. I was going to open up to her about everything that's happened in the past, give her more of an insight as to who I am as a person. Bella and I…we seemed to have kept ourselves in a bubble where only we existed. It was…amazing while it lasted, but I wanted her to know everything. Maybe she…changed her mind? No, she wouldn't have run out on me like that. I did ask her to let Taylor in, if she didn't like dogs I'm sure she would have told me."
I knelt down and scratched Taylor's belly. "Aw, maybe this ferocious beast freaked her out and she booked it. I'm sure it's nothing major, Carlisle, just send her a text and ask her what happened…or does she not text? I know there are some people your age that do, but not all of them."
Carlisle called me a smart ass half-heartedly before heading to the fridge and grabbing himself a Guinness. "Besides Edward, she's not my age," he murmured against the mouth of his bottle.
"Oh Christ, don't tell me it's one of Gladys's friends," I smirked, holding my hands out to catch the beer he threw my way.
My pop shook his head. "Enough with the age cracks, kid. Can't you see I'm freaking out a bit over here?"
Aw shit, now I felt bad. "Sorry, pop, just trying to lighten the mood. What can I do?"
"Ahh, nothing," Carlisle sighed in defeat, leaning against the counter and studying the floor absently. "I guess I'll text her and see if I get a reply, and then call if I still don't hear from her. And yes, son, she texts. Believe it or not, she's…a bit younger than me."
"Yeah?" I raised my eyebrows, leaning against the counter next to him. "Looks like the old man's still got it."
"I guess," he said softly, obviously still troubled by what had taken place before I arrived. "I don't understand what had her so spooked, though, it was so unlike her."
"Well if something freaked her out, she might need some time. I think texting her is the right way to go. Give her space, and if she doesn't reply after awhile, then give her a call later. Although, what the hell do I know? I'm probably the last person that should be giving you advice," I chuckled.
"Hey, did you say that the girl you were dating is named Bella, too?"
"Yeah," I furrowed my brow, shaking my head. "Weird, huh?"
"Certainly a coincidence," he murmured before his expression turned into a smirk. "Well, are you going to tell me about her? Is she older than you? Maybe I can have Young Bella and you can have Old Bella."
I nudged him in the ribs. "Oh please…there is nothing old about my Bella. Anyway, I asked you first. Where did you meet her?"
"Uh, actually she was a patient," he smiled sheepishly, running his thumb along his jaw.
"A patient?" I gasped in mock horror. "Well holy shit, Carlisle, I didn't think you had it in you! Don't tell me she was getting treated for a genital herpes flare-up or something?"
He glared at me playfully before smiling wider, seeming to be lost in a memory as he shook his head. "No, it was actually rather adorable, she came in with a peanut allergy, but really she was having a reaction to the amount of Benadryl she had taken. The effect it had on her made her more…loose-lipped if you will. She has sort of stuck with me ever since the moment I met her."
I smiled serenely, happy that my dad had found someone after all these years and yet, something was pulling at the back of my mind. Like a piece of information I was struggling to remember, something that was nagging at me so persistently.
And then I was hit with a distant memory…
Bella, on our date, asking the woman at the ice cream shoppe if their ice cream was safe for people with peanut allergies.
"You're allergic to peanuts?" I had asked her.
"Yeah, long boring story, but I can go into anaphylactic shock if I'm exposed to them in a large enough amount."
I narrowed my eyes, my heart starting to beat harder than before. No, obviously it was just a coincidence, but still…
Better to just get the question out of the way to calm my irrational paranoia. "What's her last name?" I asked him, the tremor in my voice undeniable.
Stupid, I was being stupid.
He looked up at me then, giddy smile still spread across his face as he met my eyes. "Her last name is Swan, she builds websites, and she's even a little younger than you. Is that going to be a problem?" he smirked.
I bit out a harsh chuckle, shaking my head as nothing but the sound of my racing heart blasted in my ears. "Whatever, Carlisle, you're just trying to fuck with me. You knew about my girl somehow and you wanna fuck with me. It's funny, I get it…"
Sweat pooled on the back of my neck as I pulled at a handful of my hair.
Carlisle looked at me in utter confusion and I felt like my surroundings were closing in on me. It was just a fucking prank, it had to be…
"Edward, what are you talking about?" he asked me.
I shook my head, my eyes twisting shut as my inner dialogue blared loudly inside my mind.
She's been seeing someone else, too, you knew that…
Bella Swan…
Builds websites…
Younger than me?
No. No, no, no.
"Carlisle, just tell me you're fucking with me and be done with it, okay? This shit isn't funny anymore." I swallowed thickly, setting down the bottle of beer as I stood from my lean against the counter. "How do you know about Bella?"
He put his hands out in a calming gesture, standing until we were face to face. "Just settle down, son, I don't understand what has you so upset. How do I know about Bella? I've been dating her, Edward. How do you know about…"
He stopped talking.
Eyes widened.
Chest heaving.
He met my stare then, blue against green and he held it steadily.
His hand began to shake as he pulled it through his blond hair. "There's no way," he muttered shakily, taking several steps backward as he tore his eyes away from mine. "There's no goddamn way. Edward…" he looked at me then, eyes pleading, heart broken. Only I couldn't feel badly for him because if I was computing this shit correctly, my dad was, my dad had been, my competition this whole fucking time. No, this had to have been a sick fucking joke.
"Her roommate is Alice," I sputtered, my heart pounding even harder as Carlisle gasped in shock. Somehow I managed to keep talking. "Alice is dating Jasper, my best friend."
His eyes nearly bugged out in panic, making him look like some sort of fucking cartoon character. "Her roommate's name is Alice," he whispered in an anguished tone. "I don't know anything more about her than that. No…she works for a modeling agency. She's Bella's best friend…"
Fuck.
No fucking way was this happening. No fucking way…
"Your Bella," I started, the words leaving a bitter taste in my mouth and I stuttered, struggling to catch my breath. "She uh…she's been dating another guy?"
My eyes stung and it was foreign but my God it fucking burned and I needed to break something because the pain my father was exuding was telling me motherfucking everything words couldn't.
"You're the other man she's been seeing?" Carlisle choked out, hands balling into fists as he turned his eyes to the ceiling, attempting to control his erratic breathing. "Edward, tell me you're not the other man she's been seeing." He pleaded with me so desperately, like Bella was his world.
But I was trying to come to terms with the fact that Bella was my world…
I gave him no answer, feeling like a rat trapped in a cage as I stumbled backwards, needing to get the fuck out of there.
"Edward, tell me you're not!" he demanded, his voice growling in anger I knew wasn't directed at me…it wasn't directed at anyone, because Carlisle was too fucking good for that, wasn't he? My pop was downright amazing, perfect doctor, model citizen…and wouldn't he just make one hell of a boyfriend for our young Isabella? I never even stood a fucking chance…
"I need…" I pulled at my hair, tears burning my eyes and I whimpered, my words falling out of me as I tripped over my feet in a desperate attempt to get to the door. "I need to get the fuck out of here."
Carlisle was calling out behind me, just as clueless and angry and fucked up as I was. But he wanted me to come back and he wanted to work it out because he was my fucking father.
But I so desperately needed to run away.
I started the engine of my car, peeling out of the driveway and out of his sight.
And I drove.
Because it was all I could do.
~xxx~
BPOV
I had absolutely no memory of driving home from Carlisle's house, although I somehow made it there in a daze, half-falling in the front door and stumbling down the hall to my room. It wasn't until I was there that the protective fog surrounding my brain lifted and everything came roaring back to me. I dropped my purse and ran to the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet just before throwing up everything in my stomach.
I don't know how long I knelt there, dry-heaving, tears running down my face, the bald truth I'd just uncovered burning into my brain like a red-hot poker. Carlisle and Edward, father and son. I'd been dating, I'd fucked, a father and his son.
I retched again before finally sagging over to the side, resting my clammy forehead against the cool porcelain of the bathtub. And then I just cried.
I'd been so stupid, so goddamn stupid. Prancing around Miami, proclaiming that I was a sexually-liberated woman, bragging about having No Regrets about how I'd live my life here. I'd strung along two wonderful men, neither of whom deserved the mind games I'd played or my resistance to commitment. I'd wanted to play, I'd wanted to have everything while being accountable for nothing. I wanted to be intimate with both of them, cuddle with both of them, tell them how much they both meant to me...but then refuse to give either of them a shred of commitment. That one small thing that could have prevented all of this.
So many little things made sense now...even though the physical resemblance between them wasn't strong, they had many of the same mannerisms. The way they ran their hands through their hair, or how they pinched the bridge of their noses when they were stressed...little things I'd somehow never picked up on.
And their smiles...how could I have been so blind to have not noticed it before? As different as the two of them looked, it was Carlisle's crooked smile from which Edward's had been copied almost perfectly.
Carlisle was the father that Esme had stolen Edward away from, his pop that he always referred to with affection. The man he'd crossed half a country to find, the best friend he'd discovered when the rest of his family had let him down. The most giving, least selfish person he knew, Edward had said.
But my selfishness had come back to bite me in the most horrific, gut-wrenching way. I'd had sex with a father and his son. I recognized in some faint logical part of my brain that it wasn't incest, or illegal, or perverted, but morally I felt filthy inside. And it wasn't bad enough that I now knew about it, but it was inevitable that they both knew by now too. Edward had been on his way over, and Carlisle had wanted to introduce us. My bizarre and hasty exit ensured that something would be said.
Part of me almost couldn't believe that neither of them had mentioned the girl they were dating to the other, but I knew there was no way either of them could have known and kept quiet about it. Carlisle had been worried about the awkwardness of dating a woman younger than his son. Edward was by nature an intensely private person with a playboy reputation to uphold. As impossible and weird as the coincidence was, it evidently had just never come up.
Now it would come up, though, and in the worst possible way. They both probably thought that I'd known, that I'd known all along. Never mind their different last names, distinctly-different appearances, or even the astronomical odds against it...something like this would look intentional to anyone.
I rolled up into a ball and curled onto the floor, crying until my throat was raw and my eyes burnt dry. Then I just lay there.
Some time later, I heard a door open and shut, and then quiet footsteps padding toward my room. I didn't bother trying to hide, what was the point anymore? There was a brief pause just before Alice appeared in the bathroom door, and in a flash she was on her knees and pulling me up into her arms.
"Bella...oh God, Bella. I'm so sorry."
"How did you know?" I whispered, only dully curious.
"Edward called Jasper, he wanted to find out if he'd known the whole time. And he..." She hesitated.
"What?"
"He wanted to know if you'd known."
Nausea roiled around in my stomach again, but I knew there was nothing left in there for me to vomit up. All I was filled with now was disgust, anger, and revulsion...all for myself. "You know I didn't."
"I know, and Jasper told Edward that too."
"Did he believe him?"
Alice sighed. "I don't know. Edward hung up on him right after that."
I sagged back against the bathtub. "I didn't know, Alice, I didn't know. I never would have..."
"Shh," she hushed me gently. "You don't have to tell me that. I know you didn't."
"I was so fucking dumb. Look at me, dating around, thinking I was hot shit..."
"Bella, stop," she commanded quietly, before standing to grab a washcloth from the sink and run it under cold water. She sat back down beside me and pressed it against my hot cheeks, my swollen eyes. "I don't know how in the hell something like this could happen in a city this big, or what the odds were, but it happened. If they weren't related, you wouldn't be beating yourself up like this."
"But they are," I laughed bitterly, my voice beginning to crack. "Alice, I was screwing around with a dad and his son. How fucked up is that?"
"You're making it sound like that was all you had," she objected. "You cared about both of them."
"I know, and that's what makes it worse!" I shoved her hand away. "Talk about keeping it all in the family, Daddy and Junior can just share one woman, that makes it all so much easier! We already know we all get along! We can all move in together and make up a schedule for who gets sex on what night! Alice, do you know I had fucking fantasies about having a threesome with them? Oh God, I just..."
I started crying again, harsh wracking sobs this time. Alice slid down next to me, pulling me against her body with surprising strength, and waited until I was so exhausted that I just shook in her arms. "Bella," she started firmly, "You've got to stop this. Yes, it's a messed-up situation, but it's not like it's all your fault, or something you did on purpose. You told both of them you were dating another guy too. Neither of them volunteered information about their personal lives that could have clued you in. So why is this all on your shoulders?"
"Edward said his dad was his best friend," I croaked. "I may have just single-handedly ruined their relationship."
"You must not put very much faith in their relationship, then," she insisted quietly. "Jasper told Edward you didn't know. You've got to believe this will all get straightened out. I'm not saying it'll be pretty or easy, but once it's all out there, no one is going to blame you."
"Jasper...oh God, is he here?"
"No, I asked him to leave us alone." She cocked her head in the direction of my bedroom. "Your phone is ringing."
"Let it ring," I whispered, before pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "I don't want to talk to anyone."
Alice sighed again and stood up, going into my bedroom and returning with my Blackberry in her hand. "Bella, you have fifteen missed calls."
I shook my head stubbornly. "No."
"Four were from me, eight of them are from Carlisle, three of them are from Edward. You think they wouldn't be calling if they weren't worried sick about you? I was frantic until I got here and saw your car in the driveway."
"Yeah, Edward is so worried that he hung up on Jasper? He probably just wants the chance to tell me what a slut I am to my face."
"You think that about Carlisle too?"
I shut my eyes as pain knifed through me again. Kind, gentle Carlisle...the thought of what must be going through his mind hurt even more, because he'd practically given me permission to break his heart. At the time I hadn't thought it would ever happen, but I'd been wrong. "I don't want to think about that."
"Bella," Alice started, sitting down next to me again, "You've got to..."
"Don't," I interrupted harshly. "Don't tell me what I've got to do. Anything I do right now is just going to hurt them, I don't want to do anything else. I just ruined everything, for everyone."
"How?" she prodded gently.
"Not that either of them would want to have anything to do with me now, but I'd...I'd hoped we could at least stay friends. I finally figured out who I wanted as a boyfriend, and who I wanted as just a friend, and now I won't have either one, for anything. It's all just gone to hell, and it's all my fault."
After a moment I started crying again quietly, and Alice put her arms around me. I don't know how long we'd sat that way, but we both jerked when my Blackberry suddenly rang and vibrated across the tile floor. I eyed it fearfully as Alice picked it up and looked at the display.
"It's Carlisle again," she murmured.
I curled up into a ball again, resting my head on my knees with my arms wrapped tightly around my legs. "Ignore it."
"Shouldn't you..."
"Alice!" I shouted, my voice reverberating in the small room. Did I have to hide from my best friend too?
She pressed the ignore button and the shrill ringing abruptly stopped. Then she just sat back and looked at me.
After a few minutes, I scrabbled my thoughts together long enough to speak. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. But I can't talk to them right now. I can't. I know what they both must be thinking of me, and right now I don't have the strength to face that, or them. Even if that makes me a chickenshit selfish coward."
She reached out a hand to me, and I slowly uncurled enough to grasp it in my clammy one. "I wanted everything, I wanted it all. I wanted them both. I could have made a decision and cut all this off before it got too fucking weird. Like, it would have made for some awkward family reunions at first, but we could have still eventually laughed at the odds of it all. Now, though..." I shuddered. "It's beyond that. It's just all too far gone now."
She squeezed my hand. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I could feel the tears starting to boil back up again, although how I had any left was almost inconceivable. "I don't know what to do. But I can't see them, or talk to them."
"Why?"
"Because if I don't even know what to tell myself, what the fuck am I supposed to tell them?"
Alice considered that before replying carefully. "You can't stay holed up in here forever, Bella. And eventually one of them is going to catch you coming or going. If you don't answer your phone, how long do you think it will be before one of them shows up here?"
I froze, horror trickling through my veins as I realized that she was right. At this very moment, one or both of them could be on their way to my house, and the truth of it was that I was too afraid to see them, to even imagine the fallout that would ensue. "No..."
"Yes, Bella." Alice squeezed my hand again, hard. "I won't let them in, but you can't hide forever. Sooner or later, they'll catch up with you, and you'll be having that conversation whether you want to or not. Do you want that to be on their terms, or yours?"
I lurched to the side, my hand twisting out of hers, my knee crashing painfully against the tile. "I can't..."
"Tell me what you need me to do!" Frustration was laced through her words now. "I'll do whatever you want, but tell me what you're going to do!"
I rolled over to my hands and knees before slowly getting to my feet, my legs shaking as I straightened up. I was immediately grateful for Alice's steadying arm around my waist when a wave of dizziness made the room tilt in front of me. "I've got to get out of here."
"What?"
"I'm not going to sit here and wait for the fucking doorbell to ring. I need everyone to just leave me along long enough so I can think...no phone calls, no banging on the door, just space for me to get my head wrapped around it all."
Suspicion was making its way across Alice's face. "Where are you going? To Renee's? There's no way you can drive like this..."
"No, I don't need to go that far away." A plan was slowly crystallizing in my mind. "I don't need to run far away like I'm never coming back, I just need to go somewhere that I don't have to worry about either of them demanding answers that I don't know myself. I need it to be quiet so I can just fucking think."
She frowned, but I could tell Alice recognized the truth in my words. "So where is that?"
"I don't know…just somewhere far enough there won't be anymore coincidental run-ins, I think I've had enough of those to last a lifetime. What's north of here, Fort Lauderdale?"
"You are not driving all the way to Fort Lauderdale," was Alice's immediate reply.
"Actually…yes, yes I am. I want to get the fuck out of Miami. How far is it, an hour?"
"Not even that." Alice raked both her hands through her hair, shoving it into further disarray. "Will you at least let me drive you?"
"No…you've got to work tomorrow and I don't want you to have to help clean up my mess."
"Bella…" I left her behind me as I wobbled into the bedroom, grabbed my only oversize handbag, and shoved a single change of clothing into before dumping the contents of my purse on top of it. Fuck it, thanks to Jackass, I could buy anything else I needed. Right now, the only thought on my mind was getting the fuck away before I had to confront confusion and anger in bright blue or piercing green eyes.
I fished my car keys from the messy pile in my bag and was quickly on my way to the front door when Alice's tearful voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned on my heel to see her holding out my Blackberry. "I'm not letting you leave unless you have your cell phone."
I took one look at it before immediately turning it off, then looked up to meet my best friend's gaze. There were tears spilling unashamedly down her face now, and I moved forward without even thinking, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug that she returned just as tightly. "Promise you'll fucking call me as soon as you get there? I mean it!"
"Yes, I promise. Just…if you happen to talk to either one of them…just tell them I didn't know. Please? And that I'll be back tomorrow?"
She nodded, and the misery on her face was the last thing I saw as I yanked open the front door…and ran away again.
xoxoxoxo
Anyone not in my position may not have believed me, but I actually felt my body physically relax the second I left the Miami city limits, heading north on I-95. At first I was genuinely shocked when I saw how close Fort Lauderdale really was, but then I realized it was exactly what I needed: far enough away to be safely alone with my thoughts, but close enough that I could come back the next day.
Because I was coming back.
I knew Alice probably thought my flight was a knee-jerk reaction, a desperate attempt to run away from the mess that was boiling in my wake, but it wasn't that at all. I just needed to be alone.
From the moment Alice had told me how many times both Edward and Carlisle had called me, to her own frantic concern, I knew I needed space, and quiet. Had I stayed, Alice would have tried to cheer me up or distract me in her own weirdly wonderful way. Either Edward or Carlisle would have eventually shown up at the door, and with my luck it would have been at the same time, or together. My brain was short-circuiting, and I needed to just be left the fuck alone, to process everything on my own.
I didn't let myself think on the drive itself, since I knew it would probably result in me driving off a bridge or presenting a serious hazard to the people around me, so instead I turned up the radio as loud as it would go and just drove.
Signs for Fort Lauderdale started showing up surprisingly quickly, and for the first time, I hesitated. I wasn't distracted enough to not care if I ended up in some scummy bedbug-ridden motel, so when I saw a sign for an Embassy Suites, I quickly exited and followed the signs directing me towards it. It may have been more than I wanted to pay for my single night of exile, but at least I knew it would be better than some pay-by-the-hour place.
Twenty minutes later I was sliding my keycard through the reader and stumbling into the dark silent room where too much thinking was awaiting me. I'd been on-edge instead of calm since I'd stepped foot into the generic tranquility of the hotel's lobby, dropping my credit card when I paid and accidentally pushing the wrong button on the elevator. It was amazing I'd managed to find the right room on my own.
I flicked on the entryway light and surveyed the sight in front of me. Everything was blank, bland, and bare, exactly what I needed for the raw thoughts that were starting to poke at the edges of my mind again.
I tossed my purse on the bureau and beelined toward the little bottles of liquor in the minibar. I didn't let myself care that I was probably slugging down a twenty-dollar tiny bottle of vodka without having eaten anything since a granola bar this morning. I didn't let myself recoil from flopping on a bedspread which Alice would have sworn was only washed once a month or so, and I certainly didn't turn on the Blackberry which lay blissfully quiet, buried somewhere in my bag.
I remembered at the last moment to call Alice, assuring her I'd arrived safely, telling her I'd be back tomorrow. I didn't let myself feel too badly when I hung up on her after she began screeching something about Edward…I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't ready to hear it.
After putting the phone back down, I let myself lay back into the pillows with a long shuddering sigh, the kind that only came after a long hard jag of sobbing; I hadn't realized how long I'd been holding it back. The bed was suddenly a thousand times more comfortable even as the vodka started buzzing pleasantly along my nerve endings, and I was sleepier than I would have otherwise believed under the circumstances.
I shut my eyes for a moment, just long enough to let the buzz from the liquor mellow a little bit, but a little bit turned into a lot, and I was just…out.
xoxoxoxo
I blinked slowly awake, awareness eventually creeping into the periphery of my consciousness. I lay quietly for a minute, allowing myself to remember where I was, how I'd gotten there, and what I'd done, then I turned my head slowly to see that it was seven o'clock in the evening. No wonder my stomach felt like it was turning inside-out on itself.
I fumbled for the switch on the base of the bedside lamp, squinting at the sudden glare of light. Food, I needed food, or I was going to end up face-down on the floor. If this place didn't have a restaurant attached, I'd order a pizza from whichever place promised the shortest delivery time.
Luckily for me, there was an Italian restaurant attached to the Embassy Suites, and easily accessible from the lobby. My jeans and simple top may have been too casual for Buona Fortuna's dining room, but I probably would be able to get away with it at the bar.
Carlisle…Edward…
No. I shoved the thought away, forcing it into my Deal With it Later file. I wasn't ready yet. Just…not yet.
I scooped up my plastic key along with the punchcard they'd given me at checkout: good for three free drinks at the house bar during happy hour. I had a feeling it might come in handy, so I stuffed it in my back pocket before grabbing my wallet and heading out the door.
I didn't have a problem ordering a quiet fast dinner at the bar in Buona Fortuna, and I ate ravenously, feeling almost overstuffed by the time I paid the tab and wandered back out through the restaurant's entrance into the hotel's atrium. The glass elevators were just ahead of me, but off to the right was the hotel's bar and, after a moment, I changed direction. I didn't need to get drunk tonight, but I didn't want to be entirely sober either.
My butt had barely hit the barstool before the bartender appeared and flipped a cocktail napkin down neatly in front of me. "What can I get you?"
"Umm…a vodka and cranberry would be great for now, thanks."
He reached back without looking and snatched up a bottle of Grey Goose. "Are you a guest?"
"Yeah, I've got the card…"
"Never mind." He winked at me. "I get the feeling you aren't here to soak the house. Just let me know when you're done so I can enter it into the computer. My name's Ben, let me know if you need anything else, okay?" He plunked down an expertly-finished drink in front of me and I half-regretted not ordering something fancier to see what he could do with it.
"Will do, thanks Ben."
"No problem, wave if you need me."
I nodded, making a mental note to leave him a hefty tip, and lifted my drink to my lips. Hmm, Grey Goose with a little cranberry for color. I'd have to watch Ben and his drinks.
I took another long pull from my drink before slowly putting it down on the bar in front of me.
Edward. Carlisle.
Not yet.
My fingers were just closing again around the glass I'd just set down, when a quiet voice spoke from my left. "So…are you here for business or pleasure?"
Are you fucking kidding me? I turned my head and let my eyes flick just slightly over the handsome businessman who'd been the first to sidle up to me, tie loosened, jacket unbuttoned. "Neither, thanks."
"Just passing through?"
"On my way home, actually," I replied, trying to convey a world of disinterest and sheer go the fuck away! in my voice. It was too bad that bars didn't offer a NOT INTERESTED sign that a single woman could set next to her, to discourage advances such as these.
"Are you here for the conference?" He was good-looking, self-confident enough without being pervy so far, but he was just…generic. There was nothing special about the man leaning casually against the bar next to me. There was no wicked glint in his eyes, no crooked smile that I looked for almost automatically now. I'd heard of beer goggles and rose-colored glasses…now it seemed like I was looking at the world through a different filter of my own. One that judged every other man by him.
"No, I'm not."
"I thought I didn't recognize you. I'm Stefan, by the way. You're more than welcome to come over and join us…we got the boring shop-talk out of the way already, so you might find us mildly entertaining." He finished up his come-on with a smile that wasn't creepy or lecherous, it just…wasn't…
"That's nice of you, Stefan, but I'm fine by myself. Thanks anyway."
He blinked in surprise, obviously thrown off by my disinterest. I had a feeling that a guy this good-looking in a clichéd sense wasn't used to being turned down. "Yeah well, hey, if you change your mind…"
"No thanks. Have a good night." I gave him a tight-lipped smile that would hopefully get the message across for good. Stefan gave me one last confused look, then turned back to a group of similarly-dressed men who began snickering as he attempted to recapture a self-confident swagger over to them.
I turned back to my cranberry-flavored Grey Goose and forced myself to down half the glass. It had been a dumb idea, coming here, and now it looked like I was on my way back to my room sooner than I'd expected.
"Hey, slow down, there's more where that came from," Ben chided gently, plunking down a glass of ice water next to me. "They're the usual business-class types, don't let them run you out of my bar."
I sucked up some of the ice water greedily before sitting back and wincing at the inevitable brain freeze. "Are you psychic or something?"
"Nope, I've just seen the same thing over and over again, day after day. You, however…" He narrowed his eyes and pointed one finger at me. "Are a mystery. We get the business class cheating on their spouses. We get the middle class cheating on their spouses. We get the guys looking to get lucky and the girls looking for the business class men. But you…" Here he paused and hummed in contemplation. "I'm not quite sure where to put you."
A reluctant chuckle forced its way up my throat. "I'm none of those, for sure. Are you telling me that's all you get here?"
"In this bar, yeah." Ben punctuated his words by setting down another drink I hadn't seen him mix before I even realized I'd finished my first. "I mean, we get some married couples passing through and all, not so many kids, but for the most part, there are types that come rolling through the hotel bar. You don't seem like a type, though."
I snorted before taking a tentative sip of the drink he'd set down in front of me; it seemed as though he'd gone a little lighter on the Grey Goose this time. "I don't know what type I am."
"I don't think you are a type." He leaned on one elbow and fixed me with a piercing ice-gray stare that somehow managed not to be intimidating. "Gorgeous girl here alone, brave enough to drink by herself in a bar where guys are guaranteed to throw themselves at her…" He whistled softly. "Whatever type you are, I like it."
"You're not hitting on me too, are you?"
Ben laughed and stood back up straight. "Nah, I'm gay. But if I were straight, you'd be my kind of girl. You know what you want, and you're out to go get it. Am I right?"
My throat dried up at his words, and I knew it wasn't just from the alcohol. "Yeah, you're right. Except that I don't know how to go get what I want."
"Umm," was his quick response, before flashing a quick nod to yet another generic businessman at the other end of the bar. "I don't know you, hon, but I find it hard to believe you can't at least figure out what you need to do to get what you want."
The last of the ice water suddenly seemed appealing, and I drank it down quickly before slamming the remainder of my cocktail. I half-coughed, and then laughed weakly. "I wish I was that smart."
Ben narrowed his eyes at me before sliding down to the businessman who was now impatiently tapping a company credit card against the polished wood surface of the bar. I watched through the growing alcohol-haze as he poured him a weak-ass rum and coke before moving back over to me.
"You doing okay?"
"Yeah…I just…I should probably go back to my room." The fleeting desire for booze and the forgetfulness it could bring was being quickly eclipsed by my growing disgust with the whole situation, and my participation in it. I didn't really want to be here, by myself, fending off strangers, trying to fight back those same inevitable thoughts. I wanted to be…
"Uh-huh, just what I thought…you're not a type." Ben grinned at me, and in the next moment there was a full cranberry-tinted beer mug in front of me. "For the road…metaphorically speaking. Just do me a favor and tell any manager-types that might cross your path that you brought it in yourself. And you don't have to actually drink it…just so you know it's there."
I nodded slowly, fishing a twenty-dollar bill out of my wallet and shoving it across the bar toward him. "Thanks for that."
"My pleasure. No regrets, right?"
I froze, his words sending a ridiculous superstitious shiver down to my very bones. "What?"
"No regrets. Whatever you do tomorrow…chug that or not, check out or not…don't have any regrets. You're not the type, I guarantee it."
I picked up the beer stein with ice-cold fingers, forcing myself to smile at Ben as I turned away and walked toward the elevators.
This time, I managed to push the button for the right floor.
My door unlocked with the first swipe of my keycard.
I turned immediately into the bathroom and dumped the entire contents of the beer stein down the bathroom sink, splashing water around the basin so the maid wouldn't have to swab out cranberry stains in the morning.
Grabbing a five-dollar bottle of water from the mini-fridge, I stripped down and slid between the sheets of the bed. It was only then, when I let myself close my eyes and remember the life I'd run from this morning, that everything came back.
Things hurt in different ways to remember; some were like a bruise on my tired brain. Looking at Taylor, feeling that last piece click into place. It was improbable, it was downright impossible, but it was. Seeing Carlisle stoop to pat her side, to call her by her name…that hurt like a sore tooth I couldn't help but poke over and over again. It couldn't make sense only because it shouldn't. Carlisle couldn't know Taylor. Carlisle couldn't know Edward. Because that made everything…
But the overall puzzle that had fallen into place before me was what hurt the most…that was like a knife in my heart. The truth of it almost burned for me to face, because it was pure unadulterated truth, no matter how I tried to rationalize, ignore, or come up with excuses.
The sickness and self-loathing from earlier had subsided somewhat, to be replaced by a throbbing remorse, a sorrow and guilt that cut me down to my very soul. Neither Edward nor Carlisle deserved what I'd brought on either of them. And regardless of Alice's words, it was my fault. I'd been too intimate with both of them, beyond the point of no return, beyond the point where the inevitable revelation of their relationship could have been awkwardly laughed off.
It didn't matter that I hadn't known, what did matter was that I'd been too selfish to consider what my actions and choices could have meant to the two men I'd been stringing along. To the man I'd hoped to keep in a romantic sense, everything I'd ever wanted, despite how quickly or precipitously our relationship had progressed. And to the man I'd hoped to keep as a friend, regardless of what we'd shared.
What would they share? Would they compare exactly what I'd done with each? Surely not, that took the whole father-and-son thing to a whole other fucked-up level. But I knew without conceit that both had been hoping I'd commit in some way…only to find out the very competition I'd hinted to both about had, in fact, been their own family.
Everything had changed in the past few hours, though, and there was a new reality for me to face. What I'd hoped for was in all likelihood a thing of the past. My new reality was looking each man in the eye and trying to say I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'm sorry I hurt you without sounding like a pathetic, lying broken record.
A faint wave of nausea tipped up from my stomach, and I hastily grabbed for the bottle of water, sipping a bit, and then placing its coolness alongside my face on the pillow.
My new reality was empty of everything except apologies and, if I was lucky, explanations. I knew deep down inside that Carlisle would be the most politely receptive to both, but would possibly be less able to truly handle them in any kind of long-term sense, especially after the damage Esme had done to him. Edward…Edward's reaction had already been confirmed to me. He would freak out, he'd fly off the handle…I'd be lucky if I was allowed to explain anything to him.
But I couldn't just let them both slip away with nothing. I couldn't accept the idea of never seeing either of them again, even if it meant seeing the expressions of both the men I'd loved, in very different ways, twisted in horror or disgust. Or maybe even betrayal. At this point, I genuinely didn't know what to expect. There wasn't even a 'hoping for the best' scenario in my mind, because I'd be a fool to hope for that.
I lay quietly in the hotel room, far from home, far away from two people I knew I'd possibly hurt beyond repair. Two people I cared about…loved…two people I would face, even if they hated me for it. Even if, in the end, I admitted that I was in love with him, only to see his expression turn to anger, hatred, or revulsion, I would do it.
I owed him...and myself...that.
~xxx~
A/N:
Kate and Brits hold each other, sobbing, because there's just nothing to be funny about here.
Brits: I uh...*sniff* when Edward was all like...and Carlisle was...and Bella cried on the...WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kate: I KNOW! And then when Edward thought he was no competition for his dad...I WAILED OUT LOUD, Y'ALL! OUT! LOUD!
Brits: Oh, dear readers, come a little closer and join us in the Vodka Circle. Let's have a snuggle and drink our sorrows away. passes twin the bottle
Kate chugs hard on the bottle before passing it on We knew it was coming, we KNEW it, but DAMN! Do you all hate us now? Or are you still in it with us for the long haul?
Brits: Please say you're sticking around? As hard as it may be to believe at this juncture, Kate and I are avid believers in the almighty HEA.
Kate: Yes! And if that isn't enough to cheer you up a little...how about this? Kate squeak-squeak-SQUEAKS the Carlisle rubber ducky to make her twin smile Should we share Part 2 of the #PFachwatchalong now?
Brits: snorts Guys...for realz...there is a Carlisle/PFach rubber ducky! Anywho, yes and please! Let 'em have it, twin!
DuckyFach SQUEAK! I'M BEING MOLESTED! SQUEAK! PLEASE SEND HELP! SQUEAK!
Kate stuffs DuckyFach back in the closet SO! If you like our A/N's, and if you like PFach, then run right over to www(DOT)pfachwatchalong(DOT)wordpress(DOT)com/to get our reviews of PFach's lesser-known gems, in our trademarked Brits-n'-Kate style! Never heard of Lily? GET READY!
Brits: Guys, we totally have a blog to boast about our PFach love, a place where we can review his past work, aaaaand a place where we can all come together ( uhh, you know what I mean) and watch him...together! squee You have to check it out! Brits gives the DuckyFach the stink eye You like it and you know it, DuckyFach!
DuckyFach gives a weak squeak but doesn't deny it
Kate: And from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU for every single review, PM, rec, and kind word you give us! Even if we aren't able to reply to everyone, know that YES, WE READ AND SHARE EACH AND EVERY ONE! Ask DuckyFach, he'll back us up.
DuckyFach nods
Brits: This is all true, we love each and every one of you, thanks again! Be sure to follow us on Twitter (Brits23 and Lazykatevamp) to keep up with our crazy asses, to get DLS teasers, or to simply chill out. Oh, and follow PFachWatchalong too!
DuckyFach : Heyyyyy, why don't I have a Twitter account?