Random fact of the day: I wrote this like in January. Lala lazy!
So, the next day, the group set off for Hima, because Sheena said so and the Guide did too. Ah-ha! I'm not wearing socks today, so you don't know their color! Take that, guide!
So, after passing by a lot of majestic mountain ranges and taking a lot of pictures, they arrived in Hima. (Tourists!)
"A dog!" Genis pointed ostentatiously at the said canine, "Colette!"
"Okay, okay," Colette worry-sweated, walking over to name the pooch.
So, awp, they went into the inn because Sheena would open a can of whoopass on 'em if they didn't. And everyone knows she has to save that for Zelos! Whoops, that was a spoiler. I never said that!
"Sheena! Good to see you again!" the waitress greeted warmly.
"Same here. May we speak with Pietro?"
"I'm...afraid he passed away."
"Passed away?" Lloyd gasped.
"Rude," Lynn looked at her nails sheepishly, "guy went and croaked before we could steal his way out."
"It was a curse from the human ranch," the waitress explained.
"Did he ever say about how he got out? Anything at all?" Sheena worried.
"I'm afraid not."
"You're afraid of everything," Runic snorted, waving a plastic googly spider in front of the lady's face.
"Eeeei!"
"Where's his grave?" Sheena asked.
"It's in the graveyard, on the hill behind the inn." the woman sighed, jabbing a thumb outside. "Please don't think about digging up his grave."
"Why would we?" Sheryl stuck her tongue out in disgust. "If he's dead, well, let him stay dead!"
"It's called 'grave looting'," Lynn elbowed her. "It's fun!"
"Eeeeeeeeew."
So, lalala, the group walked up a hill behind the inn, like the woman suggested yadayadayadee. They found a rope, covered in ribbons with names on them.
Perhaps...those who died at the ranch, the group lowered their heads.
"Let's pray," Colette suggested gently.
Following the girl's example, everyone prayed (at least I think, Runic mighta just bowed his head and muttered 'A curse on you'...but I wouldn't know, man)
While they were all praying (at least, that's what we think) a strange man hobbled up to them.
"Chosen...die...Desians...ranch...die..." he said in a father freaky voice.
"Eeeei! A zombie!" Sheryl screamed. "I didn't loot your grave, I swear!"
"Zombie?" Raine kicked Runic.
"Oh, just because I'm a necromancer, pfrah..."
"Pietro?" Sheena turned.
"Who knows, he might have been revived. I mean, hello, life bottles," Runic swished one around, taking a swig. "Bleagh! I can see why only dead people can drink this."
"They don't work all the time," Lynn countered.
"Really? Like when?"
"FF VII? Aeris?"
"...
Shut up. Those are phoenix downs."
"Oh, same difference! How do those things work anyway?"
"I don't know. Maybe you tickle their nose or something...?"
"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" the lady from the inn ran up to Pietro.
"I thought you said he died!" Sheena gasped. "You lied to us!"
"But look at him!" the lady cried, "I mean, he hasn't been the same since he escaped the human ranch!"
"Chosen...die...boulder..." Pietro murmured.
"I see...I'm sorry." Colette sighed, looking at the ground.
"Can you help him?" the woman sniffed.
"I don't have the right healing powers yet..." Raine observed Pietro walk around, like Sheryl put it, a zombie. Pie is better than brains!
"I heard about Master Boltzman's technique. Maybe you can find it in the Tower of Mana." the woman suggested, gleefully using a handkerchief Genis happened to find and was kind enough to hand it to her.
"Ah yes, Master Boltzman." Raine nodded, chewing thoughtfully on a lollipop. (Don't ask me where she got the darn thing. No 'Suck it, bitch!' jokes.)
"If you can help him, I'll tell you how he got out of the ranch."
"Alright. We'll obtain the technique, and return here to help." Raine crunched her lollipop. (How many licks does it take? The world may never know.)
"Okay. Right after he returned from the ranch, Pietro said something about escaping through a vent in front of the ranch. He covered it with a boulder afterwards," the woman said after some thought.
"I see...I did notice that something looked out of place there," Kratos rubbed his chin.
So did I, I mean, it was so blatantly obvious! I even talked to it, and nothing happened. Oh well. Stupid game. I hate you. Except I don't.
"His belongings are in his grave," the waitress nodded, taking Pietro's hand and leading him back to the inn.
There was an orb in Pietro's 'grave', so the group plundered it, 'cuz hey, you never know. It's shiny. Shiny is good.
Once they arrived at the ranch, sure enough, they found the boulder.
"I'll try pushing it." Lloyd cracked his knuckles and threw himself against it (You know, that term is really weird! How can you throw yourself, ya know?)
And nothing happened.
"Ow," Lloyd rubbed his aching shoulder, "that thing's heavier than I thought."
"What if...?" Genis held out the Desian orb. The boulder seemed to wake up, yawn, and move out of the way.
"Well, I'll be," Lynn blinked, looking inside the vent.
So they sneaked through the vent (it's always a vent) and found themselves in a room occupied by two Desians.
"Hey! Intruder alert!" they yelled, jumping at them. The group easily beat them up and went on.
Raine found a computer and mashed some buttons (at least, that's what it looked like to everyone else) in order to make a map of the ranch appear onscreen.
"This is where Kvar is, if I'm correct," Raine pointed while pushing a few buttons to make a room flash. "It is guarded by two systems, which are located here." More lights!
"So all we need to do is deactivate the systems?" Sheryl nodded.
"Not quite. To access the systems, someone needs to stop the conveyor belt." Raine explained, making another area flash.
"I don't understand that logic," Runic shrugged. "What does a conveyor belt have to do with security systems?"
"Don't ask; this is a video game, fool." (I'm not telling you who said that, but I'm telling you right now it's not Raine)
"Oh. Okay."
An alarm went off, interrupting their conversation.
"They've detected my use of the computer," Raine grumbled, pulling out another lollipop. "We don't have much time. Colette, pick some groups, we're going to have to split up."
"Me?" Colette jumped. "Why not Lloyd instead?"
"Who, me? Why?" Lloyd jumped as well, wondering why someone called his name, because as soon as Raine started talking and gesturing to a computer screen he assumed it was a class lecture out of habit and zoned out.
"Because you're the best at picking groups." Colette smiled.
"Uh, okay."
"I want to free any prisoners here," Lynn stepped up, standing in an unusually brave pose. I mean, she stood up straight and her hair blew in a nonexistent wind. Dude/dood, that is so not her!
I'm skipping the conversation here. Basically, all the girls went to the deactivation team and all the guys went to the infiltration team. Because I'm lazy. Yes, it may be a tad bit sexist, but you know what? Shut up!
So Lloyd and the goofy guy gang (bonus points for alliteration) went into the main room. After a bit of exploring, they found another room, full of shelves and mechanical arms. A few tried to grope Kratos, because even machines think Kratos is sexy.
Lloyd found a machine which looked talk-able.
"SHUT OFF EXSHPERE MAKER?" it asked in a mechanical tone. Lloyd punched the 'yes' button.
"That was easy," Genis merphed.
The messed around with the Sorcerer's Ring in a nearby transformer, which caused the fire beam to get a little larger (awww, jip, that's not any fun)
Using the new Ring, they activated some switches.
"CONVEYOR BELT OFF," another one of the robot voices said.
"Sweet," Runic waved his mace around, hitting Genis on the back of the head (Which is very ow-inducing, ya know?)
After they managed to get Genis back into consciousness, they found a teleporter. Everyone loves teleporters!
But, sadly, the teleporter didn't work.
"I guess the other group hasn't deactivated the systems," Lloyd sighed.
Meanwhile, the lovely, lonely lasses navigated around for the systems.
"The intruders!" a Desian yelled.
"Pwn you!" Lynn lunged her spear through his gut.
"Ow!" the Desian said, and died.
After that rather gruesome scene, the gals went to go take apart some Raybits in order to deactivate the systems. And when I say 'take apart' you know I mean 'blow up to eensy beensy smithereens'.
"The prisoners!" Colette pointed, indicating the people in cages.
"Who are you?" one of the prisoners asked fearfully.
"We're the Chosen's group," Raine announced. "We've come to set you free."
There was a weak cheer from the crowd, happy their saviors had finally come.
Lynn well nigh flew to the back of the room, where, sure enough, there was a small group of yellow-eyed people, asleep. How can they tell they have yellow eyes when they're asleep? Well, hell. I don't know. Oh, oh! There was a sign on their cell door. Yeah. Or something.
"Meitty. Ast gatz, meitty!" she shook the bars of their cage.
"Rein leigal..." the occupants murmured as they woke up. "Taglie! Gai taglo, mot yarra?" they buzzed as they saw Lynn.
"Fei, fei." Lynn waved, calming them. "Sasay...ju batz, gam de lavo 'Elle'?"
The ones in the cage shook their heads.
"Damn," Lynn punched the wall.
"Are you done?" Sheryl piped. "None of us can understand your gibberish."
"Yeah, sure. Let's get the other people out."
Working quickly, the gals broke them all out.
"Are any of you from Palmacosta?" Raine yelled over the hubbub of voices, since all the prisoners were eager to gab to their pals.
"I am!" a guy with a beard raised his hand.
"Do you know Chocolat?" Raine rushed over (the others did as well, but for now she's the main character for now, so we focus on her.)
"Yeah. They did a test on her to see which ranch they would send her to. I believe it was Iselia," the man replied, scratching his noggin.
"Iselia. I see. Thank you. Now please, escape while you can." Raine nodded. She let the other girls herd the people away like sheep, because fun like that was hard to come by. Or maybe cattle! Yeah! Sheryl transformed into a giant water horse so they could ride her and shoot pistols in the air! Yee-haw! Bang bang! Throw hats! Crack whips! Twirl lassos! Avoid the Indians, because they always ruin the fun by wanting to do peace talks.
Back at the teleporter pad...
"Got any threes?"
"Lloyd?"
"What?"
"This is poker."
"Chhhh..." Runic snickered.
"What's so funny!"
"Reminds me of this one time..."
"And?"
"I was playing poker with Tarot cards..."
"Yes?"
"I got a full house and four people died! Haha! Haha. Ha."
"Oh, my."
"Hey guys, the teleporter's on!"
"Oh. Give the cards back to me," Runic grabbed everyone's hands. "Whose chips were they?"
"They were pieces of Raybit. We can leave them here."
The teleporter brought them to a control room, similar to the room where they fought Pig Man. Magnius. Whatever.
BIG ASS NOTE OF YOU-MUST-READ: I HAVE NOT PLAYED THE FOLLOWING. IF IT IS INNACURATE, THEN YOU KNOW WHY.
Kvar was chatting with a woman on a projector. The woman was splendidly decorated, so she must have been someone important. I mean, costume designers are lazy, why dress a useless NPC in fancy garb?
"I've found you, Kvar!" Lloyd yelled, pointing a sword at him.
"Ah, this must be Lloyd. I see, he does bear resemblance," the woman onscreen arched an eyebrow. Her manner was just...oooh, it made you want to hit something. Especially her. Think Kvar, but in a different way.
"Huh?" Lloyd blurted.
"Don't change the subject, Pronyma! I know you have been stealing information from my Angelus Project!" Kvar shook a fist at her.
"As I have told you countless times, Kvar, I know nothing of it," she waved airily. "I've heard rumors that you've joined Lord Rodyle's plans. That would make you a very bad boy, now."
"Heed my words, Pronyma. When I recover the result of the Angelus Project," Kvar growled, "I'll be the leader of the Five Grand Cardinals, not you. When Lord Yggdrasill receives the Exsphere, you'll be begging for my forgiveness. All rumors about me will become but a distant memory."
Kvar switched off the projector and turned to the men (and boys). At that moment, the women (and girls) appeared in the room. How? Magic! Just kidding, they used the teleporter. Ha, had you going for a while! No? Awww.
"What a pleasant surprise," Kvar smiled smugly. "Ready to die?" he pulled out a large rod, summoning three Energy Stones.
"Die!" Lynn leaped.
Kvar simply laughed and shot some lightning at her.
"Ow," Lynn struggled to get up. (Poor girl, keeps getting hit with lighting, ya know?)
"Get rid of the stones first!" Lloyd charged. (Because everyone knows that you have to before going after the main boss!)
"Slaaaay!" Lynn screamed, pouncing on an Energy Stone, dismantling it with her teeth.
"Unchecked aggression much," Runic blinked, slashing at another.
"I'll say. But it makes for great watching!" Sheryl noshed on a creampuff.
"I don't get this," Sheena stared at a handful of popcorn. "Shouldn't we be fighting?"
"There can only be four people in the party," Raine explained, tossing a kernel in her mouth.
"Where'd the popcorn come from?" Sheena nibbled shyly on one.
"Well, hell, don't look at me." (Once again, not telling you who it is, but it's not Raine!)
After much yelling, swearing, biting Energy Stones, having 'see how much popcorn you can fit in your mouth' contests (don't ask), hitting, and blowing shit up
...and even more swearing
Kvar fell. Cue victory poses!
"I finally did it," Lloyd held up his Exsphere. "I've finally avenged you, Mom."
While Lloyd was ish-gloating about his victory, Kvar was crawling toward Lloyd, ready to kill him.
"Lloyd! Look out!" Colette jumped, taking the blow for him.
"Colette!" Lloyd cried, catching her.
Meanwhile, Kratos dashed to Kvar, stabbing him.
"Kratos...you...inferior being!" Kvar choked.
"Feel the pain," Kratos struck Kvar again, "of those inferior beings," he gutted him through the stomach, "as you burn." Kratos sheathed his sword, watching Kvar crumble to the ground, doing that 'I'm so damn badass' pose. Oooh, you sexy beast!
(I have to put that because Seldom told me to. My sexy beast isn't Kratos. I had to put that 'cuz Mr. Frying Pan insisted. And he insists very well! Ehehe...)
"Colette, you're hurt!" Genis worried, seeing the nasty cut on Colette's back.
"I'm fine, really. It actually doesn't hurt. Weird, huh?" Colette laughed uneasily.
"Let me take a look at that..." Raine examined the wound.
Lloyd looked aside nervously, afraid of hiding the truth anymore. (Jukebox: Zero Hour, Noir OST)
"Everyone," he began, jumping when everyone turned, waiting. "I...have something to say."
Colette shook her head against his chest, squeaking fearfully.
"Every time Colette releases a seal...she loses something. First, it was her appetite. Next, it was her ability to sleep. Last, it was her ability to feel." Lloyd explained.
"So..." Lynn was the first to speak up, rubbing her chin, "this whole 'becoming an angel' biz...means she's dying!"
"Losing her humanity," Raine corrected.
"Dying," Lynn interrupted.
"I'm still alive," Colette said gently. "It's okay, Lynn. Please don't worry. I just want everyone to have fun." she patted the upset girl's back.
"Aye," Lynn sighed. "Elle..."
"Hm?"