I'm a believer! I am also magic. Quantum Leap testing showed that it was not the leaping, just latent magic that has been brewer for the past 33 years. Apparently, all the leaping penetrated the protective casing that was containing my magic and WHAM Unicorn! I have to be honest, I might just stop the QL experiment all together. Sm is cool and all but I've wanted to be a unicorn all my life.

Don't own Twi - just my magic.

To my usual suspects, Kmah and her mighty red pen , WT, Bff Kimmie, SA, and my tribe - thanks for loving and accepting my weirdness.

Enjoy!

Chapter 14

Let's Talk About…

Are you there, God? It's me, Bella.

Well, you will be happy to know that I didn't do coke or bang a stripper, unless Dem has a side job Magic Mike'n it up. Then I absolutely banged a stripper…thrice. But I will get back to that.

Even though I didn't see Graceland, which someone at the bar told me was really outdated and unimpressive so I wasn't missing anything (I told him to shut his whore mouth. That earned me a hearty laugh and a shot of tequila.), I had a fucking blast.

First stop was Pig on Beale where Dem and I ordered the BBQ Lovers Feast – full rack of ribs, three smoked thighs, BBQ pulled pork, Smokin' Hot Legs & four side orders. Dem questioned if it was too much food for the both of us to eat. Crazy, right? To be fair, he has only heard tales about my love of all things BBQ and my impressive eating skills. I may be tiny but I can pack away some meat. ;)

Needless to say he was impressed, appalled, and turned on all at once. His words, not mine. I now have another BBQ face selfie to add to my collection. I was too stuffed to move so we stayed for a while, listened to music, and did a lot of shots.

With my newly acquired meat baby, we hit up three more bars. There was karaoke, dancing, and making out. I am pretty positive there is a video of us drunkenly belting out "Barbie Girl" and me trying to teach everyone in the bar the dance Ang and I made up in high school to go with the song. You haven't lived till you see five biker dudes in leather vests and bandanas doing the Barbie Girl dance like teenage girls! It was awesome. (BTW, I nicknamed them Left Eye Bill, Smitty, Smoking Joe, Memphis Mo, & Shirley.)

After our epic bar crawl, we headed back to the hotel and fucked like rabbits.

We also talked. I told him about my conversation with Angela and how it breaks my heart that I hurt her and how I thought about turning around and going back. He told me that I absolutely could do that, but then what? It can't go back to the way it was before. If I had the overwhelming urge to run and crave something new in order to love myself again, then I need to listen to that voice inside. Ignoring it would just lead me down an even worse path.

He was right, as usual. LOL.

After some more talking, I decided that I would skip the rest of my planned stops so I can get to Forks faster. I can road trip to Ang's wedding and hit them then, because I will not miss out on Alma and Alton.

Dem is headed to Europe with the band for some gigs so I won't be seeing him for a while. Virgina and I may have shed a tear or two. I also promoted him to Spirit Animal. We laugh so much when we are together and he talks in accents with me and we totally just improv off each other. I've never had a connection with someone like that and it just makes my heart so damn happy.

So I am on the road again. Just me, the open road, and Jes.

Ta Ta for now,

Bella

Dear PPPE in My Head:

The last text you sent…I deleted your number on my phone and blocked it… I honestly never thought I would be able to do that. The one person that knows me better than anyone, who has been with me through every life milestone, who has helped shape the person I am today (the good parts and the bad), the first that ever made me feel loved… block and deleted. My chest is tight and I can feel my heart clenching and my finger is burning just thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder how I am ever gonna be okay with that.

So, I have been attending therapy sessions daily, sometimes twice a day. I know what you are thinking and, no, I do not participate in drive-thru or drive-by therapy. I do however have a Dashboard Jesus, a shit ton of alone time, and a newly acquired level on my stoner scale – Therapist (where I start shrinking myself in an English accent in my head). So I decided to add a Salt N' Peppa section to PPPE. A place where I write down what was "discussed" in therapy. Cue music!

"Let's talk about sex, baby

Let's talk about You and Me

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be"

SNP:

Sometimes I wonder if I actually willed it to happen, me and Peter. Growing up, I would watch T.V. and movies to escape my real life and I wanted so badly to be like one of those girls. I wanted it to be my life. I would make up stories, day dreams, where my life mirrored what I wanted. Girl falls in love with her "best friend", which is a strong theme in a number of them that I enjoyed. What if I subconsciously made myself think that I was really in love with Peter because I wanted my life to mirror that? How fucked up would that be? Am I seriously that mental? I feel like I might be… And instead of being like 'hey no, you are married, Sir. Having a five year affair would be a horrible and immorally sinful…and other bad shit thing to do', I was like – 'excellent idea Sir! I am totally done to engage in intercourse with you…I don't see where this could be wrong.'Nope, instead I jumped in heart first, thinking that just like in the movies, the boy would become mine. I participated in crafting my life to become a goddamn dramedy! News flash asshole – you don't get the boy and live happily ever after. You instead become a homewrecker whore. Way-to-go.

People should really save money on therapy. All you need is a dashboard Jesus, endless open road where you are all alone, and pot.

By the way, self-actualization sucks sweaty donkey balls.

I miss you. I hate myself more than I hate you but, goddammit… fuck you.

**AN

Does anyone else 'shrink' themselves? I do and she is such a bitch.

B found her Spirit Animal! Shout out to my Spirit Animal - You makes my heart so damn happy.

So, we are on our way to FORKS! I can't wait to get there.

Thank you so much for reading.

XOZO

HB