Hello! I am so sorry that this took forever to update. Life hasn't exactly been that nice to me. I'm creating my own internship for this summer, running an organization that I had no idea I was going to run, being more social, and my romance life has just exploded at the one moment when I don't have time for it. It's been a long hard semester of college, but at the end of my 5th semester here goes the next chapter. It's kind of a nice resurgence into the ending arc (the length of this arc is still iffy). Anyway, no more excuses, here's the next chapter.

Also, thanks to my amazing beta who took so much time out of her schedule to do this for me. You are wonderful!

And I have written a few more stories in my off time: please go to my page and check them out if you're interested!

Chapter 14: Building Gardens

"Darling what's wrong?"

I paused in what I was doing- making dinner- to glance at Syaoran standing by the kitchen entrance. I had been rather out of it for a while as I was lost in my thoughts. I hadn't wanted to let Syaoran know what was on my mind since I knew he'd unnecessarily worry but I supposed it was a fruitless endeavor on my part- he was quite observant. And he usually ended up getting the information from me one way or another.

"I-" I placed the spatula I was using to mix the curry aside and turned to see him. He had his arms crossed in his classic don't test me gesture and was looking at me in a way that told me he would get an answer. "It's just that I haven't been able to-you know."

Tears sprang into my eyes and I turned back to the curry on the stove as they rolled down my cheeks. We'd been trying to get pregnant for so long- nearly four months now and I had expected to already be there by now. It hurt a little and though I knew Syaoran wasn't blaming me for anything I couldn't help but feel inadequate somewhat. Why couldn't I get pregnant yet?

"Sakura." I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I could feel Syaoran's breath tickle my ear as he continued talking. "It takes time darling and we can't rush this." His words were soothing but the nagging emotion in me made me feel as though he would never understand what I was going through.

"I know okay?" I snapped the stubbornness getting to me. I'd always dreamed of having a family of my own and I couldn't even get pregnant enough to realize that dream. That hurt me more than anything, I felt like I wasn't good enough for being a mother and the thought hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. His arms tightened around me and I tried to curb my anger to get my point across once more.

"Just go away Syaoran. I need some time to myself."

"Darling-" He began but I cut him off.

"Just go Syaoran." He hesitated but I slowly felt his touch leave me and heard him retreat from the room. Moments later the sounds of the evening news could be heard and I let myself shed more tears again. I knew it wasn't his fault but I needed someone to blame other than myself right now and he was an available target. Quickly trying to push thoughts of pregnancy away, I finished making dinner.

Dinner was silent and the chores were done silently as well. Syaoran tried approaching me again when we were doing dishes and I silently evaded his questions. He finally couldn't take it anymore and confronted me as we went to bed.

"Just stop Syaoran!" I finally snapped. "You don't understand." I grabbed a pillow ready to throw it at him if he asked anything else.

"Then let me Sakura!"

I looked at his face as I held the pillow protectively to me. He was flustered- just as much as I was- and he was worried- worried about me. His posture was stiff and his brows were furrowed. His arms were held to his side tightly in fists and I slowly reached for them across the bed. When I felt his posture relax I began speaking again. I knew I was being stubborn and we both needed to tackle this together.

The past week had been possibly the worst week of our marriage so far and I knew it was my fault. I'd been distancing myself from him and as I thought more about it, I realized that what I was doing wasn't helping. When had I stopped trusting him with my fears? I promised to go into this marriage by trusting him and loving him- two things he'd given to me as well. It was time I acted on them.

"I-" My voice faltered but I continued, "I just feel somewhat inadequate. We've been trying for a while and it hurts a little that we haven't succeeded. Am I doing something wrong?" I let go of his hand and clutched my hands tighter around myself. "I just really want my mother."

Syaoran gently walked around the bed towards me and pulled me down to sit next to him on the bed. He pulled me into a hug and then softly stroked my hair. There had only been a few rare times when we'd fought or been frustrated with each other. This was one of those times. We usually made up with each other and were able to reach compromise. Today, we couldn't make a compromise and we both knew it. But we could both work towards it and that was what was important right now.

"I'm sorry Sakura." He began rubbing my back. "I just want you to know that I love you whether or not you get pregnant. We don't have to start a family now and I'm sorry that you've been under this stress this entire time." His voice wavered slightly at the end and I broke finally freeing the dam of tears inside me.

It just wasn't fair! We'd just finally started settling into our relationship and just when I thought everything was falling into place everything was breaking. There was an impasse we both were trying to cross and until we both let go it wasn't going to move. What hurt me more than anything else was that I felt this entire process hurt Syaoran more than it hurt me sometimes. He'd already been through so much in our crazy messed up relationship and now he was being denied the one thing that we both wanted most- a family of our own.

"Darling." He pulled away from me and kissed my face-everywhere he could reach- in desperation as though it would somehow calm me, and him, down. "Please stop crying. It's not your fault, it never was. Let's not think about it."

"How can I not, when it's not fair to you!" I protested finally voicing my concerns. He gently kissed me before cradling my hands in his face again. It was then that I realized this wasn't just something that affected me- it affected Syaoran too. He was just as stressed and worried as I was and now that I thought about it, knowing Syaoran, he was worried about my health too.

"Promise me darling that you won't worry anymore." He was desperate again and I heard that in his tone. I nodded my head in consent suddenly finding it hard to speak and then cuddled closer to him. I wanted to be held for a while. I just wanted to know that someone was there for me and that no matter what happened someone was there to support me.

"I think I'm going to tell your mother about this." I announced after a few moments. I had been mulling it over in my head for the past few days and the events of the night finally strengthened my resolve. I really wanted an older woman's advice and company right now. The only woman who I could think of to trust myself in this way was Yelan Li. Syaoran wasn't bad company, but I needed the advice of someone who was already a mother.

"Ma? Why her?" He seemed surprised and hopeful suddenly. I knew that he really respected his mother and for me to place trust in her was like a gift to him. She was like a mother to me now, though she could never replace my own, she was there when I needed her and I needed her now.

"I feel comfortable around her. I want her to know about this-about us." I gently brought his hands down from my face and placed them on my lap. "Maybe she'll offer me some advice or something."

"Sakura no- please stop stressing about this. We don't need to force a pregnancy or anything- that'll just make things worse."

"But I'm not forcing anything!" I yelled trying to reason with him. "I just really want to have a family with you and I'm going to keep trying to get there." His face was still stretched in worry and he seemed reluctant to follow anything I was going to say.

"Please Syaoran, just let me do this. Trust me in this." As much as I didn't want to worry him, I wanted him to trust me. Sometimes things happened the hard way. There were times when you tried and tried and it was only in the end that you saw results. Maybe this was one of those things.

"All right." I could hear the strain in his voice and knew he was forcing himself to accept this sudden compromise. "But if I catch you crying again over this or stressing I'm going to have to stop. It can't be good for you to constantly be worried about this and I just really want you to be happy okay?"

"I know. I love you Syaoran."

"I love you too darling. Now get some sleep. We'll call my mother first thing tomorrow morning."

Yelan Li waited patiently for one of us to begin speaking. Syaoran and I had both made the conscious decision to tell her together. I fidgeted and Syaoran squeezed my hand reminding me that it was my idea that brought us here.

"Syaoran and I" I began feeling a little comforted just by stating his name, "we're trying for a baby." I paused, hesitated, and continued before I could be interrupted. "We've been trying for a while now without success."

I clutched Syaoran's hand tighter in mine and felt a returning squeeze as an answer. It was hard enough to say this on my own, being here alone would have made it worse for me. I felt like crying. Every time that I thought about my failed attempts at getting pregnant I felt like something was wrong with me- like it would never happen. Yelan Li looked at me and her expression softened.

"Sakura, would you like to take a walk with me?"

I was surprised. It was April so it wasn't that odd to want to walk in the gardens among the blooming flowers. I nodded, standing up and taking the arm she offered me. Syaoran looked at me in worry but I gave him a smile which I hoped assured him that I was okay. I felt that I needed this time to bond female to female or better yet mother to daughter and she was the only person I could have this bond with.

"Sakura," she began as soon as we were out of view of Syaoran, "do you know I miscarried twice before I had Syaoran?" I wasn't sure how to answer her but learned that I didn't need to as she continued. "Dealing with the pain hurts dear and there is nothing one can do about it. Sometimes, waiting is just the only thing that matters."

We'd approached a small bench overlooking Yelan's prized rose bushes. Syaoran had once told me that his mother had them planted before he'd been born. I couldn't help but take in their beauty and smell their fragrance in the air around us. We sat on a nearby bench next to a pale pink bush of English roses. I'd always admired the pale flowers and their weak nature.

"Do you know why I planted these rose bushes?" I shook my head waiting for her to continue. "They helped me cope before I had Syaoran." She looked around fondly and I could suddenly picture her, years younger, walking around the garden and finding an escape in nature.

"After my miscarriages Sakura, my husband and I both decided to take a break. We were both worried and when we did conceive it was a surprise again to both of us. Don't worry about it. I know my son and I know that even though he wants to start a family, he'll wait however long it takes to get one."

I found myself staring once again at the bush by my side. My relationship with Syaoran was much like the rose bush. There were thorns and conflicts we'd encountered before our marriage bloomed. Yet, like the rose bush which needed pruning, our relationship needed pruning as well. Maybe it was time to shed a few leaves before we bloomed again.

"Thank you Ma." She gave me an indulgent smile and we sat there for a while longer before heading back inside. Syaoran was waiting for us in the drawing room we'd left him in. He looked up at us when we walked in and I smiled fondly as I reached him.

"Darling?" He asked at the sudden embrace I gave him. I knew Syaoran was surprised but I needed this contact. I also needed to tell him what I'd decided and wanted to do it privately in the peace of our own home.

"Can we go home?" The question was soft but I was sure he heard it so I didn't bother to repeat it. He relaxed and I heard him announcing our departure to his mother. Turning to the Li Matriarch I gave her my goodbyes and thanks before following my husband back home.

We sat on the sofa an hour later, Syaoran holding me in his arms as I relaxed against him. I'd finished informing him of my decision and he supported it. Sometimes I felt too lucky being his wife. As I lay back against him I voiced out the words I'd hardly said to him all week.

"I love you Syaoran." We didn't say the words so often that they lost their meaning but enough that the both of us knew we cherished each other.

"I know darling." His arms tightened around me and I relaxed in his hold. Of that I was sure.

"Happy Anniversary dear." I looked at the key and then back at him not sure of what it was.

When I'd woken up this morning Syaoran was awake with a box clutched tightly in his hands. He was eyeing it as though it would burst into flames or disappear. It was as though whatever was in that box was by the far the most important thing at the moment. I knew it contained my anniversary present but I wasn't sure exactly why it was important. Keys were important, there were many all over the world built for specific purposes but I had no idea what this one was for and the intrigue was killing me.

Now that I had opened said box I was confused as to its contents. Pushing it aside, I searched my bedside drawer for the gift I was supposed to give him. Finding the folder, I eagerly put it into his hands waiting for him to read it.

He opened it and skimmed the contents before turning to me with surprise. I knew he'd be just as surprised at the news as I was.

"You're pregnant?" I blushed but nodded. Ever since the fight two months ago we'd reconciled but I'd begged Syaoran to let our sex life continue as it was. He had acquiesced and now the results of my missed period showed what I had been hoping for all this time.

He leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips before pulling away. His initial shock had disappeared to make way for the giddy excitement that I knew we both were feeling. He looked down again at the box on my lap and then spoke.

"I suppose we're moving in earlier then."

"Moving in?" I asked confused.

The key had to do with moving which meant we were leaving the apartment. That meant that Syaoran had bought a different place and I gasped as understanding dawned on my face. Syaoran had bought a house, or another apartment? The apartment we lived in now was his refuge, his place. He'd often referred to it as his sanctuary and the fact that we were leaving it had me awed. Did he aniticipate this? I hoped he hadn't, that the surprise on his face was genuine and that he'd bought this thinking we'd move in later. As though sensing all the questions I had, he began to explain.

"I bought us a house." He sheepishly muttered. "We were talking about a family and all and this apartment isn't the best place to raise a kid but I found a house in Jardine's Lookout that's more suitable. If you don't mind."

"No I don't."

I knew that most couples shopped for homes together but I also knew we weren't most couples. And there was the fact that I knew I could trust Syaoran's decisions. Planning for a home and a baby would keep us occupied enough to stop worrying over things excessively. And the fact that he'd even gotten so far as to think that made me insanely happy. It wasn't every day that a woman found out her husband had already planned for a family before she did or surprised her with a house on their anniversary. I really was lucky.

"Good. So how far are you?" Syaoran lovingly looked at me as he asked the question and I shuffled closer to him on the bed until he could gather me comfortably in his arms.

"The doctor said I was three weeks in."

"Hn."

Both of our hands strayed down to rest on my stomach as though we both could already feel the baby there. I wanted to share the news with my family but until I was a few more weeks in I wanted the matter to be private and just between us. I brought up the subject wondering what Syaoran thought of it.

"When do you want to tell the others? I want to wait a while longer if that's okay."

"It'll be our secret." He affirmed nuzzling my cheek with his chin. I treasured moments like these, moments where it was just the two of us enjoying ourselves and the time we had together. Briefly squeezing his hands I spoke again.

"We're having a baby."

"Yes darling, we are."

So, that's the chapter. What do ya'll think? Please let me know in your reviews! And as always, please feel free to check out my other stories and provide feedback on them too!

Kaoruhana ^_^