Frankie Say's Relax

14

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Delores

A/N: I have been blessed with fan Art...for this story http:/ img511 . imageshack .us / just remove the spaces, BIG shout out to Rheyakelvin – you rock!

It's such a complement for someone to take the time to do this for me and my readers, I love mini Sookie in this picture... link is also on my profile so you can scoop it out if above link doesn't work with the spaces removed.

Enjoy my lovelies

JoXx

Sookie POV (cont... from last chappie)

"Do you trust me?" I asked, I could have kicked myself. Of course he didn't dumb question I could barely trust me.

"More than should be possible for a Vampire as old as I," he answered really? I was catching flies, yep defiantly catching flies.

"Thank you," I meant that sincerely, even if I said it like I was mentally slow. "Okay, let do the shower thing the fairy way, you ready?" I said snapping out of my shock and getting with tonight's programme.

Eric stiffened and nodded his head slowly, he seemed apprehensive. I clicked my finger speaking some words and Eric was shower fresh and dressed, in the blue shirt I had liked so much on him.

"That was an odd sensation, not entirely unpleasant," he waggled his eye brow's.

I laughed, "you are terrible," I repeated the process on myself. Dressing in a pale pink shirt with skinny jeans and boots. My hair piled into a messy bun.

I popped us to the office of Fangtasia, I could hear Quinn's mind already sitting in the booth wondering what the hell he was doing in a Vampire bar. He was also thinking I liked to play dangerously meeting him with a bunch of Vampires around to discuss a marriage, he wondered if my husband to be would be joining us if so would he be able to suppress his scent (he thought I was marring a Fairy), he sure hoped so because he didn't want to fight his way out of the bar... now he was just cursing me for being so irresponsible as to met in a place like this, even if it was closed down for the night.

Now he was berating himself for being dumb enough to agree to meeting me in a Vampire bar in the first place- oh dear.

As we passed Pam's office Eric tapped on the door. The bar only had a one Vamp there, Ginger was also there making gooey eyes at a red headed Vamp, Clancy I think his name was. Quinn was sat in a booth nursing a beer. The minute I came into the main bar his head popped up, as he inhaled.

"Look sharp," I yelled as I threw a silver knife, in his direction, which he only dodged by a inch or so. The Vamps went on high alert. Quinn growled gracefully rolling away from the knife now back up on his feet.

"Shit Stackhouse," he hissed.

"Come on you big pussy, you too scared to fight a lill' ol'girl?" I goaded him, we always did this, I knew Amelia and Pam were now in the bar behind Eric and I. Amelia, loved us fighting, he mind was lit up.

Quinn's eye's bled to orange, he lept towards me as I ran towards him he gripped my shoulders, throwing me in the air, of course the air was my element, I leapt from a solid pocket of air I had created bouncing back hitting a wall with my feet, I pushed off flipping in the air both feet landing squarely on Quinn's chest sending both of us flying across the dance floor me on a Quinn surf board.

Quinn not wanting to be bested flipped me round, suddenly he was gone, when I looked up Eric had him by the scuff of the neck snarling. Shit, I should have explained Quinn had been my sparring partner for my shifter and were training since years.

"Get your filthy paw's of my Sookie," Eric hissed Pam stood beside her master fangs out too.

"Eric it's okay," I jumped up, righting myself.

"He was going to damage you," Eric snapped.

"Eric, I was never in any danger," I replied soothingly, Quinn began to struggle as Eric's grip on him tightened. He looked like he didn't believe me, Quinn looked like he was going to shift and then this would get all kinds of out of hand. I couldn't let that happen.

I charge the air, making Eric feel the static electricity in it, like hundreds of biting insects on his skin. Quinn I simply removed the air for him to breathe. Eric glared at me, I lowered my eyes. Sometimes it was best just too appeared to concede.

"See," I whispered as Eric dropped Quinn, I promptly stop with my magic. "I am sorry the misunderstanding was my fault, Quinn has been my sparring partner for years now. He taught me all about shifters and Were's, I should have said."

Quinn rubbed his neck, Eric full on glared at me. Oop's. Biting his nipple wasn't gonna get me outta this one. But that what best friends are for, Amelia began squealing so loud I am sure by the end of the squeal only dogs could hear it.

"OHMIGOD, Oh-my-God...awww it's sooo prudy," Amelia was actually jogging on the spot in her excitement. She was holding my hand where my new engagement ring sat, "Do you love it? I love it! do you totally love it? Aww it's so... I mean aren't you over the moon? Why aren't you saying anything..." Amelia sucked in a breath looking shocked at me, "Oh Fuck you hate it? oh shit and now I just said that out loud...Ahh Sook, I am sorry...ahh," her shoulders slumped totally bummed for me.

"You quite done?"

Amelia nodded, thinking I was mad at her.

"I love it, it's very me so thank you," I said in a slow control manner totally different form Amelia's squeal, I even remembered to breath.

"So why didn't say?" Amelia was now mad at me.

"If I could have got a word in edgeways I would off," I giggled. At least Amelia had the decency to look chastise and a bit embarrassed.

"Sookie, your marrying the Northman?" Quinn asked.

"That's the general idea, yes," I smiled, it was fake as Quinn's thoughts came through loud and clear, put it this way Quinn was not pro my choice.

"The Prince would never allow it,"

"Actually Great Granddaddy is very fond of Eric and believes we are a good match, he signed the agreements himself, I am happy... And no Eric has not glamoured me, Quinn," I said his name in warning.

"As long as you know what you're doing?" Quinn signed not liking it one bit.

"I don't think anyone has anything to worry about, on that account. Sookie really seems to know what she's doing, she really would make the most excellent Vampire," Pam smirked.

"Well you go right ahead and turn her, when you want to start world war seven. Bearing in mind Einstein said the one after that would be fought with sticks and stone," Amelia interjected.

"Oh I always fight with sticks, a very sharp pointy ones," Pam grinned, it was fangy, "and they work on everything," she added her eyes had taken on a glassy quality.

"Well on that cheery thought, shall we sit down and go through what we need from you," I look at Quinn.

Quinn smiled tensely, hating the idea that I was tying myself to a bloodsucker. Actually it was turning his stomach that I had taken Eric's blood, (he could smell it in me) he hoped he wasn't too late to talk me out of it. Aw wasn't that sweet, well it would have been if he wasn't entertaining fantasies of showing me a warmed blooded man could do for me. I'll give you a clue he was the warm blooded man. As if. Eww, it would be like doing my brother- Eww.

"So what can I do for ya?" he asked I nearly snorted at his use of words.

"Well we need three ceremonies the Vamp and Fairy one can be combined but we need a human one too," I began.

Quinn looked at me like I had grown two heads, "a human one?" he asked like it confused him.

"Yes," I replied.

"Why?"

I sighed this was going to be a long night, "We are to be pledged by the knife as per Vampire custom also blood bonded, we are to be hand fastened and promised in a blending as per my Fae customs, since we live in the human world I am gonna be Mrs Eric Northman too, I will not live with a man out of wedlock, my Gran would die of the shame, she'd kick my ass."

Quinn laughed, "This is the girl who the first time she met me out of the blue kicked me so hard in the nuts I will always question my ability to father children until it happens. Then asked me; if she killed me when I shifted would she be able to skin me and make a rug. When I replied no as we shift back to human when injured or dead, she said 'not to worry my best friend a witch you know, I bet she could help me'... Stackhouse I thought you fearless, a real bad ass,"

"You haven't met my Gran," I giggled.

"I can vouch Mrs Stackhouse is not to be trifled with," Eric grinned, I patted his hand.

"You've met her?" Quinn asked incredulously.

"Yes, I have had the privilege," Eric seemed love to lord that over Quinn- men! "How old was my wife to be when she first met you?" there he goes with the possessiveness, by God it turned me on.

"What were you? Eleven, twelve?" Quinn answered.

"Twelve and half actually," I said with attitude, smiling.

Quinn laughed again, "De Castro, didn't want to let me go for any price, I was still in the pit's then he suddenly had a change of heart, I was appointed to the royal court of Fairy. But you didn't know anything about that, did you Stackhouse?"

"Nope not a thing, do you know anything about that Amelia?" I asked Amelia, innocently.

"Nope, not a damn thing but I bet Delores and Mildred would know all about that, I mean I could see those two old birds would be all over that," Amelia laughed.

Pam shoulders where shaking as she laughed. "Those girls do get about," Pam snickered.

"Yes, I believe Delores is exceptionally gifted at finding anyone's price, in fact I'd put my money on her, Mildred is said to be very good with a camera," I said knowing fine well I was Delores and what can I say I am gifted at getting what I want. My gran always said it's a sin not to use the gifts God gave you.

"So are you finally gonna tell me the story of how I became sparring partner to the widow maker?"

"Widow maker?" Pam and Eric said in unison, there fangs had run down.

I rolled my eye's. "They called her that in Fairy, if she didn't Kill ya. Your wife or other half would have thought you dead anyway, Sookie has presence she fought constantly if you were serious about your skill you hung out with Sookie's crew. Even trolls who like nobody wanted to be in her presence. Eladaar even offered himself as her mate," Quinn spilt my guts to everyone, thanks I am taking you of my Christmas card list.

Eric, Pam look totally confused, "Eladaar?" Pam asked. Eric I could feel, like he was assessing if the Eladaar was a threat-sweet.

"He was like the king of the trolls, he's eleven feet tall, how was that ever gonna work? He thought I needed romancing so he would bring me gift's like whole trees with disgruntled wild life usually still attached, because he had just ripped it out of the ground. In the end he forced my hand and I had to kick his ass to get him to back off. He was a mountain troll as well so his skin was so thick it was like kicking rock, let me tell you. It wasn't the easiest fight I'd ever had at one point I even thought I broke my foot, but it was all good. "

"And the mountain troll?" Pam asked, her eyes shining.

"He still sends me a Valentines, I get this ridiculously huge card every year always signed with a question mark, like I don't know who sent the card, when the card is full of grit and little stones," I shrugged.

"How old where you when he offered himself?" Eric asked amused.

"Seventeen,"

"How did you kick his ass?" Eric's eyes sparkled.

"I kicked him in the nuts of course, that's how I thought I broke my foot,"

Pam and Eric actually clutched her sides, in a move that looked totally rehearsed sometimes it was freaky how similar Pam's mannerisms where to Eric's. Eric actually wiped the corners of his eyes, Eric blanked his face, "Pam order me a cod piece," that sent Pam off again in another round of laughter.

Yeah Yeah, so freaking funny. Pam and Eric recovered at the same time. "I know we have a wedding to plan but I'd much rather listen to your exploits, thats saying something as I love to shop and organise," Pam smiled.

"Well thanks I guess," I smiled back at her. You know me and Pam we where gonna do okay I think, Amelia was clearly taken. I should really warn Amelia she better not be planning on dumping Pam before my wedding. Amelia does go through them, I can say that because I am her best friend and also it's the truth. Yes, our Amelia is easily bored, I think that's why she likes magic so much- always something new or never been tried.

Eric put his arm round me and leaned in causing me to shiver in the most delicious way, "Lover won't you please tell us how the Tiger came to work for the Fairies," how could I refuse when he asked so nicely.

I groaned, "okay okay, if only so everyone can then focus on the wedding. You ready to be outted?" I turned to Amelia asking her the question.

"Born ready," she winked.

"Did I ever tell you how Delores and Mildred came to be?" I asked Eric.

His eyes twinkled and he smirk, my core tightened I am so fucked, I thought as he shook his head answering no.

"You know Amelia and I, went to school together. Any way it was really strict, had to be as some of the richest kids in the world went there. There was this really hot band playing at a new club that had opened in the town that the school was on the edge of," I set up the story I could hear Amelia busting to tell the rest.

"So not my proudest moment witch wise, but I suggested we check out the band. When Sookie asked how we would get past the dorm guards an even get in for that matter, I said no problem I'll turn us into cats then we will either sneak past or they will let us out, then I will age us enough to get into the club," Amelia continued for me.

"Only it didn't work out like she had planned, because stood in front of the mirror was not two sleek looking cats but two old ladies, complete with clicky hips and moth ball smell. Delores and Mildred were born. I mean they are old ladies names right?"

"I take it, you didn't go clubbing," Pam said.

"You think we'd stay home and knit. No way of course we went, not like getting in the club was gonna be a problem. It's a bitch to dance with clicky hips though, but the crowd loved us and the band invited us back stage and everything, so it really worked out for the best," I grinned.

Eric chuckled, "so what has this to do with the Tiger and De Castro?"

"If this story leaves this room, we will deny all knowledge," I grinned, I may have giggled a little too.

"Damn straight," Amelia added, with a shudder.

"Okay," Quinn answered urging us to tell the tale.

"I seen you fight in the pits and I asked my Great Grand daddy, if you could be my trainer. Niall said if I get your debt of De Castro without the use of my magic or exposing who I was, you could be my trainer. Niall not thinking for one second I could pull it off. Niall knew better than to give me a straight no as he would never have heard the end of it."

"But you did, so how you do it without magic because, I thought I would die still owing De Castro?" Quinn asked.

"He didn't say without magic, he just said without mine. Delores and Mildred hit Las Vegas they love to gamble you know, that was all Amelia," I smiled.

"Delores caught the eye of the King, she may or may not have had a charm placed on her so that he would see the most beautiful woman in the world, not old, wrinkly, with spare tyre and clicky hips. And I might have appeared to him as just as beautiful, not with a purple rinse hair, saggy boob's and ass with slight hunch," Amelia grinned, taking a fake bow at the end. Which she totally deserves as her magic was awesome that night.

"We had such fun that night, rolling around on the big old bed with Felipe, half dressed. The pictures where hilarious," I chuckled. Eric growled.

Pam sniggered then her face turned serious, "Wait this was before Quinn was your trainer making you less than twelve and half... making De Castro a pedo, Eww."

"Or a granny lover it's not like we looked like ourselves, to De Castro we looked like supermodels inc. on camera we looked like two tourists, you know the one that take coach tours and don't have their own teeth and wear fanny packs round the front. Don't worry your pretty little head Pam, We kept our clothes on and De castro was the only one to get frisky only come the morning he didn't remember a thing. When he rose the next night a big ol'brown envelope was waiting for him with the two oldest fangbangers in history and him plaster all over the pictures, It may or may not have contained an official demand to release Quinn from the Brightlinger high council for a slight that they accused De Castro off, threatening to expose Felipe as a granny humper and humiliating him."

"But how did he end up with the fairies, I could never see Felipe backing down over blackmail. I know he was extremely proud have owned the Tiger, the grannies could be explained a way as bet," Eric said.

"Que Mr Cataliades, the daemon lawyer. He had heard that the Fairies were looking for a new trainer for a one of their bratty royal children- funny that. Felipe couldn't give the Brightlingers the Tiger if he no longer belonged to him and why not put himself in good favour with the faries if he didn't want to concede to the Brightlingers. Next thing Niall gets is a phone call offering this most generous of gifts. A trainer for moi? Could it be my very own Tiger?" I laughed.

"He didn't, just like that," Quinn gasped.

"He did just like that. But that's not the best bit, the best bit is that a few days after everything was transferred over to the fairies. De Castro gets a letter from the Brightlinger high council apologising for the mix up but it appears there was another Vampire called De Castro who they had wanted and not him. I guy in the office at the high council owed me, the council never knew a thing about it, he wrote the letters on the official paper," I laughed slapping my thigh, I was one of my best plans even if I say so myself. Good times.

Faries couldn't be blamed as we were innocent bystanders and the Brightlingers made a mistake and apologised no one in their right mind would go against them openly, so it wasn't like Felipe could complain to anyone about losing the tiger, I mean he had given him away out of pure meanness so the Brightlingers couldn't have him and the lawyer didn't know he had been set up so by all accounts he was innocent, he in good faith advised his client, Felipe had no one to blame but himself.

"You make me feel I should be taking notes," Pam looked at me dreamily. That Pam.

"Damn, Stackhouse I knew you where devious but damn all that at twelve years of age too, well shit,"

We carried on with wedding plans for another couple of hours, till Eric called a halt to it saying that I was hungry which was true, but I was excited really excited about the up and coming wedding.

I hoped you liked it... Eric is getting quite attached to our little Fairy and what naughty Fairy she is too...