"Aw-naw-naw-waw... Nom nom nom... Mrrrffrr, umph..."

The entire Tendo family, both Amazons, Kanna, Ukyo, and Urd, all stared at Kevin.

Which was understandable, as he was staring at Ranma and his father, looking mildly horrified at the way they ate. "...Tea please."

Smiling, Kasumi leaned over and filled the inter-dimensional visitor's cup. "Here you are." For once, her calm actually looked a little strained. "So, um... Akane tells me you're from another world?"

Nodding, Kevin sipped his tea. "Yuh-huh."

"... Is... It nice there?"

"I guess." Sip.

"...That's good."

Everyone watching the pair, save the piggish Saotomes, sweatdropped. It seemed Kevin possessed a special power. A power this world had never seen before.

The power to make awkward conversation with Kasumi.

-

Darting forward, Mato slammed his elbow into the face of a damned soul, then spun around, narrowly avoiding having his face sliced off by the claws of a huge, horned, purple Demon. "Ah, dammit! Not the face jerk, it's how I make my living."

For an instant, the big creepy thing looked like it was sneering at him.

"Ah whatever. Mindless killing machines suck at banter anyways." Cocking back his arm, Mato bashed it's fang-filled face in.

Or, he would have, had it not become unfocused, before vanishing.

"Wh- ok, what the crap was that?" He spun around, looking for the thing. "Seriously, th- AGH!" Thin lines of fire raced across his back, sinking in nearly to the bone.

"Lies." A blur of purple flickered into view before the wounded human, droplets of liquid flame trickling down it's claws. "You make no living."

"Ok, first of all... OW. Second of all, kiss my ass, jerk. Third of all, OW." Darting forward again, Mato lashed out in a vicious combination of punches and backhand strikes, all of which missed, as the Demon grew hazy and vanished once more. Ok, dammit. This thing is getting on my nerves... Plus, it's ugly. Also, I'm kinda hungry, and I'm bleeding. Thirsty too, wonder if they have a 7-11 down here or anything?

"The only thirst that will be slaked is my own, human."

"Geh? AH! OW!" Another series of slices razored over Mato's back, sending him stumbling forward, nearly into the arms of the purple Demon as it flicked into view again. Fast and ugly... Why do I always have to run into these types? Well, it could be worse, he can't be that strong. Without warning, Mato lashed out with his arm, putting everything he currently had behind the punch. "Kiss the fist assho-"

Unsurprisingly, the Demon easily caught the punch in one of it's clawed hands. "No." The Demon tightened it's grip on the human's fist, squeezing it. "You were wrong, I am indeed as fast as I am strong. You have encountered none like me before."

Ow, my back AND my hand. Who the Hell does this guy think he is, anyway? Wait, better not ask that one, I'll probably have to listen to his whole damn life story.

"I do not think, I know." Tightening it's grip a little more, the Demon hauled it's prey up off of the ground, dangling him infront of it's face by the arm. "I am Goshinki, third spawn of Naraku." Grinning hideously at the shock that ran through the little human, it continued. "I was slain four hundred years ago by a whelp of a dog Demon." The Demon considered him for a moment. "You remind me of that worm."

"Oh... Great." This is where it starts to REALLY hurt.

"Yes... It will."

"... Super."

-

Sighing, Kevin stared at the baseball sized spheres of rice that sat in a little plate on his lap. Well, I do like rice... But man would I kill for a hotdog right about now. Picking one up, he put it to his lips, and took a little nibble. "... Mmm. Hey, this rice is better than the stuff we have back home. Maybe it's got something to do with the microwave?"

Shampoo almost sighed as well, but for a different reason. Standing on the back porch, having just come out of the house after a long talk with the Tendos and Saotomes, she stared at the back of her fiancee, sitting on the edge of the porch. He's not a fighter, and he beat me through trickery. Moping a bit, the young Amazon toed at the surface of the porch a little, listless and depressed.

( Get out there girl, he's not going to marry you if you're sulking around back here. ) Poking Shampoo in the leg with the tip of her staff, Cologne frowned at her great grand-daughter.

( Ah! Don't scare me like that! ... And I'm not sulking, I'm... Plotting how to... Seduce... ) Sighing, Shampoo couldn't even muster up the strength to finish the lie.

Blinking, Kevin turned back to look over his shoulder at the sound of voices. "Mrph?" Chewing rice still, he gave the Amazons a little wave. Oh, it's those people that tried to kill me. Hello people who tried to kill me. Yeah, no. I don't think they'd get the joke.

Waving back, Shampoo sighed again. ( I just don't feel very much like talking right now. ) Tilting her head down, she stared at the wrapping binding her knee. Pressure points, hot baths, and ice packs could only do so much, it was up to her body to deal with the rest of it.

( You're doing a lot of talking right now. )

Shaking her head, Shampoo fisted the hem of her shirt. ( It's not the same. Besides, he can't understand me, and insulted my Japanese. )

Tucking her hands into the sleeves of her robe, Cologne bowed her head in thought. ( I think that was mainly to distract you during the fight child. He did say that the dead boy was his mentor. It would make sense that he would emulate his way of speaking. )

( That's even worse! I don't want to talk about that stupid dead boy! ) Squeezing her eyes shut, Shampoo felt the flames of bitter shame and jealousy stir within her. To think that such an idiot had not only bested Shampoo when fighting that Demon, so easily, but also gave his life doing it, rather than prolong the fight and risk the village... It tore her up inside.

To think you were better than another was normal, all humans had pride in what they excelled at, it was only natural to be proud of what you'd spent years accomplishing.

But to have someone you thought you were better than suddenly prove just how much better they were, when you'd failed so utterly...

It was torture.

Sighing, Cologne shook her head. It seems she still has not yet come to terms with that day. Perhaps she never will... ( Fine, then we shall speak of your new husband. Perhaps when you marry him, he will remain here, rather than return to his own world. )

Kevin sputtered, gagging on half-chewed rice.

Both Amazons stared at the American.

Coughing, Kevin managed to avoid choking or throwing up. "Wh-wh..." Swallowing down the last of the food, he shot the pair a shocked look. "What the hell do you mean HUSBAND?"

( ...He... Understood us? ) Shampoo tilted her head to the side.

"Of course I did! You're standing right there, talking behind my back! How the hell could I not-"

( ... Boy, could you say I like fresh fish for me? ) Cologne frowned, a thought occurring to her.

Giving the old woman a look that clearly said he thought she was off her rocker, Kevin wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. ( I like fresh fish. )

( ... Now say pickled parrots. )

( ... Pickled parrots. )

( Good. ) Walking over, Cologne stared at the boy's face. "Now tell me, what color is Shampoo's hair?"

"Uh, duh. It's purple."

"I see. Tell me boy, how many languages do you speak?"

"English, obviously... Uh, and Japanese?" Kevin smiled weakly, looking away.

"But not Mandarin?"

"No, why?"

Curling her fingers about her staff, Cologne lightly thumped it against the surface of the porch. "Why then, could you understand Shampoo and myself speaking Mandarin just a moment ago then?"

"... I what?"

...Idiot.

Shut up, voice in my head.

-

Skidding across the rough ground, Mato rolled up onto his feet and slid to a stop. "... Ow." A trickle of blood flowed from his lips, and he wiped at it with his forearm. This is starting to get real tiresome now. Also, my everywhere hurts. Shaking his head to flick his dusty bangs out of his eyes, Mato lunged forward, slapping aside a clawed hand as it struck out at his face.

"Just lay down and die, pitiful human." Goshinki blurred and was suddenly standing behind the human. "It will be over quickly." Drawing an arm across it's chest, it swatted the little man away like he was a toy.

Tumbling heels over head, Mato flopped onto his stomach and lay there for a moment. "...Ow." Groaning, he tucked his arms beneath himself, levering himself upright. Note to self; Stop fooling around with the Demon and kick his ass... At some point.

-

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

Smirking, Ranma gestured for Kanna to attack him. She's not ready.

Oh, is he in for a surprise. "Wait." Reaching into her gi, the little albino girl pulled a strip of white cloth out. Just remember kiddo, trail your leading side, it'll throw him off for a second. Nodding to herself, the small girl tied the cloth around her forehead, flicking her pale hair out of her way. Also, we need to get you a red bandanna. BRIGHT red. "Ready." A sudden smirk curled up one corner of Kanna's mouth as she darted forward.

"Uh... Ack!" Jumping backward, Ranma found himself suddenly on the wrong end of a barrage of punches and kicks, all coming from the wrong side of the girl's stance. Wh- what is this? Catching a punch that had gone too wide, Ranma spun around the threw his attacker aside. I didn't teach her to fight like this.

Flipping over in mid-air, Kanna struck the wall of the dojo feet-first, flexing her knees to absorb the impact and keep her against the wall for a split second. "Mini Shi Shi-" Cupping her hands at her side, a flicker of light appeared between her fingers. "Hoku-"

In an instant, Ranma was across the dojo and grabbing Kanna by the front of her gi. "Not in the dojo!" Spinning around, her tossed the girl across the wide room.

Flipping upside down as she flew, Kanna pointed her hands back the way she came. "DAN!" There was a flicker of yellow, and something sputtered softly. "...Huh? Why didn't-"

Ground, GROUND!

"Eep!" Twisting around, Kanna managed to turn what could have been a nasty sprawling, bruising landing into a breakfall. Coming up on her hands and knees, she glared back at Ranma. What went wrong? It didn't work.

A twinkle gleamed in Ranma's eye, apparently he was impressed with how fast Kanna was improving on her own. Not bad, but I wonder if she learned that trick from Ukyo, or just watched her do it enough? Ranma charged across the dojo, making a mental note to ask the girl later.

Ah, tch, I forgot. You were a void before, right?

Yes. Rising to her knees, Kanna crossed her arms to block a low kick from Ranma, then rolled backwards to give herself enough space and time to get up to her feet. Why should that matter?

Well, you're not the type to fill yourself with any particular emotion. Most human martial artist use whatever emotion they align with. While not her style, Ukyo's been relying on the depression she's been in lately, just like Ryoga. Ranma uses his ego- errr, confidence.

So what do I use? Blocking a series of punches aimed at her kidneys, Kanna continued to give ground before the older martial artist. What should I fill myself with?

Nothing. Don't fill yourself. Let him fill you.

Ah! Leaping away, Kanna tucked her body up into a ball and flipped backwards, coming out of her tumble just in time to absorb her impact into the wall behind her by flexing her legs. Cupping her hands at her side, Kanna kept her eyes locked on the older boy.

Having seen this trick before, Ranma already knew how to counter it. Smirking, he darted in and grabbed Kanna's gi with both hands. "Too slow kid!"

Rather than react with surprise, Kanna slapped her palms down on Ranma's back. "Hibiki Void strike!" The light around the pair dimmed a little, as a pulse of nothingness warped the air around the girl's hands.

Surprised by the sudden, very odd feeling, Ranma quickly finished his throw. Tossing his student across the dojo again, he slapped at his back, trying to figure out why he felt a bit numb. What the heck was that?

Landing gracefully in the middle of the dojo on the toes of one foot, Kanna smirked again. Dropping into a Saotome-style stance, the little girl beckoned for Ranma to come at her. "C'mon, izzat all ya got?"

"Uuuuhhh... Huh?"

"Fine. If you're gonna jus' stand there..." Springing forward, Kanna planted a foot and lunged into a long reaching punch. "I'll attack! Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!" The little girl's arm became a sudden blur as a barrage of several dozen punches rocketed at the shocked Saotome.

Heh, well I'll be... You're a ditto fighter.

...Wait, 'Hibiki Void Strike'?

-

Sighing, Urd waggled a TV guide before the local Urd's nose a few times.

Said local Urd had stopped frothing at the mouth a long time ago, and was now in a state of catatonic shock.

"See? This is how you extract information from her." Shooting Cologne a small smile, Urd began flipping through the guide. "...Wonder what's on tonight?"

"Er, yes... Well, thank you." Coughing into her fist, Cologne turned to address the remainder of the group. She wasn't too put off that her interrogation techniques had failed, considering her subject was a Goddess, and therefore outside her realm of experience. A little annoyed, perhaps. "Now, thanks to..." Trailing off for a moment, Cologne decided to cut to the chase, and skip all the confusing details. "Information, that we've just gained... We know that son-in-law should be able to open a portal to Hell itself to extract your friend."

Ranma sweatdropped. "What? Why the hell would you expect me to be able to do-"

"Not you." Sighing, Cologne pointed over at Kevin. "Him."

Everyone turned to look where the Elder was pointing.

They also sweatdropped when they realized that Shampoo was sitting in the boy's lap, and that neither one of them looked very pleased with the position they were in.

"...Hi." Hanging his head, Kevin tried to half-heartedly push Shampoo out of his lap.

Naturally, Shampoo stubbornly remained where he was, lightly smacking his hand away.

"Yes, well... Ahem." Sweatdropping, Cologne scooped a little glass orb the size of a tennis ball out of her sleeve. "I had Mousse bring this."

Ukyo blinked, looking around. "Say, where did he get to anyway?"

"I sent him back to the restaurant."

Ukyo sweatdropped. "Don't you think we could use the extra help?"

"And just who is going to handle the lunch rush?" Frowning, Cologne glared at Ukyo, as if it were a very stupid question to be asked. Considering they were both chefs, it really was.

"Oh, right... Sorry."

"Moving on." Kevin tried to poke Shampoo away again. "I whipped up a locater spell over lunch, so um... I'm ready to do this thing now, if I can have my lap back?"

Getting up with a huff, Shampoo moved to stand over by the local Urd, leaning over to poke her in the face a few times. "...Shampoo hate."

Kanna, who had been watching Kevin and Shampoo with interest, moved over to also poke the catatonic Goddess. "Me too." Poke poke. "... It's squishy."

Glancing down, Shampoo grabbed the girl's wrist, and moved her hand away from the Goddess' chest. "No poke there, is for boys to do."

"Oh."

"Moving on." Looking uncomfortable, Kevin carefully took the little glass ball from Cologne and stared into it's depths. Well, crystallized mana and a pre-cast spell, all rolled up into one. Neat. Balancing the orb in the palm of one hand, Kevin began sweeping the other over it in a series of gestures that grew more complex and rapid with each pass.

After a few seconds of trying to follow what was going on, Ranma uncrossed his eyes and gave up. Sidling around the edge of the group, he joined Cologne on the other side of the back yard. "You see where Ryoga went?"

Cologne didn't take her eyes off of Kevin's hands, trying to memorize the patterns he was making. Very complex for using only one hand... My my, how he must have practiced in order to use his weapon as a focus for his powers. It seems he may yet make a good groom for Shampoo. "I sent him with Mousse to make lunch."

Ranma sweatdropped. "Errr, don't you think we could use his help here?"

"And have him run into the portal to Hell, and lure possibly an entire legion of the damned back this way, into our world? I think not."

"Right, bad idea."

A sudden flash of light brought all conversation to a halt. A thin disc of grey rent the air, rotating slowly as it began to radiate heat and dull red dust drifted out of it on a smokey breeze.

-

Pausing in mid-strike, a very large, purple Demon cocked it's head, staring at the floating disc. "Amusing... It seems some foolish mortal is attempting to summon something from this layer." It's fang-filled maw twisted into a horrible smile. "Let us go and see who." Dragging a bloody and broken body of a human behind it, Goshinki walked towards the portal.

"...Serious... Ow."

-

"Alright, portal complete." Carefully setting the glass orb down on the pillow he'd snagged from the house, Kevin rolled his shoulders a few times. Ah, back cramp! I'm getting all tense and nervous. It's nothing, it's only a portal to Hell itself. Nothing to worry about, right?

Oh yeah, just Hell, no biggie.

Shut up, voice in my head. Kevin rolled his shoulders again. Not a good time to mock me. This is scary stuff. "Ok, everyone not willing to stick their head into the scary portal, step back now. I'm gonna- WOAH! Ugly!"

Indeed, something very ugly came through the portal.

It was also large, purple, and downright evil looking. Taking a moment to scan it's surroundings, it hauled something up from the ground behind it, right up to it's face. "So this is the world now? How interesting... It seems to have changed little."

The thing it was holding looked like a ragged mass of bloody, torn flesh, wrapped in filthy shreds of crimson and rust stained clothing. Ukyo couldn't help but gag a little. Whatever it is, it looks like it's been ripped to shreds a few ti- "Ghhkk..."

Everyone standing in the yard had frozen in place at the sight of the hideous beast, but a few of the humans were startled out of their shocked state by the strangled noise the chef had made.

Kanna reached over and grabbed Ukyo's hand, jiggling it a few times. "Ukyo, what is it?" At the lack of a response, she tugged at the older girl's hand several times. "Ukyo. Ukyo!"

Flinching, Ukyo looked down at Kanna for a moment, before her eyes snapped back to the beast. Her free hand slowly lifted, and she pointed a single finger at whatever it was the Demon was holding. "...Yellow... Bandanna..."

A ripple of shock went around the yard, as it quickly dawned on everyone just who that mangled piece of meat in the purple monster's grasp was.

"Aaahhh, so... You know this wretch." Drinking in their fear, Goshinki couldn't help but bask in their collective horror. "So, he means a lot to you all, does he?" Hefting the human over his head, Goshinki swiftly jabbed his large hand straight through Mato's back, clawed fingertips protruding from the human's chest.

"Ghhhkk..." For a moment, Ukyo thought she was going to keel over and vomit until she died. But surprisingly, she didn't feel anything. Not. A. Single. Thing.

"Have what's left." Smiling with that horrible, fang filled mouth of his, Goshinki tossed the human across the yard. The body bounced once, then crashed through the side of the Tendo dojo.

Staring blankly at the Demon, Ukyo couldn't help but wonder why she didn't feel anything at all. Shouldn't she have been mad? I don't... I'm not... I think... Then, slowly, she felt something. A moment ago, she'd felt nothing but a numbing emptiness. Now she felt something, a prickle of heat that started at her hand, and swiftly blazed into life deep within her heart. I think I'm going to KILL that thing. Reaching back with her free hand, Ukyo pulled her battle spatula off of her back, glancing down at Kanna. "You'd be- eh?"

Still holding onto Ukyo's hand, a vivid, bright red sheet of flame danced around the little albino girl's body. Her expression had twisted into horrible look of sheer rage. "... I'm going to rip that thing to pieces."

A low, guttural chuckle came from the purple beast standing in the yard. In an instant, it was towering over the two enraged girls, leering down at them. "You burn brightly, little vermin. Let me see if you are the same color on the inside." Reaching down with a large, clawed hand, Goshinki began to close it's fingers around the girls.

There was a sharp crack, and a splurt of blood flew into the air.

Howling in pain, the Demon yanked it's hand back, the stump where one of it's fingers had been dripped dark ichor.

Thumbing back the hammer on Roland's gun again, Kevin's jaw was firmly set. Why the hell am I just standing here? "Back off, beastie. The next shot comes for your eye if you try to touch them again." Oh man, if I wet myself, I'm never gonna live this down... Why is this thing so much more scary than Slade was? Dammit, it's because it's a real Demon, isn't it?

A faint crackle of electricity drifted through the air. "Aim between the legs Kevin." Stretching out an arm, Urd pointed a pair of fingers at the Demon, sparks dancing over her fingertips. "There's no need to play nice with this monster." Thunder began to roll, as clouds started to drift across the sky, turning it slate grey. A Goddess summoned her power, and nature itself moved at her command.

"Right." In spite of his churning stomach, Kevin forced a smile, and began sweeping his free hand over the pistol he held. Put a few in one of it's legs to slow it down, then aim for the heart or head to kill it. "You picked the wrong people to piss off, jerk." It's go time. Kevin's finger tightened on the trigger, and a sharp crack echoed across the yard.

-

Well, that took awhile didn't it? What can I say? My body complained a bit at the sudden climate change from freezing cold, to tolerable. Sadly, I think I pinched a nerve in my back after all the damn work was done... So... Yeah. Ow.

...Unless I slipped a disc in my spine, that would require an operation to fix. Oh joy. On the other hand, it's hurting less and less, so I think it's just a pinched nerve.

This chapter feels a bit... Disjointed to me. It bounced around a lot more than the others usually do. I think the cast is getting a bit large perhaps. I'm not sure what exactly to do about that, honestly.

Then again, with only a couple more chapters to go, I guess I should just tough it out. One way to compensate is by making the chapters longer, as you can see for yourself, that's what I did.

Hmm, well, we'll see how it goes.

Review reply time.

Teturo - I do pride myself on being unpredictable, so thanks. Hopefully, this chapter was worth the wait.

Scourgeofthegalaxy- Ah, the evil death sticks. Hopefully, you survived this long. I do try to stay true to form with the characters, God knows it makes it that much harder to keep the story the same length, since they tend to ramble on so much. Also, thanks for the kind sentiments, I appreciate it.

Pryde Kitty- I know! Can't these damn characters just shut the hell up for five minutes? No! Of course not, how funny would it be if they acted like normal people? So, I put up with it. As for my foreshadowing and cliffhangers in general... I used to write ALL my chapter endings as cliffhangers. Personally, I think it drove my readers utterly nuts. Ah well, as you can see, I'm baaack.

Jusenkyo- Yeah, I think I'll probably be sticking Kanna into a lot of jokes like that, mainly because with her, they just work. Shampoo may be swapping fiancees, but it's not exactly a smooth transition. And Urd, well, Urd's from Ah! Megami-sama (AKA Oh! MY Goddess) so, 'nuff said. Glad you liked the last chapter, and I hope this one was worth the wait.

Alright, so, next time, backyard brawl. And, oh no! Whaddya mean there's only- how many chapters left? Agh! Is this really the time for guessing games?