14. Christmas

I sighed as I looked out of the window, into the forest of Forks. We had been here for a week, and it felt like home again; although, not as much as Hogwarts. It was the afternoon before Christmas, and Alice, Rose, and Esme were dancing around, singing carols, and decorating still. I couldn't be bothered to get up. We hadn't seen Edward since we got off the train in England, and we were so much happier without him. I didn't want to see him, quite frankly. I didn't want anything to do with him. He was a Death Eater now, on the other side to us. We were enemies now. The Cullen's seemed happier without him now, and I was happy. All I wanted was for them to be happy. And a figure running toward the house at vampiric speed broke that happiness. I decided to deal with this, rather than acknowledge the Cullen's about it. They didn't deserve this in their lives, and so I stalked outside, a scowl on my face, glaring at the figure that dare ruin my coven's happiness.

What the fucking hell do you want, Edward? I hissed in his thoughts.

I just came to warn you. Something bad is going to come. Just thought I'd let you prepare for your death, he growled at me, and I rolled my eyes.

What the hell do you have to do with my death? Are you going to kill me, you son of a bitch? I jeered sarcastically. I ran around him and caught his head. Do you really want to fight me?

At that we were fighting, throwing punches, kicking. I used my talent so that if anyone was to look at where we were, no one would see us fighting. I was winning after an hour, and I was getting exhausted. Then he just stopped.

"Edward!" I screamed after him as he stalked off further in the forest. "You can't run away from a fight! Where are you going?"

"To acknowledge someone of something," he snarled and then ran off at a fast speed.

"You are the world's biggest asshole, you know that right?" I screamed right back at him, but he ignored me.

I pulled down the nearest tree, and threw it just behind where he was running. I ran my hand through my hair, and sighed. It was a sure fire way to calm myself down, and I really needed to be calmed down.

I walked back into the house, and looked around. No one was looking at the door, their backs were turned. So I ran upstairs, and looked in the mirror of the bathroom of the bedroom that Esme said is mine.

I had twigs and dirt in my hair, my clothes were torn and shabby, and my face was streaked with tears that I had shred in my fight with Edward. My eyes weren't red though; the only proof that I had been crying was the tear streams down my face. I threw my clothes off and jumped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away my anger. I washed my hair with my favourite strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner, letting the scent take over me. I didn't think, not about anything. The hot water slowly started to run out, so I got out and dried myself. I put on a deep purple blouse and blue skinny jeans, with black Chucks. I brushed through my now not so tangled hair. I sighed as I checked my reflection. My hair was black with blue streaks, my eyes gold. I was slightly taller, but, even though I changed my appearance, I still looked like plain old boring Isabella Marie Swan, even though my name was now Isabella Renesmee Cullen.

"Izzy!" I heard a voice that I new from miles away call from downstairs.

"Coming!" I yelled back down. I checked my reflection one last time before I walked out of the room, and then down the stairs. I looked around the living room, seeing everyone there. Harry, Alice, Jazz, Emmett, Rose, Esme and Carlisle. I sighed with a smile on my face, and sat down next to Harry on a white leather sofa.

"We have guests coming, so we are going to prepare some food. Harry, Izzy, do you mind helping us in the kitchen? We haven't cooked human food for a long time," Esme laughed.

"Yes, of course Esme. We would love to help," I told her with a smile, and pulled Harry up from the couch. I tried to read Esme's mind; I was curious as to whom the visitors were, but she was translating a Jikoshourkai (A/N: A Jikoshourkai is a Japanese introduction. At least, I think that is how you spell it…) into English. I sighed in frustration. Everyone else seemed to have no idea about who these visitors were, except for Carlisle, who was running through the Japanese alphabet.

A, i, u, e, o, ka, ki, ku, ke, ko, ma, mi, mu, me, mo…He was thinking. (A/N: Yeah, that is actually the Japanese alphabet, but it is way longer…)

We were cooking beef stroganoff, and it smelled disgusting, even though only a few weeks ago I loved it, and the smell of it. Oh, well, things change when you are a vampire. At least I couldn't cut or burn myself anymore. That was an upside. When we finished, we put it into a large platter, and had some plates for people to put their food on. We also cooked chicken, steak and sausages. There were buns and bread too. I sighed looking at the food, knowing that I wouldn't be able to eat it any more. I could eat it, but apparently it wasn't very nice, and you would have to throw it up later.

When we finished in the kitchen, we walked into the living room and we sung carols, which was hilarious. When Emmett took over singing Jingle Bells in a rock version, we all burst into laughter. I was laughing so hard that I had tears on my face. The interruption of Edward was forgotten in my thoughts for a long time. After about five carols, the doorbell rang, and Carlisle and Esme got up to get it. I didn't like surprises, but I wanted this to be a surprise. There was some talk, but no names were mentioned. I looked up to see Carlisle and Esme with four figures behind them.

"Mum? Dad?" I almost yelled, but refrained from it.

"Sirius? Lupin? Tonks?" Harry laughed.

I jumped up and hugged my parents, and Harry hugged Sirius, Lupin and Tonks.

"Where these your guests, Carlisle? The ones that you didn't tell us about?" I asked him, my hands on my hips, an eyebrow raised. I made my hair bright red, same with my eyes.

"Yes, dear, sweet, Izzy, just don't kill me yet!" Carlisle cowered jokingly, and we all laughed at his joke.

We sat and talked for a while, it was kind of normal. The living room was beautifully decorated for Christmas. There was a huge Christmas tree in the corner, decorated by tinsel and baubles. There were eight stockings above the fireplace, each with our names on it. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Bella, and Harry. Edward's wasn't up there, as everyone knew that he wasn't coming home. And for some unknown reason, Alice couldn't see his future at all. She did occasionally get fuzzy bits, as did I. When I saw him, he was only hunting, and his prey looked human. It made me sick to realise that the boy that I had once loved now was a monster, a horrible, crazed, vampire monster, who didn't care that he was taking a human life. In fact, he probably felt good about it. He could read their pain from his mind, and he had, perhaps, liked it. And then, much to my distaste, the conversation topic somehow got to Edward.

"So, Bella, honey, when was the last time that you saw Edward?" Renée asked stupidly, but her voice was full of concern. I had to answer my mother, and I knew that I couldn't lie to my family. I had to tell them about my earlier conflict with him.

"I saw him a couple of hours ago, actually," I told them, seeing and sensing them going wary with concern and shock, and that shock was probably a one that was because I didn't tell them. "Listen I am sorry that I didn't tell you, but I didn't want to concern you. He was angry. He said something about telling someone about something. I really don't know what he was talking about, he was being so cryptic. I really got pissed with him, and so I threw a punch or two, but then he walked out somewhere to do something, and yet he still didn't tell me. He is such a bastard." I threw my hands up, playing on the act of being pissed. I looked around at everyone, sighing. I really didn't need to breathe, but I like the feel of it.

"Oh, okay. I really shouldn't have brought that up…" Renée said uncertainly, and then stood up and walked into the kitchen.

I groaned, and ran a hand through my hair. Every relationship that I have had lately I have managed to stuff it up somehow, one way or another. The Cullen's, Edward, even my human friends. I still managed to stuff up my relationship with Harry, Hermione and Ron. I stuffed up everything then, and it was all because of Edward. I should have killed him when I had the chance, but I knew that the Cullen's would have been heartbroken, even if they hated Edward at the moment; he was still their son. I may even manage to stuff up my relationship with Renée and Charlie.

I excused myself, saying that I was going to have a shower, not that I needed it. I ran up to my room, not in the mood for a conversation. I threw myself on the queen bed, and almost pulled out my hair. I was pissed at myself. Gee, I really knew how to screw up a good night. All because I was selfish. I had ruined people, and it all started because I was eleven, and I had stuck my nose into where it was not wanted. I had known the Cullen's secret. If I hadn't have done that, my life would be so much different. Edward wouldn't be such a jackass to his family, his family then wouldn't hate him in return.

God, that was too much to think about. I needed to ventilate my anger in means that excluded physical violence. I found a spare book in one of the draws in my room, and I guessed that they knew that it was up here.

Esme, I thought to her, do you mind if I use the spare book up in this room in the drawers?

No, of course not! I could sense that she was confused as to my sudden disappearance, and why I would want a book. Just be safe, okay?

Of course Esme.

I found a pen in another drawer, and it was at that point that I decided to keep a journal. After all, memories were important, and if not written, can be forgotten. I turned to the first page and started writing.

December 24th, 9:32p.m.

Dear journal,

I have decided to keep you, as I need someway to express myself without getting angry and violent. I have also decided that memories are too important to be forgotten, so, every night, I am to write in you.

I am so pissed with myself. I have screwed up every single relationship that I had been in, and it all started because I was a stupid, nosey eleven year old that couldn't keep her nose out of other's business. I hate myself for ever finding that out. I want so bad to start over, create a new life for myself. I need to escape to a place where no one will ever find me.

If this journal ever finds it way to Harry, Renée, Charlie or the Cullen's, I am sorry for what I am about to do. I love you, I really do, but I need a fresh start. I need to start anew. It would be so much better for all of you.

I shut the journal, knowing exactly what I had to do. I grabbed my bag, performed an undetectable expansion charm, opened my trunk and put everything from the trunk into my bag. I kept out my purse and phone, and walked over to my journal that was still sitting on the mahogany desk against a wall. I ripped out a page from the back, and wrote a message.

To whoever finds this first,

I love you guys, I really do, but I need a fresh start. I am leaving, but I do not want any of you to follow me. It will be dangerous. I am so sorry, but it is what has to be done. I have made so many mistakes. Including letting myself fall in love. Sorry, Harry.

Harry. I love you. I really do, no matter what you believe after you read this. I need to start fresh. I will never let the thought of you leave my mind, no matter how much it will torture me. I love you, but I have stuffed up too many times.

Esme. I love you like I love my mother. You are kind of like a second mother to me. I need to start fresh though. I will miss you.

Renée. I love you mum, but I have stuffed up too many relationships to count, and I know that doing this will stuff up even more, but it is what needs to be done. I am a selfish, horrible little bitch.

Carlisle. You are like a second father. You and Esme were there when I got turned, and I love you so much for that. But I need to leave. Make sure that no one comes after me, please.

Charlie. I love you so much, dad, but like I said with mum, I have stuffed up too much. I know that this will stuff up my relationship with you, but I need to start fresh.

Alice. Alice, I will miss your crazy-assed make over's, I will miss our torturous shopping trips. But, please, don't come after me. You won't see me, not in your visions; I will make sure of that. I love you, sis.

Rosalie. Rose, I know that we didn't get off to the best of starts, but I have grown to love you like a sister. I loved it when you helped with the make over's and shopping trips. That was so much fun, even though I did hate them.

Emmett. Em, I will miss your crazy bear hugs. When I was human, they used to cut off my circulation. By, by, grizzly bear.

Jasper. Jazz, I know that we didn't meet on good terms. I know about the blood lust now, and I do not blame you for keeping your distance. Sorry.

I love all of you.

Isabella Marie Swan xx

I was crying, and my tears had soaked the page, but no so much that it was unreadable. I left the note on the table, grabbed the journal and pen and put them in my bag. I stood up and took one last look around the room. My gaze went from the mahogany desk, to the white bed, to the mirrors beside it, to the wardrobe, to the bathroom, and then to the window. I walked over to it, and opened it silently. I blocked my mind instantly from whatever mental talents were out there, and then I jumped. I landed silently on the soft grass.

"I love you guys," I whispered as I looked in through the window. There was the Cullen's, Harry, mum, dad, Remus, Tonks and Sirius. I knew that I should have added the last three in the letter, but I couldn't bring my self to it. There were tears streaking silently as I ran into the black abyss of the forest.

Well, I personally think that the note part was a bit too much, a bit sappy. Oh, well. I need some reviews, people! I need them to keep going! Until I get five reviews, I won't post the next chapter. If I am wasting my time on this story, please, just tell me. Criticism helps. Okay, I am going to get going.

Stephie Malfoy-Cullen xx

And remember: Review!