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Wanderlust
(Twelve)
Sara knocked on the door shifting the bunch of flowers in her arms as she waited for an answer. She couldn't shift the nervous feeling descending over her as she willed herself to knock again, staring at the door almost wishing nobody would be home. Greg appeared before her with a tired smile stepping out of the way to let her in. They had barely spoken recently- work and everything else had gotten in the way.
It had hurt her when she'd heard that Greg and Morgan had moved in together but she realised that all relationships had to move forward and even though it felt like her life had come to a standstill his would not follow the same path.
The flowers and the wine had been her attempt a peace offering- realising that at some point in time they were going to have to start talking again. She missed her friend. She missed the man that made her laugh and cheered her up after tough days. And as optimistic as she was being Sara hoped that one day they would get that back.
"I thought I'd bring you around a house warming gift." She smiled handing the flowers and the wine to Greg glancing around for Morgan.
"She's gone to see her mother...she'll be back later tonight." He explained not having to ask her what she was looking for. Sara gave a half smile nodding following Greg into the kitchen as he placed the flowers and the wine down. A part of her thought it was wrong to be in their home without Morgan- it didn't feel right to be alone with Greg like this.
"Would you like some?" He asked indicating to the bottle and he placed two wine glasses on the kitchen counter.
"No- Thank you. Four months sober." Sara smiled at him nervously sitting herself down wondering if she should have left at the door rather that moving into their space like this. It wasn't too late- perhaps they could end this conversation and part without crossing any lines.
"Well done Sara..." Greg moved towards her sitting in the seat beside her their proximity forcing his breath catching in his chest slightly. "I'm proud of you... everything you've done..."
"It was because of you..." She couldn't help it. It was the truth- losing Greg had forced Sara to revaluate everything she had let her life become. Seeing him with Morgan underlined everything she had lost.
"Sara...I..." Greg began trailing off not bothering to finish what he was trying to say. Deep down he wanted to reach out to Sara but he knew it would be wrong to.
"It's okay Greg...I understand...you don't owe me anything." She assured him with a small smile. Her eyes cast over the space he now called home, noticing how unfamiliar it all was to her. "So aren't you going to give me the grand tour?"
"Sure" Greg beamed climbing to his feet and offering her his hand. He heaved her to a standing position and nervously cleared his throat, leading the way across the living area with a flourish of his hand.
He showed her around the house carefully paying attention to the details and furniture he had chosen. Sara found herself smiling and nodding enjoying watching Greg happy- she realised that perhaps being apart was for the best. She liked this Greg- she had been missing this version of him.
"This is the master bedroom room..." He swung the door open displaying a room decorated in various lavenders. Sara stepped inside following him without realising how uncomfortable it would be for the both of them.
It had been a long time since they had shared a bedroom- but they both could recall the intensity they had shared between the sheets. Years of being friends, of learning the smallest details about each other had translated into sensitivity they hadn't been able to receive from other lovers. In bed they were as in tune with each other as they were in life and it was an overwhelming and incredibly addictive experience.
She found herself wandering towards the dressing table- a small shell catching her eye- it was the same one Greg had picked up off the beach the time they had gone to California. Sara held the thing in her hand letting the rough outer skin move against the smoothness of her palm. Greg was watching her she could sense it without looking up. Her heart fluttered rapidly against her chest as his gaze burned into her skin.
"I've missed you..." he whispered scared that the walls would hear the things he was admitting.
Sara turned to face him- the same longing, and pain, shadowing her gaze as she watched him standing barely a few feet away from her.
"I've missed you too..." She nodded realising that they couldn't lie to each other about their feelings after all of the years that had passed them by. "Sometimes...I'll turn around and tell you something but realise you're not there..." She looked defeated.
"I'm here now..." Greg took a step towards her leaving only inches between them. "We don't have to miss each other anymore..."
"Greg...we...can't do this..." She whimpered into the space between their lips.
"Why not..." He brushed hair away from her face, his eyes focused on her lips licking his own in response.
"Because of her...Because of everything that's happened..." As much as Sara wanted to stop him she realised when it came to Greg she was helpless.
He placed his shaking lips nervously on Sara's letting his hand slide down onto her neck the other on her waist. She tasted just like he'd remembered her- it was the exact same mix off coffee and cigarettes. Sara kissed him back slowly her hands resting on his chest feeling his heart beating under his shirt. They paused- their eye closed, their foreheads pressed together- they both knew they needed to stop this and pull away.
"I forgot how good we were together..." Greg whispered to her. Sara opened her eyes meeting his- seeing his dilated pupils- the lust written across his expression- mirroring it within seconds. This time when he pulled her towards him there was no hesitation- his lips danced over hers his hands discovering her body again.
"I never wanted to let you go Sara" He muttered to her as his hand moved under her shirt towards the curve of her breasts, his lips returning to the spot on her neck that made her toes curl. She groaned pressing her body against his her hands firmly gripping hold of his shoulders.
Greg spun her around pushing her on to the bed breathlessly clambering on top of her pinning her wrists down as he slid one knee up towards her core his lips against hers as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth.
"Greg..." Sara groaned beneath him as he traced the curve of his neck past her collar bone with his lips. "Greg...We shouldn't do this..."
He paused leaning over her his hands remaining on her wrists- their eyes meeting- their lips inches apart and Sara realised she wanted him as much as he wanted her. She kissed him hard arching her body into him.
Greg took her in the way he had been imagining for almost every night since they had been together the last time. The groans, the gasps, the screams that had made their entanglements real came to life as Sara withered in his arms.
"Greg..." his name breathlessly escaped her lips as the aftershocks rippled through her body. His face was buried in her neck as he released himself a groan escaping and evaporating into Sara's skin.
They remained still for a moment catching their breaths as their bodies throbbed from their love making. It immediately began to sink in how wrong their actions had been. Greg lay down beside Sara intertwining his fingers with hers.
"I can't move on..." The words seemed to appear in the air before he had a chance to take them back.
"You have to..." She was pleading with him to see that they could never work- to see the things they had already done to each other were far too much.
"I don't want to" He said more defiantly.
Sara rolled on to her side to face him and Greg followed suit running his fingertips slowly up and down her arm. His tenderness making the things she knew she had to say so much harder.
"She loves you" Sara insisted.
"Look me the eye and tell me you don't..." Greg wanted for once to hear her be honest with him.
"It's not the same" Sara shook her head, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry Greg..."
"I'm not giving you up" He tightened his grip on her hand. She simply just nodded realising that they weren't going to be able to fix what they'd done this easily.
They lingered in the ghost of the sin they'd committed for a few moments longer. Sara dressed herself leaving Greg with a kiss on the cheek disappearing out of the house with a heavy heart. She felt guilty- but there was something else she couldn't explain.
That night when Morgan returned Greg found himself attempting to pretend that nothing was wrong.
He kissed her in the same way he always had as she heaved grocery bags onto the kitchen counter and glanced around. The wine and the flowers still lay abandoned there like old rubbish. She carefully filled a vase with water and arranged the bouquet with a questioning glance in his direction.
"Sara stopped round" he explained with a shrug "housewarming gift"
Morgan's eyes dropped from his immediately, staring at the flowers as though they could speak the truth he wouldn't dare. Just as the silence had become thick and awkward she smiled round at him and crossed the room with the vase, placing it carefully by the window.
"That was nice" she remarked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Greg watched her as she moved around the room wondering if deep down she knew how he felt. Maybe it reflected back to her in his eyes when he embraced her, maybe she could feel it in his touch when they made love. Guilt wound around him like a noose, he knew he was hurting Morgan but Sara was something he simply couldn't give up.
"You stripped the bed?" Morgan asked him, nodding towards the washing machine in full spin cycle, the purple of the sheets swirling around in the little window.
His heart stopped in his chest as he scanned her expression for suspicion but he found none. He had figured that cleaning the sheets was a way of making sure he didn't get caught, not the one thing that could lead to the discovery of his betrayal.
"Just trying to make myself useful" Greg muttered.
Morgan wound her arms around his waist, a smile crossing her features as she looked up at him. Her lips danced across his gently and she rested her head on his chest.
"You're too good to me" she smiled.
Everything told him he should be able to love her. They had fun together, they were yet to have a real fight, they liked the same things, they went to the same kind of bars…on paper they were the perfect couple. In reality, every time he looked into her eyes he wished she was someone else.
