So much good news and wonderfulness forever! My hero, Jon Stewart, interviewed Matt Stone and Trey Parker, my idols, and it turns out South Park isn't ending! That alone would ordinarily mean super long-ass author's note for your perusal, and even now I'm tempted to squeal in happiness and cry unicorns of good news.

But life gets better and a little funnier. My whore computer is back from the STD shop, and it's in totally perfect order! Literally, right out of the box order. Which is both awesome and sad. Because we had so many fun adventures, my computer and I. And now it has amnesia because we had to clear the hard drive. Like a horrible soap opera, I'm holding pictures up and saying "Look! Look! Remember this? Remember us?" But it doesn't.

I'm currently working on a Chapter 11 extension oneshot of lemony goodness.

And I had a dream my new roommate hated my guts, but she turned out to be Larry King's estranged son so it was okay.

Someone really needs to cut me off from caffeine after 9.

OH YEAH! Almost forgot! There's 91 comments on this story right now, which I LOVE. Thank you SO much you guys! So out of gratitude and celebration, the 100th reviewer gets to pick the next victim and the truth or dare! Seriously, anything. I'll make it happen. Just make sure you're logged in if you review so I can PM you and you can boss me around if it's you. Lol!

If I owned Hetalia, we would all be privy to Perverted Hungary's (probably enormous) voyeuristic country photos and vids.

Hungary and Austria next!

"Omigawd," Poland pouted. "This is totally unfair!"

Lithuania smiled and closed his eyes again. "It's okay, Feliks. Mystery is overrated."

"But it's, like, no fun if you always know what I'm gonna say!"

"Sure it is," Lithuania answered, looking Poland in the eye. "I already know who you're going to ask truth or dare, and that's going to be entertaining."

"Nu-uh!"

"Elizabeta."

Poland cursed under his breath. "Freaking psychic. Lizzy, truth or dare?"

Hungary leaned back and smiled at Poland. "You're the most adorable person I know, Poland."

"Shut up and answer," Poland pouted.

"Rreow!" Hungary scratched the air with imaginary claws and laughed. "Dare."

Lithuania chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Poland asked.

"I know what you're going to say," Lithuania giggled. "And I think it's going to be hilarious."

"Seriously, Liet," Poland said. "Do you, like, read my diary or something?"

"What?" Hungary asked, smiling. "What's the dare?"

"She's gonna freak out," Poland said to Lithuania.

"I know, but you've been sitting on this one for such a long time. You should do it."

"It's rare for you to, like, encourage me like this."

"Like I said," Lithuania smiled. "It's going to be entertaining."

"Should I?"

"If you don't I will."

"Seriously," Hungary said. "What's the dare?"

Poland looked at her mischieviously. "Are you ready?"

"Po, you're scaring me."

"I totally dare you," Poland grinned, "to be Siamese twins with Prussia for an hour!"

"WHAT?" Hungary and Prussia screamed in unison.

"You can't dare me!" yelled Prussia. "You didn't even ask!"

"There's no way I would want to be stuck to him, Po!" Hungary cried.

"That's the dare," Poland shrugged.

Germany leaned over to Poland. "I'm not entirely certain that this is a good idea."

"What did I say about the five feet rule?" Poland snapped at Germany. "Like, go away."

"Yeah, no way," Hungary grumbled. "I'd rather go in the closet with you. My nails could use a touch up."

Poland waved his hand at the firemen running into the apartment building. "No closet means you gotta do it, Liz."

"But I hate him!"

"Wow," Prussia said snarkily. "Tell us how you really feel."

"Oh my God, Gilbert, I want to choke you sometimes."

Prussia pointed accusingly at Hungary. "You're no cake-walk either, Miss Priss! At least you'd be able to be stuck to the awesome me. I'd have to be stuck to a whiny chick on her period who thinks the sun shines out of Austria's ass! Do you know how freaking annoying you are?"

"I am not annoying! You're the one who can't stop yourself from drinking and making an ass out of yourself no matter where you are! And you always expect everyone else to clean up your mess! And you're a total chauvanist, too!"

"Your boobs are small!"

The nations watched the back-and-forth with amusement.

"Wow," America whistled. "Good call, Poland, this is awesome!"

"Omigawd, I know, right?"

Lithuania smiled and fell asleep. Russia watched him hungrily.

"Canada," England said, worried. Canada's smile filled his face.

"You remembered me!"

England looked at him in confusion. "What?"

Canada's face fell. "Nevermind."

"Well, I was just thinking," England said. "Are you a little worried about Hungary and Prussia?"

Canada turned and watched Hungary and Prussia yell at each other.

"I'm way more awesome than you, Gilbert!"

"HA! As if! You're so unawesome you can't even comprehend the awesomeness that is me! You totally couldn't even make it through ten minutes tied to me!"

"Yeah, right! You're so close-minded you couldn't deal five minutes tied to me!"

"Bitch!"

"Asshole!"

Canada looked at England and smiled. "You know what? I'm really not."

At that moment a pale pair of arms snaked around Canada's waist and unbuckled his belt. Canada yelped in surprise.

"Sorry, Mattie," Prussia said, kissing Canada's forehead. "I need to borrow this for a little bit to prove a point."

"Er," Canada blushed. "Yeah, okay."

Prussia looped the belt through his own and Hungary buckled it around her waist. They glared at each other and shifted uncomfortably, trying to get as far away as possible while attached at the hip.

"Mein Gott," Prussia complained. "You're like a goddamned furnace!"

"Ugh," Hungary wrinkled her nose. "Think before you say, you fucking kindergartner! That's a terrible joke, considering!"

"Really? You're really bringing that up again?"

"Yeah, I really am."

"Tonight."

"Yeah."

"While we're tied together."

"Yeah."

"Sixty years later."

"Yup."

Prussia's eyes flashed hatred. "You've awakened the demon."

Hungary's eyes widened in fear. "No... Gilbert, don't you dare."

Canada's face softened into a loving grin as Prussia stuck his fingers in his mouth and Hungary screamed for help, trying to scramble away despite being tied to the spit-covered hand.

America grinned. "Dude," he said to Canada as Hungary screeched obscenities at Prussia. "You really have a gift for picking winners, huh?"

Hungary flipped her eyelids and Prussia yelled out in disgust as she tried to get him to face her. Canada shrugged.

"At last he can cook."

England colored and America patted his leg comfortingly.

"NO! Gibert, get that goddamned finger away from me!"

"'Gilbert's not here right now, Miss Liz!'"

"Damnit, you know The Shining freaked me out!"

"Fifty eight minutes to go," Poland called out cheerfully.

Hungary cursed. "Can I at least have- Gilbert stop touching me!- my turn now?"

"I'm not even doing anything!" Prussia cried.

Poland laughed. "Yeah, totally. Liet was so right, this is fun!"

"God DAMN, Hungary!" Prussia said. "Why are you breathing so loud?"

"Stop sweating on me, Gilbert!"

"Stop radiating heat like a goddamn oven!"

"Still not funny!"

"I was being totally literal!"

"RODERICH," Hungary shouted, ignoring Prussia. "Truth or dare?"

Austria jumped slightly in surprise. Prussia rolled his eyes.

"Oh, God. Not the aristocrat." Hungary smacked Prussia in the arm.

"Ah," Austria said, pushing his glasses farther up on his nose. "Truth."

"Pussy!" cried Prussia. Hungary yelled angrily and hit him over the head.

Austria coughed. "I beg your pardon?"

Prussia rubbed his head and glared at Hungary. "I said," Prussia stated deliberately, "That you are a pussy. A pansy. A wuss. And also, you have a vagina."

"BRUDER!" Germany shouted angrily. Prussia shrugged and Hungary grabbed his ear.

"Ow, fuck off! It's true!"

"You freak of nature," Hungary growled, twisting Prussia's ear.

"Fifty two minutes," Poland called happily.

"Austria is allowed to say truth," Hungary said, ignoring Poland. "It's his choice."

"I know," Prussia said, wincing. "He just made the unmanly choice. It's not a bad thing, I was just calling his attention to it."

Austria narrowed his eyes. "The 'unmanly choice?'"

Hungary let go of Prussia's ear. "Don't listen to him, Roderich. Prussia wouldn't know 'manly' if it slapped him in the face."

Canada snickered and America hit him.

"Ew, Matt."

Prussia caught Canada's eye and he winked. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I would."

Hungary scowled and blushed. Prussia grinned and poked her cheek.

"Look at her! She's trying so hard not to imagine it!"

"TRUTH!" Hungary shouted. "Austria wanted truth!"

"Because he is a woman," Prussia said matter-of-factly.

Austria colored. "Elizabeta, I think I will change my mind. I pick dare."

Hungary rolled her eyes. "Come on, Roderich. Don't tell me- Gilbert get your goddamned finger out of my ear!- Don't tell me you're giving in to peer pressure. Gilbert's an idiot."

"He thinks I won't do it," Austria said, glaring. "I enjoy making him wrong."

"Austria totally didn't give me a million dollars." Prussia cried out in pain when Hungary punched him in the stomach.

"Are you sure, Roderich?" Hungary asked as Prussia coughed. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Ja," Austria said calmly. "Dare."

"Wear underwear on your head!" Prussia shouted.

"Gilbert! It's my turn, not yours!"

"Right," Prussia reasoned. "And we're Siamese twins. So it's my turn, too."

"What? Siamese twins aren't the same person!"

"Yes they totally are!"

"No, moron, they're not! They're just twins that happen to be attached!"

"Right- same person!"

Hungary covered her face in her hands. "Why do I even bother?"

"Forty seven minutes," Poland said gleefully.

"Okay, dare," Hungary mused. "Dare, dare dare..."

"Do the Ministry of Silly Walks!"

"No," Hungary said to Prussia. "Dare... dare..."

"Talk in limericks!"

"No. Dare..."

"Go hit on Mexico!"

"No! Dare. Dare. Dare."

"Draw a mustache on yourself!"

"No! Gilbert, stop interrupting me!"

"Well make up your damn mind, woman!"

Hungary tackled Prussia with a roar and Prussia shrieked, covering his face with his arms.

Hungary grabbed Prussia's wrists and hit Prussia's face with them. "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting youself!"

"Oh, real mature, booger bucket!"

"At least I'm not hitting myself, cootie face!"

"Butt nugget!"

"Dummy head!"

"Forty six minutes," Poland cackled.

"Guys," America said suddenly, awestruck. "Look."

Prussia and Hungary looked up and gasped.

Austria ambled back to the party from the Central American countries in a John Cleese-like gait, kicking out his right leg every so often and dragging his left foot. Every couple of steps, he spun around and danced a step or two. Stretched over his head was what looked like a black and red pair of lacy panties and he had colored a neat blue mustache with Germany's marker. The nations stared in awe as he walked ridiculously over to the party and bowed.

"Dude," Prussia said. "What?"

Austria took a deep breath.

"Your dares must be what they call lame

Because I completed them all just the same.

Is that your best shot?

Well, look what I've got-

Undeniable Austrian game."

The nations applauded and hooted as Austria bowed and sat back down. Prussia looked at him in awe.

"All four?"

"Yes, Gilbert," Austria said, slipping the panties off his head. "All four. At the same time."

"I would totally worship you right now if I didn't just learn that you wear lacy panties."

Austria smiled and folded the underwear before slipping them into his pocket. "Oh, these aren't mine," he grinned slyly. "They're Maria's."

Never question an Austrian's game. Because if you're wondering how much game they have, the answer is "a lot."

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'm Jewish. So if you took offense at "furnace," take a chill pill, seriously. My people took it way worse than your people. And if you're Jewish and took offense, please relax. Nothing's so sacred that we can't reference it in crappy fanfiction. Lol!

Wow. I sound super offensive tonight. Again, remind me to to cut caffeine after nine.