Still cant find a Beta, if anyone is interested let me know…. All mistakes are my own, and for some reason I can finally reply to reviews, so as of last chapter I can now reply to them… this chapter it very emotional, and I promise this will be the last of these chapters for a while, and we will see some more Bella Paul interactions after this chapter as well, but I will warn you they don't get back together in this chapter…. And probably wont til the very last chapter of the story and then that's a huge maybe, you'll see why in this chapter.

Sensitive topic such as miscarriages is talked about in this chapter

Chapter Fourteen The kitchen table.

Bella sighed tiredly as she sat at her kitchen table, this place she had made a home for her and the boys, she had managed to provide and care for them all without the pack.

But it seems that she could never escape them.

Rubbing at the hollow feeling in her heart, Bella closed her eyes.

She just needed to be able to think a bit clearer that's all.

She needed to be able to sort through everything, and with the boys gone and only Paul around she hoped it would be a little easier.

A lot easier to deal with everything that had been happening in her life as of late, without worrying that something would happen to her kids.

Breathing a sigh of relief Bella gently ran her hand over the dinning table, each stain a reminder of the meals, and the spills that her and her boys had shared over the past twelve years.

There's even the mark in the wood that her and Paul had made when they had had to much wine one night, before Jason was conceived.

Smiling lightly she remembered the way Paul's eyes use to light up as she entered the kitchen when he came home from work, the feeling she use to get when he whispered he loved her in her ear while she stood at the stove cooking their tea.

Then she remembers the look of bitter disappointment, the hate that wafted off him when she had told him she was pregnant, the angry words and the fear she feel when he had left the house and hadn't came back for three months.

All the times he had hurt her through the years, was always there, even when Jason took his first steps, or the twins learnt their first words, those joyous moments that Paul should of shared with her, he had ran from them.

He had spent more time away then at home.

Running her fingers along the edge where a piece of the table was missing she smiled lightly, she had been cooking a meal when Harley had started to learn to walk, he was still wobbly on his little legs, and had been chasing his older brothers when he had slipped and banged into the corner of the table, taking a chuck out of his forehead along with a piece of wood from the table, Bella remembered the panic she had felt as Harley lay on the ground not making a sound, she had thought she had lost her little boy, until he had let out a piercing scream and clutched at his head.

The paint specks that littered the table top still remained from the twins first time playing with paint, their glee as the red and blue soaked into the grain of the old table, Bella didn't know whether to laugh at them finger painting her kitchen table or to take the paint away from them.

Even Jason's first kiss had happened at the kitchen table when they though Bella wasn't looking, him and a pretty blonde had been studying English when Jason had kissed her, she remembered the blush high on both their cheeks as they stared at each other afterwards before leaning in for another simple brush of their lips together.

She had some serious discussions at this dinning table.

And it seemed that tonight she would have another one, she just hoped that she would be conversing with the man not the wolf.

As her back door opened, she took a sip of her cup of tea.

Paul never did seem to know what time he was meant to be somewhere.

"Bella" Paul breathed.

Placing her cup on the table, Bella indicated that he should sit across from her "hello Paul, have a seat"

Paul shuffled lightly, before he took the seat she indicated "Bella I-"

"no" Bella cut across him "for once its my time to talk, you get to just sit there and listen for a change."

Paul swallowed lightly, his hands fisted as he nodded his head.

"your having trouble controlling your wolf" Bella stated "so I'll say this as nice as I can, so you don't try to attack me again."

"he doesn't want you leaving with his kids" Paul muttered.

"funny how that's what the wolf wants and you don't." Bella snipped as she twirled her cup in her hands.

"Bella I-"

"shut up" Bella snapped, she was thankful she had taken a calmer before she decided to have this discussion with Paul "I'm talking not you"

Paul nodded, his shoulders straightening slightly.

"For twelve years I have put up with your abuse."

"I never hit you" Paul snapped "I never laid a hand on you."

Bella snorted "there is more then one type of abuse, you used the imprint pull so that I was more compliant with you, you stretched the bond that far so that when you returned I would be so relieved I overlooked everything."

"I didn't do it so that you stayed with me" Paul cut across "I stayed away because I believed that your kids weren't mine."

"Well who's the fool now" Bella snapped "you are the only man I had ever slept with" taking a deep breath she stated "you have emotionally and mentally abused me for years, the only thing that has kept me sane is because I have my boys."

Breathing deeply she stated "I have gone through years and years of heartbreak all by myself, you weren't there when my boys got sick, you weren't even there to hold my hand when I gave birth, as soon as you found out I was pregnant you ran away with your tail between your legs."

Trying to control her anger, Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before continuing "I couldn't even enrol my boys into the reservation school, let alone go down to the local supermarket and buy groceries because not only was I not welcome, I was a disgrace for cheating on my warrior, for not believing in the beliefs of the tribe, even people not in the pack were able to sense something was not right and flocked away from us."

Looking up at Paul Bella snapped "what made you think I had cheated on you in the first place? What made you believe that I was that unhappy with you that I would look for comfort elsewhere?"

Paul reached across the table and grabbed her hand "Bella, I am so sorry" he croaked "I didn't realise it was that bad when I wasn't here, I don't know what to say to make this better."

"Just answer the question I asked" Bella stated, as she withdraw her hands from his.

"I couldn't have kids" he croaked "I had an accident with my father when I was a boy and the doctors said I was sterile"

"why the hell didn't you tell me this" Bella cried as she rose from the table "the wolf gene healed all aliments, it cleared up Jared's eye sight and Seth's asthma or did you not remember that, all this time you though I cheated on you, you neglected and degraded my boys over the fact that you were to stupid to realise that the wolf gods fixed the fact that you couldn't have kids" pausing she stated bitterly "the whole reason you wolves imprint in because of breeding, you wouldn't imprint if you couldn't breed."

"I know that now" Paul snapped back "I know that there all mine now alright, I now I'm the world's worst mate, husband and father."

"Your damn right you are" Bella snapped back "your not even a father, you're their sperm donor" she stated, as she placed her hand across her stomach. "You don't even deserve to be there father, let alone be in the same room as them."

Paul flinched at her words "Bella-"

"no" she snapped "you don't get any favours, because you couldn't even speak to me about your problems, you put me through hell for twelve years thinking it was me." She turned her back to him "you made me think that I was the one with all the problems, you made me think that I was worthless, that I shouldn't be here, you made me second doubt everything about myself."

"I supported myself and my children why you went and spent time away from home doing god knows what, and when your back on the res you flaunt around with your women wrapped around you like a sweater"

"I don't sleep with them." Paul cut across "I couldn't cheat on you"

"so you tried" Bella stated turning to face him "when?"

"a few years back" Paul muttered as he ran his finger along a crack in the table "you had just had Harry and Charlie, they were about 10 months old, and I could smell Edward Cullen all over you"

Bella's back stiffened slightly, she had known that he was cheating on her, but to hear him actually say it made her heart squeeze, before she calculated the date in her head.

September the 12th.

She had had her miscarriage that night.

"I got so angry, that I found Jessica Stanley, and I ended up having sex with her in an alley way when I came home-"

"You found out I had been rushed to the hospital" Bella cut across, as she felt tears slip down her cheeks

Paul nodded "I came to see you, but the Cullens wouldn't let me in."

"I miscarried that night" Bella stated, as she tried to control the sobs that were trying to build up in her throat "while you were fucking that slut in the alley way, I laid on the kitchen floor in a pool of my blood, before Alice had a vision and was able to call the ambulance, my three year old son and his 10 month old brothers lay in their beds and cried for me and I could do nothing because of the crippling pain I was in." dashing at the tears that fall down her cheeks Bella snapped "I thought I was being punished for something I had done by your gods, that I was unworthy to have another baby." Sobbing lightly Bella shouted "it was because of you I lost my baby."

Paul stood up from the table the chair flying into the bench behind him in his haste to get to Bella, pulling her into his arms, he tried to comfort her "I'm so sorry" he pleaded with her.

Slapping his arms away from her, she tried to push him away "Its all your fault" she screamed "I lost my baby because of your selfishness, and I'm probably going to lose this one to because of you."

"Bella please" Paul pleaded "please just let me hold you"

"No" Bella snapped, as she finally got away from him, putting the kitchen table between them she snapped "you don't get anything from me anymore." Wiping at her eyes, she collapsed into the closest chair "I lost my baby because of you" she sobbed as she buried her head into her arms and wept.

"I'm sorry" Paul whispered, as he dropped to his knees beside her "I had no idea what the implications of cheating on you would be until I heard you were in the hospital, I didn't mean for any of this to happen Bella" his head encased her jean covered knee "I promise you that I never meant for that to happen, please you have to believe me if I had of known the repercussions I would never have looked at another woman." Resting his face on her knees, his giant shoulders shook as the sorrow was past through their bond. "I am so sorry, so sorry" be begged as he buried his head further into her knees, his tears dampening her jeans.

Closing her eyes tightly Bella let the grief and sorrow wash over her.

Where Pauls touch her she felt like she was being wrapped in a secure blanket after walking through a snow storm.

She felt safe, just at his touch.

"I'm so sorry" Paul muttered as he kissed her knee caps "I promise I will make it up to you."

"you can't" Bella croaked, clearing her throat she stated "you can't make it up to me, I thought my world was ending when I lost my baby, if it wasn't for Jason and the twins, I wouldn't have gotten up in the mornings. You ran away when I needed you the most Paul how can you make that up to me?"

"I didn't run away" Paul muttered, his face still pressed to her knees "I stayed as close to you as I could, the Cullens wouldn't let me near you at the hospital, and then I couldn't fight the urge to phase, and I was stuck wolf for a month, I was as close to you as I could get without people knowing the secret." Rubbing his face against her knees he stated "I couldn't stay away, every time you were sick I use to sit outside the window, I just couldn't look at you while you were so happy with children I thought weren't mine."

"your wolf?" Bella asked

"I've been fighting him for so long, I thought he was just trying to get out, I never thought he was trying to tell me something until Jason phased" swallowing Paul stated "and then I finally listened to what he had to say."

Wiping at her eyes Bella stated "aren't you and the wolf the one person?"

"no" Paul answered, as he run his nose along her knee, inhaling deeply before stating "its like sharing one body with two people, I've just got so use to fighting him, I barely hear what he wanted to say to me" pausing he stated "until the evidence was right in front of me" pushing his face into her knees he stated "I'm exactly like me father."

"no" Bella whispered

Paul raised his head, so their eyes were locked "Bella"

"your worse" she stated, as she pushed him away from her, a part of her felt joy at the ability to cause him some pain "and there is nothing you can do to make what you have done up to me."

Paul flinched at her words, withdrawing completely from her. "Bella?"

"There's to much hurt Paul" Bella whispered as she brought her arms around her middle "you've hurt me to much to be able to just fix this relationship" breathing deeply she stated "in fact I don't think we could ever be an us again after what you've done."

Paul swallowed hard, his shoulders trembling in a way that Bella had never seen them quiver in the 14 years she had known Paul. "I understand" he said through gritted teeth. "I'll see what I can do about the council, is there anything I can do for you? For the boys?"

Bella sighed, as she felt his pain blast through their bond "the council can't take my boys"

"they wont, I'll make sure of it" Paul stated "and if you want the house your welcome to it, just please don't leave the area" he paused, as he hunched his shoulders over further "I want to be able to see the boys make it up to them, and i can see you to help with the imprint pull so its not so hard with" he swallowed "with you being pregnant, that can't be good for the baby."

"I went through five pregnancies feeling that pull" Bella stated drily "and the council can't touch the boys because your not on their birth certificates, and I don't want this house, I'll be moving with the boys into Charlie's old house, so we wont be that far away."

Paul nodded "I guess I should have known that."

Bella nodded "you can see the boys, but I doubt they'll want anything to do with you, especially Jason."

Paul nodded quickly "can I" he paused "I know you don't own me anything, but can I help you with this pregnancy, can I go to the appointments with you."

Bella placed her hands on her stomach. "No" she stated "I'm not ready to pretend we're a family again, when I don't think we ever will be."

Paul flinched at her words, as he stood up from the ground "I need to go, thank you" he snapped as he fled the room, as soon as the door slammed Bella closed her eyes as she heard the sound of ripping clothes followed by a heart wrenching howl.

She hoped she had done the right thing.

So….what do you guys think? I promise Paul turns around after this chapter, and things get better for Bella.

The kitchen table mentioned in this chapter is exactly like my nana's kitchen table, including the blue and red paint that me and my cousin tipped all over it one day, as are all the little nicks and the drawings.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Lily