Hilarious Misunderstanding

Tony was thoroughly enjoying himself. Thanks to his genius skills of persuasion, he'd convinced Pepper to accompany him to the park on this beautiful day. They were both dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and Pepper had thrown a hoodie on over her shirt just in case she got cold. She looked adorable, in Tony's opinion. He was engrossed in simply watching her, while she was engrossed in her book.

Or so he'd thought.

"That woman won't stop staring," she muttered discreetly, never taking her eyes off of her copy of 'Dead Until Dark'.

Tony frowned and turned his head fractionally to see that there was a woman sitting alone on the park bench beside theirs. But she wasn't being at all discreet like Pepper was. She was fully staring at him with wide, slightly creepy eyes.

"Hello," she said with a very bright smile.

"Hi," Tony answered back.

"How are you doing?"

Tony cocked his head to the side – ever so slightly – in confusion. "Good… thanks."

"You're looking good," she said gently.

"Pardon?!" She wasn't daring enough to say it again, was she?

"I said, 'you're looking good'."

Apparently she was. Tony shrugged in mild surprise. "Fair enough." When she said no more, he turned his attention back to Pepper – perhaps he'd pretend to read over her shoulder. But the strange woman spoke up again.

"Jenny."

He pursed his lips together and turned back to her. "Pardon?"

"Jenny."

Tony blinked. "I'm sorry, but I think you might've mistaken me for somebody else."

She smiled and shook her head. "No, it's me. My name is Jenny."

"Oh, I thought…" Tony shook his head as well. He was pretty slow today. He laughed gently. "I didn't... I'm sorry. It was nice to meet you, Jenny." He tried to turn back to Pepper – again – hoping that Jenny would take the hint. He could hardly see Pepper out of the corner of his eye when Jenny spoke. Again.

"Oh, we've met before. Quite a few times, actually." Tony stiffened at that. Pepper sat up straighter, clearly not reading anymore despite the fact that her nose was still in the book.

Oh dear… Had he slept with this woman? He gave her a quick once over; she was a perfect ten (though, not compared to Pepper), and it wasn't at all a stretch to believe that he would've slept with her in the past. But why the hell was she here now? Did she just want to catch up? Did she think that she'd meant more than a one night stand to him? Was she one of the not-so-stable ones?

Tony cleared his throat uncomfortably. It was his experience that – if there was even the slightest possibility that the woman was unstable – he was better off pretending that he knew the woman rather than brushing her off right away.

"Yeah, of course we have," he said, nodding as though he recognized her. "What am I thinking? What I meant was, it was nice to meet you... when I met you." Tony blinked hard. Her gaze was just a little too intent for comfort, and it seemed that she hadn't moved an inch since they'd started talking. It was creeping him out! "Where was it that we met, again?"

"At a party," she said calmly.

"That's right! I was a little drunk, I think," he replied, perhaps too quickly. She didn't look like a reporter. Then again, what made a person look like a reporter? Maybe she worked at Stark Industries? "Wasn't it one of those boring work parties?"

"No."

She still hadn't moved. Her smile had fallen some, but her bright blue eyes were still glued to him, never wavering. It honestly made Tony want to shiver. Was she part reptile? Did she have the ability to blink?!

"That's why I said, 'wasn't it'," Tony said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "It was the party of a mutual friend… was it? Wasn't it...?"

She giggled a little and her eyes returned to a normal size. "Yes, it was."

Tony sighed in relief, both at her confirmation and at the change in her expression. "Yeah, I thought so." But he wasn't out of the water yet. Which mutual friend? Perhaps if he just went down the list? By now she had to know that he didn't remember her, but he couldn't just drop the act. "Rhodey's, right?"

She narrowed her eyes very slightly, as though wincing. "No."

"Happy's?"

"No."

"Bruce's?"

"No."

"Nick's?"

"Yes, Nick's."

"Yes! Nick's party!" Tony bit his lip. He hadn't exactly shouted it out, but he had sounded a bit too excited about it. So he'd met this woman at one of Nick Fury's parties. Makes a little sense. Fury does keep some strange company, he thought. "Love Nick's parties."

"Crazy times," she agreed.

In more ways than one, apparently… "How is that guy, anyway?" Tony hadn't spoken to Fury in a few weeks…

"She's good," Jenny said, her mouth twisting in mild annoyance.

Tony laughed uncomfortably. "Oh, that's right. Nick hates it when I forget that. How is she, though?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Because I don't know her! "I tried a couple of times," Tony said, thinking fast, "but she just laughs and says 'horseshit'."

Pepper snickered beside him, but Jenny just waved her hand in dismissal. "We watched a movie," she said optimistically, as though hoping to jog his memory.

And it didn't.

At all.

Tony nodded slowly. "Yeah. It was something like… Schindler's List? But not necessarily! I remember for sure that it was sad and that we cried. I let you cry on my shoulder." He'd used that and other sad movies a few times to lure a particularly difficult woman into his bed. After a sad movie and a good cry, they were usually in the mood for living life to the fullest. At least for a few hours…

But his heart fell when Jenny didn't respond. Wrong again. She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It was Police Academy Four," she told him, then brightened. "We went for a walk."

He was starting to wonder if she was making all of this up as she went along. After all of the wrong guessing – and a subtle test for possible insanity – Tony couldn't help but ask, "On our feet - if I remember correctly?"

Jenny laughed lightly. "Of course. We went to the top of the hill and we ate some sandwiches."

"Right! Sandwiches… at the top of the hill."

"You remember?"

Tony scratched his chin. "It's coming. Slowly… but surely. We grabbed some sandwiches… and ate them."

"That's the only way to have sandwiches," she agreed.

Pepper snickered again, and Tony gave her leg a light shove with his thigh. Perhaps she found all of this amusing, but Tony was still a little scared. "So, tell me, Jenny; do you still like going on walks?" It would be nice to change the subject…

"I still walk a lot," she said pleasantly. "But I'm not eating as many sandwiches as back then."

Tony nodded. She seemed to be expecting him to verbally respond to that, but all he could come up with was, "Oh."

"Diet, you know. Salads are better, or so I hear." She finally broke eye contact with him and looked down at her hands. "Do you… remember what we did at the top of the hill?"

"Besides walking and eating sandwiches?" He could certainly guess…

"We went to the lookout," she said, looking back up to him.

Tony opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. How, in heaven's name, could he possibly make this any more awkward than it already was?

He couldn't!

"I remember exactly what we did at the lookout!" he said. "We just looked out across the city, watched how the buildings and cars lit up the night just like the stars in the sky. We just… sat there, looking out all night."

Jenny chewed on her bottom lip and tapped her foot a bit impatiently. Obviously that hadn't been the answer she'd been looking for. Okay, so she wanted him to hurry up and confirm that he remembered having sex with her. He glanced nervously at Pepper as he spoke. "Then, a little later, we – "

"It was daytime," she said shortly.

"…"

Oh. Well, apparently he could make the situation more awkward.

"The daytime… of the night?" Tony tried, for lack of anything that made more sense. Nothing about this conversation had made any sense at all to him. Pepper shook her head frantically as she covered her mouth. She tried to get up but Tony caught her wrist and made her sit back down. There was no way in hell that he was going to be left alone with this woman while Pepper went off to laugh about it!

Jenny swallowed and nodded, looking more than a little irritated. "Do you remember what you said to me?"

Tony sighed. "Not word for word, actually, Jenny. But I remember there were… some verbs."

She didn't seem amused by his little joke. "You said to meet you here in one year because you just needed a little time to clear your head." Her lips twisted into a bitter smile. "And you seem to have shaken all your memories of us out of your head like an Etch-A-Sketch."

He gave her another nervous smile. How drunk had he been?!? He didn't promise women things like meeting up with them after a year because he needed to think. There was never anything to think about, except who was going to occupy his bed next...

You were a bit of a slut, weren't you, Stark?

But he could contemplate that later. He raked his brain intensely, hoping that something about Jenny would come to memory.

"We have a child."

And halt!

Tony couldn't even blink. Pepper seemed to stiffen beside him as well, and was no longer attempting to contain any giggles. "P-Pardon?!" Tony asked, his tone raising an octave.

"We. Have. A. Child."

Tony pursed his lips together. Perhaps she was seeking child support? That wasn't an outrageous request, though a little forewarning would've been nice… Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd always used protection! What the hell?! "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly. "Why didn't you tell me what we really did on that hilltop? Are you sure it's even mine? I mean, does it look like me at all or even have my eyes?"

"Or your way with words, perhaps?!" She was outright scowling at him now. "Of course not!" she snapped. "Not at all, because we adopted him! I can't believe you don't remember! It was a very difficult process!"

"…"

Tony gaped at her, moving his mouth but unable to form a coherent statement. He took a deep breath. He should be relieved. But something about this whole situation was so off that he just couldn't shake his mild terror off. Not quite yet. "Are you sure that was me, Jenny?" he finally asked.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, turning away from him haughtily. "Yes, I'm pretty sure it was you, John."

Nearly choking on laughter, Pepper hurriedly got up again and Tony didn't even attempt to make her stay. He honestly felt like leaving too. He'd wasted moments of his life trying to convince this fruit loop that he knew her! And, as it turned out, the problem was that she didn't know him!

He calmed himself. Worse things had happened to him than a hilarious misunderstanding. Perhaps he wasn't laughing now, but it'd probably be funny in few hours.

"Maybe we should start over," he said gently. "I'm Tony."

She whipped around and raked him over with a careful eye. When it seemed to finally click into place for her, Jenny gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, blushing furiously. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

Well, at least she realized that she had the wrong guy. "Ah, don't worry."

"Oh, this is terrible…"

"Jenny, don't worry."

"God above, how embarrassing!!"

"Don't worry about it, Jenny! Actually, I'm kind of relieved." He slouched on the park bench, feeling like he'd just gotten the third degree from an FBI agent. "That kind of thing happens all the time. I've just got one of those faces, I suppose."

"So does John! He's got one of those faces as well."

"That's probably why – "

"It would make sense that I'd – "

"But I'm not…"

"So…"

"Yeah."

They shared an awkward laugh and silence before she finally got up and left. A few minutes later, Pepper came back, her face as red as her hair and her eyes blurry with tears. Her lips were tightly pursed together as she slowly resumed her seat next to him.

Tony glared at her as she tried to go back to reading, as though nothing had happened. Tony couldn't help but feel abandoned. "You don't have to worry," he said sourly. "I know you were really worried. I was worried too, but I handled it. So you don't have to worry…"

She dropped the book into her lap and tears began pouring down her cheeks as she laughed hysterically into her hands to muffle the sound.

Inspired by 'Jenny' from Flight of the Conchords. EVERY time I've read through it, I picture Sarah Chalke as Jenny. Is that weird?