CHAPTER 14
They heard the roar of the plow before they actually saw it. Callie got up and quickly pulled on some jeans and a shirt. Arizona scrambled to the other end of the room and found pants and a robe. Like they were teenagers trying to not get caught.
Callie stood by the window. Tall and straight in her posture. She looked over at Arizona who was now standing on the other side of the kitchen counter, looking back at the latina. They kept looking at each other, but none of them said anything as Bill from the volunteer fire department pulled up in front of the house in the town's snowplow and literally burst their little bubble.
Callie lowered her gaze, paused for a second, put on her jacket, grabbed the doorknob and pulled open the door. There was something in her eyes. Regret maybe?
All Arizona managed to get out was "Callie…" She wanted to say so many things to Callie, but she didn't know how. And now it seemed like it was too late.
The latina looked at Arizona for a few seconds, and then she walked outside.
Arizona watched from the window as Callie spoke to Bill. The guy was smiling and so was the latina. Arizona knew what it meant; their time together in Nella's house was over.
She opened the front door slowly and both Bill and Callie turned towards her.
"The road is open. I'm gonna go down with Bill. A woman, Tessa, will go into labor soon" Callie said.
Arizona simply nodded as she held her robe tightly around herself in the cold.
Bill tipped his hat at the blonde, and then Arizona watched as Callie jumped into her truck and drove behind Bill out the driveway and onto the road.
A few seconds later as a deafening silence fell in Arizona's driveway, it felt like it had all been a dream. A three week long dream. As if Callie had never been there. She'd come out of nowhere and left out of nowhere. And all that was left were her blankets on the couch and a bit of clothes.
Arizona sat down, looked out the window at the branches on the trees that would now be carrying significantly less weight as the snow melted.
And then she hid her face in her hands and cried. The tears had been a long time coming.
Callie didn't cry. Instead she worked non-stop for a whole week after returning to town, trying to squeeze 3 weeks worth of consultations into 7 days.
At the end of the week she was beat. And as she was trying to finish up some paperwork, all she could think about was sleep. And Arizona.
She'd thought about the blonde. A lot. But she had also tried to will the thoughts away, not wanting to think about the weeks they had spent together. Not wanting her heart broken. But the blonde kept popping up in her head. Flashing those damn dimples.
Lost in her thoughts, Callie didn't hear the door, but she could smell Arizona's shampoo a mile away.
"You just left. You didn't even call"
Callie didn't look up from her paper work. She couldn't look the other woman in the eyes.
When she finally looked up, she got out of her seat and walked around the table so she was standing right in front of Arizona.
"I wanted to give you some space" Callie said with a cold voice. She was dead tired. And something inside of her made her want to push the blonde away.
"Space?" Arizona said and furrowed her brow.
"Yeah. So you could go back to your…straight…life"
It wasn't what Callie had meant to say. It was simply what her tired and protective brain came up with.
Arizona looked surprised and hurt. She responded by slapping Callie's cheek hard.
"Don't pretend to know anything about me!" Arizona hissed out and quickly walked to the door. Right before walking out, she turned around and looked at Callie with fire in her eyes. Her voice came out sad and croaky though.
"The...someone...the one whose bones you offered to break...in New York...is a woman. She cheated on me. A million times. And I..." Arizona stopped for a second and took in her own words. She lifted a shaking hand and held it against her chest as if to stop her heart from breaking, and then she half whispered "Fuck you!" before she abruptly turned around and left.
Somehow Callie wasn't surprised. The way Arizona had touched her had been...well...the touch of someone experienced. It had been – if she was completely honest with herself – amazing. She just didn't want to fall into whatever had happened between them. She wanted to stay level headed. Cool. Unattached.
And that's what she hung onto for three days until she was barely floating anymore.
It was late at night, and she tried to figure out whether she should drown her evening in a bottle of wine or simply go to bed.
She opted for a third activity; pacing the living room while throwing glances towards the mountainside.
Her heart was heavy and her mind was working overtime.
She had something she wanted – needed – to get off her chest.
At midnight she got into her car and drove to Pine Tree Road.
Nella's house looked dark with only a small light coming from the living room. Arizona must have seen the car coming, but she didn't come out. Callie sat in the car for a minute or two before she finally got out and walked to the front door.
The driveway looked different without all the snow, and the latina could hear the melt water run down the mountain in the distance. Spring was coming.
Callie lifted her hand and right as her hand was about to touch the wood, the door opened. Slowly. Arizona just stood there, looking like her skin was on fire, lighting up the dark doorway. She didn't say anything, and for a moment neither did Callie. They just looked at each other. There was no anger. But Arizona needed Callie to say something. And that's exactly what Callie then did.
"Her name was Vivian. She was Bill's daughter. And I loved her so, so much. I lost her. She died. And I can't survive another loss. I will fall in love with you, Arizona. And then you'll leave. You'll go back to New York. Maybe even back to her. And I'll be here… And I can't…"
Callie had tears in her eyes now and her lip was quivering.
Everything had happened so fast 3 years earlier. She'd been happily married one minute and a widow the next.
When she got the call, she only registered fractions of the sentences like 'Dead' and 'Drunk driver'. It was all a haze, and the shock of it all made her drop the phone and fall to the floor.
After the funeral she'd driven out to the lake and screamed, and screamed, and screamed until what left her body were only raw sounds of desperation. She kneeled down on the muddy ground and stayed there for hours.
It had felt like sorrow was clawing at her heart and throat.
She didn't think she'd survive.
But she did.
And slowly, very slowly, she got back on her feet.
They picked her up.
To begin with she'd kept the clinic closed and locked herself in the apartment.
She didn't open the door for anybody for weeks. She didn't eat. Didn't shower. Barely existed.
That was until Bill and Wilson broke through her back door and dragged her out of bed.
They wiped her tears and washed her like a couple of father's washing a baby. And then they dressed her and took her to Patty's Diner and fed her.
They did that every day for a month, until it no longer was too great a task for Callie herself to get up and face the world.
People were kind and loving and caring. She'd found it miraculous. And the care they gave her filled her with so much love for them.
She'd never forget it. Ever.
They never spoke about it now though. And she loved them for that too. It wasn't like nobody ever mentioned Vivian's name, but people didn't look at her with pity in their eyes, and she was immensely grateful for that.
And now… Now she was standing in front of Arizona. A woman who had showed up out of nowhere and stirred everything. Shaken her little quiet life in Centerville and warmed her heart up again. And she couldn't allow that to happen. She couldn't love again. Because she was certain it wouldn't last.
It was too much to bear. And Callie's shoulders felt immensely heavy under Arizona's silence.
"I don't...I'm sorry" the blonde finally whispered as the realization of Callie's words hit her. The deep, deep sorrow that somehow came pouring out of the latina was almost tangible. Arizona didn't know what else to say.
Callie looked at her as a single tear ran down her cheek.
"I just can't…" the latina then repeated.
Arizona swallowed thickly, nowhere near unaffected by Callie's words and presence, and then she simply nodded in understanding.
Callie clenched her jaw and then also mustered a small nod before the turned around, walked back to her car and drove back to her apartment.
It was supposed to close it down.
To make it go away.
But it didn't.