Chapter 14: Return

It was hard to believe that a prison was the best source of protection, but then again, it was so obviously the best place to find shelter. We had been shuffled into the prison block, strangers standing there but I had taken Vincent away to a cell Beth guided me to, watching me as though I was some sort of ghost and I guess in a way I was. I had barely got Vincent's ruined shirt off him when Rick had snapped, yelling in some sort of a break down, but I understood now as I sat with Hershel, the sun trickling down from the windows above us.

To learn that some of your friends had died, died when you had somehow survived, it felt wrong. Lori had died through childbirth and TDog died while saving Carol, it was unfair; they had things to live for, a life worth keeping and me? I was the only one to return from the brink. It was hard to even think and I simply can't describe the feeling; I remember reading papers or hearing people in the bar talking about survivors guilt, I just never thought I would be feeling it, it isn't in the same situation but that's what I was putting it down to. Why did I survive? Why me and not them when they deserved it so much more?
It was the last thing Rick needed, and as I sat in the prison cell watching as Hershel checked over Vincent's wound, I didn't blame him. He tried so hard to keep everyone alive, he had all winter under impossible situations and the moment that he finds somewhere perfect to create a haven, his wife dies and trouble stirs. I was just grateful that I had been welcomed back into the group as though I had not left, my brother also treated warmly even though it had only been a day and he had already bled over them.

"You will be fine," Hershel said, patting Vincent's side gently for him to roll back over and Vincent gave a smile, wincing as he lifted his arm to rest behind his head, "it missed most things, but it is deep. I'd take it easy for a few days."
"I don't want to be a burden," Vincent said, sounding alarmed at the idea of laying down for a few days.
"You lost a fair bit of blood. Take it easy and enjoy the time off, we'll put you to work don't you worry."
Hershel chuckled and Vincent nodded, relaxing back on the thin mattress of the bunk bed and I punched his leg; I hated it when he made me worry and Vincent blinked slowly, smiling at me before he fell asleep. Sitting back in the chair, Hershel looked up at me leaning against the wall and I looked at the crutches lying not far out of his reach.
"What happened?" I asked and Hershel rubbed the end of his leg, missing from the lower knee and I cringed as Hershel lifted it up, showing me the stitched skin.
"Got bit, Rick saved my life."
"At least I wasn't chopped in half."
Hershel frowned with a slight nod. "Mind if I check?"
I shook my head, stepping out of the room and patting my leg, Trix hobbling into the room and Hershel looked at my canine friend.

"Can you check him first please? I think he broke his ankle."
Hershel nodded and I helped Trix up onto the bed, Vincent rolling onto his side enough for Trix to lay down, his leg stretched out for Hershel to reach. He gently did so, his skilful hands pressing over the bones and Trix growled, wanting to pull away but I sat beside him, rubbing his big black ears.
"It definitely is broken, now I used to be a great vet, but I can't do much for Trix here given our circumstance. I could make a split, try and let it heal itself the best it can or I can amputate."
Anger bubbled in me, not at Hershel but at whatever bastard did this to my dog and at the unfairness of everything.
"No offence Hershel, but that's no way to live, we need to run."
Hershel shook his head, not offended at all and helped me get Trix back onto the floor.
"I'm sure we have some things around I could make into a split. He is still only a young boy," he said, petting Trix who limped under the bed, "hopefully it will fix itself well enough that he can at least run."

I smiled, Trix resting his face near my foot and I thanked Hershel for his efforts, ready to help him to leave but he didn't budge, giving me a sharp look and I sighed.
"Please, let me look at you. Your wrists look sore."
I sat back on the edge of the bed, holding my wrists out and Hershel took them, pulling a small tube of ointment and rubbed some of it in. It stung but at least they weren't bleeding and it would stop it from scaring.
"We hit the jackpot, we had found the medical supplies, well, young Carl did anyway. It isn't much, but at least there is a little bit of everything."
He stopped rubbing the cream into my wrists and I looked down at them, the rope burn still leaving my skin red but it didn't sting as much and I looked out of the cell, thinking of Carl.
"That poor kid, he must be going through hell."
"He is tough, but I agree, too much for a young boy to be going through."
As promised I stood up, lifting my shirt up and out of the way and lowering the hem of my pants so that my scar was exposed, and I saw Hershel's eyes widen.

"That really is healing nicely, and is that from what Daryl had told us?"
I nodded, looking at the angry red mark on my body and Hershel gently pressed his fingers along it, making me squirm but I held firm.
"It is, one of the fuckers got me when we were fleeing from those crazy bastards. If it wasn't for Daryl," my sentence fell off and I felt my body weaken, Hershel dropping his hands and I fixed my clothing back up as he sat back, scratching the grey beard that seemed even thicker than the last time I saw him.
"Well, it is miraculous and I am just glad that you are doing alright."
"Just please don't tell everyone, I don't want them freaking out or anything. Please? Just between you me and Rick."
Hershel nodded and I put my hand on his shoulder; I honestly didn't have a clue where this group would be without this man, he was like a father, a brother, a doctor, a counsellor and a best friend all wrapped up in one.

"Keep an eye on them Hershel, I promised I would help clear some of the walkers away from the fence."
"You be careful." Vincent mumbled groggily from the bed, turning his head to give me a warning glare and I just patted his leg.
"I was already bitten once, I think I am more cautious than anyone here." I chuckled lightly, stepping from the room quickly before they could see the fear and sadness in my face. I had no idea what my emotions were doing; I was glad to be here, glad to be back among friends, glad that I was alive but I hated the thought that I still had a beating heart, it ached for Daryl, it ached for death yet it longed for life and I wiped a tear from my face as I grabbed my bow from leaning on the cold prison wall.

Behind me I heard Hershel call out for Trix and turned to find my dog hobbling towards me. I knelt down in front of him, hearing Beth and Carl behind me, baby Judith cooing and I led him out to them.
"You keep an eye on them," I said to Trix and he obeyed, taking a spot next to Beth who bounced the newborn gently in her arms. I saw Carl, I wanted to speak to him, comfort him in some way; he looked miserable standing there, watching his sister with a hard gaze but what could I say that hadn't already been said to him? I could hardly comfort myself let alone a boy that had lost half his world.
So instead I turned away, grabbing a bowie knife and gripping the handle tightly, ready to feel some blood on my hands and marched from the prison.
I still was amazed that this place was secure, of course the surrounding walkers did have a down side but it had sturdy walls, beds and doors that couldn't be knocked down, it had grass, it had a stream not far away; with a little bit of work this really could be the place we had all been looking for, for such a long time we had found something worth fighting the dead for. I may not have been here to help clear it out, but I was going to prove my worth again to them all, to Rick and earn my place.

The sun was beating down on the concrete and I shielded my eyes as I made my way towards the gate, Carol running over to let me through.
"I'm glad that you're back." She said to me softly, shutting the gate behind me and I returned her smile, half expecting her to be angry that I had returned instead of Daryl but it sounded genuine and I looked over her shoulder to Axle, a prison inmate that had been welcomed into the group, more so by Carol than anyone else and I just smiled as she went and stood back beside Axle. I spun the blade around in my hand as I walked down towards where the walkers were building up; if this wasn't kept on top of the fence would fall down and then this place would lose most of its value.
The first skull I stabbed into seemed a bit fresh, the blood splattering up onto my forearm and I groaned, maybe I should have grabbed some gloves or an apron or something.
As if she had read my mind, Maggie came down to join me, an overly large shirt in her hands and one already over her, the black fabric already stained with dry blood and I slipped it on.

"Thought maybe you'd like a hand." She said over the top of the walkers now begging for a bite of us and I nodded.
"Thanks, I could." Returning my gaze back onto the numerous walkers clinging to the fence, it was almost too easy to kill them, you stab one and another would simply take its place. If only it was like this all the time and as Maggie and I moved along the fence, I felt my mind start to drift off to Daryl; I just hoped that he and his brother were doing alright; they were tough but it wasn't so much the walkers that I was worried about but the people that they could run into. After everything that had happened at Woodbury, it made me realise that there were only so many people you could trust. I ripped my knife out from a walker, cringing as the milky eye stuck to the end and I pushed it off on the fence, hesitating as I lifted the knife back up.
I turned to Maggie who seemed to be jabbing at the walkers were a fierce manner and I felt guilt boil in my veins.
"Maggie I'm sorry."
She stopped, wiping her forehead and looking at me confused.
"I was at Woodbury when you and Glen had been caught. I wish I could have done something, I know what the men were like and I saw the state of Glen,"
Maggie stepped to me, wrapping her arms around me, ignoring the blood that was on our shirts.
"You haven't got nothing to be sorry about, you didn't know and besides, we didn't realise you were in there, we would have helped you as well." She leant back, her fingers touching the bruise on my face and she sighed.
"Nothing happened to me. Don't listen to Glen, I think he is just trying to find a reason for the anger he is feeling. Looks like you had it worse than me."
"Maggie, it still isn't-"
"I'm fine. You're fine, we all will be fine."

She gave me a weak smile and I felt somewhat lighter, at least they didn't blame me for anything, I wouldn't have been able to handle that. Glancing out over the field, I saw Hershel making his way to the fence, Rick hesitantly approaching, at least he was alright, physically anyway.
Who knew what was going on in that head of his and for as much as I felt sorry for him, I also felt as though he had brought this upon himself; he was the one that wanted to shoulder all the responsibilities, made the group dependant on him but he did do a good job. It was just a shame that he hasn't worked things out with his wife before the tragedy, but it was just another reminder to live in the here and now, don't wait for anything. Hopefully he would come back when he was ready, when he had finished chasing after whatever it was out there he was looking for.

Maggie and I continued to get as many walkers as we could and I sighed as my scar ached, seeing that we had done enough for now, the walkers scattered out more evenly along the fence and I followed Maggie back towards the others, Carol laughing with Axel and I licked my parched lips.
I was about to head inside, Maggie going to take watch in the tower when a gunshot rang out.

Dust kicked up next to Axles feet, blood spraying as another grazed along his head, Carol cried out in alarm, running towards cover and I tried to look up and around to where the bullet had come from, finding my own gun and darting towards the wall of the tower, my heart racing as I checked my ammunition. A white car was outside the fence and I barely had time to recognise the governor before we were riddled with bullets. Beth and Carl ducked for cover and I tried to find Maggie who had sprinted, Carol making sure Axel was safe and then I tried to find Rick and Hershel. They were out of my sight and my heart leapt to my throat, my stomach sinking sickeningly; had they been shot?

An eerie quiet came after we exchanged fire, it seemed even quieter than ever, disturbed only as Maggie ran back out, guns in arm and it started all again. Carl ran over towards me as I ushered him, Beth following safely behind and we leant against the wall; somehow one of the enemy got into the guard tower and I cursed, doing my best to shoot him but then another pause came.
We all looked at each other, hearts thundering in our chests and I could swear I heard an engine. Cautiously I looked around the wall, not seeing the attacker in the tower, and then across to the field, seeing Michonne look in our direction before turning it to the road, hearing what we all did now. It got louder, speeding towards the prison and I felt hope spark in me; was it Daryl? Had he come back at the perfect moment?

The concern was all over our faces, I tried to keep the hope but when I looked back to the Governor, there was no gunfire at it and a sick smile on his face. The van sped up, bursting through the gates and it felt as though I had been shot in the chest. That was half of what made this place safe!
It sped up onto the hill, the red and white van sitting idle as we all held our breath, confused.
Then it all made perfect sense as the walkers spilled out.
A gunshot rang from the field and I turned back to where Hershel had been standing, seeing a flash of grey and I pointed out there, flinching as bullets ricocheted off the wall beside my head. I heard Beth cry out in alarm and I felt slightly better as Maggie took out the man in the watch tower, but now we had a new threat.

Getting off my backside I ran to the fence, watching as the car that the Governor was in flee, just as the silver vehicle meant Glen had returned. I tried to force the gate open, if Rick and Hershel were still alive we needed to get out there now!
Carl raced over and we all forced the gate aside, our goal now to rid of the walkers. Glen seemed to know what to do, heading straight to where Hershel stood, Michonne doing the same and I tried to calm my breathing and my angry eyes, trying to focus on something other than the dead roaming our land, trying to find Rick.
"Rick?" I screamed out, ready to run out and find him but hands grabbed at me and I twisted around to find Axel and Vincent, their combined hands keeping me still even though I struggled against them.
"Ain't no point darling," Axle said, blood running down the side of his face and I glared at Vincent who was watching the chaotic scene in front of him.
"We have to help him!"
"I won't let you risk your life!" Vincent snapped back at me but I forced my arms free; I couldn't let anything happen to anyone and I ran, shoving walkers out of my way as I went.

I darted across the field, shooting anything I was able to, leaping over the graves when I saw walkers pile up on Rick. I was too late, there was nothing I could do now and I watched as Glen scooped up Hershel and Michonne, who was now reaching for me from the open car door.
Torn, I looked to Rick again and then to the walkers now surrounding me, stepping into the car even as Glen continued to drive. We made it back up to the others and I leapt our instantly, Maggie checking on her father before they slammed the gate closed, walkers snarling at us angrily and I looked out in the direction of where I last saw Rick.
Two people stood beside him and I felt my lungs breath in sweet air as I recognised Daryl, crossbow in hand and his brother standing beside him.

We may have lost a lot today but at least no one had died.
I turned to my brother who came and stood close beside me, everyone watching the walkers flood our little patch of freedom. It was heartbreaking, it was infuriating; I'm sure we all felt the same urge to run back to Woodbury and cause damage, but there was no point. At least in this moment, amongst the blood and the empty shell casings, Vincent's arm wrapped around my shoulders and my eyes locked on Daryl; everyone was alright.

Yes Axel is still alive in my story, I really like him so I'm giving him a chance.
Thanks for reading!

Silver Kirin xXx