Well, wow. You guys got me to 100 and then a little bit over, which was a pleasant surprise. Shoutout to Abbez the Ninja for a review so lovely it managed to salvage what was rapidly becoming a horrible day. And shoutout also to CaptainCaitlin for using the word rockin'; that was awesome. In response to a request to make my chapters longer, I must respectfully decline. With all my stories I'm stretched thin as it is, and finding time to write an entire chapter is getting harder. Also this is a lighter story, and in my mind the only way to keep it light is to keep it short. So longer chapters would mean much less frequent updates, and the chance that I would suddenly kill off half the supporting cast just for the lulz. So chapter lengths will stay as they are, and I apologize.
So here's the next chapter. Enjoy, review, you know the drill.
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For the next week, Aria made a show of acting like she was feeling better. She needed to make it clear to her friends that she wasn't going to let her breakup hold her back, and her act was convincing enough to put her friends at ease. They were still being careful around her, making sure they didn't say Ezra's name or anything else that would push her back into the depression they'd so recently pulled her out of.
The funny thing was, by the end of the week she was actually starting to believe it herself. The finality of her last meeting with Ezra, the resigned sadness with which they'd parted ways, had given her a sense of clarity. Up until that point she had been entertaining, however tentatively and at times subconsciously, the idea that maybe she was wrong about her feelings, and somehow she and Ezra were meant to be together after all. There was no such thought now, and the clarity was liberating.
It still hurt to see him, and she had a feeling it would for some time yet, but the pain was lessening. Things were starting to get back to normal, and she no longer felt like the rest of the group was taking pity on her – not that she ever thought they were looking down on her, but after the breakup they'd gathered around her like musk oxen protecting a calf, and it was a relief that they'd back off a bit now. As much as she loved them, they could be intense at times.
As Tuesday rolled around, Aria was feeling better than she had since the breakup. The school day slipped by quickly, and when she got home she had a whole hour to relax before Spencer was meant to come over so they could work on their project. Once Aria had read through the instructions – it was all about fostering good teamwork skills and encouraging collaborative efforts – she settled down by the window and wrote in her journal. She was just finishing up a poem about a cat she could see down in the yard when there was a knock at the door.
"Aria!" her brother's voice called up the stairs a moment later. "Your friend's here."
Carefully marking the page she was up to, Aria slid the journal back into its hiding place in one of the cushions and then went downstairs. Spencer was already setting up her things in the living room, and she gave Aria a warm smile when she entered. "I've already made some notes," Spencer said, gesturing to a couple of folders she'd laid out on the table. "So I thought we could start by going through those and seeing if you had any suggestions."
"Sure." Aria sat down beside Spencer, as far away as she could without it being suspicious. She liked being near her friend, but those niggling feelings made it hard to be too near.
For the next hour they worked on their project, and it was one of the few group projects that Aria had ever enjoyed. Spencer not only took her ideas on board but also complimented them, which was reassuring since Aria had been doubting her judgement ever since this all started. But her feelings didn't get in the way of her work, and they made steady progress with the project.
After a while they decided to take a break, during which Aria made snacks for them and Spencer kept checking her phone. As they came back to the living room Aria joked that if she had somewhere else to be, she should feel free to ditch her.
"It's not like that," Spencer said as they sat back down on the couch. "It's just Paige. She wants to work on our extra credit project this afternoon, but I told her I was busy."
"You can always invite her over here," Aria offered, not sure why she was suggesting it. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with Spencer – because her stupid selfish feelings told her that was a good idea – but maybe it was better to have some kind of a buffer. Paige could act as a safety net, making sure Aria didn't act on her feelings in a moment of impulsiveness.
"Really?" Spencer's eyes widened in surprise. "You wouldn't mind?"
"Of course not," Aria said about half as breezily as she intended. "You're good at multitasking, right?"
"Sure," Spencer said, glancing at the piles of paper in front of her. "I can work on both projects at once. But you're sure you don't mind?"
"I'm sure."
Ten minutes later Paige had arrived, and Spencer was putting her multitasking skills to the test. As Aria flicked through one of the textbooks, she listened to Spencer think out loud, apparently unaware that the others could hear her. Spencer had always been like that; once her attention was caught by something she became almost oblivious to everything else, and although at times it could be frustrating, it was also one of the things that Aria liked most about her. Aria shared an amused look with Paige, who clearly understood that genius usually came with its fair share of eccentricity.
After a while Spencer leaned back, apparently exhausted. "I'm going to go make some coffee," she announced, which didn't surprise either of the others. "Do you guys want anything?"
"No thanks," Paige said, and Aria shook her head.
It wasn't until Spencer had left that Aria realized she had, yet again, been holding her breath. She'd also been holding her tongue, so paranoid she was going to say something to Spencer that would tip her off about her feelings. She had also, she realized, been trying to make sure Paige didn't notice anything; she didn't quite know how, but she had the feeling that Paige knew – or at least suspected – more than she was letting on. Shooting a glance toward the kitchen, Aria came to a decision. Suddenly she was feeling impulsive, and she figured the best way to make sure she didn't accidentally give herself away was to do it deliberately.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Aria asked.
Paige looked up from where she was sticking the last few fact cards onto the sheet of cardboard. Her eyes grew more curious as she caught sight of Aria's nervous expression. "Sure," she said, crossing her legs and turning her full attention to the smaller girl. "What's on your mind?"
"Before you started dating Emily," Aria began cautiously, wondering how much to give away, "did you ever… wish things were different?"
"Different?" Paige echoed. "You mean, did I wish I wasn't gay?"
"Well, yeah."
Paige tapped a finger against her knee as she mulled it over. "In all honesty, yes. I was always raised to think that I was meant to be traditional – good husband, two kids, white picket fence, that kind of thing. So when I started to realize that maybe that wasn't going to happen, I guess I got scared."
"How did you get over it?"
Paige smiled. "When you meet the girl of your dreams, being gay doesn't seem like such a bad thing after all."
Aria bit her lip, trying to stop the words And what if she doesn't feel the same? from slipping out.
"What is this about, really?" Paige asked, more concerned than confused.
"I think…" Aria took a deep breath, and then let the words fall from her lips. "I think I like girls."
Paige's eyes widened in surprise, but then her expression softened. "Do your friends know?"
Aria shook her head.
"Not that I'm not glad you told me," Paige said slowly, "but why did you tell me? Why not talk to your friends about it?"
"Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's not so close to you," Aria said, and then cursed herself. She hadn't meant to sound insulting, but what if Paige took it that way?
But when she chanced a look at her, the other girl was nodding in understanding. "I get that," Paige said. "And if there's anything I can do to make this whole questioning stage easier, let me know, okay?"
"Thanks," Aria said, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking that there was nothing Paige could do. It was all down to Aria, and all she could do was wait and hope that the feelings would pass.
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