Courtney's POV
Dear Miss. Rose,
We were very impressed with your initial proposal and would love to have you take part in the next round of entry's for our school. There are a few things you will need to do because of your age.
You can work on and submit your finished potion by the first of 1978, we are aware that you will still be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at this time so we will need to insist that you must get O's on your Potion's, Herbology, and Charms NEWTs to be considered for admittence.
Also, we must stress that your father cannot help you in anyway during this potion.
We cannot wait to see your progress and will be expecting regular updates throughout the year.
Sincerely,
Aleksandr Yeshevsky
Dean of Admissions at The Russian Wizarding Academy
January 3rd 1977
I got in.
I got in and I can't really breath right now. I read the letter at breakfast and when Justin saw my face he got worried, kept asking me what it said. Was it from my father? My mother?
I couldn't say anything so I just handed him the letter. I don't know if Justin actually knew I was applying, but my father did. My father also proof read my potion proposal and laughed at my determination to make it come out pink.
"That's fantastic" he said, congratulating me randomly throughout the day, but now I need to calm down, and breathe, and I also need to talk to someone who knows ingredients.
I don't want to go to Slughorn because he'll just ask a bunch of questions that I don't think really involve him. Or he'll take credit for me wanting to be a Potion's Master and think it has anything to really do with him.
No, I need to find Severus Snape, Slytherin sixth year I've never spoken to. But boy does he have a reputation around the cauldron. If anyone will know were to get purple snap dragon leafs and pokadot mushroom cores, it'll be him.
When I finally do find him he is leaving the Library and alone, which means, he's in perfect position to speak with me. Whether he likes it or not.
Remus' POV
Courtney and I have been sneaking around since the last week of November to see each other. Not really see each other as in dating. We see each other to make out, do homework, or just hold hands.
But we aren't together.
We aren't committed.
Because of this fact, I shouldn't be angry that she is currently walking down the hall flirting with Severus Snape. But her hand keeps hitting his shoulder, and her eyes are looking into his and he's smiling at her; they're talking, laughing.
I want to rip his throat out through his stomach.
I want to kill him, actually murder him, with my bare hands.
No wand. No hexes. No magic. I want to kill him
"You could just ask her out." I am choosing to ignore James. She doesn't want to date me. If she wanted to be with me, she would be. No questions.
Instead she wants to flirt with Snape.
I have to meet her in an hour and pretend like it doesn't bother me, or maybe even just pretend like I didn't see them together. I wonder if she'll smell like him. Or if she'll think of him while she's with me.
I wonder if right now, she's with him. If his hands are exploring her over her blouse, his fingertips under her skirt… I wonder if he is as excited, or as in shocked wonder at her body against him as I was the first time. As I am every time.
I can't think about this.
It hurts.
My palms are bleeding where my nails are cutting into them.
Its not like I love her or anything. No. Its not like it hurts me there.
She can fuck whomever she likes.
"So… " she started by dragging out the 'o', "why are you so quite?" I turned to her, did she really not know? The full moon is all out whack because of this stupid month and I can smell her even when she's across the room, so I knew she was following me as I nearly sprinted down the hall.
I just want to get rounds over with so I can go back to my dorm and not have to think about her. I don't want to think about her with him anymore.
I wasn't going to talk to her at all, just get through the patrol and pretend she didn't exist. It may not have been the most mature thing I've ever done, but it might work. Only problem is I never can pretend that she doesn't exist, because she does. She's in my head all the time. Running, running, running through it. Sometimes I wonder if she's ever tired and doesn't know why.
That sounded cheesy, even in my mind.
My thoughts are so scattered right now, I hate February, it's days are fucked so it fucks with the moon cycle and you can feel it every day pulsating through your blood.
"You really need to ask that?" I turned around quickly and I think I startled her. Sometimes it seems like nothing brings emotion out of her anymore. Nothing at all, except when we're together.
"Yes, Remus, I do." She stepped towards me and her scent was making me dizzy, "I don't know what's gotten into you tonight but its really fucking annoying." She stepped up to me, standing only a few inches from me. Her body almost against mine. I was about to step forward, close the gap.
"Are you stoned?" Her voice was filled with anger, the kind I'd usually find hot if it wasn't directed to me. What? No. Did a take a hit off of Sirius' joint before coming here, to calm myself down, yes. But stoned? No.
"No."
"Have you been smoking weed?" What is up with this third degree?
"Yes." Honest. Now, you'd think that being honest would earn you some brownie points, give you that 'well, I may not like it, but at least he didn't lie about it' edge. But no, nothing normal ever comes from Courtney fucking Rose. Nothing.
She can never just be a normal teenager. Or a normal girl. Or a normal girlfriend. Or a normal anything. She isn't normal.
She's strange.
I know this. I've known this for years, ever since fourth year when she refused to eat anything blue, it might be poisoned, because she didn't like that color.
Or because she doesn't like that color. That streak has been every color but blue.
I don't think she eats anything blue now, even.
It's part of her house colors and she refuses to support them in anything because she hates the color blue. It's a god damn color it's not the end of the fucking world.
See? Strange.
So, it shouldn't have surprised me when she slapped me and stormed off down the corridor and towards the Ravenclaw tower.
I shouldn't care that she was so upset over a little bit a weed. Everyone smokes weed. Seriously, everyone. Even her precious Severus gets high. I very rarely do, and I'm still angry with myself for even doing it now. For upsetting her. For making her slap me.
And when I tell all this James he laughs and tells me that "even Lilly gets high." Do you see the problem? Do you see what's so strange about her?
Why is she so screwed up? Why is she so mad over a little plant? I don't get her. I never will.
I should move away from this infatuation.
Get over her.
Get to a girl who won't slap me.
I doubt any other girl will give me butterflies, or turn my skin to fire. Or kiss me the way she does. Sometimes she nips my lip, just lightly bites it and pulls it to her. It drives me crazy every time. How does she know how to do that? I probably don't want to know. No, I don't want to know.
I just want her.
But I don't want what comes with her.
I want her to be mine and never talk to another guy again. I want her to look at other people and think they aren't worth her time because they're not me. I want to feel her fingers tracing my scars all day because I think that when she does it they heal a little more.
But I don't want to have to try and figure her out all the time.
Do I love her?
No.
Maybe….
No.
No, I do love Courtney Rose.
I mean I do NOTlove Courtney Rose.
Yeah, that's what I meant….
Justin's POV
"You can't hate him forever, малый волк" Courtney knows she's over reacting with the whole Remus smoking thing. She probably wouldn't have cared at all if it wasn't for getting a letter from her mom a few days ago. Her mother has a way of making her so sad she turns to anger.
She doesn't like that she misses her mother, or that she feels like she's betraying her father by doing to. So she turns to anger, like a true wolf. It's one of the few pure emotions it can understand and handle.
"I don't hate him." She's been on the edge of crying for the past few days. Upset with herself for slapping at him, for not being able to separate what her mother did with what everyone else is doing.
When she's like this she reminds me of a broken child she never let her self be. She had more pain and excitement in her life before I met her, before I cut her and even bleeding she wasn't broken. She never let's herself cry.
"Not everyone is her, Courtney. You need to let go." I have to leave her. There haven't been anymore attacks or letters and I have to get back to my work. But I don't want to leave her, this girl who is like my sister who showed me that people can forgive and care without fear is cracking. The weight of her inability to let go weighing down on her.
"Я люблю тебя" (I love you) she said, her voice still small, but not shaking. She'll be okay. She always is.
A/N: Most of this chapter is new for two reasons: I wanted there to be more explanation around why she would be talking to Severus and I wanted to show what she seems like to someone who knows everything about her life and has seen her grow up.